“Maybe so, but not after she did you and Ava dirty… Christ he loathed her. There were few people on his hate list, but Marie and my dad were front-runners for the top of the list.”
Luke spread his arm across the back of the couch and settled into the crook of the couch.
“What I told you before, outside the church? I meant. I take care of what’s mine. Marie was mine. I really thought she and I could do it, you know? We weren’t kids when she got pregnant. I mean, sure it probably wasn’t the perfect time to have a baby. Nick had left for Seattle and I had no choice but to start Lanza Automotive up on my own, but I knew at the end of the day it would be okay. I could do it on my own and now I had even more of a reason to get my act together. I was going to be a dad.” He smiled and remembered being a young guy just starting out in life and being told he was going to be a dad. It didn’t scare him half as much as he thought it would. “I took extra classes in trade school and finished just as Marie was approaching her due date. She was excited throughout the pregnancy.”
“I remember you guys didn’t want to know the sex of the baby.” Cara said as a memory hit her. She and Jake were in the Lanza kitchen when Luke came home one night with the latest sonogram photo. She remembered Jake beamed at his brother and ask if he was going to be an Uncle or an Aunt. She laughed out loud and Luke looked at her curiously. “I remembered one night you came home, me and Jake were in your mom’s kitchen. I think you had just come home from seeing Marie and you showed Jake the sonogram photo and he asked if he was going to be an Uncle or an Aunt?”
Luke smiled and bit back a chuckle trying to remember that night, he faintly did. “I didn’t want to know and come to think of it, she didn’t care either way. I guess that should’ve been a red flag, but I was just happy she allowed me one of life’s few surprises.”
“That’s sweet.” Cara said, squeezing his thigh affectionately. He glanced down at her hand on his thigh and watched her fingertips trail inside his thigh. “So everything was going fine, what changed?” She asked and he looked up at her confused for a moment until he remembered what they were talking about.
“I asked her to marry me.” He said flatly.
“What?” Cara said wide-eyed. How could she not have known that Luke was engaged?
“She said no. She said that we were having a baby and that was enough. Our life was complicated as it was without adding to it. I didn’t like that answer and told her I wasn’t going to be a part time dad. I wanted her to move in with me, be my wife, and raise our kid together. I thought that’s what she wanted too.” He shook his head. “Before she went into labor, she told me she couldn’t be the woman I needed.” He stared at Cara and wondered if she made the parallel.
“The funny thing is I didn’t know what I needed back then.” He shrugged his shoulders.
“Do you know now?” Cara whispered.
“I don’t need much to make me happy Cara. I need someone in my life that wants to be there as much as I want her to be. I need someone who doesn’t look at Ava as my child, but someone who could one day look at her as hers too.”
“That’s all that you need in this world?”
“The love of a good woman is all any man really needs, isn’t it?”
“I’m not a man, I wouldn’t know.” She winked.
“I noticed.” He said with a smirk as his eyes traveled to her chest. She laughed and hit his leg playfully.
“Go on…” She urged and repositioned herself on the couch, tucking her legs underneath her.
He sighed, trying to tear his eyes from her chest. “I was angry with her. The last few weeks of her pregnancy, we barely spoke. She had a doctor’s appointment every week and, other than taking her to and from the appointment, she wanted nothing to do with me. I honestly remember being scared she wouldn’t call when she went into labor but she did. Her aunt took her to the hospital and I met them there.”
“Where were her parents?”
“Her parents moved down to Florida when we first started dating. She didn’t want to leave New York and stayed with her Aunt Vicky. Anyhow, she had a rough delivery.”
“That I remember. I was at the hospital.” She smiled as she remembered waiting in the waiting room with the Lanza’s.
“I know.” He said, remembering when he finally walked into the waiting room, wearing scrubs, and staring into the faces of his expectant family. He was smiling so wide when he announced he had a daughter. His parents cried, Sam ran to him and Jake lifted Cara and spun her around in a circle, before they all demanded to meet the little angel.
“I may not have planned for Ava, or on being a single parent, but she is the greatest joy of my life.” He said hoarsely before he blew out a breath. “I stayed in the hospital around the clock with Marie. She barely held her in the two days we were there. When they were discharged from the hospital, she took Ava and sent me on my way. I was allowed to visit in the mornings and before the last feeding. Then one day she showed up at my parent’s house with the baby and said she made a mistake. I thought first, that she had given her the wrong formula or something silly that new parents don’t realize, but she shoved Ava into my arms.” He shook his head. “She told me she didn’t want her. That she didn’t want a child and had made a huge mistake. And as quickly as she said the words was as quickly as she was gone. I couldn’t take off after her, because I had Ava. I couldn’t do a goddamn thing to stop her and a part of me didn’t want to, if she could bring herself to say those words than she didn’t deserve to be Ava’s mother.”
“But eventually you reached out to her.” Cara remembered the devastation in his eyes.
“Yeah, but she was gone. She never picked up her phone. In fact, she changed the number. Her Aunt Vicky told me that she packed up her car and drove to Florida before she threatened to have me locked up for acting like a lunatic on her front lawn. I kept trying to get in touch with her and there was no way to, until one day when the certified papers came in the mail stating she signed over all her rights to me. She even requested for her name to be taken off of Ava’s birth certificate.” He sighed. “That was the last we heard from her.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Her loss.”
“You aren’t kidding.” Cara said, moving closer to him on the couch. “I’m sorry I didn’t get in touch with you and that you had worried about me.” She said softly.
“One thing has nothing to do with the other, but do me a favor, yeah?” He said as he lifted his arm off the back of the couch and brushed a fallen strand of hair behind her ear. “If you don’t want to be here, don’t be. Don’t be here because you think it’s what I want or because it’s convenient for the time being. Be here because it where your gut is telling you to be.”
“The funny thing is there are a million and one reasons I should be by myself yet the only place I want to be is here with you. And it’s not just my gut telling me so.”
He leaned towards her closing the distance between them. “Say it again.” He demanded in that gruff tone of his. His hands cupped her face and when she remained silent he tilted her face upward and bent his head to crash his lips against hers. His lips worked her lower one, his tongue sneaking out for a teasing taste. “Say it.” He murmured against her mouth.
Every fear that she wasn’t good enough or that she was too broken to be a part of his life vanished from her brain and all she could think of was how badly she needed to taste him. He pulled his mouth from hers and stared into her hooded eyes.
“Say you want to be here.” He said running the pad of his thumb along her lower lip. His gaze dipped to her pouty lips and he sucked in a breath. “Say it.” He said sternly.
She swallowed. “There’s no place else I want to be. I want to be here with you.” She whispered, barely getting the words out as his mouth crashed over her desperately. Her fingers ran wildly through his hair, tugging on the ends, pressing his mouth firmly against hers. She opened her mouth and her tongue pushed past his lips, gliding over his. His tongue danced again
st hers, together battling for who could feed their hunger first. He gripped the cheeks of her ass and slid her onto his lap, her legs wrapping around his waist.
He pulled away and searched her eyes. “Is this okay?” He asked hoarsely.
“Shut up and kiss me.” She answered, pulling his mouth back to hers.
“Tell me when to stop.” He said between kisses. She arched herself against him, rubbing herself against his abdomen, letting out a small cry when she felt herself heat at the friction one little movement sparked. He squeezed her ass pressing her core against him. He leaned over and flicked on the lamp that rested on the end table, deciding the light from the Christmas tree wasn’t enough, as she peppered kisses along the base of his neck. The last time he had her body in front of him, his for the taking, he was in a dark room with only a screen saver on a computer for light. This time he wanted to see her, all of her. His hands gripped her hips and he maneuvered her onto the couch before making his way to the floor in front of her. He kneeled between her legs, making them eye level. Their breathing was hitched and raspy as she grabbed fistfuls of his shirt and began to tug it up over his spectacular chest. Her fingers began to fumble as she stared at his impeccable bare chest just a slight dusting of hair that trailed into his jeans, a happy trail she decided and bit down on her lip. He took over and pulled the rest of his shirt over his head.
He brushed the strands of hair away that had fallen from her messy bun that was on top of her head and stared into her eyes, remembering a time not too long ago when he wished he could have those eyes staring at him again like they were right now. He cupped the back of her neck and leaned into her trailing kisses along her jaw. Her hands gripped his shoulders, sliding down his biceps. His lips moved from her jaw to her neck where he kissed thoroughly until he reached the neckline of her sweater. He pulled away and watched as she lifted her arms above her head. She gave his questioning eyes a slight nod and he slowly began to peel the fabric over her body, revealing all the skin he dreamed of night after night. The fabric strained at her heaving breasts that were begging to be freed from the confines of her bra. When he finally pulled her sweater over her head, he threw it onto the floor beside him and took her in. He took every inch of her in, from the purple lace bra, to the tattoo that peeked out of the waistband of her jeans. He even took notice of her belly button making a mental note to dip his tongue into it for a taste when he explored her luscious body. He reached down and rearranged his straining erection that was bulging against his jeans before he leaned over and turned on the lamp on the end table.
It felt like it had been a lifetime since she last felt turned on. She could feel her breasts swell, aching to be fondled. Her panties damp in anticipation of what would come. She pictured him naked, between her legs, his cock teasing her and then she heard herself whimper. She opened her eyes and looked into his. He was patient but she could tell his control was teetering on the edge. She wanted to give herself to him. She was living in the moment, her brain shut off, only feeling desire for the man before her, the man who had picked up the pieces of her shattered being and reawakened the woman inside her.
She reached behind her back and with her eyes, she warned him to pay close attention. She could tell by the feral look in his eyes that he already knew he was about to get a piece of her. She unsnapped her bra and drew the straps down her arms.
The moment her bra dropped away from her body, he squeezed her thighs in the palms of his hand, an instant reaction to her full breasts, standing at attention. She braced her hands on the sides of the couch and leaned back, pushing her chest out towards him. Her nipples erect and begging for his mouth, his tongue, heck his hands would do.
“Christ, Cara…” He swallowed hard against the lump in his throat and tried desperately to find his voice.
“Touch me, Luke.” She all but begged.
His hands lifted from her thighs and he cupped her breasts in the palms of his hands. He watched her face intently as he tweaked her nipple between his fingers. She closed her eyes and arched her back while a soft moan escaped her plump lips.
Luke bent his head to take her nipple in his mouth when he heard footsteps. He pulled back and Cara’s eyes fluttered open.
“What’s the matter?” She asked breathlessly. He grabbed her sweater off the floor and pushed it into her lap before he stood up and began to pull his shirt over his head not bothering to turn it right side out.
“Ava’s awake.” He mumbled as the shirt went over his head, muffling his voice.
Cara’s eyes widened as she scrambled to put her shirt on, shoving the bra under the cushion of the couch. A hundred realities that she had pushed out of her mind suddenly hit her at once.
“Daddy?” Ava called from the top of the stairs. Luke stared up the length of the staircase to the landing where she stood groggily with Benny at her feet.
“What’s the matter, sweetheart?” He asked, bracing his arm on the banister.
“I had a bad dream.” She said as she rubbed at her sleepy eyes.
“Go back to bed. I’ll be right up, just going to shut the light.” Luke said softly.
“Okay, Daddy.” She said through her yawn and turned back around and walked towards her bedroom.
Luke turned around and looked at Cara, who was sitting on the couch hugging a pillow to her chest. She felt his stare and lifted her gaze. He saw the regret flash in her eyes and he sighed, defeated once again.
He walked over to her and kneeled before her, turning her chin so that she looked directly into his eyes.
“I’m going to put her to bed. Go to my room, make yourself comfortable. We’ll talk… just please don’t freak out on me.” Luke said his eyes pleading with hers.
She blew out a breath and looked into his eyes. He was right, she was about to freak out. She tried to reign herself in. She tried to push away the guilt and the fears that suddenly overcame her, desperate to be back in the moment where no one existed but him.
“Cara?” He prodded softly.
“Okay.” She whispered. He pressed a quick kiss to her lips before he jogged up the steps to slay the dragons and evil doers of a child’s dream. She threw her head into the palms of her hands and sighed exasperatedly. She was a mess. Her life was a complete shit show. If it wasn’t one thing dragging her down it was another and then there was Luke. She couldn’t contain the feelings she had developed for him, hell truth be told, she didn’t want to. In her shit storm of a life he was the only good. But he had built a life for him and his daughter a stable life, one that didn’t need any tainting from her miserable one.
As her mind raced, she found herself climbing the stairs. She walked down the hallway, passing Ava’s room and listening as Luke told her a bedtime story. Did she really belong here? She didn’t deserve him and Ava, and they deserved far better than she. Still, she wandered into his bedroom because she couldn’t help herself. Because as much as she thought she wasn’t good enough, or that things were too awkward for them to truly make it, she wanted to be good enough, she wanted them to make it. She wanted to fit into his life, because he and Ava were already becoming the center of hers.
She pulled open one of his drawers and found a wife beater tank top and a pair of his boxers. He wanted her in his bed. He wanted to hold her. She could give him that. Even though just minutes ago she was willing to give him everything, she needed to slow things down. She needed to fix her head. If she really wanted to be the woman in Luke’s life she needed to get her shit together. He was a man full of responsibilities. A man who took care of everything and everyone that mattered to him. He deserved to be taken care of. For once in his life he deserved to be cherished and Cara wanted to be the woman who finally gave him that.
She stripped out of her clothes and replaced them with his, rolling the waistband of his boxers until they didn’t threaten to fall off anymore. She climbed onto his bed and sat Indian style in the center of the bed. It was a few minutes longer before Luke walked quietly into his bedroom,
closing the door behind him, yet leaving it open a crack in case Ava needed him.
“Is everything okay?” Cara asked perching her head on the palm of her hand.
“Yeah, just a bad dream. She’s sleeping.” He said softly as he stepped closer to the bed. “You okay?”
“I borrowed some more of your clothes.”
“Are you planning on giving them back?” He asked lightly and sat on the edge of the bed, kicking off his boots.
“I haven’t decided yet.” She said smiling as she stared at his back. He pulled his shirt over his head, but kept his jeans on as he slid into bed next to her, leaning against the headboard. His eyes found hers and even though just minutes ago, he had her half undressed begging for his touch, he sensed her head got the best of her and the mood was lost.
“You’re a great dad.” She stated as she wrapped an arm around his stomach hugged him to her.
“Thank you.” He said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “She makes it easy.” He wrapped both arms around her.
“I should sleep on the couch.” She said and the moment the words left her lips she felt him tense. “I mean, if Ava wakes again, what will she think?”
“That daddy and Cara are sleeping.” Luke said with half a smile. “It’s fine…” It dawned on him that he had spent most of the night speaking of his past when hers was thrown in her face today.
“Do you know what you’re going to do about your dad?” He asked softly into her hair.
“He’s not my dad.” She said thoughtfully. “I mean he is but, maybe he’s her dad, but he was never a dad to me, you know?” She paused a moment to right what she wanted to say. “He was nothing like what you are to Ava, so to me he doesn’t deserve to be a dad not like you do.”
“He lost out on having an amazing daughter in his life.” Luke said while he stroked her back.
“Damn straight.” She said trying to sound lighthearted. Her mind wandered to the young girl who rang up her sale, with the same eyes as Cara’s, her sister.
Fitting The Pieces (The Riverdale Series Book 3) Page 22
