“I was fifteen when I left for good and started to stay with your family. That girl I saw today she’s just about fifteen.” She blew out a breath. “He seemed like the perfect father to her, but I know the animal he’s a capable of being. I mean, if I forget today ever happened and he hurt her, that’s on me, because I could’ve stopped it.” She propped her head up and looked up at him. “Do you think I should leave it alone or do you think I should pursue it?”
“That’s your call, but maybe even if there is nothing left to salvage with your old man, there is a chance you can get to know your sister.” He pressed his lips to the top of her head.
“It’s definitely something to think about…” She said, holding back a yawn.
Luke reached over to the nightstand and switched off the lamp before settling back against the head board wrapping Cara in his arms.
“Whatever you decide I’m with you, all the way.” He paused. “Get some rest Spunky.”
She turned in his arms and leaned up pressing her mouth softly to his. It was a kiss of promise. In that moment she promised silently that she would continue to try to find herself so that she could be whole and give herself to him body and soul.
Chapter Nineteen
It was Christmas Eve, and his family was in Cabo preparing for Sam and Nick’s wedding. Luke had left Cara and Ava amongst all different types of cookie dough as they turned his kitchen into a cookie factory. They had been at it for hours before Luke actually decided to take a ride, deciding that if he sampled another cookie he’d burst or end up in a sugar coma.
He climbed the grassy hill of the cemetery with the tattered envelope in his hand. He didn’t plan on visiting Jake. It was more of a spur of the moment type thing than anything else. He was sitting in his living room, staring at the Christmas tree, listening to the giggles that sounded from his kitchen and the urge snuck up on him, the urge to wish his brother a Merry Christmas in heaven.
He hadn’t visited his brother in months, since Cara had been in Lakeview. Starring at the flowers, trinkets, and a Christmas tree that adorned his grave site, Luke was suddenly consumed with his guilt. It was as if everyone but him had been a constant visitor. He was about to turn on his heel and make his way down the path he came feeling too ashamed to stay, but he stopped himself. He took a deep breath, being a coward was not his style, turning back he stared at his brother’s headstone all the while clutching the sealed envelope he had been carrying for months.
“Hey Jake… Merry Christmas,” he said hoarsely and kneeled down on one knee as he ran his fingers along the words carved into stone that read beloved brother. He realized then that part of the reason he hadn’t been there to pay his respects was the fact that he didn’t know where to start. Should he start with all the reasons he was sorry? He felt ridiculous pouring his heart and soul to a slab of granite, but what choice did he have? That’s all there was left of their brotherhood.
“Christ…” he blew out a breath. “I still can’t believe you’re gone.” He whispered softly and looked down at the grass. “I stopped asking God why he took you and not me. He never answers. Come to think of it no one answers any of my questions. The one question I struggle with the most is how come I couldn’t save you?” He felt tears well in his eyes and cursed himself for being emotional. What good were his tears they wouldn’t bring back his brother? “I don’t know Jake, I thought it was my job to protect you. I thought I was supposed to have all the answers because I was your big brother. When you came to the garage with the test results I was so nervous because I needed to be the one to save you. I needed to be able to give you back your life. Even if Sam was the donor it wouldn’t have been good enough for me, it had to be me. In my head, in my heart, I needed to be the one. You were my kid brother. The kid I built forts with and played tag with. The kid I shared a room with and would stay up late with reading scary stories to, the kid that looked up to me like I had all the answers, like I was some sort of super hero. I guess somewhere along the lines I began to believe I did have the answers. God showed me that I didn’t. I just wish he didn’t use you to prove to me that I couldn’t fix everything.” He looked up and swallowed hard.
“I relive the day I sat at your bedside, the day you died, every day. Those last few words, we had are burned into my memory. You asked me to take care of Cara. I don’t know why when I failed you so badly. And then you cut me when you told me you could always count on me. Your words sliced right through me and have been every day since you said them to me. I failed you. I couldn’t save you, but I failed you in a much worse of way. I can’t even be ashamed because as much as I want you here, alive and well, I want her. I would move heaven and earth for you to be here right now, but that would mean I could never have Cara and I’m not so sure I could give her up. In fact, I know I wouldn’t. I’d bring you back and I’d fail you again because I would not let go of what you gave me. I’m sorry brother… so sorry, but I love her. It’s crazy how I feel about her. It’s like nothing I’ve ever known before and I swear to you I tried to fight it. After Marie, I made sure to keep that shit under lock and key, never let a goddamn woman in and the one woman I had no business letting in got me. I tried not to fall in love with your woman but she wiggled her way deep, Jake, so deep, that I sometimes feel like I’m drowning in her. I don’t ever want to come up for air either.”
He took a deep breath. It felt good to spill his secret, but it felt wrong still to share it with Jake. He turned the envelope in his hand over and shoved his finger into the slight opening at the end and began to lift the seal. Luke pulled the folded paper out of the envelope and unfolded it. He took in a sharp breath when he saw his brother’s familiar writing.
Dear Luke,
What’s shaking brother? I bet you miss me. I’d miss me too. I’m kind of a big deal. Anyway, I know you and you’re probably frowning reading this, but I want you to turn that shit upside down and pay attention to what I have to say to you. I don’t write letters, but then again, I didn’t think I’d go and get sick either. I’ve been writing everyone though, not just you so don’t go and get a big head. I’ve set shit up for when Nick and Sam get married, because brother, they’re going to get married one day and you need to accept that. I’ve made sure that for the next twenty years mom will get a bouquet of flowers from me on Mother’s day, ensuring my spot as her favorite son. Ha! And on the first father’s day that I’m gone, dad will begin his enrollment in a cigar club. The man will probably never smoke a full one in his life, but he likes to look at them and that way his humidifier will always be full. You know as much as I do he just likes to collect them shits.
Anyway, that leaves you. You were the hardest person for me to leave a piece of me too. I struggled because it had to be perfect because you’ve always been the perfect brother. Shit, you were my hero, and will be until I draw my last breath. I thought long and hard, and realized you’ve shared everything with me. I mean literally, everything from toys, to friends, to your wisdom. That reminds me I should probably thank mom and dad for teaching us how to share. Be right back, have to jot that down. It gets confusing when you’re writing to a bunch of people. Okay, I’m back, where was I? Oh right, so you shared everything with me, even at the end you shared your damn bone marrow with me. So I was sitting outside one day smoking the weed Pop got me, shut up, he made me swear not to tell mom. He really does have a guy go figure. So back to me sitting in the yard smoking, I remembered the night I raced and how you came into Riverdale Ink looking to talk.
Dude, I’m not going to lie, it was one of the most profound moments of my life. There was my big brother, who had all his ducks in a fucking row, pouring out his frustrations to me, ME of all people. Man, I felt important. I didn’t think you ever let shit get to you, it was pretty cool to find out you were human after all. I looked into your eyes and for the first time I saw the pain in them and I heard the fear in your voice. I told you that one day you’d find someone and that missing piece would be complete. It wouldn�
��t be you and Ava by yourselves forever. There was someone out there for you. Maybe she didn’t make it to your life yet, or maybe she did and it just wasn’t your time. But there would be someone one day to fit the pieces.
I found myself thinking about that conversation a lot and the more I did, the more I wished I could’ve been around to see you finally happy and with a family. But then my plan would’ve gone to shit and it’s a really good plan. Like the plan of all plans. I’m so fucking proud I came up with it. I’m grinning right now as I write this because I finally can give you something back. I can pay you back for always being my hero. I’m leaving you my most prized possession. I’m giving you your missing piece.
Did you figure it out yet? Maybe you didn’t. Maybe you read this letter sooner than you should have. Or maybe you held onto it. Either way you need to listen. This is the part where you’re supposed to really pay attention. I’m going to ask you one more favor. When I know all my chances are shot to hell and that I’m knocking on heaven’s door, I’m going to ask you to look after Cara. I’m going to make you promise me that you’ll take care of her, to see that my girl gets a fair shot at a good life. I want her to be happy, Luke. I want her to have all the things I can’t give her. I want her to get married one day, because she wants her own family more than anything. I want her to have a fleet of kids, because, well, she deserves to be a mom. She’ll be a good mom too. You’ll see. She’ll be awesome with Ava and you’ll just want to keep having babies with her because what kid shouldn’t have a mom like Cara. They’ll be really cute too, and you’ll find it your mission in life to populate Riverdale with cute hazel eyed kids that are polite and take care of one another because well, they’ll have you for a dad.
So this is the part where I calm you down, because either you’re freaking out because you’ve read this letter too soon or you’re freaking out because she’s already wormed her way into your heart. I hope it’s the latter because I can coach you through the falling in love with Cara. She’s a handful and has been dealt a real shit hand in life. I mean picture not having mom and dad? We’d be fucked. She had no one, but she had me. Once I’m gone, she’s going to be a mess. She’s been so strong for me this whole time. I can count on one hand how many times she’s broken down. I’m sorry, but be the patient man I know you are and you will see the treasure that is all Cara. I promise. She’s a catch, bro! She has a few quirky things about her, but by now you’re probably finding them endearing. She rambles when she’s nervous, and she is absolutely obsessed with Christmas. Give her good Christmases, and her face will be the best present you ever receive. I promise that too. Her eyes man, you’ll look into them and see forever. It will be scary as shit at first, but then they’ll become your saving grace.
I can go on and on about her, and share all the things that made me fall in love with her but it’s your turn now. It’s your turn to discover all that she is and all that she will be to you. It’s your turn to fall in love and it’s your turn to be happy. I’ll be happy too, bro. I’ll be happy because you are and she’ll be too, and knowing that maybe I had a hand in that, well, that’s enough for me to be able to rest peacefully. Be good to her. Be good to each other. And don’t for one moment feel guilty because once again you’re giving me another gift. You’re giving me peace of mind knowing that two people I worry the most about will be happy and living life to the fullest.
I love you brother and you’ll always be my hero,
Jake
The tears poured down Luke’s cheeks and not for one moment did he care. He bowed his head and wept like a little boy. He cried for his brother, he cried for the guilt he felt, he cried for the words that his brother had written, and he cried because he would never be able to say thank you. Jake would never know that somehow he had become the hero in their brotherhood, and that made him cry more. He folded the letter and placed it back inside the envelope, blinking back his tears so he could see what he was doing. He handled that letter as if it was a fine piece of China. He brought it to his heart and looked up at Jake’s stone.
“Thank you.” He said through a sob. “I can live up to my promise. I will live up to my promise, Jake. Rest in peace my brother.” He said hoarsely and patted the envelope that rested over his heart. “And just so you know, you’re the real hero.”
* * * * *
Ava’s eyes traveled along the counter that was full of a variety of freshly baked cookies. She placed her hands on her hips and looked up at Cara.
“Which do you think he will like the best?” She asked.
Cara bit her lip as she looked at the dozens of cookies that they had been baking since they woke up this morning. They may have gone a little overboard, considering they had nothing to eat now but cookies.
“How about we leave him one of each?” Cara said as she pondered if they could freeze the rest of these.
“Maybe he can bring some back to the elves at the North Pole.” Ava said hopefully.
“We’ll leave him a note and tell him to take as many as he can for everyone at the North Pole.” She smiled at the little girl who was wearing a matching apron. Benny groaned on the floor, clearly having too much cookie droppings. Cara bent down and patted his tummy. She was going to miss the little guy when they dropped him off at the kennel before they left for Cabo tomorrow afternoon.
“Daddy’s home!” Ava exclaimed happily when she heard the front door open. Cara rose to her feet as Luke made his way through the house. She was pretty sure he ran away before because she was in Christmas overload, between the Christmas music that was blaring through the speakers and shoving cookies down his throat it was no wonder he ran out.
Ava wrapped her arms around his waist as he walked into the kitchen. “Daddy we finished baking and Cara said we can leave Santa a note to take some back to the North Pole since we made so many.”
Luke laughed slightly and bent down to press a kiss to the top of Ava’s head. “That’s a good idea baby.” He lifted the takeout bag he was carrying and rose to his full height and his eyes fell onto Cara’s. “I picked up dinner.”
Cara stared at him, noticing there was something different in his face. His eyes were bloodshot but he didn’t look upset. He looked, relieved and almost happy.
“What’d you get?” Ava asked.
“Chinese.” He said, moving through the kitchen and placing the bag on the table. He moved next to Cara to grab plates in the cabinet behind her, but bent down and kissed her lips softly. “Hi.” He murmured against her mouth.
“Hi… is everything okay?” She asked as her arm wrapped around his neck.
“Yeah, Spunky. Everything is better than okay.” He winked and gave her lips another peck before reaching around her for the plates.
Together the three of them set the table and dug into the Chinese food. It wasn’t a traditional Christmas, but it was shaping up to be the perfect one for the three of them. After they finished dinner they sat around the Christmas tree and watched Christmas movies. At least, Ava and Cara did, Luke was too busy watching the two girls in his life. Ava was snuggled next to Cara, when she began to yawn the three of them set up cookies for Santa, and left him a note. Luke carried Ava to bed and he and Cara tucked her in. She fought sleep for a good half hour trying to catch a glimpse of the magical man in the red suit. Exhaustion overcame her, though, and she fell asleep dreaming of Christmas morning.
Cara was watching Luke put the finalizing touches on the Barbie Dream house with a smile on her face. He felt her stare and looked up as he clicked the final piece into place.
“What?”
“She’s going to be so excited tomorrow. I can’t wait to see her face.” She said softly and took a sip of her hot cocoa. “Thanks for sharing this with me.”
Luke stared at her for a moment, finding her eyes. Jake was right, he could definitely see forever in them. The funny thing was he wasn’t freaked out by it. He reached under the tree and pulled out a perfectly wrapped box.
“C’mere.” He s
aid gruffly and crooked his finger. She set the mug down on the coffee table and sat down beside him on the floor. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her onto his lap. “Thank you for making this Christmas perfect.” He said as he brushed her hair out of her face.
“Me? All I did was bake cookies.” She said with a laugh and wrapped her arms around his neck.
“That’s not true. You turned this house into holiday central. You didn’t just bake cookies. You gave my daughter a real glimpse of Christmas. She’s never had that in her own house.”
Something in his voice made her melt and it wasn’t just the words he spoke it was the emotion and honestly laced with those words. She leaned into him and pressed her mouth to his.
“Merry Christmas, Luke.” She whispered against his mouth.
He pulled back slightly and leaned his forehead against hers. “Merry Christmas.” He watched her take the gift in her hand and with a smile on her face she started to tear at the corners. Jake was right again, her face would be the best gift he ever received. She pulled the rest of the paper off the black box, glancing up at him with a bright smile before she opened the box.
For a moment, he worried about the present and if she would like it, but her face softened as she took the locket out of the box. It was a beautiful gold heart, and on the back of the heart engraved was “Always in my heart.”
She lifted her gaze to him before she opened the locket with trembling fingers. Cara gasped at the two pictures that shared the heart. One side held a photo of her mother and the other side a photo of Jake. Her eyes watered with tears as she stared at the two people she lost.
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you.” He said softly and she raised her head instantly throwing her arms around his neck. She sobbed into his neck as he wrapped his arms around her waist.
Fitting The Pieces (The Riverdale Series Book 3) Page 23
