Kindling

by Agnes H Hagadus

  Just as they made it to the driveway to the bed and breakfast, Dallas tackled Lucy to the gravel. She hoped she hadn’t hurt the smaller woman too badly, but the semi had been closer than it should have been.

  The breaks strained as the big rig skidded to a halt. The window rolled down. Dallas swallowed back the bile when she saw the familiar face. “Thought you could make a fool out of me and get away with it. This was just a warning. Watch your back, dyke.”

  Dallas glared. She was afraid to say anything as it might stir up even greater trouble. It wasn’t until the big rig was on its way that she found her voice. “Now it’s me that has to apologize. I didn’t think he’d be able to track me.”

  Azure eyes were wide. “Are you hurt? I see you are terrified. Again, I apologize.” Lucy managed to shake her head. She wasn’t physically hurt, besides a scratch or two. “That man was attempting to rape a young woman. I think I told you about it. I hit him hard enough for me and the young woman to get away. Seems he managed to follow me. I’ll be keeping my distance. Until I know he’s taken care of.”

  For a moment, Lucy was tempted to agree with Dallas. But there was a larger part that hated herself for being so terrified. Yes, she had been the victim of two attacks, but that wasn’t about to stop her from living.

  Nor was the fact she needed to make some personal changes. “Take me to a movie and lunch tomorrow.” Dallas’ response was hushed by two fingers placed against her lips. “I’m beginning a new me. That means taking charge and going for what I want.”

  Lucy slowly removed her fingers, replacing them briefly with her lips. “I believe my sights are set upon you, Cowgirl. So don’t disappoint. I’ll try not to disappoint you.” Once again, Lucy brushed her lips against Dallas’. “Now escort me to my room, if you’d be so kind.”

  Dallas swallowed. She knew the meaning behind the request. It was merely taking your date to the front door and making certain they were safe inside. Still, the thought of being at the doorway to Lucy’s bedroom…

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  Allison wondered what it would be like to be on the grounds of the plantation when the peaches were in full bloom. She’d been to a famous apple orchard when the fall season was upon them. It was amazing. And not just because of the wonderful apple cider it was known for.

  It was the beauty. It was nature. While Allison would never consider herself a country girl, she did prefer to live just outside the city limits. Her small apartment was still in the city limits yet felt secluded as they had left a majority of the trees.

  There were already blossoms upon the peach trees. In Michigan, there could still be frosts, if not snow. Any blossoms would be killed this early. It was a testimony to the difference between The North and South.

  One area that was not so different was the bigotry. Allison, unlike some, didn’t shy away from the fact she was a lesbian. It had caused some issues with coworkers and customers. But most she dealt with were progressive in their thinking.

  Allison had never heard of any protests like had happened just a few hours prior. Most likely, they had. She wondered if she would ever be completely safe, wherever she chose to visit or live.

  It’s part of why Allison had decided to remain. While Thelma and Jessie had promised acceptance and safety, she knew they had no control over their fellow human beings. It’s why she was only somewhat upset.

  As Allison moved through the orchard, she had flashbacks of the time she’d shared with Geraldine. There was something about the cowgirl. It wasn’t her looks. It wasn’t her charm. As much as she’d racked her brain, she couldn’t understand what the draw was.

  There were stories Allison had read or seen on television. Soulmates. Was it something Allison even believed in? Watching how Thelma and Jessie interacted, as well as Candy and Kathy, Allison could see why one believed in such a thing.

  Allison’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a harmonica. The young woman silently made her way through the trees. There was a clearing. Sat upon a large rock was the cowgirl of her thoughts.

  Geraldine had forgotten she’d packed her harmonica. After dinner, she’d decided to pack and discovered it. While her mother had always said she was a fighter, she was wondering if it was worth fighting this particular battle.

  The girl of her dreams was now avoiding her. Not that Geraldine could blame her. As usual, Geraldine wasn’t telling the entire truth. It was written across her face. Of that, the cowgirl was certain.

  So what was Geraldine to do? Run or stay? Though she had packed, there was a part of her that wanted to remain at the bed and breakfast. So she could possibly continue with the friendship she had begun with Allison.

  The tune turned sour at the thought of her own cowardice. Geraldine was hating herself more and more. If only she would inform Allison of the entire truth. That there was more than met the eye.

  For what was a friendship if it was founded on a half-truth? Geraldine could no longer concentrate. She placed her harmonica in her pocket, before retrieving her cellphone. She wanted to hear her mother’s voice but didn’t want the conversation overheard by her father.

  The texts went as Geraldine assumed they would. Her mother loved her with every fiber of her being. She was proud of her, no matter what decision she made. But the main text that caught Geraldine’s attention was how she needed to be honest with herself and those around her.

  Allison waited for what she hoped was enough time not to make it seem she had been spying on Geraldine. In truth, she had been. What had she learned? That the cowgirl was in a great deal of pain. Sadly.

  “Is everything all right?” Allison shyly emerged from the shadows. She hoped she hadn’t startled Geraldine. It was the last thing she wanted to do.

  Geraldine glanced up from her cellphone. She’d already sent her last reply. Her mother knew it was nearly time to turn in. If she stayed, it would do her good to try and sleep. If she were to return home, it would be best if she left as early as possible.

  “I was just checking in with my mother.” Geraldine stretched as she stood. It had been a little while since she had sat on a rock. Normally, she sat on the ground or used her saddle as a cushion of sorts.

  “How is your mother?” Allison fidgeted with her beltloops. When she was nervous like this, she had issues keeping her body still.

  “She misses me. I think she misses having another woman around the ranch.” Geraldine nearly visibly cringed at her choice of words. Yet, it was the truth. Her body may have been male at birth, she was a woman in every sense of the word.

  “I wouldn’t know.” Allison found herself leaning against one of the trees. It was growing dark. And for once, it was becoming cool. Not as cool as it would be back home, but she still found herself beginning to shiver.

  “I was an only child.” Allison didn’t want to say how she had been left as a baby. That she had gone from home to home not even knowing what a true family was supposed to be like. And that she didn’t have many friends, after she had come out. It was funny how most of her female friends had become terrified she would try something with them.

  “You’re lucky, in a way. I have brothers, all younger. They are pains.” Geraldine knew she had to inform Allison of the entire truth. It was now or never. “Allison, there’s something I have to tell you.”

  Allison couldn’t help it. She began pacing. Even though she’d only known Geraldine a day or so, hearing that there was something untold had her nervous. What would be worse was ‘we have to talk’. “I’m listening.”

  Geraldine now felt nauseous. To the point she was nearly ill. Watching Allison pace was making her want to take back what she had said. Yet, it had to be said. Didn’t it? “Do you know what it means to be trans?”

  The pacing was instantly halted. Allison wasn’t all that knowledgeable when it came to things that were different in life. While she knew the meaning of the word, she wasn’t certain she knew what it meant. “Kinda.”

  It wasn’t a con
fidence builder, but Geraldine wasn’t surprised. After all, she had had to educate herself. If it hadn’t been for the internet, she may never have been able to put into words her feelings.

  “It’s complicated. And it’s different for everyone.” Geraldine removed her cowboy hat. The subject was causing her to wring her prized cowboy hat. “For me, I realized at a young age I didn’t feel right in the body I was born into.”

  When Allison remained silent, Geraldine knew she had to continue. “It wasn’t until I was older that I knew what my feelings meant. I was born into the body of a male, but I am all woman.”

  More silence. Nature was becoming loud, as was the pounding of Geraldine’s heart. “My father and brothers barely tolerate me. If it weren’t for my mother, I would have been kicked off the ranch.”

  The silence was becoming too great for Geraldine. “The one thing that has never changed is the fact I’m attracted to women.” Geraldine felt as if she was rambling. “I haven’t even been able to afford the hormones. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fully transition.”

  “You mean…” Allison hated herself for even beginning to say what she was thinking. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say. This is something I’ve never been personally affected by.”

  It took everything for Geraldine not to become violently ill. In fact, she couldn’t even look Allison in the eyes. While it was most likely as Allison said, it felt as if she had been shunned. “And you don’t have to be.”

  Before Allison could react, Geraldine was off. In her wake was left her favorite cowboy hat. Allison was stunned. She wanted to follow after Geraldine. But she wasn’t certain she was ready.

  And that made her feel like the worst person on the planet. Allison retrieved the cowboy hat before slowly making her way to the bed and breakfast. It was nearing midnight, if Allison guessed right.

  Instead of seeking Geraldine, Allison took comfort in the kitchen. Jackeline was pouring herself a glass of water. “Would you like something, my dear? You look like you could use one.”

  “Please.” Allison had to clear her throat. Perhaps running into Jackeline, it was a sign. After taking several sips of the cool liquid, Allison managed the courage to speak. “Perhaps it’s fate, but I need to talk to you.”

  Jackeline stiffened. She knew this moment was most likely to happen. Anyone had to be blind not to see the chemistry between Allison and Geraldine. There was one major issue. “She finally told you.”

  Allison swallowed a few more times, before nodding. “And you are confused.” Allison couldn’t look Jackeline in the eyes. “Honey, it’s nothing to be ashamed about. When I was transitioning, it was nearly unheard of. Even in today’s world, it’s not commonplace. So what is it you need to know?”

  That was the million dollar question, wasn’t it? “I don’t know where to begin. I don’t even understand what it’s like to feel like you weren’t born into the right body. That said, I can understand friendship. But a relationship?”

  “That’s the question, isn’t it, my dear?” Allison nodded. She was feeling ill at not knowing how to react. “Let’s find somewhere private and a little more comfortable. My room is on the first floor.”

  Allison nodded before following Jackeline. It wasn’t long before they were sitting at the table for two near the window. “A relationship isn’t easy, however you identify yourself. I was with my husband for nearly a decade, before he left me for a younger model. No, she wasn’t trans. But she was two decades younger.”

  Once again, Allison wasn’t certain how to react. Had it been a joke? Partially, if only to ease Allison’s mind. “A relationship with someone who is trans or transitioning can complicate things more, if only because of the medical aspect of things. But at the end of the day, a person is a person.”

  Jackeline wanted to say so much more. But she didn’t want to overwhelm the young woman. “My dear, it comes down to two things. Are you attracted to the soul? And are you ready for all the things that come with a relationship?”

  Chapter 8

  Morning. Snuggled up to her wife. It was normally one of Jessie’s favorite times of the day. While they would soon have to rise and shine, the warmth of the naked body next to her was something she was more than reluctant to give up.

  It was more than reluctant. Jessie had been awake most of the night. It was because of what she had planned for the day. Sundays were normally their quiet days at the bed and breakfast. Today, Jessie was to face her past.

  Jessie glanced at the alarm clock. It was five in the morning. Better to get this over with, before she lost her nerve. And more importantly, before her mother was in church.

  As carefully as she could, Jessie extricated herself from her wife’s grasp. Normally Thelma would awaken whenever Jessie moved, but the events of the previous day had them all beyond exhausted.

  Hastily, Jessie dressed and readied for a bit of a drive. Though Albany wasn’t too far, she wasn’t about to hurry. She needed to fully awaken her mind. The words she needed to say to her mother had to be placed in order.

  “Were you waiting up for me?” Jessie was grateful the coffee was already made. She wasn’t necessarily grateful Melissa was sitting at the kitchen table dressed as if she were ready for church.

  “Something like that.” Melissa sensed her presence wasn’t wanted. “I couldn’t sleep. After what happened, I want to do something. It’s a curse of mine. I’ve always been proactive. Probably where my daughter inherited her innate ability to attract trouble.”

  Jessie stared at the murky brew in her travel mug. She really should tell Melissa to mind her own business. But there was something about the matriarch. The fact she’d offered her daughter’s services was something she could never forget. “You ever been on a motorcycle?”

  Melissa’s eyes grew wide. Her first husband had always wanted one. But they had chosen family vehicles over something built for one or two. A sneer grew on her face. “Even at my age, you can learn new tricks. Let’s go.”

  The former firefighter shook her head as they made their way to the stables. So as not to disturb the horses or anyone at the bed and breakfast, they walked the motorcycle to the end of the driveway.

  It was odd having someone other than Thelma riding behind her. Even in her single womanizing days, Jessie rarely had anyone on the back of her motorcycle. What was odder was returning to the neighborhood of her youth.

  It hadn’t changed much. Her mother’s behavior was testament to that. Jessie pulled up in front of the small house she had called home for the first sixteen years of her life. Even though she technically lived at home, most of her sixteenth year was spent anywhere but at the house.

  “Let’s get this over with.” Jessie stretched. She was going to be a bear the entire day. She hoped she wasn’t too harsh with Thelma. The lights were on. No surprise since her mother would be readying for church.

  Melissa followed in silence. She would remain silent, unless the so-called mother went too far. The matriarch was here for support only. A little disappointed Jessie was attempting this without the support of her wife.

  When the door opened, Jessie thought it would be slammed in her face. Instead, her mother merely turned her back on Jessie. The former firefighter took a tentative step into the familiar house. “Things haven’t changed much.”

  The elder sat in her chair, sipping her coffee. She wasn’t about to acknowledge Jessie was ever her daughter. Instead, she retrieved her bible and began reading.

  “If you are going to ignore me, why didn’t you just slam the door in my face?” Jessie waited, impatiently. There was no response. “Fine. I’ll have my say and go. It’s one thing to turn your back on your daughter. It’s one thing to wish her all the hatefulness in the world.”

  Jessie took a tentative step toward her mother. “It’s another thing when you threaten the safety and tranquility of people who have never harmed you. Even resorting to violence. Is that the Christian thing to do?”

  There wa
s no response. There was no movement. The elder continued to read her Bible or at least pretend to. “Just know, we are taking steps to provide safety for our boarders. And will have the police on speed dial. I don’t ever want to see you or any of your supposed Christians at my home again.”

  When her mother refused to look at her, Jessie made her way to the front door. Melissa stood just inside the door. “I thought she’d say something. But she just sits there. I just…” The hand on her arm caused Jessie to smile sadly.

  “Wait by the motorcycle. I want to have a chat with your mother.” Jessie wanted to object. One look in azure eyes informed her it would fall on deaf ears. Melissa waited until Jessie was outside.

  Melissa closed the door. She made her way before the hateful woman. “I have just one question for you.” The woman never even acknowledged her presence, not that Melissa figured she would.

  “Would Jesus and God be more judgmental than you are being? Do you believe in a loving, forgiving God?” Melissa inched closer to the woman. There had been a reaction. “Or do you believe in a hateful, vengeful God?”

  “You have to live with yourself and the fact you’ve, since Jessie was young, turned your back on your daughter.” Melissa knew it would, once again, fall on deaf ears. “My daughter was a handful. She loved the ladies. But she was, and is, a good person. You see your children through their youth. Not turn your back on them. And you certainly don’t attack them.”

  Melissa made her way to the front door. It was halfway open as she turned back to the woman. If Melissa was right, there were tears in the corners of the woman’s eyes. “I pity you and the life you’ve chosen. Alone. Hating. You could have had the love of a daughter and family. So I don’t hate you. Just feel so sorry for you.”

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  Thelma was a little cross. Her better half had snuck out in the wee hours of the morning. Thelma knew where Jessie was. And that was what had her even more on edge. She had wanted to be there to support her wife.