Kindling

by Agnes H Hagadus

  “All right.” Jackeline once again hugged her friend. Jessie had come so far. Emotions weren’t exactly a known commodity for her. Giving her time was the least they could do.

  “I think I’ll find Thelma. Tell her how you are doing. And then, I need to sit down Allison and Geraldine for a very much needed talk.” Jackeline winked. It was the part of being an owner of a bed and breakfast she cherished the most. Helping others to fall in love. She’d learned that from Melissa.

  “Tell Thelma I’m sorry and not to worry too much.” Jessie knew it was impossible for her wife not to worry. That would be like asking her not to breathe. “I hope you can instill words of wisdom that Allison and Geraldine will both listen to.”

  “I’ll do that. And I’ll try.” Jackeline winked at her friend. The thunderstorm still raged outside. She would have to face it, before seeking out the others. “Time to get wet.” She winked before heading into the showers.

  As the rain drenched Jackeline, she only hoped she had made a difference. With someone like Jessie who was stubborn and headstrong, sometimes being alone was the best thing. But hopefully she had been reminded her actions, or lack thereof, affected others. Especially her wife.

  Jackeline would have to make a quick change before she sought out Geraldine and Allison. Hopefully the young couple were communicating. It was what everyone needs, not just those forging a relationship.

  It wasn’t long before Jackeline was standing outside Allison’s door. It was nearing eight. She hoped she wasn’t interrupting anything of importance.

  The knock was greeted with ‘one moment’. Jackeline couldn’t decipher who had spoken. It took a moment for the door to open. Allison’s eyes were red, as if she’d been crying. Geraldine’s eyes were focused on her cellphone.

  “Is this a bad time?” Jackeline hated to intrude but had hoped her years of wisdom would be useful. It would fall upon deaf ears if either were in emotional distress.

  “I think it’s the perfect time.” Allison held open the door. She waited until Jackeline was inside before nearly slamming the door shut. “Geraldine might need a place to sleep tonight.”

  Jackeline was horrified. Not that Geraldine would need to stay with her, but with how there was no reaction in the young cowgirl. “Let’s not be hasty. Why not tell me what is happening?”

  “First off, I’m out of a job nearly as soon as I go back to Michigan.” Allison began pacing. She was angry. Not that Geraldine wouldn’t consider moving. But because she wouldn’t talk to her about why. To be confided in was the most amazing thing in the world, yet Geraldine remained silent.

  “Secondly, I merely suggested to Geraldine to think about a move.” The pacing slowed when Allison was in front of her friend. Or was Geraldine that anymore? “The economy in Michigan is ok. But I want to start over. To be where there are fresh starts.”

  Allison heard the throat clearing. She took a breath before finally sitting on the bed. “I wasn’t suggesting Geraldine move right away with me. I know there’s so much to go through. But I just suggested keeping it as an option. That my friendship, no matter where I live, will always be there. But she now barely acknowledges me.”

  “Allison, sweetie, I think I need to have a conversation with Geraldine.” Allison merely shook her head. “I know you are frustrated, but you have to remember a few things. In fact, I think I need to speak to you. Let’s head to my room. Maybe let Geraldine think things through. Maybe reach out to the one family member she has.”

  Anger was burning Allison’s soul. She had thought she had placed all of this behind her. Why was she angry when Geraldine was simply making her way in life? Learning to truly live for the first time.

  “I’m sorry to both of you if I sounded too harsh.” Allison slowly rose from the bed. She wanted to touch Geraldine, even if it were on the shoulder, but refrained. “Maybe I’m the one who needs to think things through. I’ll be back.”

  Geraldine barely managed to nod. Her cellphone was held tightly in her hands. Her mother would be settling in for the night. Maybe trying to read a book. Did she dare call and disturb her? What if one of her brothers or father answered?

  “I’ll be here.” Geraldine managed to glance up. “I’m sorry. Again.” A sad smile was managed by the cowgirl. She watched as Allison hesitated to leave her. Geraldine had to admit, her friend was protective. And wanted her to be happy.

  The door closing was nearly deafening. Geraldine was all alone. It was how her entire life had been led. Even before realizing what to call it, she had known she was different. It had isolated her from the few children she had gone to school with. Being so far from town, there were times when Geraldine hadn’t gone to school. Her mother had kept up her education.

  It wasn’t until Geraldine’s father had broken down and had internet made available that the young cowgirl had finally been able to put a name to what she was feeling. But the internet was faulty. And she still didn’t know what she needed to do to be fully true to herself.

  The cellphone was in her hand. Geraldine scrolled to her contacts. Her mother, Allison, Lucy, Dallas, Jackeline and the bed and breakfast were her only contacts. What did that say about her?

  What did it say about Geraldine that she was pushing Allison away, even though she knew nearly everything there was to know about her?

  Geraldine hit the send button. It would be good to hear her mother’s voice, if nothing else. “Lovett residence.” The cowgirl hit the end button. It wasn’t her mother. It was her father’s voice. The man who could give her nightmares.

  The cowgirl jumped when her cellphone rang. It was her mother’s picture, but it was probably her father trying to discover who had called.

  It was a shaky voice that answered. “Hello?” The sweetest voice that Geraldine had ever heard came shining through.

  “Momma. I’ve missed you. I’m sorry I haven’t called more. It’s just so much has been happening.” Geraldine wanted to tell her mother everything.

  “Oh my sweet young girl.” Elisha had been worried when she hadn’t heard from her daughter. So many worrisome thoughts had run through her mind. Yes, she could have called. But she wanted to give her daughter space.

  “There are some really good people here.” Geraldine didn’t know what more to say. Yet, she did. “There’s one in particular. She’s from Michigan. She wants me to think about moving from Oklahoma.”

  “I can hear it in your voice.” Elisha had always known the day would come when her little girl would want to leave. Even before she had been brave enough to tell the secrets that lay within, she knew Geraldine was different than the rest of her family.

  Oh, Geraldine loved the ways of the ranch. She loved the horses. But it was too restrictive the way her father ran it. And abused it. “You are afraid. But I don’t know what you are more afraid of. Staying or taking a chance and being with someone you love.”

  As usual, Geraldine’s mother didn’t mince words. She was straightforward. And she had read Geraldine like a book, even not being face to face. “There’s also beginning the transitioning.”

  There was a moment of silence. “I know, my special one. One day, we will make your insides match your outsides.” Elisha’s voice lowered so that Geraldine could barely hear her. “I’m setting aside as much money as I can. I will help you. Whether it’s with whatever it takes or if it’s for you to move to someplace that is more accepting.”

  Geraldine was softly crying. Her mother was the only person keeping her at the ranch. They could remain in touch, so it wasn’t what should hold her back.

  It was the unknown. It was what Geraldine had witnessed on her vacation. Her skin was still a little pink in places. A constant reminder of the hate that existed too freely in the world.

  There was a sound in the hallway. Geraldine wasn’t certain if it was Allison and Jackeline returning. No matter, she’d discussed all she could for the moment with her mother. “That’s the thing. You are the only place or person that is completely accepti
ng. Not even my new friends are as accepting as they seem to be. I have to go. I promise I’ll call you before I come home. I love you.”

  “I love you too, special one.” Elisha was disappointed. Not that her daughter was returning home soon. It was because her daughter was still finding hate and abuse outside the confines of the ranch.

  There was the gentlest of knocks on the door before it opened. It was, after all, Allison’s room. She had a right to enter anytime she wanted to.

  Allison didn’t hesitate. She could see that her friend had been crying. It was immediate that she was kneeling before Geraldine. “Hey. I’m sorry. I never meant to make you cry.”

  “It wasn’t you.” Geraldine hastily wiped the remnants of the tears away. “I took the time to call home. I should have done it a long time ago. Why I didn’t I guess was because I was afraid of hearing my father’s voice. Which I did, unfortunately.”

  “Is that why you were crying?” Allison was exhausted from her talk with Jackeline. She had known she was in the wrong. She had known she wasn’t handling the situation properly. But it was all new to her. It was only an excuse that it was all new and Allison knew it.

  “No. I was crying because Mom told me she would help me with the monetary considerations.” Geraldine swallowed. She needed something to drink. “That wasn’t just regarding when I’m ready to proceed with…But also if I chose to move.”

  “Oh.” Allison wasn’t certain what to say. But she could understand. No one in her life had supported her unconditionally. The closest was Rick and he wanted too much from her.

  “Yeah. I guess even she doesn’t want me around.” Geraldine sighed. There was no place she wanted to be, other than the ranch and with her mother. Yes, Allison was appealing but she was new and different. And that was the problem.

  “You know that’s not true.” Allison was careful of her words. It wasn’t because Jackeline was watching from the door. It was because she was on the road to understanding, at least some of what Geraldine was going through.

  “In fact, after speaking with Jackeline, I wanted to say something.” Allison arose. She was growing tired. It hadn’t been that long since supper. It had to be the emotions she was dealing with.

  “I’ve been wrong to force you into committing to anything.” Allison took the seat across from Geraldine. She reached across the table and took Geraldine’s hand in her own.

  “I do want to say once again that I want to remain in contact. Even if I’m moving from state to state or remaining where I am.” Allison squeezed her friend’s hand. “And that means if you stay in Oklahoma or move.”

  Now for the most important affirmation. “And regardless if you remain in the physical form you are in now or if you choose and are able to make whatever changes you wish.”

  Geraldine truly was at a loss. Once again, Allison was willing to remain her friend. Whether it be from a distance or from near. Whether she ever fully was able to transition. “Thank you. I’d like to remain friends.”

  Jackeline knew the two had so much more to deal with. While it was a start once again saying that they wished to remain friends, it would take work. Especially if their relationship ever was elevated to the next level.

  It was time to give the youngsters a bit of privacy. Jackeline quietly closed the door before making her way to the stairs. No one had seen Dallas, outside of Abby and Lucy, all day long.

  It was in her nature to make certain Dallas was all right. Jackeline found herself at the opposite end of the hallway. She rapped lightly upon the door. There were muffled voices before the door opened. “I just wanted to see how you two were faring, especially Miss Dallas.”

  Dallas remained in bed. Lucy had made certain the truckdriver had not moved from the bed, other than to take care of personal needs.

  Lucy was already in her nightclothes. She would spend the night, once again, with Dallas. There would be no lovemaking. Dallas needed her rest. “It’s been an emotional day. But I think it’s going to make us stronger.”

  “Well said Lucy.” Dallas waved at Jackeline. “I’d offer you something to eat or drink, but afraid we’ve consumed everything. Some company, if you’d like.”

  “That’s all right. I just wanted to see if you were healing all right. So much happening, wanted to make certain you’d be set for the evening.” Jackeline wanted to check on Thelma before she attempted to sleep.

  “Have a pleasant evening.” Jackeline nodded her head before taking her leave. “Now, how bout joining Dallas in bed. I promise, this one time, to keep my hands to myself.”

  Lucy shook her head as she made her way to where Dallas was snuggled under the covers. With the rainfall had come slightly cooler temperatures. It remained warmer than Lucy would be suffering through in Michigan.

  “I know there is still a lot for us to discuss. The fact you’ll probably need to return home before making your way to Michigan the most prevalent.” Lucy slid under the covers. “But can you just be holding me?”

  “With pleasure, Lil Lady.” Dallas should have taken a moment to call her mothers. Had they had any luck in hiring someone to help them rebuild? Did they have the money to rebuild? The answers would affect so much.

  For now, Dallas was more than content to hold her girlfriend. She wasn’t quite ready to refer to Lucy as her fiancée. Not because she wasn’t committed, but because their relationship had taken place so rapidly, neither had had ample time to breathe and take it all in.

  ()()()()()()()()()()()()()

  Late night. The bed and breakfast seemed to come alive with ghosts of the past. Thelma loved to walk up and down the hallways. With their first boarders, she had to be quiet.

  The quiet was a welcomed thing. Thelma needed to reflect. The passing of one’s parent affected everyone differently. For Thelma, it had been sadness. But in a way, relief.

  Not because Thelma had inherited more money than three people could spend in a lifetime. It was because her parents never accepted her. Had remained in her life from a distance.

  Now that Thelma knew there was a connection to her best friend, the ghosts seemed to be more personal. Not that the thought of former slaves’ ghosts wasn’t personal. It was something that haunted her still the thought anyone could think they could own another person. To think anybody was lessor than someone else.

  It was why Jessie’s mom was dead. Her own hatred for those, as well as those of the church she attended, that were different. Who had killed her and then made certain it was Jessie that discovered her body were the things niggling at Thelma the most this walk with the ghosts as Thelma like to refer to it.

  “Hello.” Thelma nearly jumped from her skin at the greeting. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disturb you. I was trying to keep myself busy while my husband worked with my daughter.” Melissa, for once, wasn’t with her granddaughter.

  “It’s all right. I was in my own little world.” Thelma still had her hand to her heart, which remained racing. “It’s been quite some time, but I sometimes walk the halls. I swear I can sense the people that lived here before.”

  “I’ve done that quite a bit.” Melissa leaned against the wall. “My bed and breakfast isn’t as old as this one, but there are so many boarders that have stayed with us. I think the ones I remember the most are the ones with children who stayed while my three youngsters were children.”

  “That’s something that will most likely never happen here.” Thelma didn’t mean to blurt it out. It was something she and Jessie hadn’t really discussed. Children. Thelma felt too old and Jessie never expressed interest in being around any.

  “Did I hit on a sore subject?” Melissa gently pushed away from the wall. She had intended on asking Thelma how she was dealing with the latest development. Death, of anyone, affect us in so many ways.

  “Not certain sore, exactly.” Thelma could swear she heard the sound of laughter and music in that moment. If the family who had built the mansion had been wealthy, it would make sense it would be filled with m
usic. Even if it meant houseslaves were the ones providing the music.

  Emerald eyes were glazed over, as if Thelma was remembered something. Or was it a thought in regards to the mansion? “You do remember that I can read people with nearly perfect clarity.”

  Thelma sighed. She wasn’t accustomed to having someone so forthright. That wasn’t exactly true as Candy would never allow her to be untrue to herself or kid herself.

  “I’d forgotten. It has been a bit since we spoke one on one.” Thelma turned away from her fellow innkeeper. “It’s something that has been in the back of my mind. I’m nearly forty. I don’t know if I’m up for kids.”

  “Nonsense.” Melissa cautiously made her way behind Thelma. “For one, you aren’t old. I’m not even old, and I’m nearly double your age.”

  Thelma knew Melissa was right. It was silly. This was not the time to be thinking of children. Jessie had to deal with her mother’s death, first and foremost. Then there was the threat against the bed and breakfast.

  “And if you are serious about having a child, it doesn’t have to be one of you carrying a child.” Melissa noticed how Thelma flinched. There could be so many reasons behind it. For now, it wasn’t the most important thing.

  “There are children, of all ages, that are in need of good homes.” Melissa made certain she was looking into emerald eyes. “Sam and Abby adopted Abby’s nephew. He was eight at the time.”

  Emerald eyes blinked. It was something she had never truly considered. Why? Thelma wasn’t certain. There was plenty of room at the bed and breakfast. But was it something Jessie would want?

  “I can see this is something you haven’t exactly thought about. Definitely haven’t spoken to your wife about.” Melissa gently placed a hand on Thelma’s shoulder. “Just know, even after I’m back in New York, you always have someone to talk to. Not that you don’t have friends and family here.”

  “That’s one thing I’ve learned from Candy.” Thelma couldn’t help the beaming smile as she remembered how persistent Candy had been when it came to friendship. “You can never have too many friends. Even those that live a little distance away.”