Identity of the Heart (A Hidden Hearts Novel Book 1)

by Mary Crawford

  After the proprietor of the old bowling alley saw how many children had moved into the area, he decided to look into ways to refurbish his property and reopen the bowling alley with a new video game center attached. I’m relatively sure that Tristan probably is involved with financing that endeavor as well. I guess one of his first computer jobs when he was a kid was to help a guy fix his computerized scoring system at a bowling alley. Instead of paying them in cash, the guy just let Tristan and his family hang out at the bowling alley which explains why he completely wiped the floor with me. It’s a good thing we were not playing strip bowling because I would’ve been playing stark naked in absolutely no time.

  I call over my shoulder to my boss as I stick my mail in my purse, I gather up Ivy’s as well so I can read it to her over the phone, “Marcus, I’m sorry to do this to you since I just got here, but I need to deal with this real quick.”

  Marcus gives me a crooked little grin as he replies, “Go on Ro. Fix your little lover’s spat. I know that I won’t be able to get any work out of you until you do. Your first client doesn’t come in for a couple hours anyway. The filing can wait until you sort out your personal drama.”

  I blow him a raspberry before I respond, “That’s easy for you to say, you and Ivy hardly ever fight over anything. But, in the event that you ever do fight, I’ve got you covered.”

  Marcus scoffs. “Yeah right!—like you’d ever side with me against your sister. The two of you even have a secret language. If we’re ever in a fight, I’m toast.”

  I chuckle as I answer, “Good point. Yeah, you’re probably toast. I’ll be right back, this shouldn’t take too long.”

  “Have you forgotten that sometimes I’m on the other end of those phone calls between you and Ivy?” He asks incredulously. “So, I’ll tell you what. If you’re still on the phone when I lock up, I’ll tap you on the shoulder and let you know we’re going,” he quips good-naturedly.

  “Hardy-har-har,” I snort as I pretend to laugh. “Seriously, I have a bunch of stuff to do around here, so I’ll make this quick.”

  I sit on what I consider to be my special bench in the coffee shop down the street from Ink’d Deep as I dial Ivy’s number. She picks up on the second ring, but she sounds winded as I ask, “What are you doing, Manita?”

  “Oh, I’m just moving some clay for my pottery class. That crap is heavy! I wish Marcus was around I could use some of his muscles right about now. Why are you calling? I thought you had to design that chest piece with all the cherry blossoms and Japanese characters for the breast cancer survivor today.”

  “I do,” I respond. “But, you got some mail at Ink’d. I thought you might want to know what it says.”

  “Oh crap! Is it bad news?” Ivy asks, trepidation clear in her voice even through the scratchy connection of my cell phone.

  “Not as far as I know; I didn’t get bad news from this place. Suspicious news, but not bad news.”

  “Now you’re just freaking me out. What are you talking about?”

  “Would you like me to read you the letter?” I ask, fishing around in my purse for it, though I suspect it will probably say exactly the same thing mine says.

  I giggle as a sarcastic thought hits my head as hard as if Ivy was standing right next to me.

  Of course I want you to read it, Duh! It’s not like I can open the envelope with my psychic twin brain. What are you waiting for?

  Into the phone I say, “All right, all right, hold your horses. I’m on it.”

  I unfold the letter and speed read it. Just as I suspected, hers is pretty much identical to mine. They have her identifying information and her birth date correct so they didn’t just mix up our identities.

  I take a deep breath as I prepare to read it out loud, but then I changed my mind. “You know what, Ivy? I’m just going to take a picture of this and send it to you so you can see the whole thing. But basically, I got an identical letter. The details are specifically addressed to each one of us with the proper information so they didn’t just get us mixed up or anything. It essentially says we’ve both been awarded scholarships to any college or university that we want to go to —and it’s renewable until we finish as long as we’re making progress toward our goals.”

  After a moment of stunned silence, Ivy asks, “We got scholarships? From where? I haven’t applied for any new scholarships. In fact, I just met with my advisor. The University of South Florida doesn’t really have the type of major I want to switch to on the Tampa campus. It looks like, I’m going to need to transfer to one of their satellite campuses. I haven’t even begun to process all of the stuff I was told. That was just earlier this week, there’s no way that even the most dedicated advisor or financial aid people could get me that kind of scholarship so quickly.”

  I sigh deeply as I respond, “I was afraid you were going to say that. I have a feeling my sometimes too awesome boyfriend has struck again. It doesn’t seem to matter how many times I explain to him that he doesn’t need to spend extravagant amounts of money on me, he just can’t seem to help himself.”

  “You know, I don’t think this is him, Rogue. He’s been working really hard to be just a typical, average, everyday boyfriend. He even called me up to see if his idea for your birthday present would be within the ‘rules’.”

  “Well…was it?” I ask, curious about Tristan’s plans. He’s been really secretive and it’s driving me crazy.

  “Sorry sis, I’m not spilling the beans. But, I can tell you Padre Pop is coming next week. He and Tristan have some business thing they’re doing with computers and then we’re going up to Gainesville. I thought it would be cool if we all had dinner for your birthday or something.”

  “It’s your birthday too, silly,” I tease.

  “I know, but I always forget that. So much has changed in the last few months. I feel like I’ve become a whole new person. I finally decided that I’m just going to celebrate both birthdays. I am a little bit of the new Ivy and still a lot of the old Ivy, so I guess it’s appropriate that I celebrate being born on two days.”

  “I guess part of me was born on your birthday too. When you started breathing on your own, I officially became your manita. So, whenever you get annoyed with the big sister part of me, you can ban me from your birthday parties.”

  Ivy laughs, “I guess that sounds like a plan. But, since you can invade my brain, I’m not sure how effective that will be. I guess I better get back to slinging this clay around. This sculpture isn’t going to make itself.”

  “Goodbye Manita. I’ll talk to you later.”

  Before I can lose my nerve, I call Tristan. “Hey, did you forget to tell me something important?” I ask after he greets me.

  He just chuckles, “Let me guess, Ivy just sent you a ‘twin-gram’ about Isaac’s visit? It’s darn near impossible to plan a surprise around you two.”

  I have to choke back a laugh at his matter-of-fact acceptance of our unconventional communication skills. “No, this time, I actually found out compliments of AT&T. Ivy and I actually do own cell phones and we occasionally use them. But, that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about something that could run you a couple hundred thousand dollars in the long run.”

  “Rogue, you’re going to have to back up because I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Tristan asserts. “The only big money deal I’ve got going on right now isn’t going to cost me anything, unless, of course there’s a design flaw, which there’s not. Still, I stand to make several million from that deal, not spend more at this point. We launch in a few weeks, but all of the groundwork has already been done for that.”

  I let out a huge growl of frustration as I reply, “Tristan, I know you think it’s just stupid, but I’ve got a real hang up about relying on people for what I should be able to provide for myself. Now that I know the whole story with my dad, it makes my issues seem even more ludicrous— but they are what they are. I learned very early that I can’t trust people to be there when they
say they’re going to be. That’s why I can’t let you do this whole scholarship thing. I can’t get used to you stepping in to rescue me all the time. Maybe someday you won’t be there when I need you.”

  “Damn it, this is one of those times I hate living so far away from you and now I’m on the stupid cell phone instead of a video call. I’ve got a meeting with a client in precisely twelve minutes… you know what?… Screw it. You’re more important.”

  “Tristan don’t blow off—”

  “Rogue, it’s fine. Let’s start with the easy stuff. First, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I had nothing to do with any scholarship. I’ve been so busy that I haven’t even had a chance to set up a scholarship at University of South Florida, let alone anywhere else and even if I had set it up, I wouldn’t be responsible for choosing the recipients —that would be a conflict of interest.”

  “Wow! Just wow. If you didn’t do it, who did?” I say in total disbelief.

  “I might be able to help you answer that question if I had any inkling of what you’re talking about,” Tristan replies sounding confused.

  “Well, Ivy and I were just awarded full scholarships to any college we wanted to go to. But, the bizarre part is that we didn’t actually apply for them. Given your past record of extreme generosity, I figured that you were behind all of it.”

  “This time, I can plead total innocence. I have no idea what’s going on. Although, I do find it interesting that you’re somehow interpreting this as bad news. Do you realize that this means you could go to any college you want to based on the strength of it’s art program, not the thickness of your wallet? It also means that you and Ivy can go to school together anywhere you choose.”

  His simple statements stop my mental protests right in their tracks. I guess I was so busy trying to convict Tristan of extreme niceness that I hadn’t stopped to consider what impact the scholarships could have on our lives.

  “Tristan, I need to go,” I respond in a shaky voice. “There’s too much to think about right now. Besides, I have to figure out how to make someone’s terrible mastectomy scars look like a celebration of survival. I can’t let my thoughts wander to my personal problems today, because in comparison, I have none.”

  “Okay, what time do you think you’ll be off tonight?”

  “The janitorial crew said they’re going to wax the floor tonight, so we have to be out of there at 5 o’clock.”

  I’ll talk to you then, have a good day, love you,” Tristan says, but before I can answer him, my piece-o-garbage phone dies in my hand.

  What a day! All I want to do is climb in a bath with a good book. I knew from watching Marcus all these years that doing tats is hard on your body. He sometimes moves like an old man. It’s one of the reasons he is such a stickler for making sure we have all the best equipment that can be adjusted for not only our height, but be adjusted for the size of our clients too. It’s a good thing too. I ended up giving a special request tattoo today on a guy that must have been six-foot-four. Marcus does all of the police and firefighter memorial tattoos for free. Usually, he or Jade cover them. But Liam apparently noticed me doing my homework for my Life Drawing class the other day when Jade did a portrait of their dog on his girlfriend. So, he wanted me to do his buddy’s fire boots on his upper shoulder. I was totally unnerved, but Marcus reminded me I’d have a reference photo and that he’d be right there to check my work each step along the way. Liam wanted it all greyscale except for a hint of American flag. Greyscale, I could do; I’d been drawing with charcoals forever. In the end, everyone was thrilled. He gave me a tip that would have twice covered the cost of the actual tattoo.

  My arms are so sore, I can barely lift them over my head to remove my shirt. But, mentally, I’m even more fried.

  I spent the morning trying to make sense of what cannot make sense and attempting to find a path to beauty in the ravages of pain. Tattooing directly on scar tissue can be tricky at best, but Jaynelle wanted me to hide as many of her scars as possible. In her words, she wanted to “forget that the killers were ever on her chest.” I won’t know if she has chosen my design until after the tattoo is complete. Due to the sensitive nature of this one, Jade agreed to do it at a plastic surgery center where one of her friends is a nurse. Still, the process of designing it was sobering and enlightening. I guess in the grand scheme of things, I could have far worse problems than an upgraded stereo system and a boyfriend who thinks Tuesday afternoons are cause enough to buy extravagant presents.

  I think of Liam who rode to work with a coworker and ended up having to drive Oliver’s truck home to his wife and daughter when a roof gave way on a routine house fire during clean-up operations. The danger was supposed to have passed. You just never know what’s around the corner.

  I test the tub water with my toe as I try the whole bath thing again. Perfect. I’m good to go. Of course the button of my shirt gets stuck in my hair as I struggle to pull it over my head. I’m still jammed in this half on and off position when I hear my front door open.

  “What in the hell! It’s against landlord/tenant law for you to barge in here like that, you know!” I yell angrily as I try to take refuge in my bedroom.

  I hear Tristan’s deep chuckle as he quips, “One would hope you wouldn’t go just anywhere dressed like that.”

  I whirl on him, forgetting my stuck arm. “Tristan? O.M.G! You really are here! But why? Aren’t you getting ready to out-launch Microsoft? Shouldn’t you be at some big meeting?”

  Tristan drops his bag and walks over and drops a hot kiss on my lips before he helps untangle my hair from the button on my shirt. “I was needed here. So, I came,” he responds matter-of-factly.

  I shake my head as if to clear an aspiration from my field of vision. I’m still not sure he’s not a creation of my overtired imagination. But, as he kisses me again, it’s very clear that he is a hundred percent live, a flesh and blood very hot creature and he’s standing right in my living room. Wearily, I sigh as I remark, “Do I even want to know how you got here? I just talked to you before lunch.”

  “Yeah, I wouldn’t ask too many questions if I were you. It would probably offend your budget-conscious sensitivities.”

  “Tristan Riley Macklin, you are a crazy man. Who blows off a software launch for his girlfriend who’s had a bad day at work?” I ask rhetorically. I start to pick up random things around my house because I totally wasn’t expecting company but I flinch as my shoulder starts to spasm.

  “Oh crap!” I scream as I run up the hallway to the bathroom to turn off the tub right before the water spills over the edge.

  Tristan follows me into the bathroom to evaluate the seriousness of the emergency. When he sees the candles and the book that I had placed next to the tub, he comments. “Obviously, you had some serious plans before I interrupted you. But, to answer your question, I didn’t just blow off the product launch, that’s why I hire a team of, highly qualified, better compensated than most, professionals. They’re paid to pick up the pieces of the stuff that I can’t manage or choose not to manage.”

  I smirk a little bit at that answer as I respond, “As if there’s anything that you would choose not to personally manage in your business. That’s just not your style,” I tease.

  “I guess I deserve that. But, things are changing. You’ve changed me. Your well-being is more important to me than a deal. It’s important to me that I show you that if you ever need me, I’ll be here. No excuses. That’s what true love is about. It’s not about the places I can take you to or the things I can buy you. Although those are nice little perks, they’re not what our relationship is about.”

  “That’s nice in theory but it seems like we’re always talking about money. It’s like this monster between us that will never go away. You’ll forever have more of it than you can ever spend in this lifetime and I’ll never be able to keep up.”

  “Rogue, it’s never been about that for me. If I hadn’t gotten exceptionally lucky or my ideas had bee
n any earlier or later in the evolution of computer technology, you’d be waving goodbye to me every morning as I put on my polo shirt to work at some big computer technology warehouse. I’d probably be running some technical service department somewhere. I’m really nothing all that special, Rogue. I’m just incredibly fortunate.”

  I start to say something, but he immediately continues, “I wasn’t anything special until I met you. You take the time to see me. You know that there is more to me than my wallet and my brain. The reason you know this is because you’ve taken the time to actually ask me what’s going on in my life every day. Even if it’s just sending me stupid cat memes, you always check in. I don’t know if it’s because I was always the ‘responsible one’ or if it was because my parents were going through their own turmoil, but for the first time in my life, I feel truly cared for. So, while you might not bring a bank account that matches mine to the relationship, you bring so much more. The love you bring to us is priceless to me.”

  I don’t know what has taken me so long, but it’s finally like a lightbulb is flashing above my head. All of the arguments from Ivy, Marcus and even Jade coalesce my head.

  I bow my head to the floor and walk over to the shelter of Tristan’s arms. He immediately envelops me in a hug. “I’m sorry Tristan. I didn’t get it. I didn’t see that I’m important to this relationship too. When I was little, my mom and I struggled a lot. Sometimes, we didn’t have enough to make it all the way through the month. I didn’t realize how much those early days affected my whole life. In those days everything was reduced to how much it was going to cost. If I was hungry and had a glass of milk, my mama would say, ‘Have water, that leche costs thirteen cents.’ If I went out to pizza with friends, my mom would comment, ‘Don’t eat too much, I don’t have enough money for bigger school clothes.’ Don’t get me wrong, my mom never intended those remarks to be at all cruel. She was just trying the best she possibly could. But the message that I received was that every thing in life boils down to dollars and cents, relationships included.”