Second Chances

by Nicole Andrews Moore

  Brian smiled. “I didn’t say anything. How did you know what I was going to ask?”

  Sarah shrugged. “Logic, I guess.”

  “Maybe,” he replied, “but I still think it’s magic that you can read my mind.” He stood, leaned over the desk, gave her a peck on the cheek, and made to leave the office. At the door he paused. “Check for a message later, okay? We’ll make plans for lunch.”

  After he received a half smile and a nod, Brian left the room. He always does that, she mused. Every time I need someone to talk to, even when I think I don’t want to see anyone, he’s there. Her office hour nearly up, Sarah packed a handful of books and supplies to take to her first class.

  She returned to her office around eleven and immediately looked out the window. The message was there as promised. For the better part of a year they had been communicating this way. Brian was the first friend Sarah had made once she was hired on as full-time faculty in the Reading Department. His office in the Foreign Studies Department was across the courtyard from hers. He had caught her staring out the window one day and took a wipe board off his door to write her a message: ‘Hi!’ She had giggled at that. It seemed not only juvenile to be passing notes like the kids when they had other more pressing work to accomplish, but it was also prehistoric since they could easily have dialed each other up on the phones from their desk or sent an instant e-mail.

  But Brian preferred it this way. He said it was more personal than a phone call, it took more effort, and that it was far more fun than e-mail, which everyone used. He even bought Sarah her very own wipe-board (jumbo sized because girls write more) as an office warming present. And because of his quirky ways, they became fast friends.

  “Same time. Same place. My treat.” That was today’s message. She scribbled a quick reply, erased it, and simply stuck a huge smiley face in the window instead. He would know what she meant, and now she just had to find some way to kill those couple of hour.

  The light on her phone was blinking rapidly. Another message was waiting for her. She listened and a smile crept over her face. Josh wanted to make lunch plans with her. She decided not to even call him back. Let him sweat for a while. Now she would decide how to approach their confrontation this evening.

  Two hours later a knock sounded on her open door. “Hey, I thought you were meeting me.” The tone wasn’t accusatory; it was hurt, wounded?

  Sarah turned from the window and glanced quickly at her watch. She was ten minutes late. “Damn, I’m sorry,” she said apologetically as she dashed out the door to meet him.

  By the time she caught up with him, he was waiting patiently midway down the hall holding the door open for her. The courtyard was their little spot. No one ate there. No one even ventured outside the doors. Sarah couldn’t be certain that anyone knew they had turned it into their own private garden. She had even used it as an extension of her classroom; bringing students out there to read and interact with nature, and showing them how to link these encounters with books to enhance the learning experience for their future students.

  In preparation for lunch, there was a blanket spread out on the ground to the left of the fountain. On it was a picnic basket and two plush pillows. “Assayez-vous ici, madame,” Brian said, gesturing to the nearest pillow. He mimed pushing a chair in and earned a giggle. Then he waltzed over to the vacant pillow and took a seat. “For your dining pleasure,” he began in a thick French accent, “we have...”

  One by one he pulled out all of her favorites. They dined on sushi, salad, and topped it off with cheesecake. He had even brought linen napkins, and sparkling white grape juice, since they were on the job and couldn’t have alcohol in their glass goblets. With the light conversation and fabulous food, the hour passed too quickly.

  “Come on,” he said offering her a hand so that she could stand. “You only have one more class to teach today. Then what are you going to do?”

  Sighing, she responded. “Well, normally I would stay and work on an article for one of those stuffy journals, but I can’t concentrate on that right now.” She brushed off her pants and blouse, trying to make herself look presentable.

  Cramming everything into the basket, Brian picked it up and followed her into the building. They paused at her office door. “You know, Brian,” she said seriously, “you are wasting this picnic stuff on me. Isn’t there someone special in your life?” She watched him for a reaction.

  He seemed to be picking his words carefully. “Let’s just say I am where I want to be right now, and leave it at that, okay?” He smoothed his long brown hair back behind his ear and stared at her for a moment with his sea blue eyes.

  “Okay,” she said, reluctantly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” And she walked into the office and shut the door behind her.

  The drive home went far better than the ride in to work that day. She forced herself to pay attention to the road and ignore the gift bag that was once again riding shotgun as she made her way home. She knew that Josh would already be at work, and she intended to begin the ambush there.

  Chloe willingly ate a quick dinner because her mother was dangling the opportunity to spend the night at her grandmother’s over her head. By six-thirty Sarah was pulling up the driveway to the brick front ranch house she had spent her childhood in. Her mother opened the door with a smile for Chloe and a look of grave concern for Sarah.

  “Is everything okay?” Her mother’s brow was furrowed with worry.

  “Oh, yeah,” Sarah lied. “I just want to surprise Josh at work. We may have a late night. I knew Chloe would want to see you. Thanks for taking her on such short notice.”

  Her mother shook her head. “She’s my grandbaby. You know it is never any trouble spending time with her.”

  While her mother and daughter sat on the floor playing a rousing game of Candy Land, Sarah studied herself in the bathroom mirror before departing. The outfit she wore complimented her coloring perfectly. The ankle length fuchsia skirt with the gold design and slit up the left side showed off her long fit legs. The matching fuchsia v- necked sleeveless tuxedo shirt clung to all the right places, while the silver necklace with the onyx pendant dipped daringly between her breasts. More silver on her ears helped to set them apart from her jet black hair, which was tonight pulled back at the nape of her neck into a taut pony tail that ended midway down her back. Her emerald green eyes flashed from behind long black lashes.

  Sarah pulled out her cosmetic bag. She rarely wore makeup, but maybe tonight she needed a little something extra. A squirt of perfume on her swan-like neck, some lip gloss on her long full lips, and she was ready to go.

  Slipping silently from the bathroom, Sarah paused for a moment in the darkened hall and watched her mother and daughter playing on the floor. Her mother’s dark hair was now streaked with silver, but her face was as youthful and nearly wrinkle-free as ever. Age had merely enhanced her features, her cheekbones were more defined, her eyes crinkled some at the corners, always dancing with laughter or mischief or both. Slowly, Sarah exhaled as she admired Chloe. Often she had wondered what she had done to deserve such a wonderful child; Chloe was wise beyond her years, more serious than a child should be. Her dark brown hair was cut in a bob that angled to frame her delicate face from the too large green eyes lined with thick curling lashes, to the pink rosebud lips, always pursed as though ready to speak. And for a moment, Sarah worried that after tonight her exceedingly serious child would grow even more so as the product of a single parent home. Shaking those thoughts from her head, she moved to leave.

  Her mother glanced up briefly as she walked toward the door. “You look beautiful tonight, honey!” She called as the door swung closed.

  I used to think I was beautiful, Sarah thought glumly, now I’m not so sure.

  Le Cafe sat perched on the edge of the lake. There was a full moon this night, and the way the light shimmered and sparkled as it played off the waves was spellbinding. Sarah’s breath caught as she stepped out of the car. Several things happened
all at once. Though July Fourth was clearly months away, a Roman candle exploded in the air above the lake, catching her by surprise. At the same time someone grabbed her arm from behind, and she saw Josh kissing Tessa through the restaurant kitchen’s screen door. Suddenly she couldn’t breathe. She gasped and inhaled sharply over and over again, but her lungs refused to fill comfortably with oxygen.

  The hand steered her toward a stone bench, sat her down and bent her head between her knees before she had a moment to recognize who it belonged to. Brian’s face came into view as she regained her composure and sat upright. He was squatting in front of her looking concerned. “Better now?” He asked once she had begun to breathe regularly again.

  Her ponytail had slipped over her shoulder and she brushed it back behind her. “Are you stalking me?” She asked exasperatedly.

  He chuckled. “Do you want me to stalk you?” He didn’t even give her a chance to consider before he spoke again. “No, I just wanted to have a drink. I love being out on the patio here during nights like this.” He stopped and studied her a minute. She was clearly flustered and as happened so frequently, he was struck by the urgent desire to take care of her. “Are you meeting someone or would you care to join me?” He glanced at the kitchen door that her gaze seemed to be currently fixated on; he wrapped a protective arm around her shoulders, and said, “Let’s go this way.” And without a mention of what he had certainly seen, he steered her towards the bar.

  They were seated on the patio for about twenty minutes, giving Sarah just enough time to stew and regroup after the initial shock, when Josh strode over to them. He was smiling, but Sarah remedied that. “Why didn’t you greet me when you arrived?” He asked, while glancing at Brian. “Someone should have come to get me. I was only in the kitchen.”

  “I know,” Sarah began coolly, “but you looked busy.” She didn’t smile, and she refused to cry. She simply held his gaze while he understood that she had seen him.

  “Oh.” The word was short, a staccato, a breath. They were all silent for a moment. The patio was deserted, except for the three of them. Brian took one final swig of his Merlot, set his glass down, laid a twenty on the table, and stood up.

  “It was nice seeing you again, Josh. The drink is on me, Sarah. I’ll see you at work

  tomorrow.” Then he turned, walked through the restaurant and out the front door.

  Josh took Brian’s place at the table. He moved very slowly, calculatingly, as he tried to think up what to say. Before he could even get his footing, Sarah had knocked him off balance once more.

  “I have something that belongs to you. Well, to Tessa really.” She watched him for a reaction. Her eyes didn’t water; they didn’t even blink. It was as though she feared missing some critical body language, some movement that would clue her in.

  “Oh, I wondered where that had gone.” He tried to sound casual.

  “Come now. You knew that I had it or you wouldn’t have called me for lunch today.” She leaned forward on the table, still studying him. It had the most unnerving effect on Josh.

  He reached up and loosened his tie a bit. “So you received my message? Guess we just missed each other, huh?”

  “No, actually, I received your message before lunch; I just chose to ignore it. I already had lunch plans with Brian.” She saw him wince at the mention of her friend’s name.

  He shrugged. “So where do we go from here?”

  She let out a deep breath and stretched her neck as though holding it so erect had been painful. “We don’t go anywhere. I found lingerie in your car earlier. I found you kissing your little girlfriend when I pulled up here. I’m pretty sure we’re through. Wouldn’t you say so?” She moved to rise from her seat when he spoke once more.

  “She was depressed,” he said earnestly, as though that explained everything.

  “What?” The words caught her off guard.

  “Tessa,” he said to end her confusion. “Her boyfriend broke up with her and left her and the baby. She was depressed. I thought the lingerie might cheer her up.”

  Something inside Sarah exploded. “She’s depressed? I’m married to you! I’m depressed. So where’s my lingerie?” She slapped her hand on the table, jostling the silverware and causing her wine glass to shudder threateningly.

  He looked down at his hands and examined his nails. “It wasn’t like I thought I was going to see her in it or anything.” He was speaking slowly and had made the mistake of taking a breath.

  Sarah had found her rhythm, filled with venom and outrage, she let loose on him. She leaned over the bistro table until she was right in his face then spoke through clenched teeth. “You don’t buy a woman sixty dollars worth of lingerie and not expect to see it on her, even if it is only for a moment before it lies in a crumpled heap on the floor.” His eyes were wide with shock. He lowered them, unable to look her in the face. “Look at me,” she commanded slowly and deliberately. He did so, gradually. “Do I look like an idiot?” He started to shake his head but she raged on. “Do I strike you as someone who would fall for such an incredibly stupid remark?” He tried to respond, but to no avail. “Do you even believe the words that are coming out of your mouth?” He opened his mouth to speak, but then snapped his jaw shut. “Because if you believe what you are saying, then you are delusional and there is a special place for you, Josh.”

  She stood up, snatched the twenty from the table, and ended by saying, “Actually, the drinks are on you.” She threw her half glass of Merlot and watched with some satisfaction as it splashed down the front of his crisp white shirt. “And be sure to give the waitress a big healthy tip.” She started to walk away then turned. “Oh, and here’s my tip for you: seltzer the shirt before it stains.” And with that she strode out of the restaurant.

  When she reached the parking lot, Brian was leaning against her vehicle and she was shaking in rage. “Whoa,” he said when she came into view. “I stayed because I wasn’t sure if you would be in any condition to drive. You can’t pick up Chloe looking like this.”

  Sarah shook her head. “I’m not. She’s spending the night with her grandma.”

  Brian frowned, the only outward sign he allowed of his intense response to her emotional pain. “Then come back to the mill with me,” he said gently. “It’s closer to campus and you don’t want to talk to Josh anymore tonight. Give yourself a chance to cool down before you speak again.” Her arms were covered in goose bumps and she had subconsciously begun to rub her arms. Without hesitation, he threw his jacket over her shoulders and clasped the lapels in each hand.

  “You’re a good friend, Brian,” her voice was skeptical and her eyes were trained on the ground.

  “But?” He waited expectantly for the rest of her thought.

  “I just don’t know if spending the night at your place is such a good idea right now.” She spoke the words really quickly in one long breath and stepped as far back as she could while she waited for his reaction.

  “Sarah,” he began slowly while allowing her space, “do you trust me?”

  “Yes,” she said quietly without even needing to consider her response.

  Smiling, he pressed on. “Do you think I’m the type of guy who would take advantage of a woman in a weakened condition? Or take advantage of a woman period?” His hands moved to her shoulders as he looked her directly in the eye.

  Slowly, she raised her chin and studied his eyes a minute. It wasn’t that she had to think over the answer, but she was suddenly transfixed in his gaze. “No.” She broke off eye contact. “I don’t have any clothes.”

  He sighed. “Enough excuses. Give me the keys. I’m driving.”

  She glanced around the parking lot. “Where’s your car?”

  “I took a cab.”

  “Oh.” And with nothing left to say, they drove to his place in silence.

  She leaned back and let the seat mold to her body. The ride was over too soon. She wanted to just lay back and feel the cool spring air on her face a while longer. Sar
ah sat there even after the SUV had come to a complete stop next to his car. She sat there even after he stepped from the vehicle, shut his door, and began to walk around the back of it. In fact, she sat until he opened her door, reached for her hand, and wrenched her from her trance.

  She gazed at the old mill. It stood beside a river that fluctuated between a steady stream and raging rapids, dependent upon the rainfall. And because of the mountain runoff, its current was somewhere in between at present. The mill’s outward appearance hadn’t changed much since the time it was the functioning hub of lumber in the region. Inside, however, it was now divided into two apartments.

  Brian had made a home out of the top floor, and as he opened the heavy steel door that looked more like something one might expect to find in Greenwich Village than upstate Vermont, she could see that it had changed dramatically since she was here for his Christmas Party. Well, for one thing, there was no tree, so the stone fireplace was more of a feature. There were beautiful black and white nature photos all over the walls. He had taken a minimalist approach to decorating, had chosen furnishings that were a healthy balance between rustic and contemporary styles, and the result was a cozy appeal.