TOUCH ME

by Lucy Monroe

  He sounded so bloody logical, except what he was saying made no sense. The blackguard.

  "I think that if you wanted to be guaranteed of my cooperation, you would not have waited to spring my wedding on me as a fait accompli with less than two hours to prepare."

  An expression of guilt crossed his features, and then she understood. That was the whole point. Drake still wasn't certain of her and he believed this was the way to ensure she showed up at her own wedding. Give her no time to talk herself out of it. His next words confirmed her suspicions.

  "What would you have had me do? Wait for the banns to be read and risk you changing your mind? Marriage makes you more skittish than a newborn foal. Once the deed is done, I'm sure your nerves will settle."

  She wasn't positive that she agreed with him, but one thing was certain—he would settle down once the deed was done. He had been acting all over strange since she'd agreed to marry him three days ago. Not only did he make himself a complete nuisance wanting her to put her feet up, rest, and other such nonsense supposedly good for a woman in her delicate condition, but he had spent the last three days recounting the benefits of the wedded state. Just last night at dinner, he had informed her that married women lived longer. Just look at the evidence of his aunt and Lady Upworth. Why, they were practically in their dotage and both had been married.

  She could only be grateful that her morning sickness had not come back the last two mornings. She was positive she had enough on her plate without the awful nausea.

  "You should have told me about the wedding. A woman wants more than a single bloody hour to prepare for such an event. Sacre bleu."

  His brows drew together and she knew that his patience was slipping. "Thea, you've spent most of your life thinking you wouldn't get married. Our child will be in leading strings before you are ready."

  "I'm talking about the things that go along with a wedding, not my mental preparation." She wanted to shake him, but knew from experience that he was immovable. "As for my not being ready to marry, I already agreed to do so. Do you doubt my word?"

  He wrapped his fingers around hers over the doorjamb and moved forward until their lips met in a soft, lingering kiss. She closed her eyes, savoring the sensation. When it ended, he pulled his mouth away from hers, but remained close. She opened her eyes and met his watchful gaze.

  "I trust your word. Knowing that you already agreed to marry me, I convinced myself that you would be pleased about a surprise wedding. It would take the advance worry out of the event for you."

  She sighed. She was beaten and she knew it. She had given him her word. What's more, she actually wanted to marry the dratted man.

  "I'll be ready in two hours and not one minute less. I'll be late to my wedding, but I won't get married looking like I just rolled out of bed."

  His smile made her small sacrifice seem worth it.

  Married.

  The single word continued to resound through her mind with the force of a town crier, despite the innocuous conversations she engaged in during her wedding breakfast.

  She was married.

  Thea played with the ruby ring Drake had given her during the ceremony, the large oval stone a profound weight on her finger. She had never intended to marry, had never looked to her wedding day. If she had, she could never have imagined the way this day had actually turned out.

  From the moment Drake had pounded on her door announcing their wedding plans, she had been in a constant state of activity. Even now, she could not completely relax. Lady Upworth had invited every member of the ton who had come early to Town to the "small" wedding breakfast she had planned. Of at least that was how it appeared to Thea.

  She had shaken hands and received good wishes until her fingers had grown numb. Finally, her aunt had allowed her and Drake to leave the reception line, but not together. Drake had been instructed to make his aunt comfortable and to mingle, while Lady Upworth had taken Thea in tow to introduce her to some people she had not yet met.

  Impossible. She had certainly met every person in the English-speaking world by now.

  Once Lady Upworth had introduced her to an elderly couple that had somehow managed to avoid the receiving line, she allowed Thea to find some food. She stood at the buffet table, considering the incredible diversity of offerings, when a familiar voice interrupted her thoughts.

  "Hello, again."

  Thea turned and met warm brown eyes. Her sister had come to her wedding breakfast. "Hello. I did not realize you would be here."

  "Aunt Harriet was most insistent. She is quite fond of you."

  "She has said many complimentary things about you as well, Lady Irisa."

  Irisa's smile touched Thea deep in her heart. "I am glad."

  Thea looked around her, feeling awkward, but unwilling to let her sister simply walk away, she said, "I'm not entirely sure how she managed to orchestrate such an impressive gathering on the little notice she received."

  "Oh, everyone attends her gatherings. Her buffets are legendary." She indicated the laden table with a meaningful look.

  "Besides, she's top of the trees amidst the ton. Everyone who is anyone angles for an invitation to her entertainments. I can tell you, Cecily and her mother were in alt to be invited to your wedding breakfast. They had not yet received an invitation from my aunt, but now Cecily and I are bosom beaus. Our plans to be fitted for our presentation dresses were dust the minute the invitation was delivered."

  Thea really enjoyed her sister's chatty, open nature and ached to tell her the truth about their relationship.

  She reached out impulsively and squeezed the girl's hand. "I am very glad you came. I find the press of people somewhat overwhelming and seeing a friendly face has certainly helped."

  Irisa smile grew conspiratorial. "I'm sure your husband's face is sufficiently friendly, but I appreciate your kind words about my humble self."

  Thea laughed aloud.

  What a refreshing young woman her sister was. If Irisa only knew how confused Thea felt about Drake right now. She wasn't completely over her irritation that he had surprised her with a wedding, nor did she like the fact that he had not admitted any tender feelings for her.

  Although she adored the look of desire that came into his eyes when he gazed at her, she was fast coming to the conclusion that a woman needed more than merely to be wanted physically by the man she had given her life to. Particularly when she had tender feelings of her own she was being forced to come to terms with.

  "There you are, Irisa. Mother has been looking everywhere for you."

  Cecily's voice came from behind Thea. She and Irisa turned to see the other girl.

  "Hello, Cess, I'm just chatting with the guest of honor, or one of them anyway," replied Irisa.

  Cecily's brows rose. "I see. Mother wants you."

  Irisa's smile slipped. "I'm also getting a plate of food. It is a breakfast and I am hungry."

  "Really, Irisa, you exhibit entirely too much appetite for a lady."

  Personally, Thea thought Irisa could do much better for a bosom beau than this rather haughty young woman, but seeing the storm clouds gather in her sister's eyes, Thea sought to smooth the waters. "Surely your mother would not mind Irisa sharing breakfast with me. I do hate to eat alone."

  Cecily's polite smile cracked slightly. "How kind of you, but I'm sure Irisa does not wish to disappoint Mother. She is Irisa's chaperone until her parents come to Town."

  While she had still been rather overly concerned with correct behavior, Cecily had been much warmer the other evening at the musicale. What had changed to make her treat Thea with such freezing politeness now?

  "Of course." Thea turned to Irisa. "I'll see you again soon, I'm sure."

  Cecily's mouth thinned. "That is unlikely."

  Thea asked, "Why? Are you planning to leave?"

  She caught Irisa's gaze. Her sister looked pained and her cheeks were stained with a blush.

  "I thought you were in Town for the Season," she said
to Irisa.

  She had planned on getting to know her more thoroughly.

  "I am certain we do not frequent the same entertainments as your husband, so we are unlikely to run into you." The condescending tone of Cecily's voice grated on Thea's good humor, but the implication of her words completely dispelled it.

  How dare the chit imply that she was too good to attend a function with Drake?

  "I notice that you are here this morning and so is my husband. How do you explain that, do you suppose?"

  Cecily waved two dismissive fingers. "Lady Upworth is very high in the instep. Everyone knows that. There is no stigma in attending one of her functions."

  The look she gave Thea implied she didn't know how a lady of such stature among the ton had lowered herself to throw a wedding breakfast for Drake and his wife.

  Thea wanted to slap the supercilious expression right off the miserable creature's face.

  She let her voice go dangerously soft. "Are you implying that there is a stigma attached to my husband?"

  Irisa jumped in before Cecily could reply. "Of course not. Cecily is being rather silly." She gave the other girl a quelling glance from angry brown eyes. "I'm sure she doesn't want to say any more."

  "Well, really. It's not as if it's a big secret. Your husband's parents weren't married. That hardly puts him as our social equal."

  Thea's blood boiled over into hot temper.

  She moved until her face was mere inches from the hapless Cecily's. "My husband is the grandson of a duke, a gentleman who has made it clear since my husband's birth that he will tolerate no slights of any kind to either Lady Noreen or Pierson. I must assume that you do not mind insulting a duke, but I assure you that your mother will not be nearly so complacent."

  Cecily's expression changed to one of confusion. "I didn't realize, I mean to say, I just assumed that since the duke and the rest of the family did not host the breakfast, nor attend the wedding that they…"

  "They what?" Thea prompted, feeling unholy satisfaction in the consternation that had replaced the false politeness on Cecily's features.

  "I just thought… That is to say…"

  Irisa sighed, drawing Thea's attention away from her rude friend. "She and her mother assumed Mr. Drake's family did not recognize him since they didn't come to Town for the wedding and Mr. Drake didn't take you to the country to be wed from one of the family estates."

  Cecily gasped.

  Irisa shrugged. "I heard them talking about it this morning. I tried to tell them that it shouldn't matter, but her mother is rather a stickler for propriety. So is mine."

  Thea stepped back from Cecily.

  She turned and smiled at Irisa. "You are right. It shouldn't matter. My husband is a fine, honorable man. However, the truth is that his family not only acknowledges him, they are rather protective of him. Surely the fact that we are currently staying with his aunt, Lady Boyle, would indicate that the family ties run deep.

  "In addition, both that worthy lady and Pierson's mother are here at the wedding breakfast."

  Cecily smiled the same warm smile she had given Thea the other evening at the musicale, the smile Thea now knew was false. "I hope you'll forgive my confusion. I wouldn't want my mistake to impact your friendship with Irisa or myself."

  The girl did not want to be cut by Drake's family, but Thea didn't bother to argue. "Do not concern yourself. Irisa's will always be a welcome face."

  Cecily blanched slightly when Thea emphasized Irisa's name, but did not comment.

  "I suppose I had best go find out what your mother wants." Irisa gave a last longing glance at the buffet table.

  "I'm sure Mother would not mind if you kept Mrs. Drake company during breakfast."

  Irisa's eyes narrowed at Cecily's words.

  But Thea smiled sweetly. "I wouldn't want your mother to be disappointed." She inclined her head to Irisa. "I do believe I will see you again in the future."

  Irisa agreed with a wink that made Cecily's mouth tighter, and both girls walked away.

  * * *

  Chapter 17

  « ^ »

  Thea is so bright. I am determined to see her educated in everything in which she shows an interest. My daughter will learn more than needlepoint and pianoforte. Although she will learn those things, too. She is intelligent enough to absorb it all. Her father scoffed at my desire to read books on what he considered unfeminine subjects. He thinks ladies too weak-brained for Latin and mathematics. Thea is not too weak-brained for anything.

  January 15, 1805

  Journal of Anna Selwyn, Countess of Langley

  Drake stood rooted to his spot near Thea. He watched, paralyzed by the conversation he had just heard, as she filled a plate with some of the many delicacies her aunt had browbeaten her cook into preparing for this morning's festivities.

  He had learned early on to ignore the raised brows and subtle rejections on his own behalf. He would never grow inured to the slights his mother endured because of his existence. How could he have exposed Thea to this subtle form of ostracism for the rest of her life? She deserved so much better, and yet he had practically forced her to marry him. Forced her to accept a lifetime of raised eyebrows and knowing looks.

  She turned from the buffet table and nearly ran into him. Her mouth tipped at the corners in a soft smile of welcome. How could she look at him that way after what he had made her endure, married less than a day?

  "Hello, Pierson. I was beginning to think that there was another unwritten rule in the ton that a bridegroom could not converse with his bride at their wedding breakfast."

  He looked down at the plate of food in her hands and frowned. "You were supposed to let me get that."

  "Oh. I suppose that's another rule. Well, I don't think I shall be very good at keeping it. I like to eat when I'm hungry, not when you've gotten around to remembering me."

  "I'm sorry. I should have come to you sooner."

  Her smile faded. "What is the matter?"

  He should have hidden his reaction.

  Hadn't he lived thirty years without telling his mother how much he regretted what his presence in her life had robbed her of? Marriage, acceptance among her peers, the things a lady longs for. Every lady except his wife. Thea had not wanted marriage, nor had she been particularly concerned with her place among the ton. She had changed her mind about marriage. Would she change her mind about needing the approval of her peers as well?

  She set her plate down on a nearby table, and then taking his arm, she led him out of the crowded room. "Come on. You look like I felt the other morning just before I made nodding acquaintance with the chamber pot."

  They ended up in her aunt's private sitting room.

  She walked over to the desk and trailed her fingers across the polished surface. "She sent me sketches."

  He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. "What?"

  "Of the desk. And all the rest of the furniture." Thea made a sweeping motion with her hand, indicating the entire room. "She wanted me to know what it looked like. She sent me sketches of many things. London. Her country home. My father's home. Lords and ladies dressed for balls. So many things. I felt as if I knew England so well, though I had never been here."

  Thea came to stand right in front of him. "She couldn't put it all in her sketches, though, not even in her letters. For instance, she could not truly explain London fog when my whole experience had been with clean, clear mists. She could not explain the dawn chorus or the cobbled streets, the smell of the Thames or the overwhelming crush of people."

  She laid her hand on his cheek and he felt her warmth seep into him. "There was something else she could not convey in her letters. Something I would not have believed had she tried."

  She stood silent, her hand resting against his cheek, and he felt an overwhelming desire to know what she meant.

  "What?" he asked hoarsely.

  She reached up with her other hand and framed his face. "The way people here judge you by the thin
gs that do not matter. The clothes you wear. The amount of beauty God has bestowed upon your person. The circumstances of your birth."

  She pulled his face down to meet hers and he felt helpless to stop her. Her words and tone mesmerized him.

  She kissed him, softly, gently, with promise. "You are an honorable man. A true gentleman. A man I am proud to call my husband."

  Then she kissed him again and it was anything but gentle. It was as if she were trying to imprint her certainty on his lips. She let her hands slip behind his head and she locked her arms together, forcing his mouth against hers. He groaned, wrapped his arms around her, and took control of the kiss.

  He slanted his mouth over hers again and again until they were both panting from desire.

  Knowing that if they didn't stop he would make love to her, he pulled away. "We should get back to the breakfast before our absence is noted."

  "You would think that our disappearance would be expected."

  He shrugged. "No."

  She frowned. "Let me guess, another tonnish rule?"

  He laughed at her disgruntled tone. "You'll learn."

  She didn't look as if she believed him. "I did warn you that I did not strive to be a perfect patterncard of Society. Remember?"

  "I remember."

  She nodded, looking a little relieved. "Good." How could she worry about living up to Society's standards, when no matter how hard he tried, he never would? "Thank you," she said.

  Her words took him by surprise. "For what, kissing you? I assure you, it is my pleasure."

  "No. For marrying me."

  Suddenly, it was too much. "How can you thank me after what you went through with those ladies by the buffet table? Marrying me has opened you to such attacks."

  She nodded as if she had worked something out.

  "I thought you might have overheard. You looked so strange when I saw you. Not at all your confident, some might even say arrogant, self." Earnest conviction filled her eyes. "The thing is, I do not like hypocrites. I should be very disappointed to invest time in friendship with someone only to discover that they are shallow and base. My marriage with you has the effect of illuminating such flaws quickly in those I meet. It is a benefit I had not considered."