The Days of Redemption

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  Even thinking his name brought a slight melancholy sting to her heart. Jack had been a boy she’d had a crush on. Eventually, he’d returned her regard, and she’d even gone to a dance with him. She’d been anticipating the dance for weeks, sure it would change her life.

  And it had, but not in any way that she’d imagined. Both she and Jack had made some very poor choices, which had resulted in the death of a friend and Jack’s deciding to enlist in the army.

  Just as she’d wrapped her arms about that, she’d learned that he’d been killed in action.

  Aaron, on the other hand, had been mourning his wife and child, who had died in a buggy accident.

  Looking back on it now, Lovina realized that they’d truly been two people who’d had little else to depend on besides each other and a desire to escape their present situations.

  “Yes, we were very different people back then,” she said quietly. “I didn’t know how to be Amish. Or a wife.”

  “And I thought I knew everything.”

  Lovina bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling. Oh, but Aaron surely had thought he was infallible!

  Worse, she’d thought he was always right, too. It was only later, when the shiny newness of her life had faded into a sense of normalcy, that she’d realized he’d been just as flawed as she was when it came to relationships.

  “Lovina, we did all right. Ain’t so?”

  “After a time, yes we did.”

  For a moment, he stared at her, and that one silent look told her so much. “Have you thought any more about going back to Pennsylvania?” she asked.

  He opened a drawer and pulled out a letter. “I’d like to go soon. I received another letter this week.”

  Only recently had she learned that Karl, Aaron’s first wife’s younger brother, blamed him for Laura Beth’s death. For forty years, he’d been sending Aaron a photocopied newspaper clipping of her death announcement, and a note that said he’d never forget that her death was Aaron’s fault.

  Though she was still coming to terms with the fact that Aaron had hidden the truth from her for decades, and was actually the one driving the buggy that day, she was determined to move past their problems and grievances. “What did this one say?”

  “The same as all the rest. But instead of burning it like I always do, I thought you might want to see it.”

  With an anxious heart, she took it from him. While he watched, she opened the flap and pulled out the sheet of notebook paper. As she unfolded the letter, the clipping about the buggy accident fell out.

  It was a small thing, no more than a few inches long and wide. Though it named Laura Beth and Ben, it mainly quoted various statistics about buggy accidents, especially ones in poor weather.

  But what was chilling was the word written across the article in red pen. LIAR. The four letters practically screamed at her.

  Warily, she glanced at Aaron. He stared back, his body motionless, his expression blank.

  Only then did she read the rest of the enclosed letter. Written in careful print, there were only four lines. But though the letter was short, it was obvious that Karl still held Aaron in contempt. “Aaron, this is awful.”

  He took the letter from her, then walked to the fireplace and tossed it in the crackling flames.

  Lovina watched him stand in front of the fire. He seemed determined to watch every inch of the paper burn to ashes. Almost as if he was afraid if he didn’t watch it burn, it wouldn’t really be removed from his life.

  “I want to go back to Pennsylvania as soon as Marie gets home from the hospital, Lovina. I want to finally face Karl. I need to tell him in person that Laura Beth’s death was an accident.” Slowly, he turned. Faced her. “I need to tell him that I didn’t kill my Ben. I don’t know if their dying was God’s will or if it was out of all of our hands. But I do know that it wasn’t my fault.”

  She was glad to hear that he was still committed to facing his past. And though a part of her feared that Aaron had even more secrets about his past, and what had happened the night Laura Beth and Ben died, she knew he needed to go back and finally bring some closure to that part of his life.

  Of course, she needed to face her past just as much. She’d gone from being an active, social English teenager to becoming an Amish wife and mother within a span of two years.

  And because her family had never understood her desire to become Amish, she’d cut ties with them instead of trying harder to make them understand why she’d chosen the life she had.

  Yes, the trip was bound to be difficult. But the alternative would be even harder. If they didn’t make this trip, Lovina knew they’d never completely find peace.

  “You are right, Aaron,” she said quietly. “As soon as Marie gets home from the hospital, we should go.”

  “It is decided.” Looking relieved, Aaron headed back to their bedroom. “We’ll go and face our pasts. Together.” He hesitated, then said quietly, “And perhaps we’ll even be brave enough to face our eldest daughter, too.”

  Lovina heard their bedroom door click. She knew it was time to go to bed, but couldn’t seem to make her body move. Instead, she stared into the fire and thought about their eldest daughter, Sara. Would she welcome them with open arms . . . or would she push them away, resenting the fact that they’d never once come to visit her in New York or when she later moved to Pennsylvania?

  Now she realized that fear had played a big part in her actions. Wanting to ensure Sara would never face the pain that she had in her teens, Lovina had been firm. Judgmental. Strict. Perhaps, too strict.

  Instead of offering her support and compassion, she’d offered rules and consequences.

  It was no wonder her daughter had married early and moved far away.

  Perhaps the real surprise was that any of her children had stayed nearby at all.

  chapter seven

  When Landon pulled away, Elsie remained at the stoop, letting the delicious warmth from his parting smile sink into her. The evening had been everything she’d ever hoped for—and so much more, too.

  Only when the glow of his buggy’s reflectors had faded, and the last echoes of his horse’s hooves could no longer be heard did she enter the house.

  Inside, the atmosphere couldn’t have been more different.

  Roman, Amanda, and Viola were sitting in the kitchen. Daed was there, too. Even Uncle Aden and Beth were there, sipping coffee.

  It was a strange sensation.

  Elsie was used to being the one waiting for information from Roman or Viola about their evenings out. When they were younger, she’d been beside herself with jealousy, sure her time was never going to come.

  Now, for the first time, at the ripe age of twenty-two, she was the one who felt everyone’s curious stare settling on her expectantly.

  “Well?” Viola asked impatiently. “What happened?”

  “I went for a ride with Landon.”

  Roman rolled his eyes. “We know that. Come on, tell us more. Where did you go? What else did you do?”

  “Pull up a chair,” Uncle Aden offered. “We want to hear everything.”

  Elsie was getting the feeling that these questions were only the tip of the iceberg. She, for one, was in no hurry to talk about her time with Landon.

  It was too special. Certainly too personal to share with the whole family. “I’m going to go upstairs,” she announced.

  “Not so quick!” Viola exclaimed.

  “Viola, not now.”

  “Come on,” her twin cajoled, looking mildly hurt. “I’m not asking you anything you haven’t asked me after a date.”

  Her sister was right. They’d been in this same situation many a time. But it felt different now that their places were switched.

  Moreover, she didn’t have the confidence that Viola had. She felt shy about her date, and not too eager to share how special she felt. She wanted to keep that to herself, at least for a little while longer. “Landon and I went for a drive. That’s all.”

 
“Come on, Elsie,” her cousin Beth said merrily. “Just fill us in a little bit. We’ve been curious, you know. Did you have fun?”

  Standing awkwardly in front of them, she nodded.

  Roman suddenly looked concerned. “Landon didn’t try anything, did he?”

  “What?” Indignation, combined with a healthy amount of embarrassment, made her voice harsh. “Of course not. Roman, I can’t believe you asked such a thing!”

  “Why not? We don’t know him all that well . . .”

  “He’s spent hours helping you in the fields and in the barn,” she pointed out. “I suppose you only thought he was good enough to help you work?”

  “That’s not fair.” Shifting uncomfortably, he added, “And one has nothing to do with the other.”

  “We’re interested, not prying, Elsie,” Beth said, her tone attempting to be reassuring. “Don’t you want to talk to us?”

  She didn’t. At least, not right at that moment. She hated the thought of her family interfering with the first date she’d ever had. Hated the thought of everyone talking about her, all trying to manage her. As if she were helpless.

  So the only thing to do was to turn in. It would give her the space she needed to savor the memories of her first date, ever.

  “I think I’ll say good night now.” She turned and headed toward the staircase, refusing to allow anyone to stop her progress.

  But as soon as she’d slipped on a nightgown and washed her face and brushed her teeth, Elsie discovered that Viola was waiting for her in their room.

  “Couldn’t stay away?”

  “Of course not,” Viola said. “Now that we’re alone, you can tell me what really happened,” she said with a conspiring smile.

  “I was telling the truth before. There isn’t much to share. Landon took me for a ride and then he dropped me home.”

  “And that’s it?”

  “Jah. That’s it,” Elsie lied.

  Viola stared at her a moment longer, then shook her head. “Um . . . I know you, Elsie. You wouldn’t be so secretive if you weren’t hiding something.”

  Though she could feel her cheeks burn with embarrassment, she valiantly tried to cover it up. “That’s ridiculous.”

  Moving from her bed to Elsie’s, Viola’s voice turned wheedling. “Come on, twin, tell me how Landon was. Romantic? Chatty? Solemn? Do you think you’re going to want to see him again?”

  “I’m not going to talk about him.” She didn’t know how she felt, which was why she wanted to keep it all to herself.

  “But I’m your sister.”

  “And you are my favorite sister, too. But I’m still not ready to tell you what I think. I want to keep the memories close to my heart for a bit.”

  Though Viola had always shared openly after all of her dates, Elsie was different from her twin. She kept things to herself more and wasn’t someone to just chat about everything. Viola had to understand that. Plus, Elsie liked knowing that she had something special to think about that was hers alone.

  You seem happy today, Daniel said to Landon when they took a break from sanding the floors. “Every time we’ve stopped for a break, you’ve been whistling to yourself. What’s going on?”

  Landon’s face flushed. He didn’t realize his mood was so obvious. “If I told you it was because we were making good progress, would you believe me?”

  “Nope.” After taking off the mask over his nose and mouth, Daniel wiped his forehead with a bandana. “You hate sanding as much as I do.”

  Landon reached for his bottled water and drank thirstily. “That’s true. I always feel like I inhale half of the grit that fills the air. Even though we wear masks, I always go home with a mouthful.”

  Daniel held out his arm. “It’s the dust that settles into my skin that gets me.” After draining half his bottle of water in one gulp, he asked, “So, since it’s definitely not sanding . . . what has you so happy?”

  After debating another second or two, Landon spilled the beans. “I took Elsie Keim out for a buggy ride last weekend.”

  Daniel’s eyes lit up. “You went calling last weekend? How come you didn’t tell me what you were up to?”

  “It’s been kind of a sudden thing,” he said. Though of course that wasn’t true. Ever since he and Elsie started talking, he’d been hoping to take her out.

  As he wiped his neck with a damp bandana again, he added, “There’s something about her that makes me anxious. Like if I don’t try to make something happen fast, I could lose her.”

  Stuffing his own bandana in a back pocket, Daniel whistled low. “Hmm.”

  There were a hundred meanings in that one sound. “What?”

  “I’ve never seen you so smitten.”

  “There’s something special about Elsie.” After a pause, he decided to be completely truthful. “Actually, I think there might even be something special between us. When we talk, it feels different, ya know?”

  “Oh, I know.” He smirked. “Don’t keep me in suspense, brother. How did it go?”

  Landon debated for about a second before replying honestly. His feelings embarrassed him a bit. Never had he imagined that he’d ever feel so smitten with a woman he hardly knew.

  But he trusted his brother more than anyone else in his life, so it stood to reason that Daniel could give him the best advice. “I feel like I can’t wait to see her again.” He shook his head in wonder. “When I dropped her off, it was all I could do not to ask her out again.”

  Daniel chuckled. “You’re on your way, man. Ha, I had begun to think you were going to be an old man before you started courting.”

  “I’m hardly old.”

  “Jah, but you’re determined to stick to your grand plan.”

  Landon knew what his brother meant. For most of his life, he’d always claimed that sticking to his goals and plans were far more important than fostering relationships. He’d even given Daniel a little bit of a hard time when he’d been courting Edith.

  Now, though, he understood. He really liked Elsie, and she was so perfect for him and his life. He felt she would make a wonderful wife for some man. She seemed so competent and calm.

  “I hope I don’t mess this up.”

  “You won’t.” As they got ready to get back to work, Daniel said, “I’m sitting here, trying to remember the last woman you were so taken with.”

  “It was Tricia.”

  “Ah, yes.” His gaze turned serious. “You’re better off without her, for sure.”

  He didn’t want to think badly of Tricia, but she really had put him through the ringer. He’d been devastated when he’d realized that Tricia had been lying to him about her dreams and goals. After opening his heart and sharing his plans with her, he’d discovered that she’d never had any intention of living anywhere but in Medina. And preferably right next to her parents.

  The revelation had come as something of a shock. Tricia had been quite a wild teenager and had often been in trouble when they’d first met. After they’d started seeing each other, she’d been all for his plans, and had even hinted that she would love to live in Berlin one day.

  But then, just as he was about to make the offer on his land, she’d revealed that she didn’t want to ever move so far from her family. Worse, she’d asked him to forget about his dream of working alongside his brother and farm in Medina instead.

  When he’d told her that he simply couldn’t do that, she moved on with lightning speed to another man in their church district.

  Just as if what they’d shared had meant nothing.

  He’d been hurt and confused. And had been determined not to even think about women for years.

  But then he’d spied Elsie and everything had changed in an instant.

  “No matter what happens with Elsie, I’ll be grateful to her for making you think of something besides work and your grand plans.”

  “I hear you,” Landon said sheepishly. Even his parents had mentioned that his focus on his future had been exasperating. He’d spe
nt too long ignoring the gifts of the present because he’d been so determined to have the future he was sure he needed.

  Now, at long last, he could finally relax and enjoy the moment. Elsie was going to make all the waiting and hardship and doing without worth it.

  The Lord had definitely been looking out for him when He’d put Elsie in his life. Carefully, Landon covered his mouth and nose with the mask again. “Break’s over. The sooner we get back to work, the sooner the sanding will be over.”

  Daniel nodded, checked the generator, then turned the sander back on. “That, at least, is something we agree on.”

  Further talking was prevented by the drone of the machine and the diligent concentration that was required to complete this part of the job.

  chapter eight

  In the dim light of the hospital room, Peter once again found himself pouring his heart out to his sleeping wife.

  “And so that is yet another reason why we really need you to get better, Marie,” he murmured. “I’m at a loss for what to do about Elsie. Every time I try to talk to her about her eyes, she redirects the conversation. And Viola has even shared that she thinks Elsie is hiding the true extent of her vision problems.”

  He paused for breath, remembering the frustrating conversations he’d had with Elsie recently.

  And he wasn’t the only one concerned about the way she’d been ignoring their cautions and bits of advice. Honestly, it was like all of a sudden his agreeable, biddable daughter had been replaced with a new, far more stubborn woman.

  Gently caressing the soft skin of Marie’s hand, he sighed. “I’m tempted to make the doctor’s appointment for her myself, but she’s a grown woman. That don’t seem right. I mean, her twin sister is planning her wedding and preparing to be a missionary’s wife in a foreign country. Elsie needs to be the one making this decision. Ain’t so?”

  He waited a heartbeat, halfheartedly hoping she’d suddenly answer him. But of course she remained asleep.

  “Ah, Marie,” he said, caressing her hand again. “I do worry about you. Please come back to us. You’re my wife, my best friend. I want to take care of you, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to help you get better.” He lowered his voice. “Just meet me partway, Marie. If you do that, then I’ll do the rest. I want you in my life. I want you back.”