by Eva Andrews
Shayne didn’t want kids?
Sure, I had gone this long in life without starting a family, but that didn’t mean I gave up hopes of being a daddy someday. I had always envisioned settling down and starting a family. What confused me even more was just last night at our family dinner, Shayne was cuddling baby Isabelle like a seasoned mother. Certainly, a woman who didn’t want babies, couldn’t, wouldn’t be that good with them, right?
Tears brimmed in her eyes, “I need to tell you something, and I need you to promise not to freak out.”
“I will try my best.” I declared, it was the best I could do under the circumstances.
Nervousness twisting her fingers, “There is a reason why I don’t want children Cameron. I didn’t just wake up one day and have a change of heart. My heart changed after it had been broke. I just never cared enough about Derrick to tell him the reason why, or anyone.”
With a little broken laugh, she added, “Shit, I agreed to marry him and I knew it wasn’t right between us. For what it's worth, I’m sorry I have to tell you this so many years later.”
Tears fell from her beautiful green eyes as I picked her up and killed the lights. Sitting her down in my lap on the couch, I snuggled her into me and held on. Whatever she was going to tell me was going to hurt, that much I knew.
“In college, I accidently got pregnant.”
Pulling her into me, I hugged her, “Oh baby, I’m so sorry.”
“No you don’t understand Cam. Remember, those letters I sent you, the ones you never received?”
My heart pounded as I nodded.
“I sent you those letters to tell you I was pregnant, with your child.”
The world stopped on a fucking dime.
“What?”
Silently crying, she wrapped her arms around herself, “That one night at Cornell, well you know what we did. You left, but you left something behind. You deployed and I didn’t realize for almost two months later. I couldn’t get a hold of you…I was so afraid.”
“So you had an abortion?”
“What?” She shouted, looking at me like I had two heads.
Cringing, “Jesus Shayne, what the fuck am I supposed to think? Unless you are about to drop the bomb that we have a 10-year-old child you’ve been hiding, what am I supposed to think?”
Shaking her head, “I sent so many letters, I even asked Jud to find a phone number to reach you. I didn’t know what to do, or how to get a hold of you, and then… I had a miscarriage.”
Grabbing her, I crushed her against my chest and held her as she cried.
Jesus fuck. I had gotten her pregnant and disappeared overseas for over a year. The mission I had been on was remote, undercover and cut off from the world. It was over a year before I was able to make radio contact with my family on that first deployment.
“Did my family know Shayne?”
Shaking her head, “No, I never got the chance to tell them. I waited for a reply from you for months, and when none came, I knew I couldn’t wait any longer. I was planning to meet Jud and your parents on a Friday, and then I lost the baby two days before. It was just, another hit that knocked a little life out of me. After that, I refused to consider having children again. I had been dealt enough pain in my life, Derrick used it as a tool against me.”
“Oh Jesus Shayne. Did he blame you for the reason he cheated?”
“Yes.”
“Fuck that Shay. I will never cheat on you.”
“Having him bring up children just brought all that pain back. I knew I had to tell you, I was just so afraid. When I freaked out today, I just couldn’t bring myself to bother you.”
“Shay, honey…. where do I even begin?” Tilting up her chin so she’d look at me, “I want you to know a few things right here and now. One, if you need me, no matter if I’m in Japan or on a conference call with twenty people, you are my first priority, period. You come first, and I don’t care if it is silly shit that can wait till the end of the day or the world is fucking ending, I want you to always feel like you can come to me. Second, I am so sorry I wasn’t here to help you when you found out about the baby. I was isolated from everyone, even my own government that had sent me. I just can’t even imagine…I never got the letters, I never knew.”
“I’m sorry this is how you had to find out.”
“Shay?” I had to ask, it wasn’t something we had talked about before but now I needed to know, “Would you ever reconsider having children?”
“Really? We are going to have this conversation right now? I thought this is where you’d be breaking up with me.”
“I am not breaking up with you woman, and yes, we are having this conversation about babies right now.” Suddenly, having children mattered to me, and it mattered what Shayne thought.
“I really haven’t thought about having children in years. I just shut out the idea all those years ago.”
“So what about now?”
Looking up at me with her beautiful green eyes, “Will you break up with me if I say I don’t want children?”
“Fuck no.” I wouldn’t, but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t kill me inside. I had always looked forward to being a dad someday.
Wrapping her arms around my neck, she smiled like I had passed the test, “The problem was Cam, I didn’t want to have anyone else’s babies but yours. So I guess the answer is yes, yes I’d reconsider the idea of having a family, with the right man.”
There she goes again, slaying my heart.
“Good girl. Now come eat some food.” There was so much I wanted to say, but I knew it wouldn’t change what happened. We’d have our all our lives to talk about this, to work through it. The main part was, she didn’t say no.
I wondered what would have happened if she hadn’t lost the baby. I thought about the years we spent apart, life had taken a cruel twist for both of us when we were younger. Now that I had her back in my life, I wasn’t going to let that happen again.
“Baby, what made you come here?” I asked, curious why she was cooking in my house.
Hugging me tightly around my neck, “I missed you, and I needed you… but I was too fucking stubborn to call you, so instead, I put on one of your shirts and crawled in your bed because it smelled like you, and tried to think of how to tell you.”
“Aww love.”
Looking at me, then the clock, “Did you leave work early?”
Inwardly cringing, I knew there was no way around it.
“Yeah I did, one of my staff members saw your fight on the gossip page, and let me know.”
Groaning, “Cam, I’m sorry. I am horrible publicity for you.”
“Bullshit Shay.”
Slipping off the counter, “We’ve been on the boat two weekends in a row- each time I’ve been photographed. Then again this morning, I’m afraid I’m going to embarrass you.”
“Okay first off, anyone who decides to be with me is going to have to deal with this on some level, for that I’m sorry. I appreciate your adorable concern, but they can’t hurt me unless they hurt you.”
Blinking up at me, tears filled her eyes.
“Baby, please tell me the paparazzi isn’t going to scare you away from me.” My heart beat loudly in my chest. I should have warned her, I should have given her own security detail. Fuck, if this was going to be a deal breaker for her I’d buy every fucking tabloid around just so they wouldn’t bother her.
Looking down into her green eyes, my heart pounded as she bit at her lip.
“I don’t want you to get hurt.” She whispered.
Pointing to my own chest, “Me?” I asked, walking towards her, I wrapped my arm around her waist and plucked her off her feet. God, she weighed nothing.
“I don’t care about me Shay, I care about you.” Killing the lights to the kitchen, I walked her upstairs, “I don’t know how to do this Shay. I don’t know how to be with you but keep you safe from the rest of the world. I don’t know how to show you off, but keep others away. That’s why I want
you here with me.”
“I’m here with you right now.”
Stopping inside me room.
She’s here, right now.
“I want you here forever.” I admit, setting her down and shutting the bedroom door. I had gone from avoiding commitment like the plague to desperately wanting permanence with Shayne.
Smiling at me, she stood there before me wearing my shirt looking absolutely fuckable. Watching something play across her face, I can’t help but grin as she slowly takes off her shirt and lets it fall to the floor. Turning, she crawled on my bed and knelt before me, almost eye to eye.
“You’ve got me until tomorrow morning Cam.”
Chapter 7
Shayne
Walking to the baggage claim, Elijah and Jud trailed behind me holding hands rambling on about their sunburns and the cases of wine they were having shipped back.
Our trip to California had been successful, enjoyable and utterly exhausting.
Jud had purchased two pieces for Sophie’s memorial wing. They were two very different pieces located on separate ends of the state, which resulted in three days of craziness.
This is how curating worked. We research pieces of art the museum, or in this case, the Carmichael family was interested in and then we went and viewed it. Sometimes deals fell through, or when you got in front of a piece of art it just wasn’t what you expected. Our journey from here on out would be finding pieces to fill the new wing.
Some would be in America, but the majority wouldn’t. Research and travel, that is what the next year of my life would look like.
Sighing loudly, I adjusted my purse and pouted.
Traveling, now that I was used to. What I wasn’t accustomed to, was missing someone so desperately. When I dated Derrick, I traveled all the time. I was never homesick, or missed him to the point where I couldn’t sleep. My relationship with him had been comfortable, not passionate.
These few days without Cameron, had been miserable. I hardly slept, I drank too much and buried myself in work.
Returning to New Orleans Friday afternoon I wore my aviators in the airport and pouted. More than slightly hungover, I missed my boyfriend. On top of that, my brother and his girlfriend were due to arrive in about five hours for the weekend. I was excited to see him and Anna, yet there was so much I needed to deal with here.
This week had been hard for Cam and I. He was fucking slammed with huge business deals this past week, and I had been up to my ears in research and acquiring the two rare pieces Jud had decided to purchase.
With our schedules so fucked, he and I managed to facetime one night, and communicated via text for almost four days. It sucked, but it also gave me time to think about how fast we were moving. It had freaked me out how easily I wanted to just say yes, to everything.
I had expected a man like Cameron to want a causal relationship with no titles or commitment. I had almost counted on it. The intensity and chemistry was off the charts with him, it was so hard to not just fall at his feet and give in. I didn’t want to be that type of woman.
The other part of me knew my insecure part that doubted I could keep a man like him. The gala was a perfect example of how he had to mingle for work, my jealous side hated the thought of women undressing him with their eyes. Just remembering the way Lana leaned into him and touched him like she knew his body, I wanted to break her neck.
Fuck I was insecure. I hated that about myself.
Looking at my watch, it was two o’clock. Unfortunately, I knew Cameron couldn’t meet me at the airport. Instead he was sending Miles to pick us up and take us home. I wouldn’t end up seeing Cameron till later tonight after my brother and Anna got into town.
Yawning, I ran my hand through my hair as I plotted out my timeline for the night. I was so lost in my own brain it took me a moment to notice Cameron was standing next to the luggage carousel assigned to my plane. Dressed in jeans and a black V-neck and aviators, his smile fucking decimated my insides.
Running straight at him, I jumped into his arms and wrapped my legs around him as he held me with one arm. Inhaling his delicious smell, I sighed against his lips, “Mr. Carmichael, always a surprise.”
Kissing me softly, his eyes twinkled as he grinned, “Dr. Montgomery, glad to have you home.”
Home.
Sitting me down, he cupped my jaw and kissed my forehead. I loved when he did that. I felt cherished, and that shit felt good.
“You are supposed to be working.” I said, tapping him in the chest as we join Jud and Elijah by the never-ending suitcase river.
Cameron welcomed his brother and Elijah home before leaning down and whispering into my ear. “I haven’t seen you since Tuesday morning Shay, there was no way I was letting Miles drive you home. He can take the guys, you are coming home with me.”
Leaning into him, “Thank you.”
“Are you okay?”
“Slightly hungover, hungry, tired…but really happy to see you.” I squeezed his ribs as I buried my face into his chest. Our height difference was staggering when I didn’t wear heels.
Grabbing my suitcase off the line, he took my hand and squeezed, “Food, and a nap. Got it, you’ve got a few hours to spare before your brother and Anna get into town.”
Waving to Jud and Elijah who were going with Miles, I groaned, “I feel like the worst sister alive. I haven’t planned anything!”
“Got it covered.”
Looking up at him, “Seriously?”
Nodding, he opened the door to a car I hadn’t seen him drive before and nodded, “Yes, everyone is coming over to my house for drinks first, then we’re going to meet Jud and Elijah at the club. Baby, if there is one thing I learned from my Momma, it was Southern hospitality. Your house is stocked and ready for Chris and Anna. They can have your place, and you are staying with me. No way I’m letting you out of my sight.”
Shutting the door, he walked around to the trunk and put my suitcase in and then slipped into the driver’s seat of his Aston Martin Vanquish and fired it up.
“Cam...”
Putting his finger to my lips, “Let me finish.”
“Miles is picking up Chris and Anna so you have more time to get ready. My house is ready for everyone, there are drinks and food already planned. You don’t have to worry about any of that. We can feed you, get you a nap and up with plenty of time to shower and get ready for the night before family arrives. It’ll give Chris and Anna time to settle into the house and change too.”
Letting out an enormous sigh, “You. Are. Amazing.”
“Oh I missed hearing that.” He teased, driving us towards his house.
Pinching the inside of his thigh, “Really though, thank you. You have been amazing to me this week. It’s like you know what I need before I do, it is really impressive.”
Shrugging, “I pay attention to what makes you happy Shayne.”
“I don’t like being away from you.” I admitted tiredly as I wrapped myself around his arm and soaked him up. I loved that I was the only one who got to do this. He was mine. Cameron Carmichael is mine.
Kissing the top of my head as he drove, “I know baby, I don’t like you being away from me either. Why do you think I asked you to move in? Speaking of which, have you thought anymore about it?”
“It’s all I think about Cam.”
“So tell me why you are hesitant?”
“Why do you think I’m hesitant?”
“Because if you weren’t, you’d already be moved in.” He countered as we pulled into his garage.
“Talk to me baby, help me understand what the hang up is and I’ll fix it.”
“Cam, this isn’t something you can fix, nothing is broken.”
“but…”
“but I think it is way too soon. We just started dating. I’m still trying to wrap my head around being your girlfriend and all that entails. Why can’t you be happy with that?” I said, a little crankier than I meant. I was hungry, and tired.
Not the be
st time to talk about this.
Helping me out of the car he grabbed my suitcase and walked me into the house. Taking a deep breath, it felt good to be back. I missed this place, it was amazing and so was the man begging me to move in with him. Even if I was hesitant, it didn’t mean was against the idea.
This place felt like home.
Cam felt like home.
Hearing the doorbell ring, I turned to see a delivery person standing behind the stained glass of the front door.
Walking to the door, Cam opened it and took the pizza from the delivery person and shut the door. Coming back in the kitchen, he sat it on the island.
“Eat something baby, I’m going to go upstairs to work while you take a nap.” Turning, he walked away from me without another word. Watching him climb the stairs, he pulled out his phone and answered a call before he disappeared upstairs.
Shit. I just fucking hurt his feelings. God I’m a bitch.
Maybe I didn’t realize how important this was to him, and instead, let my fears of failure take hold. Cameron wasn’t one to jump into things, he had let me into his world- a world he closed off to everyone but his family.
I fucking missed him so much, and it wasn’t because we were new, I genuinely missed him. I missed his smell, his arms around me when I slept. I was afraid, scared to death really, but a very large part of me screamed inside that it was worth the risk. I needed to take Jud’s advice and talk to Cam about what scared me. I needed to communicate with him better, and stop shutting him out.
Plopping down on one of the high back chairs, I opened the box of pizza and ate a few slices as my stomach rumbled.
By the time I was finished, the food had put me farther into sleepy land, but there was something I wanted more than sleep- Cameron. I had missed him so much since I left. He took off work to come pick me up and I had been a cranky bitch.
Walking upstairs, I heard him on the phone with someone talking business.
Finding him in the office, I leaned up against the doorframe and watched Cameron as he looked out his window and talked on the phone. He seemed agitated, I wasn’t sure if it was from the caller, or residual attitude from me. His tone was clipped as he ordered a report done on something I didn’t care to understand.
