‘Have I made you this sad?’
‘No, you’ve made me happy.’
‘I’m happy too,’ he nodded, with a surprised look on his face. I quickly scooted across to him and kissed him, and was ridiculously over the moon when he kissed me back as he held me to him. We kissed for a few minutes before he broke away with a sigh. ‘I’m also really hungry.’
‘Ok, I can take a hint, you’d rather food than me.’
‘No, I need food so I have the energy to eat you later,’ he chuckled. I blushed and quickly extracted myself and scrambled down the end of the bed towards the ladder. ‘Why the hurry?’
‘I recognise the twinkle in your eye and I need to shower and brush my teeth first, desperately.’
‘Well, I wasn’t going to say anything, but now you’ve brought it up,’ he chuckled. I stuck my tongue out at him as I made my way down the ladder and skipped to the bathroom. I was about to sit on the toilet and froze.
‘Dan?’ I called.
‘Yes?’
‘Can I ask a favour?’
‘What?’
‘No peeping through the floorboards, I need to pee.’
‘You turn me on in many ways Ellie, but watching you on the toilet doesn’t rank in any of the fantasies that I’ve imagined.’
‘What fantasies?’ I asked as I did my business secure in the knowledge that he wouldn’t be watching.
‘Do you ever just enjoy a bit of quiet time?’ he laughed.
‘I’m a people person, I like talking and listening. I suppose you prefer the silence.’
‘I wouldn’t say I prefer it, I’m just used to it.’
‘You shouldn’t be. You’re a young guy who should be out interacting with people. You’ll be single for life if you don’t get out there.’
‘What about you? What are … what are your dating plans when you get home?’ he called, with a hesitation. I smiled, there was an edge of jealousy in his voice.
‘I’d like a bit of me time for a while, but Brooke wants me to jump back into the saddle and start dating, more a casual friends with benefits sort of thing.’ I waited for a response and none came, so I flushed the chain, washed my hands and stripped off my t-shirt. I turned on the shower, stepping into the hot water and running my hands over my face before I let out a startled scream when I felt his hands on my hips as he pressed up behind me.
‘I hate the idea of you with anyone else.’ His voice had taken on a surprisingly serious tone, letting me know he was more jealous than I’d actually surmised.
‘You don’t want me to see someone else?’
‘No.’
‘But you don’t want me either?’
‘I want you, I just can’t have you. The minute you get on that plane you’re moving onto your new life and I’m living mine here.’
‘I told you, I could see you when you come to London,’ I reminded him as I ran my hand up his firm chest.
‘You deserve someone who’ll make you his priority Ellie, and I’m not that man, much as I want to be.’
‘You don’t get to decide what I need Dan,’ I objected. ‘Maybe I don’t need all that relationship pressure after my last two disasters. Maybe I’d be just fine seeing you for a few amazing weekends a year.’
‘They would be amazing, but you wouldn’t be fine. Don’t lie to yourself. You’ve already admitted you don’t do well being alone.’
‘But what if …’
‘What if, nothing,’ he interrupted as he clasped my face and kissed me. ‘We have over a week together for many, many amazing moments, let’s stop talking and start doing.’ He kissed me more vigorously and I automatically responded, clasping the back of his neck as I hopped up onto his hips. He grunted and walked me back into the tiled wall, the steam of the hot water had nothing on the heat radiating from us both as his hand snaked down between my legs. He thrust two fingers inside me as his thumb pressed against my clit. I pulled back from his mouth to let out a satisfied cry as his fingers worked faster and faster, all the while he kept his eyes on mine, taking pleasure in watching my reactions. I drank him in through half closed eyes, my jaw slack as another smile of satisfaction spread across his face.
‘Kiss me,’ I pleaded. His gaze was too intense.
‘No. I want to watch you.’
‘Why?’
‘You look so happy.’
‘I am,’ I nodded as I writhed on his fingers, my breathing getting out of control. I don’t think even my fingers could affect me the way his did. How did he know exactly where it felt best, what speed to go, what pressure to apply? He was amazing. I dropped my eyes from his as I felt my climax approaching. I was seriously struggling to contain my feelings for him, something in me just felt an undeniable connection to him, one I didn’t want him to know about for fear of scaring him off.
‘Look at me, Ellie,’ he ordered in his deep sexy baritone that felt like an all over body caress. I slowly raised my head as my body began to tense, the minute I connected with his shining green eyes I was done for. I quaked and mewled as he held me up with his one large palm, his other fingers not ceasing until I’d ridden it out. I trembled as he removed them, then watched a wicked glint in his eyes as he slowly sucked each finger and groaned. ‘I need you. Now.’
‘Yes,’ I whispered with a nod of my head. In seconds he’d widened his stance, his hips levering my thighs further apart and dove into me. He was like a snow plough, nothing stood in his way or slowed down his forward momentum, and I screamed as he buried himself to the hilt inside me.
‘Ok?’ he asked gruffly as he held himself deeply inside of me.
‘Yessss,’ I sighed. ‘You’re … incredible.’
‘No, you are,’ he replied as he moved to kiss my neck, just under my ear. ‘You fit me perfectly, there’s not a millimetre to spare. No one ever fit me like this Ellie, I was born to fuck you.’ He reminded me by thrusting into me again and I screamed and gripped his shoulder blades, digging my nails in. ‘I need you hard and fast, ok?’
‘Ok,’ I moaned as the ripple effect of his shaft rubbing all my sensitive internal nerves spread outwards.
‘Hold tight,’ he growled. I did as he powered in and out of me, eliciting more screams of pleasure amidst grunts of his own. He was like a wild rutting stag, as if he’d suddenly remembered what pleasure sex could bring him, this time was for him, not for me and I was fine with that. I let my body relax and move to his rhythm, reached up and grasped his hair as I pulled his head back and kissed him. He was forceful, crushing and bruising my lips as he used my body. I came violently and heard him make a grunt of approval, but he didn’t slow down. I had to break away and tilt my head to the side to try and take in some gulps of air. He was instantly on my neck, biting, kissing, and rendering me to putty in his hands.
‘No,’ I moaned as I felt another climax approaching.
‘Let me have it,’ he ordered in my ear.
‘NO.’
‘Stop fighting me and do as you’re told, Ellie.’
‘It’s too much … you’re too much,’ I cried as I tried to hold it in.
‘You will do as you’re told, Ellie Baxter. Come. NOW,’ he stated in a tone that left me in no doubt he expected immediate compliance. I had visions of him in a boardroom, wearing a sexy three-piece-suit, as he bossed about his minions like that and shattered again. ‘Ellie,’ he groaned as I felt him flex inside me.
‘O, shit,’ I panted as I continued to tremble.
‘Wanking’s never going to be good enough for me now,’ he sighed.
‘We definitely need to work on your romance repertoire,’ I laughed.
‘Sorry, but … it’s been hard to remember what sex was like, I’ve got so used to my hand, but nothing’s going to compare to you.’
‘I shall take that as a compliment then.’
‘You should. I’ve had a lot of sex in the past, seriously crappy sex it seems,’ he chuckled and lifted his hands to gently hold me face again, planting another tender kiss on my lip
s. I looked at him puzzled. He was such a complex guy. He could be cold and distant, rough and raw, hurtful and closed off, yet tender, caring, loving and giving. I just knew that there was a really decent loveable guy buried under this façade he’d made for himself. I was so scared that without me to remind him of the guy he could be, the guy he really was, he’d revert back. I knew it shouldn’t matter, in less than a week I’d be gone and I’d never see him again. Why should it matter? I knew why, I knew I was going to be thinking about him for a long time, wondering what if? I knew if I had enough time I could break him, but time I didn’t have. The thought was like a punch in my stomach and the hurt must’ve shown on my face. ‘What is it? You look like you’re about to be sick.’
‘I feel sick,’ I nodded, not lying.
‘You’re hungry. You hardly ate last night. Come on, clean up and I’ll make our breakfast,’ he smiled. I nodded and gasped as he lifted me off him and set me down, steadying me as I wobbled. He smiled and dipped his head and kissed me again, before reaching for the shower gel and squirting some in his palm before passing it to me and lathering up his body. I just stood with the plastic container in my hand as I watched him. He was simply magnificent, every inch of his hard muscular body was toned and in proportion, not an ounce of fat anywhere. His perpetual bronzed skin showed off his masculine dark hairs on his forearms, chest and the trail that led down to his most masculine part of all. Even flaccid he looked bigger than Matt had erect. I tore my eyes away and turned my back as I cleaned up properly, smiling as I felt his arms slide around my waist as he nosed through my wet hair and kissed my neck.
‘Don’t, or we won’t make it out of the shower,’ I advised.
‘Hmmm. Sounds ok to me.’
‘You need sustenance as we’re nearly out of candles and I can only think of one fun thing to do in the dark later to make the night fly,’ I advised. He groaned and kissed my neck again.
‘Sounds like the perfect plan. See you out there.’
I dried off and towel dried my hair before rummaging in his wardrobe where I’d hung up a few of my clothes. I put on my blue jeans and a cream thick jumper and headed to join him in the small kitchen, where the smell of coffee and bacon emanated from. I stood awkwardly behind him, I wanted to tiptoe up and kiss the back of his neck, but we weren’t a couple and I felt like I was constantly on borrowed time, never knowing what may flip that switch in his brain and make him revert. He turned his head and smiled at me, stepped forward and kissed me, making me blush.
‘It smells really good,’ I advised.
‘Why don’t you pour the coffees, I’m nearly done.’
We ate at the bistro table as we chatted, well I chatted and he just listened. I cleared up and he suggested taking a walk to enjoy the views before the snow finally disintegrated. I got a disapproving look as I refused a hat, but smiled as he pulled his black coat around me and kissed me as he zipped it up. He automatically took my hand as we set off, him with a small rucksack on his back loaded with water and some cheese sandwiches. We followed the running trail and he pointed out the various birds we spotted on the way and explained their feeding and nesting habits. It was so hard to reconcile this outdoorsy Dan with someone who used to work in the city. We stopped for our sandwiches on an outcrop of granite that hung over the loch as we just enjoyed the silence and I smiled shyly at him as he reached for my hand and held it tightly as we looked out at the view. Eventually he helped me up when we were done and put his arm around me as we walked, tucking me into his side. I glanced up at him and grinned, he’d always been tall and broad, but now he was standing even straighter, he seemed larger than life, not least from the smile plastered across his own face, reflecting my own.
‘I can feel you watching me.’
‘You look happy.’
‘I am. You’ve woken something in me, a part of me that I’d forgotten, that I’d left behind. Feeling happy isn’t an emotion I’ve allowed myself to feel for over three years, but I know the moment you leave you’re going to take that spark of life with you and I’ll return to feeling empty.’ He sighed heavily as he glanced at me and kissed my hair. ‘Happy as I am now, you’ve ruined me, because I’m going to be living in the dark every day when you’re gone, knowing how life could have been.’
‘Dan, I … come with me,’ I pleaded. ‘Come back to London, get a job down there and we can see each other and just see how it goes. We don’t have to rush anything, you can just adjust in your own time.’
‘Ellie,’ he sighed as he stopped walking.
‘I know, don’t tell me, you can’t. You have your thing, and you won’t tell me what it is or why. You tell me to stop lying to myself but I think it’s you, you lie to yourself. You’re the only one holding you back, you choose to hide up here and cut yourself off from civilisation, you’re too scared to move on from whatever’s holding you back,’ I blurted out. I saw a cloud pass over his face and steadied myself for the worst, I hadn’t meant to push him but I was so frustrated. We could be amazing together and he wouldn’t even give us a chance, or tell me the reason why not.
‘Don’t you dare judge me when you don’t know what you’re talking about,’ he snapped.
‘That’s your choice Dan, you don’t want to tell me. You obviously prefer living in the past to taking a chance on your future. How can anyone help you if you won’t share?’
‘Don’t ruin a perfect day, Ellie,’ he sighed as he rubbed his hands over his face. ‘I want to remember this, to keep me going.’
‘This is a bubble you’re living in Dan, another little world where nothing ever intrudes. Life goes on outside while you sit here stewing over whatever it is that you mope about the majority of the time. I’m leaving soon, I’ll go back to reality and after a bit of time I’m going to start dating, I’ll start having sex with someone else, maybe fall in love and get married and have a family. I’ll move on, I’ll hopefully have hundreds more perfect days, while you’re still here looking back at this one, always wondering what could have been. That’s not living, is that what you really want?’
‘You know it’s not,’ he snarled as he yanked me to him. ‘I told you, I don’t want you to date or have sex with anyone else. You’re mine, you belong to me now.’
‘I’m not your possession Dan, you can’t dictate to me how I’m going to live my life when I leave this island. I’m a person with feelings, a job and friends. I want to date someone who’ll be open and honest with me, who’ll want to get married and have a family. You’re obviously not that guy, I’ve known it for a while and you obviously have too, so like you said, you’re just my winter fling, nothing more.’ I swallowed as I lied, I did want all of that, but I wanted it with him, I couldn’t explain why, but it hurt so badly to know that he wasn’t in that place with me. I tried to turn and walk away, but his strong arm held me too tightly.
‘If we’d met four years ago Ellie, things would’ve been so different,’ he advised as he tilted my face up to his. I looked up at him confused, he seemed so sincere.
‘Well we didn’t, did we? It is what it is.’
‘So stop fighting me and just enjoy what we have now,’ he ordered as he kissed me again. What choice did I have? I wondered as I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him back, then laughed as a tree dumped its heavy load of snow on top of us. ‘Here, put my hat on or you’ll freeze again,’ he advised as he removed it and dusted the snow off my hair before pulling it over my head. ‘I’m still hungry, let’s head back, it will be going dark soon anyway.’
‘Ok,’ I nodded and let out a wince as I moved. ‘Shit, I feel so stiff.’
‘You and me both,’ he advised and I glanced down to see he was hard again.
‘Are you sure you’re not a teenager with these regular erections?’ I enquired with a smile.
‘I feel like one around you. They spring at will.’
‘Well, let me see what I can do to help you out.’ I shoved him back against the tree and reached down to unbutton his j
eans.
‘Why don’t we head back and I can help you out at the same time?’
‘You can help me out later. Right now I’d like to taste you properly. I’ve had dreams of doing this to you.’ I hauled his jeans and boxers down and let out a slight gasp as he sprung free and I dropped to my knees in front of him. It really was a thing of beauty, Zac’s was much thinner, no wonder I came when Dan’s was inside me. I always performed oral sex because I felt I had to, but as I grasped Dan in my palm, I was eager. I wanted to see if he tasted as good as he looked, if that masculine scent of sex that radiated off him and had my insides watering would make me change my mind on the whole oral thing. I gently pulled it down towards my mouth and heard him hiss, before I reached out my tongue and slowly ran it up his baby soft skin, over his bulbous head to lick away the evidence of his excitement already seeping from his tip. He groaned and thrust his hips forward as he gathered my long hair in his hands and tugged it back away from my face. I licked again and swirled around his head before engulfing him, my eyes widening. I knew he was big, but this was ridiculous, he could perform a tonsillectomy if he pushed too hard. I took him as deeply as I could, trying to breathe through my nose as he groaned above me again. I wondered if anyone had ever managed to take him all the way, I certainly couldn’t. It would take a lot of practice, so much that I wouldn’t master it in another six days, but damn, I was going to give it my best shot. Dan had converted me.
‘Damn it, Ellie,’ he gasped in a strangled tone as I slowly moved up and down on him, ignoring the cold as the snow dampened the material protecting my knees. He tasted divine, so manly and musky, it was such a heady mix. I heard him moan again and he tugged on my hair forcing my eyes up to meet his. They were on fire, raw lust burned in them which only spurred me on to suck him harder. He gently thrust in time to the pace I’d set and when the thrusts speeded up, so did I. I could hear from the panting and moans that he was close. I’d never been so excited to swallow someone. Even with Zac I’d do my best to discreetly retreat to the bathroom and spit him out, but Dan was challenging everything I’d ever known in a sexual relationship. I heard a low growl start in the pit of his stomach, meandering its way up, before bursting from his throat, then I felt him tense and quiver in my mouth. ‘Fuck … Ellie, don’t stop, please don’t … stop.’
31 Days of Winter (31 Days #1) Page 38
