Cowboy Christmas Redemption

by Maisey Yates

  “What kind of puppies are these?” he asked. “Solid gold?”

  The old man sitting in the lawn chair in front of the truck looked up at him. “Bernedoodles. Bernese mountain dog and a poodle. They don’t shed.”

  “Well, that seems like a bonus.”

  “We had a bigger litter than we anticipated, and seeing as it’s Christmas, we thought that since they were ready to go home now, we might take the ones that weren’t placed and see about making them a perfect Christmas surprise.”

  Caleb walked over and looked in the back of the truck and saw two adorable, ridiculously fluffy puppies. Black with brown and white, like little cotton mops.

  “Do they get big?”

  “Pretty big.”

  That worked for him. What he could not have was a small mop dog. And any dog that he got Amelia and Ellie... Well, he hoped it would be his, too.

  And... Ellie had mentioned wanting a puppy. And while he was pretty sure she was kidding, he might as well come with jewelry and a puppy.

  He was doing his part to bring as much to the table as possible.

  “We’ve got a girl and a boy,” he said, pointing to the two in the back of the truck.

  The one that the old man had indicated was a boy came up to the end and jumped up, putting his paws on the tailgate and giving Caleb a pleading look.

  “Better be the boy,” Caleb said.

  Not because he was a soft touch, but because otherwise he was going to be completely outnumbered by women.

  The very idea made his heart lift.

  In the end he spent more on the dog than he did on the ring. And when he drove back toward the house, he had the dog sitting in a seat next to him, and the ring in his pocket.

  When he pulled up to the house he realized that he couldn’t exactly produce the puppy without Ellie seeing it first.

  What the hell was he going to do with a dog if Ellie didn’t actually want it? And there was no way he could show it to Amelia and then take it.

  “Good thinking, Dalton.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and called Ellie.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi.”

  “Are you calling me from outside the house?”

  “I am,” he said.

  “Why?”

  “I did something. But I realize that I needed to make sure that you knew first.”

  “That’s scary.” The front door opened and Ellie appeared. She waved then hung up her phone, putting it in her pocket. And then she walked over to where he was, her eyes widening when she saw into the truck.

  He rolled his window down. “Merry Christmas.”

  The puppy ran over to the unrolled passenger window and stuck his head out.

  “Caleb!”

  “Do you think Amelia will be happy with a puppy?”

  “She’s going to freak out. But...why a puppy?”

  “You said you wanted one.”

  “I was kidding.” But she was looking at the puppy like he was made of pure delight.

  “I was afraid of that.”

  “I can’t not take him now. He’s so fluffy.”

  “I know,” he said.

  “Someone was giving these away in town?”

  He chuckled. “Not giving them away.”

  “What kind of dog is it?”

  He explained the mix as best he could.

  “You bought me a designer dog?”

  “I guess I did.”

  “Well, I’ll take it.”

  Suddenly, Ellie looked excited. “Should we save him for Christmas? Keep him at your parents’ house until then. Christmas morning... She’s going to absolutely flip out.”

  “Yeah, she is.”

  “Caleb... This is the kind of thing that I would have absolutely... If my mom ever would have...” She blinked. “Thank you.”

  “What?”

  “You brought...this magic back to us. And we needed it. Because I know what it’s like to grow up without it. And it’s not about money, or gifts... Not really. It’s about being able to believe in magic. In something. The kind of insane magic that puts a puppy under your tree on Christmas morning. I don’t want Amelia to grow up afraid of the world. Angry at it.”

  “She won’t,” he said.

  “I didn’t have a lot of chances because my mom was so bitter. It was easy to absorb it. I don’t want to do that to her.”

  “You’ve never been bitter. Of all the things... I find that the most amazing. Because after everything you’ve been through...”

  “But sometimes I did forget that her childhood shouldn’t just be sad. I’m so conscious of what she doesn’t have, and I know that she’s becoming conscious of it, too. But it is different.”

  “I know,” he said.

  “Sometimes I feel like I’m trying too hard to make us both conscious of what we’re missing. And we should focus more on what we do have.”

  “Can you get in the truck for a second?”

  She looked around and opened the door, gently holding the puppy at bay while she got inside and sat on the seat.

  The puppy, who was going to need a name, tramped across her lap back and forth, and she laughed. “Did you want to talk? Because it’s not going to work like this.”

  “Okay, maybe we should get out, and the puppy should stay inside.”

  “Is it a boy or girl?” she asked.

  “It’s a boy.”

  “Okay, well, I will think of a suitably jaunty name.”

  “I’m scared now.”

  The two of them got out of the truck and rounded toward the back, meeting in the middle.

  “I’ve been thinking a lot. About what Amelia feels like she’s missing. About us. And about what we’re doing here. I’ve been thinking about it constantly for the past three weeks. Don’t think that I just fell into your bed and stayed there without realizing what was happening. From the first moment I met you I wanted you. Not just to sleep with you, but to take care of you. To be with you all the time. To talk to you, laugh with you. And I’ve had pieces of it over the years. And I’m damn grateful for that. For you. I couldn’t have everything then, and it was a good thing I didn’t. A good thing we didn’t. And I would never suggest that I could replace what you lost. But I’ve been here for you. I’ve been here for Amelia. I was there when she was born. And...”

  He swallowed hard, his heart thundering. “I want to keep being there for you. I want to keep doing this. And I don’t want another man to step in and do it for me. I know that I’ll never be the same. You’ll never be the same. But we can be... We can be us. I want you to marry me.”

  Ellie looked like she’d been slapped with a fish. “What?”

  “I want you to marry me. Marry me, Ellie. Let me be your husband. Let me be Amelia’s father. I’ll...I’ll tell her about Clint. I’ll make sure she knows, that she understands what a great man he was, and how much he loved her. But I want her to have someone that she can call dad. And I will... I will not be able to survive if it’s someone other than me. Because someday it will have to be. Because if it’s not me now...then you’re gonna find someone else. And Clint... It could be him. I could let that happen. I did let it happen. But I can’t... Not again. If there’s going to be someone other than him, it needs to be me.”

  “Caleb...”

  He reached into his pocket and he pulled out his ring box. “I got you a ring, El. It’s not a traditional engagement ring.” He opened the box. “But I know you’ve done this before. And I know that what we have is going to be...our own. And that’s what this is. That’s what that shows you. And I don’t need you to walk toward me in a white dress. I know that you gave that to someone else. But I want you to be mine. And more than that, I want to be yours. I want to be Amelia’s.”

  For a moment he thought she was going to turn an
d run away. For a moment he thought that she was going to push him, deny him.

  Her lips were pale, her eyes glittering with a sheen of tears.

  “Yes,” she said. “I’ll marry you. I’ll marry you. Because...you’re right. You’re right.” She swallowed hard. “She needs this and we...we work. We work like this. As a family.”

  “Can I put the ring on you?”

  “Let’s save it,” she said quickly. “Let’s save it like we’re saving the puppy. For Christmas. Let’s just... Let’s just wait. And then we’ll tell everyone. And then it’ll be real. And we can... You’re right. We can just have a wedding at the courthouse. It...”

  He forced a smile. “Good.”

  “Good.”

  She wrapped her arms around his neck then, kissed him quickly. And he wondered why the hell this didn’t feel happy. Not at all.

  He put his ring back in his pocket. “I guess I better run the puppy over to my place. If I don’t he’s going to pee in my truck.”

  “Yeah. That sounds like a good idea.”

  “I’ll make sure he’s there Christmas morning. We can keep him in our room on Christmas Eve.”

  “Where are we going to...? Are we going to move to your house after this?”

  “Let’s talk about it after Christmas,” he said. Because for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to talk about it now. Maybe for the same reason there was nothing but sadness in Ellie’s eyes.

  “Okay. We’ll do logistics and things then.”

  “Ellie...”

  It was on the tip of his tongue. To say that he loved her.

  But it seemed wrong right now, and he didn’t know why.

  “I’ll see you.”

  “Yeah,” she said, nodding.

  “I should probably stay at my place with the puppy tonight. But you know my parents are having a big get-together tomorrow. So I’ll see you there probably.”

  “Okay,” she agreed.

  “And then we’ll bring the puppy over here, and he’ll be ready for Christmas morning.”

  “Good.”

  “Okay. Good.”

  And he got in his truck and started the engine. A man who was engaged to Ellie Bell.

  A man who finally had everything he ever wanted.

  And he’d been prepared for their engagement to be different. For it to be something other than what it had been for Ellie and Clint.

  But he hadn’t been prepared for it to hurt.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  ELLIE FELT TERRIBLE, but Amelia’s excited chatter was giving her a headache. They were on their way to the Dalton family Christmas Eve celebration, and she really should have a lot more patience for her daughter. Well, she was having patience externally. Internally, she felt like she was being stretched on a rack.

  She had felt that way ever since Caleb’s proposal.

  She had said yes. She was marrying him. She had agreed to it.

  And she felt like...like crying. Crying until she was hollowed out, and there was nothing left inside her.

  She had no idea what the hell was happening.

  Of course, she hadn’t expected him to propose. And she really hadn’t expected herself to agree.

  But everything he’d said... It made sense.

  Down to the ring that was nothing like the one she had taken from Clint.

  The one thing he was wrong about was that there was no other man she would marry.

  If she didn’t marry him, she wouldn’t marry anyone. That much she knew was true.

  He seemed convinced that he had to get in there before she was swept off her feet by someone else.

  Before she offered up some other replacement father to her daughter.

  Which...she couldn’t do. She would never do.

  Amelia loved Caleb. More than anything. She knew that. In her heart, Caleb was already her father, whatever she had been calling him.

  So much so that she had forthrightly and innocently asked if he could simply be her father.

  She knew that this was the right thing to do. That it would give Amelia everything she wanted. That it would give her stability, that it would give her happiness.

  She hadn’t thought anything could overshadow the puppy, but this would do it.

  So why was she...panicking?

  She did not the hell know. It made sense.

  They made sense.

  And she repeated that mantra to herself over and over again.

  It made sense.

  Sensible was not what she would call what happened between them at night. Not at all.

  For the past three weeks he had spent every night at her house, except for last night. And nothing they had done was sensible. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other.

  In the middle of the night, he would reach for her, even in sleep, and she had lost track of how many times they’d come together. Expressing things with their bodies that she didn’t have coherent thoughts for.

  Let alone the words.

  Something about that didn’t line up with sensible.

  She was a mess.

  She was engaged, and she should be happy.

  Even though it wouldn’t ever be the same as the first time.

  The first time.

  Oh, she remembered that engagement well.

  He had taken her out to dinner. She had suspected that it was coming. They had looked at rings together a few different times while out shopping. He knew exactly what she wanted. So while neither the ring nor the proposal itself had been a blinding surprise, she had been happy. Brilliantly so.

  He had gotten down on one knee, and he had made a joke. He had made her laugh, and they had hugged, with that glittering ring on her finger. She had put it on without hesitation.

  She hadn’t ached when it was done. She hadn’t felt hollowed out and empty. Hadn’t felt desperate somehow.

  Caleb hadn’t gotten down on one knee.

  She blinked and shook her head.

  She had to get a grip on herself before she went inside. Then right when she pulled up to the house, she managed to get some of her jitters under control.

  Caleb was on the front porch when she pulled in.

  “Hi,” he said.

  “Hi, yourself.”

  Her heart twisted. Not exactly a joyful leap.

  But she felt herself drawn to him, like a magnet. She wondered if it would ever fade. The intensity, and the depth of what she felt.

  It was so strange, so unlike anything she had ever known existed.

  She walked up cautiously, Amelia trailing behind her, still chattering. “Hey,” he said.

  “Hey.”

  How could a friendship like theirs be uncomfortable? She had wept in his arms like she would never be happy again. She had come apart in those same arms, her cries of pleasure instead of grief when they were in bed. They had licked every inch of each other, seen each other naked.

  And still, there was something wrong right now that she felt deeply afraid of.

  Something that made her feel naked in a way she hadn’t yet been with him.

  And that was silly. Because she had been more naked with this man than she ever had been before.

  The kind of sex they had was uninhibited and wild. Exposed pieces of herself she hadn’t known existed.

  She’d enjoyed sex before.

  But it hadn’t broken her open.

  She felt like he was destroying her, in a thousand ways, and she couldn’t figure out how to turn away from it. Couldn’t figure out if she wanted to.

  Or if she even could.

  “Ready for the party?”

  “Very ready,” she said.

  Amelia flung her arms around Caleb’s legs. “I missed you,” she said.

  “I missed you, too, s
quirt,” he said, wrapping his arm around her and patting her on the back.

  She was making the right choice. She was.

  For Amelia.

  And all those other things that were cutting her up, they didn’t matter.

  She was just feeling shell-shocked because of the change. Because change was never fun, and she particularly had had some very bad experiences with it.

  They walked in, and the house was already an explosion of warmth and noise. West was there, and so was Gabe and Jamie, Jacob and Vanessa. Also, McKenna, the other Dalton half sibling, and her husband, Grant.

  Ellie didn’t know Grant Dodge well, but she knew that they had gone through similar things.

  He had lost his wife nearly ten years ago to cancer. And while her death had been expected in many ways, she knew that it had destroyed him.

  Seeing him now, looking so happy...

  Maybe she could will herself into that place. When they watched the two of them together, one word came to her mind.

  Brave. Grant Dodge was brave.

  Because the smile he had now was reckless, because the hold that he had on McKenna was possessive and tight and sure.

  She looked over at Caleb. He held her like that, with that certainty. But she was Grant in this scenario. Not him.

  Except, somehow, it felt different.

  She wasn’t afraid to marry Caleb.

  Her stomach twisted. And she called herself a liar.

  She took in a deep breath and moved in deeper, giving out hugs to everyone she knew, laughing and trying to look appropriately at ease.

  Caleb, for his part, never behaved in any way other than a platonic friend, but he did keep close to her.

  Not that that was incredibly strange.

  Because he always kept close to her. He always had. Even before the engagement.

  Looking at him made her heart feel too big. Made her skin feel too tight.

  Suddenly, she was overcome with the urge to throw her arms around him and never let go. To hold on to him forever.

  She wanted to put him in a glass box. Something that might keep him safe. Keep them both safe.

  And that didn’t really surprise her, not given the state of things.

  Loss had a way of making you keenly aware of the fact that it could happen to anyone, at any time. That, and the anxiety of it, was something that she had wrestled with a lot in those first couple of years. But this was different. Not the same even a little, even at all. She didn’t know what this was.