What Caroline Wants

by Amanda Abbott

  “Glad to know eight years of therapy have paid off. Marianne will be thrilled. She accuses me of never listening to her stellar advice, but now I can tell her it seeps in through the seams anyway. You’re not broken, Caroline. No matter what kooky shit turns you on. And your marriage is not in jeopardy. Your husband is at home crying in his cereal that you were unhappy for even half a second. If you never again want to see Emma and Pete—or anyone else—you don’t have to. It’s that easy. But the real issue is you want to, so you’re going to have to figure it out. Come to terms with it somehow. When you’re really free of guilt, you’ll know. And as your newly appointed sexual adviser, I’m not letting you do anything without running it by me first. That is, until you pass my super-hard sex-ready test.”

  “And what does your sex-ready test consist of?”

  “You have to get totally naked and stand in front of me with your arms spread wide, while repeating, ‘I like kinky sex, and I don’t care what the world thinks,’ over and over again until I tell you to stop or your arms fall off, whichever comes first.”

  Caroline snorted. “Well, then, I’ll never be sex ready.”

  “Never say never.”

  22

  __________________________

  ____________

  When Caroline’s car pulled into the garage around noon, Jace was out the back door before she could get the key out of the ignition. He was still in his pajama pants, hair uncombed, and stubble covering his face. But it didn’t matter. She’d finally texted him about an hour or so ago and told him she was ready to talk and was on her way home.

  He’d been filled with so much relief, he’d had to sit down on the couch to catch his breath.

  He opened the driver’s door, and she went willingly into his arms, which was the best scenario he could’ve hoped for. “I’m so sorry,” he murmured into her hair, stroking her back. “It’s never going to happen again. I’m perfectly happy to just do our thing. I love you, Care. None of this is worth risking you or our life together.”

  She eased back, her hands braced on his forearms. “I love you, too. And it’s okay. I’m the one who has to apologize. I’m so sorry for everything, especially leaving without telling you. That was so wrong of me.”

  “It was fine.”

  “No, it wasn’t,” she insisted. “But the only excuse I have to give you is that I was having what Piper deemed a mini-breakdown. I just…I just couldn’t breathe in our house. I needed to think and I couldn’t do it here.” She shook her head. “I wasn’t thinking straight.” Caroline reached up and placed her hands on either side of his face and caressed it. “I wasn’t mentally prepared for what we did—and I have no idea if I ever will be. I’m not sure.”

  “That’s totally fine.” He tucked her into his side as he guided her to their home, relief filling him for the first time since they’d left the Slaters’. “I don’t care about any of it, and no matter what you say, I’m taking full responsibly for forcing the issue. I thought I was ultimately doing it for you, but in the end, it really was for me. I thought it was hot, and I’m so sorry.”

  They went through the back door. “No, you can’t take all the blame. You went along with it because I wanted to try it. You left it up to me, remember? You’ve always had the right intentions at heart.” They stopped next to the island. He kept a hand on her arm, needing to touch her. “Piper was amazing,” she continued. “The best counselor I could’ve asked for. She helped me realize that I gave out serious mixed messages to you and the Slaters. I thought I was ready, but in reality I wasn’t. I didn’t let myself face the thought of stepping over the line. I had no emotional safety net, and because of that things fell apart quickly.” Jace took her by the hand and led her to the table. She pulled a chair out and sat. Jace took the one next to her, wanting her to get out as much as she could, before he insisted this was on him. “I really want to forgive myself for letting it go so far, but it’s going to take time.”

  “Care”—he took her hand in his and turned it over, caressing her palm—“I hear what you’re saying, but honestly, there’s nothing to forgive. You didn’t cheat on me. It was all consensual. I’m the one who pushed the issue. I should’ve never let it go so far. I should be groveling at your feet begging you to forgiving me—not the other way around.”

  She shook her head. “No. I could’ve easily taken your hand and led you into the bathroom, or up the stairs and out of that house. I didn’t want to. That’s the root of my guilt. I liked it.” She glanced down at the table, fidgeting with her hands. “And that’s the hardest thing to admit.” She brought her head up, and Jace watched a single tear streak down her cheek.

  It broke Jace’s heart into a million pieces.

  He reached forward and pulled her out of her seat and onto his lap, cinching his arms tightly around her waist. “Oh, babe.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in it. “I’m so sorry you feel this way,” he said.

  “Do you think less of me because I like it?” Her voice was muffled.

  “Of course not!”

  “It makes me sick to my stomach when I think of what we could’ve done differently. I can’t help thinking that, from now on, every time you look at me, you’re going to see a woman who craves another man.”

  “Not even close.” He nudged her until she finally raised her head to meet his gaze. “I see a beautiful wife who loves life and is not afraid to go out and find it. The reason I’m fine with Pete touching you is because I love you. I know that sounds extreme, but it’s true. I’ve always been confident in our relationship. Exceedingly so. I know you’re not going to leave me for Pete. If he gives you that little something extra that blows your mind when you come, it’s not an issue for me. I adore seeing you so ready to explode. That’s what gets me going, and I happen to like being that turned on. And I love seeing you excited. It may be selfish of me, but that’s what makes me tick. It’s my thing.”

  “I can’t help but feel guilty,” Caroline said miserably. “Marriage is between two people, not three.”

  “Care, we watch threesome porn all the time. That’s always been your favorite. Why do you think they make it in the first place? It’s because there’s so many damn people, just like you, who get off on seeing three people have a really good time.”

  “It would be so much easier if I didn’t want it,” Caroline said, as he brushed her tear away with his thumb.

  Jace shrugged. “Maybe. But then what fun would that be?”

  “Jace!”

  He laughed. “I’m sorry, but I like our adventurous life. I don’t want boring and ordinary. Being with Emma and Pete felt dangerous and exciting. It was wild and uninhabited. But I totally get that we both have to be emotionally ready, and on the same page, if we ever choose to do it again. It will be totally up to you.”

  “Piper said the same thing, essentially. I have to come to terms with myself first and stare it all right in the face. Then I have to pass her sex-ready test.”

  Jace arched a brow. “Sounds like I have a lot to thank Piper for, then.”

  Caroline chuckled. “She pretty much bullied me out of bed, stuck me in the shower, force-fed me the most delicious ice cream I’ve ever eaten, and then told me in no uncertain terms to get the fuck over myself. But that was after hours of intense discussion, and I took everything she said to heart. She’s been in this a lot longer than we have and has gotten over some very private hurdles herself.”

  “I’m on board with whatever it takes to get you over your guilt in the healthiest way possible,” Jace said as he rubbed her back. “Care, when I woke up and you were gone, something broke inside me. My life priorities flashed in front of my eyes, and you’re at the very top. I can’t lose you, and we can’t go through this again. If you never feel strong enough, we won’t do it.” Caroline smiled at him, her eyes misting. “Seriously, you’re the hottest, sexiest woman in the world. My commitment to you moving forward is to find a way to heighten our relationship in a w
ay we’re both okay with.”

  Caroline nodded as she sat back against him. “I’m open to exploring what works for us both. I just need time to figure it out.”

  “You can have all the time you need.”

  23

  __________________________

  ____________

  “Care, can you get the door?” Jace called. “I’m still in the basement!”

  Caroline got up from her office chair and padded through the dining room and into the foyer. It was seven o’clock on a Friday night, a strange time for anyone to show up at their doorstep. Piper and Michael were the only ones who would drop by at this time of night, but they were out of town, working on their “sex issues,” as Piper put it to Caroline yesterday. The plan was for them to have a deep heart-to-heart about their sex life, and maybe throw in some kinky sex. Caroline knew this only because she and Piper had had their first Sexual Therapy for Deviants meeting last night, or STD meeting, as Piper had christened it after a few glasses of wine.

  Caroline had been thrilled with the idea of getting together on a regular basis to discuss their issues. It’d been three weeks since Piper had come to rescue her in the hotel, and Caroline felt less guilty every day about the entire ordeal.

  But she had to give credit where it was due—to her awesome husband—for most of her recovery. True to his word, he’d done everything in his power to make her feel like she’d done nothing wrong, and that she was all he needed.

  And she was grateful for that.

  Jace was in the basement right now, putting back together the things he’d dismantled in their sex room. When she’d arrived home that day, she’d found that Jace had cleaned their basement bedroom out, leaving nothing but the bed and dresser.

  Caroline had asked him to put it back the way it was this week, and they’d been exchanging some light sexual banter. Caroline was excited to see what would come of it.

  She felt ready.

  Jace even planned a sexy night for them on Saturday, but he wouldn’t breathe a word about the details. She was giddy thinking about it as she parted the curtains and peeked out to see who was outside her door.

  There was no one there.

  Tentatively, she cracked it open. She wasn’t in the mood to chitty-chat with any door-to-door salesman, or her mother-in-law, for that matter.

  “Who’s there?” Jace asked, coming up behind her.

  “I don’t know. So far, no one.”

  Jace rested his hands on her shoulders and leaned his head out to take a look. “Hey, there’s a package on the ground.”

  Sure enough, there was a little white box, about the size of a coffee cup, tied with black ribbon, sitting on their stoop.

  “There’s a note attached,” Caroline said as she opened the door wider and reached down to pick the gift up, glancing around to see if she could spot any cars or people walking away.

  All was quiet.

  She brought the box inside and closed the door, glancing up at her husband. “It’s the size of a large jewelry box. What could it be?” She shook it, bringing it to her ear. There was a small thump inside, but nothing clinked.

  Jace laughed. “Well, it’s definitely not a bomb. Open the card first.”

  “This is not from you, is it?” She narrowed her eyes at her crafty husband. “And tell me you’re not trying to make me think I have a secret admirer.”

  “No, I swear.” He held up his hands. “But seeing how excited you are, damn, I wish I’d thought of it first. Your birthday is coming up. Now I’m going to have to up my game.”

  “There’s no postage on it.” She turned it over. “It can’t be from my mother. Plus, she’d never use a black ribbon. She’d think it was too somber for a gift. But I happen to think it’s classy.” Caroline tore the little card off the top. It had J&C Stratton scrawled across the front in perfect script. She opened it. Jace leaned over her shoulder to read it with her:

  We are beyond sorry that our night together ended so badly. Please forgive us.

  This belongs to you. ~ The Slaters

  Inside was a small disc.

  Caroline gasped. “Is this what I think it is?” She glanced up at her husband.

  “I believe it is,” Jace said as he reached for the box and carefully lifted out the cookie-size disc that was nestled in some silky fabric to protect it. “They gave us our video back.”

  “Why would they do that?” Caroline said. “I mean, it’s…so bold.” They hadn’t had any contact with the Slaters since that night.

  Jace scratched his head. “My best guess? They know how you’re feeling, and with this”—he nodded at the disc in his hand—“you get to see it’s not such a big deal after all? Kind of like watching everyday porn?”

  “That’s a shitty guess.”

  Jace tossed his head back and laughed. “Well, no matter what the reason, I’m happy you’re joking about it instead of collapsing on the couch like you did after you came home from the hotel. I’m not sure the cushions could take the abuse again.”

  “I didn’t collapse, per se,” Caroline said. “I was exhausted from my ordeal and needed to rest.”

  “For two full days?”

  Caroline snorted. “I needed recovery time.”

  “Yeah, and an excuse to eat more of that ice cream,” Jace teased.

  “Damn straight. That’s the best stuff I’ve ever tasted. Ice cream has healing powers, you know.”

  Jace’s eyebrows rose, and a slow, sly look crossed his face. “You only swear when you’re turned on.” He flicked the disc in front of her eyes. “Seeing this got you hot, didn’t it? Answer me!” He tossed his head back, laughing some more. “I think the Slaters might be geniuses.”

  Caroline bit her lip. “Okay, they are far from geniuses. But they are sexy, and Emma is extremely flexible, and I want”—she plucked the disc out of her husband’s hand before he knew what hit him—“to watch this right now.” She ducked under his arm and took off.

  Jace caught her by the basement door, picking her up around her middle as she laughed. “Are you serious?” he asked as he turned her, pushing her up against the wall. His look was hazy with need. “I’m into it if you are, but are you sure you’re ready? I don’t want a couch relapse.” He bent his head and covered her mouth with his.

  The kiss was desperate and needy.

  “I’m sure,” Caroline panted as they broke the kiss. She’d been thinking about little else for three solid weeks. Piper had been a big help in that department. That girl knew her neuroses front to back.

  Jace’s lips trailed down her neck, and he began to kiss her collarbone. “Do you think we will be able to hear our own moans in the background? Or hear the sounds of me fucking you?”

  Her breath hitched.

  Would she be able to hear herself? Or hear Jace?

  That would be beyond hot.

  She got a wettie instantly. She sighed. “I hope so.”

  Jace lifted her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. “You amaze me,” he murmured, angling his head down for another kiss. “And I’m going to enjoy fucking you while we watch this.”

  Caroline moaned. “And I’m going to enjoy being fucked.”

  (BONUS SCENE: I ended the book here, but I couldn’t resist writing the epilogue. If you enjoyed this book and would like to see what happens when Jace and Caroline head downstairs, go to www.authoramandaabbott.com and look for the “Bonus Scenes” tab. And if you want to stay on top of any new release info, deleted or bonus scenes, giveaways, and more, be sure to sign up for my newsletter!)

  To find up-to-date info on all my books, buy links, and more, head to my Amazon author page:

  www.amazon.com/author/amandaabbott

  NOW FOR A SNEAK PEEK OF BOOK TWO in the PUSHING THE BOUNDARIES SERIES…turn the page…

  Sneak Peek

  WHAT PIPER NEEDS

  1

  __________________________

  ____________

  “Honestly, Piper. You never lis
ten to me anyway. If you did, you might find my advice helpful.”

  “I do listen. It’s just hard to focus when, you know, focusing takes so much of my brainpower.” Piper Collins sat in her usual spot, a comfy overstuffed chair by the window, half-listening to her sex therapist, Marianne Cummings, talk about all the changes she needed to make in her life, half-daydreaming about seeing her husband, who was currently away on business.

  Piper suppressed a snicker when she thought of her therapist’s last name, which she often did, sometimes right in the middle of a session. She’d chosen this woman solely based on her moniker.

  Come on. It’d been a no-brainer.

  Piper had been seeing her weekly for the last eight years, without fail, and Marianne was worth the money. But Piper never took her advice.

  Well, hardly ever.

  Piper was a little more attentive today because she was looking forward to sharing Marianne’s sage advice with her bestie, Caroline Stratton, for their weekly STD meeting tonight, which included wine, lots of laugher, lewd jokes, and plenty of talk about sex.

  The acronym stood for: Sexual Therapy for Deviants.

  It was an utterly nonsensical name for their wine-soaked therapy sessions, but Piper thought it was funny, so she had christened it as such the very first night, and STD it had stayed.

  Caroline, her best friend and neighbor, had gone through her own sexual metamorphosis a few months ago, and was still adjusting. Michael, Piper’s husband of almost ten years, had spilled the beans about their own extracurricular-sex lifestyle, which had propelled the Strattons into their own experimentation. But Caroline wouldn’t be caught dead talking to a stranger about sex. It had been hard enough for her to open up to Piper.

  Piper figured sharing what she learned from Marianne was her way of paying it forward.