by Hadley Quinn
12
I wasn’t sure if I was expecting that or not, but my stomach immediately sank into my gut.
Ree had paused, and while I was trying to think of the right words to say, she added, “Zane had just stepped out there to dump the trash and heard me. He ran the guy off but… Well, the damage was done. I had glass and rocks in my skin, I was bleeding from being shoved into the ground, including my nose and face… Zane was afraid to touch me, but I asked him to get me out of the alley. He took me into the back office of this café and called the police for me. It was… a long night,” she concluded.
Fuck. I would say so. I exhaled and shook my head with disbelief. I couldn’t even imagine what she’d been through.
“If you’re wondering where your rescue came into play, it wasn’t for a couple of years,” she smiled at me.
It hadn’t even crossed my mind, but the fact that she could mess around with me about it was astounding. But the more I studied her features, her subtle body language, and her eyes specifically, I could tell the memory still pained her.
“I kind of went off the deep end,” she told me as she swirled a fry in ketchup. “There was a trial—it was Troy, he’d followed me down the street. He went to prison on guilty charges, and then I went a bit reclusive after that. Got in with the wrong crowd, into cocaine big time… I honestly don’t even know how I went down that path but I did. It was definitely my darkest days.”
I could relate to the part about not knowing how you get to a certain point in your life. After I lost Lily and Annalise, I knew that drinking was never an answer but somehow I had allowed it to take control of my life. I was lucky I’d never become an alcoholic.
“You just want a moment of numbness,” I finally spoke. “A break, some relief, just a night where you don’t have to think about anything or feel. Then you do it again because it was something different and you liked feeling something different for once. It becomes a habit, you become addicted to that state; the deadness, the dulling of your anguish.” I paused. “And then you wake up feeling like complete shit, worse than you did before, and have to get rid of it. The cycle starts all over again.”
She slowly nodded her head and pointed at me with a fry. “See, and those are the lyrics that I could relate to in your song ‘Aftermath’. You’re not exactly cut-and-dry with your poetry, but that is what I got out of it.”
Impressive…because she was right. I never specifically wrote lyrics that were direct like that. They were more roundabout and metaphoric.
“I watched my roommate die of an overdose two years ago,” she continued, eyes down on her food. “It was the last straw for me. Ironically enough, there was a news show or something that was doing a piece on you, talking about the tragedy in your life and you still trying to overcome it. One of your songs was playing, and after the coroner took Livvy away, I sat on the floor in front of the television and watched TV. Then I cried my guts out for a couple of hours, found your album online and listened to every word.
“I’m not sure how or why it stayed with me like it did, but I knew I needed to pull myself off of the self-destructive path I was on. I knew I could end up like Livvy any given moment if I didn’t get my shit together. The next day I called my dad and told him I wanted to come home. He didn’t ask questions, just came and got me; twenty-three years old and I moved back into my old room in my father’s house. But it was pretty apparent that I needed to go through detox, so I spent six weeks in rehab before moving back in with him. I lived with him for most of the past two years; just recently moved out on my own again.
She shrugged, like that was all there was to the story. I knew it wasn’t; I was pretty sure it wasn’t just a peachy recovery from what she’d been through.
“So how are you doing now?” I asked, helping myself to her fries.
Ree was someone that I could talk to and I knew that. She was open with me—or was at least getting there—and it was obvious she was a seasoned veteran when it came to being matter-of-fact with her past. Maybe I needed to take some notes.
“I’m doing fine,” she nodded. “I have no desire to go down that road again, so staying away from that shit is easy. Former junkie,” she pointed to herself with both thumbs. “And I learned my lesson. I could have ended up like my roommate, not caring about a damn thing except my next fix. Thank God I’d paid my cable bill for that month,” she added, a funny smirk on her face. “I would not have been introduced to the likes of Jude Collins, unplugged. Or…maybe I would have, who knows,” she winked. “Fate may like me.”
It made me laugh, and at the same time I enjoyed her humor, I admired her strength too. How she had such a grasp on reality was amazing. I was actually in awe. Maybe that’s where the serenity I sensed was coming from. She was at peace with her life.
“So how’d you end up at your dad’s bar?” I asked. “You never went down to naughty beverage hell, did you?”
Smiling, she shook her head. “No, strangely enough, I’ve never been interested in alcohol. That wasn’t my vice back then. When my dad and Ben had their plans to open The Urchin, I wanted to be a part of it. Originally I was going to be a waitress, and I still do that sometimes, but after I started getting my life together, I thought what the hell, and got my mixology on. Figured I could be more useful that way if they needed me. Seems it turned out well.”
It seems so. I was honestly impressed by her story, and by the time we’d both finished our shakes and I insisted on paying the tab, I hadn’t realized how many times Luke had tried to get a hold of me. My phone was still on silent mode, and as I climbed into Ree’s car with her, I called him back and was met with quite the chewing out when he answered.
“I’m sorry man, it’s… Hey, I’m on my way back so no worries, okay?”
“Goddamn it, Jude. Don’t worry? What the fuck am I here for, huh?”
We were just pulling into the back lot of The Urchin, right up to the back stoop, so I said, “I’ll be inside in a sec,” and then hung up.
Ree was amused. “You’re not supposed to give your bodyguard the slip, you know.”
“Hey, kidnapper, zip it,” I chuckled.
She laughed out loud but shrugged. “True. But next time it might not be so fun.” She gave me an ominous stare.
“Oh, so this was to lure me into your sweet and innocent side first, huh? Then what’s next?”
She pursed her lips in thought. “Hmm, I’ll have to think about it. If you seriously want to be kidnapped by me again, you just better be prepared.”
“Deal,” I nodded as I opened the door. Luke was already at the back door glaring at us, so all I could add was, “Thanks, Ree. See you soon.”
“See ya, piano man.”
I shut the door and she drove off. When her taillights disappeared, I finally looked at Luke again. He only scoffed and shook his head, but headed for his truck. Good thing I didn’t have anything inside to grab or he would have just left my ass behind.
“I’ve been gone less than an hour,” I finally said.
“I don’t fucking care if it was five minutes,” he argued. “Just tell me where the hell you are.”
“You’re right, I’m sorry. I walked her to her car and then there were people lurking nearby—”
“Fans waiting to mob you, get pictures of you, fondle you… Yeah, so?”
I sighed as we both sat in the cab of his truck and Luke started the ignition. “I said I was sorry, okay? And be mad at me all you want, but this was a good night for me. Can you just let it go?”
He glanced at me as he drove but remained silent for a minute. As he pulled onto Lawrence, he sighed and said, “The show was awesome, buddy. You nailed it. And I’m pretty sure Aaron was digging it, maybe he’ll get off your ass.”
I ended up telling him about my earlier conversation with Aaron, and then the one after the show. I also filled him in on where Ree took me but didn’t go into personal details, of course.
“Yeah, she’s pretty cool,” Luke nodded
in agreement. “Kind of mysterious, but seems legit.”
I could agree with that, except her mystery wasn’t all that mysterious to me anymore. We’d shared enough with one another I think we could be considered friends now.
“You should take her out sometime,” Luke suggested out of the blue.
He stated it somewhat carefully since he knew how uncomfortable just the idea of that was to me. I also knew he was expecting me to argue with him to some extent like I usually did when the guys mentioned setting me up with someone “just for fun.” I’d always opposed it in the past.
But this time I said nothing, and by the time he dropped me off at my apartment complex, he seemed to be trying to read me. I told him goodnight and apologized one more time for disappearing.
He waved it off that time with a smug smile on his face.
13
My dad’s apartment had always been home to me. Even when Lily and I had an apartment in the same neighborhood, I still felt like my father’s place would always welcome me. I stayed with him quite a bit when I lost my girls, and after he died and left it to me, I was glad that I could remain in the place I grew up. I still didn’t like my neighbors, and Wes and I joked that it was a good thing we never had to move that damn piano, but I felt incredibly blessed that I could stay in the place that had always been a part of me.
The past weekend at The Urchin had left an impression on me. Somehow I’d absorbed some positive mojo and I was a writing fiend all of Sunday and Monday. I spent the good part of Tuesday going through some of my old projects, reviewing some performances from earlier years, and jotting down some goals. I wanted to compare my accomplishments one to another, and this was the way to do it.
When I was done, I believed I had finally tidied up my objectives.
The guys came over that night and I felt like I could have a fun night in my own apartment without having to crawl into my figurative cave. Wes had picked up a bunch of fried chicken on his way home from work, and instead of watching baseball like we always did, we partook in a Lethal Weapon marathon instead. Between the four of us we could probably recite the entire series word for word, but we couldn’t pass up the familiarity of the movies while hanging out.
It was Hayes that brought up Ree first, and I could tell by the look Luke cast him, the conversation they’d likely had about me wasn’t supposed to be disclosed.
“What about Ree?” Wes asked with a light laugh. He studied me for a second when I wouldn’t respond to Hayes’ initial comment. “Hey, are you holding out on me, man?”
I shook my head, not missing the fact that Wes had turned down the TV at the same time. “Not holding out anything,” I argued.
“Bullshit,” Luke coughed under his breath from across the room.
Wes heard him loud and clear and threw me a dubious glare. “Well you’d better set Skywalker straight,” he bobbed his head Luke’s direction. “Fuckwad thinks he’s got something on you.”
After a minute of tossing insults back and forth, Hayes hushed them both and said, “She’s cool, man. Had an argument with her about the Civil Rights movement last week. The girl is educated and definitely earned my respect.”
Luke appeared dumbfounded, like how would they ever get on such a topic, and shook his head.
But Wes jumped in and added, “She loves history. Black history, white history, music history… She’s into it, just like Jude. Like you said, man,” he motioned to Hayes, “I had a debate on past presidents with her. She’s solid.”
They spent five minutes exchanging bits of their conversations with Ree, both seemingly impressed with her, until I cut them off.
“Whoa, wait, wait, wait,” I waved my hands at them, eyeing them suspiciously. This was a setup, plain and simple. I understood that they probably legitimately had those discussions with Ree, but then it started to get too adulating.
“I know she’s a great girl,” I informed them both. “But I see what you guys are doing right now. You don’t have to talk her up to me. She’s for real a remarkable person.”
I didn’t expect the reaction I got, but Wes pointed at me with a stupid ass smile and said, “Ah yeah, see?” and Hayes was giving me a “bravo” clap like a kindergarten teacher.
“What the fuck is up with you two?”
“They’re trying to get you to admit it,” Luke said, stuffing his face with another piece of chicken. “Even I can see that,” he mumbled with his mouth full.
“Oh come on, Jude,” Wes shook his finger at me. “This is new and exciting for us. Don’t ruin it.”
I legitimately did not know what the big deal was, but I could only imagine how much of a downer I was to a group of single guys that felt they always had to handle my situation delicately. No, I hadn’t been interested in one person for over four years now, and I was determined to stick with that for the time being while I put my life back together.
“Sorry, guys, but Ree and I are just friends.”
“She’s into you,” Wes nodded his head. “You should see her at the bar when you’re on stage. She’s mesmerized; can barely pay attention to her work.”
“She’s got a history with my music,” I informed him. “It’s a long story.”
“Sounds intriguing, fill us in,” he motioned to me.
Shaking my head, I silently refused, and after almost ten minutes of them giving me shit about it, I finally told them to drop it. I didn’t want them making a big deal over me having a female friend.
“Whatever,” Wes shrugged, and he turned the TV back up.
However the mood had shifted, it left me with the desire to write. No one thought anything of it when I sat at the piano and stuck noise-canceling headphones on my ears. With my back to the guys, I studied the black and white keys in front of me, composing a melody just from imagining it in my head.
I grabbed my notebook and jotted down some lyrics, then filled in the basic notes. After a full page was outlined, I slipped off the headphones and put my fingers to the keys. It was ten o’clock at night, but I could control my volume enough to not piss off the neighbors. It was when I got caught up in the passion of my music so hardcore that I failed to monitor how loud I was playing.
I pressed the soft pedal with my left foot and carefully played the music I’d composed. Even the sound of the movie was louder in the room than the volume I was playing at, so I knew Wes wouldn’t yell at me. Poor guy was afraid of old Mrs. Cleary next door. She thought we were heathens because of our music careers. The woman thought that all musicians were sex obsessed, drug-and-alcohol consuming losers. I guess I may have had a hand in convincing her of the latter part when I’d yelled at her to go back to her flying monkeys and shove them up her ass.
Drunk Jude was not very impressive that night and she was hell bent on never forgetting it either.
“Hey man, we’re rollin’,” Hayes said as he nudged my shoulder.
Not even knowing how long I’d been composing, I stood to see them out, and when it was just Wes and I, he gestured to the piano and said, “Not bad.” He shut the movie off and headed toward his room. “ ‘Night, Jude.”
I gathered my notes and took them to my own bedroom, sitting down at my keyboard—headphones on, settings switched to what I wanted, and composition spread across the rack…
And I let myself go.
14
I hated grocery shopping, and even though Wes did it ninety percent of the time, occasionally I would venture out to grab some things that he refused to get for me. Hey, I craved sugar sometimes and needed it now and then—especially before a show—so I forced myself to make a trip to the store later that week. You’d think out of the shit ton of people that lived in the Chicago area, it would be impossible to run into someone you’d rather avoid.
Nevertheless, luck was not on my side as the conclusion of my quick trip resulted in a face-to-face with a certain strawberry blonde fortuneteller. I was haphazardly tossing bags into my SUV, and when I shut the back end and turned for the driver
’s side, she appeared out of nowhere. I honestly didn’t even see someone approach, so it scared the crap out of me, and then when I recognized her two seconds later, I was composing a restraining order in my head.
“Hello,” she smiled, her eyes watching me carefully like she’d done two weeks ago.
“Uh, hey,” I mumbled, slipping by her for my door.
She lightly laughed and said, “I’m sorry my read on you the other day has you so startled. That was never my intention.”
Not knowing how to respond, I barely offered a shrug. But I was still pissed that she thought she could swindle her way through life, and I was especially pissed that she played me based on knowing who I was.
“My life is pretty much public knowledge,” I replied. “And I don’t appreciate you using that to your advantage. It’s not very impressive.”
She pursed her lips and shifted her stance. I did a quick onceover on her appearance; it wasn’t much different than the first time I saw her, but today she was wearing sneakers and not sandals. “I would still like to finish your read. You didn’t give me the chance.”
I scoffed. “Seriously? For one, you’re a fraud. Two, you had quite a long time with me; more than most strangers would ever have.”
I knew that was arrogant as fuck, but I didn’t care. It was the cold, hard truth.
Surprisingly, she nodded and said, “I understand that.”
“So…drop it, lady. I don’t want my future told, or my fortune read, or whatever the hell you call it.”
“I’m not a fraud,” she argued.
It was a moot point with me. She’d never convince me otherwise. “Well, you enjoy believing that all you want.”
I turned for the car but she said, “I really did see your future. I don’t know why I saw the word ivory.”
With my back to her, I rolled my eyes. But I turned around and shrugged. “Big deal. So you assume I’ll keep playing the piano? Well so does everyone else.”
