Bittner, Rosanne

by Wildest Dreams

  Finally Luke took Nathan from Mrs. MacBride, and lifted him up into the front seat of the wagon. He went to get Lettie.

  "We have to go, Lettie," he told her, gently grasping her arm. "Nathan is already in the wagon."

  Lettie wiped at tears with her handkerchief. "I'll write as soon as I can," she told them. "I love you. I'll always love you, and we'll be together in our hearts. Maybe someday we'll be able to visit somehow."

  "And we'll always love you, child," Henry told his daughter. "No matter how far the miles, or how long the months apart, we'll be right beside you in spirit and prayer. You have a fine man, Lettie. You've made the right choice, and Nathan will have a good father."

  Lettie squeezed his hands and nodded.

  "Go with God, my precious," Katie told her daughter. "And always know you are surrounded with our love. If anything—" She glanced at Luke, then back to Lettie. "If anything goes wrong, you can always come to us. You know that."

  "We'll be all right, Mama." Lettie kissed her mother once more, took one last look at her family, then turned and ran to the wagon.

  Luke nodded to all of them. "Please don't worry about her. I love her very much, and I have big plans. She'll have a fine home someday and be living in luxury. That's a promise.

  Henry shook his hand once more. "I believe you, son. God go with you."

  Luke turned away and walked to the wagon, picking up a switch and giving one of the two lead oxen a little snap, with an order to get under way. Lettie sat in the seat clinging to Nathan, who in turn clung to his stuffed horse. She could not resist looking back once more. She waved and Nathan did the same, smiling, oblivious to what all the crying was about. In his little mind he was simply setting off on a great adventure with his mother and the nice man called Luke. He was telling grandma and grandpa good-bye, but it would only be for a day or two, wouldn't it?

  "'Tana," the boy said, pointing to the wagons ahead of them.

  "Yes, Nathan," Lettie answered. "We're going to Montana."

  CHAPTER 4

  Lettie shivered, pulling the bearskin blanket Luke had bought her in Billings closer around herself. Nathan lay sleeping in her lap, bundled into a warm blanket. "It looks empty," Lettie told Luke, her eyes on a small cabin that sat nestled into the side of a foothill several yards away.

  Luke turned up the collar of his own wolfskin jacket against a stinging wind that hammered at them out of the nearby mountains. "Appears that way." He reached under the wagon seat and retrieved his Winchester, then climbed down. "Stay put."

  Lettie watched anxiously as he approached the cabin. Sure, there's plenty of free land yet just southwest of here, the land agent in Billings had told them. If you can wrestle it from the outlaws who use it to hide stolen cattle and horses. The man's name was David Taylor, a short, stocky soul who had hinted that he would not be particular with facts and figures if Luke wanted to claim a little more than the 160 acres he was allowed under the Homestead Act. Lettie didn't trust Taylor one bit, and she wondered how much money the man was making on the side by accepting money to "alter" deeds and land boundaries.

  It mattered little at the moment. Right now, Luke had to decide on the land he wanted to claim in the first place, and as soon as they had come over the last rise and he saw the wide valley stretched out before them, he knew what he wanted. Although there was a dusting of snow over all of it, he could see acres and acres of winter grass. She prayed Taylor was right that the outlaws who roamed these parts usually didn't show up until spring. They needed a place to hole up for the winter without having to spend money on room and board. When Luke had spotted this little cabin across the valley, backed by splendid mountains that seemed to watch over it like sentinels, he was sure they were "home." He had driven the wagon up to the cabin, and now was inspecting it to see if anyone had lived there recently.

  Lettie suspected the place was not livable. She watched Luke go inside, waited, weary from the weeks of hard travel it had taken to get here. They had managed to latch onto another wagon train heading out of Fort Laramie north to Billings in Montana Territory. From there the others went on west into the Rockies to look for gold, in spite of the danger of Indian attack. Luke was more interested in claiming land, and the first thing he had done was find the land agent. Taylor's office was nothing more than the corner of a sorry-looking saloon in a settlement that was hardly big enough to be called a town, but the citizens of Billings seemed proud of their accomplishments. Taylor himself was not so proud. He seemed to detest his job and detest the entire area, a government man doing only what he'd been ordered to do.

  Lettie was grateful that they had had someone with whom to travel most of the way, since all anyone could talk about was the danger of Indians. So far, no Sioux had given them trouble, but now that she and Luke were alone, she was more frightened than she had been since leaving Fort Laramie to come here. She jumped with alarm then when she heard two gunshots. From the sound of them, they had come from the six-gun Luke wore on his hip, something he had started doing as an extra precaution since they had left Billings.

  "Luke!" she called out in alarm. Nathan stirred on her lap, but he did not come fully awake. "What is it!"

  She breathed a sigh of relief when he appeared at the doorway, the rifle in his left hand, his six-gun in his right. "Rats," he told her. "I got a couple of them." He turned back inside, reappeared with the dead rodents and tossed them off to the side of the cabin.

  Lettie struggled to hide her horror.

  "The place looks as though it hasn't been lived in for quite a while," Luke continued, shoving the handgun back into its holster. He stepped off the sagging porch to come back to the wagon. "It's small, but there's a cast-iron heating stove inside, and a small, homemade bed. Nathan can sleep on that. It will keep him up off the floor away from drafts and varmints." He was beside the wagon now, his eyes apologetic. "Don't worry. We'll rig something up to keep us off the floor, too. I'll gather some wood and we can get a fire going. It's getting dark. We'll bring in most of the supplies in the morning. I'll tend to the horses and maybe you can get some supper going as soon as we get the stove heated up." He leaned his rifle against the wagon wheel and reached up to take Nathan from her lap so she could climb down.

  "Are you sure no one is around?" she asked.

  Luke studied the surroundings while Lettie retied her hat against the cold. The only sound was the soft moan of the mountain wind. Lettie wondered if the wind ever stopped blowing in this land. They had not had a still day since before leaving Fort Laramie weeks ago, and sometimes she thought she might go crazy from the constant droning sound and the fact that everything had to be tied or weighted down to keep things from blowing away.

  "No tracks anyplace, no food inside the cabin," Luke answered. "If we're lucky, whoever built this place isn't coming back, at least not until spring."

  "And what if it's outlaws who want us out?"

  Luke turned and handed Nathan back to her. The boy's eyes fluttered open, but he seemed to be too sleepy to realize where he was. He stuck his thumb in his mouth and kept a tight hold on his horse. "I like this area, Lettie. No outlaws are going to chase me out of it. Right now my biggest concern is to get you and Nathan settled inside and get some heat going. I've heard enough about Montana winters to know I have to get busy cutting wood. It's only the last of September, and if it's this cold already, you can imagine what it will be like by January." He saw the concern and fear in her eyes, gave her a light hug. "It's going to be all right, Lettie. I promised you that, didn't I? You have my word that come spring, I'll build you something a lot better than this sorry shack, and I'll have laid claim to all of this and more." He turned from her and walked around to the back of the wagon to remove a couple of carpetbags of clothing and some blankets. "Come on," he told her, his arms full.

  Lettie walked ahead of him into the shack, swallowing back an urge to vomit. Never had she been surrounded by so much danger and desolation. She didn't want to hurt Luke by showing he
r terror, or letting him know how crude and distasteful she found the cabin. She couldn't scream. She could only breathe deeply and make do with what was here. She heard the thud of the carpetbags, watched the blankets land on the small bed where Luke threw them. The bed was plenty long, but very narrow.

  She gazed around the cabin, noticed a few cracks between the boards that were sure to let in cold drafts in the winter. Another rat scurried across the floor, and she stepped back. The room was very small, perhaps fifteen feet square, with a potbellied stove in one corner, a few shelves built against one wall, and a crudely built table in the middle of the room, with two crates to serve as chairs. The bed was made from pine, with ropes for springs and no mattress on top. She was glad her mother had given her two feather mattresses before they parted. Never had she longed more fervently to be with her family back at the spacious home they had left behind in St. Joseph, where people lived in reasonable numbers, and anything they needed was close at hand.

  She was only vaguely aware when Luke left again. When he returned minutes later with an armload of food and other supplies they would need for the night, she was still standing in the middle of the room looking around in stunned disappointment at the shack. She said nothing when Luke took Nathan from her arms and laid him on a pile of blankets on the bed. Silently, she untied and removed the wool hat she'd been wearing. She was shaken by her sense of doubt, not only over her choice to come to this lonely, desolate place, but also over her decision to marry. She loved Luke, and he had been attentive and caring and protective throughout their dangerous, trying journey to get here; but being his wife meant fulfilling other needs he had not yet demanded of her. This was the first time they had been truly alone since marrying at Fort Laramie. When Luke had slept in the wagon with her, he had only held her. Was he waiting for her to make the first move; or had he patiently been waiting for this moment, when he had her alone? Between the realization that he would surely expect to consummate their marriage now, and the knowledge that she would spend the rest of the winter holed up in this tiny cabin, with rats running over her feet, she felt panic building.

  "Lettie?"

  She was startled by the touch of Luke's hand on her shoulder. She gasped and turned to look up at him, her eyes wide with fear and apprehension. "I... I don't know if I can stay here, Luke." Oh, why had she said that? She could see the hurt in his eyes. He should be angry. Maybe he would throw her down and have his way with her now, order her to submit to her husband, yell at her for being weak and selfish, tell her she would stay here whether she liked it or not.

  He turned, looked around the tiny room, looked back at her with a smile of resignation on his face. "I can't blame you there. I don't know why I even considered this. I guess in all my excitement..." He sighed deeply. "I'll take you back to Billings in the morning. It's not much of a town, but maybe I can find a safe place for you and Nathan to stay while I make things more livable around here."

  "But... you'd be out here all alone."

  He shrugged, walking over to the stove and opening the door. "I knew before I ever came here there would be a lot of lonely living I'd have to put up with." He picked up some kindling from a small pile that lay near the stove and stacked it inside. "When you have a dream, you simply do what you have to do to realize it." He turned to face her. "I told you it won't be like this forever, Lettie, and it won't."

  His eyes moved over her, and she knew what he wanted. He simply loved and respected her too much to ask for it. A wave of guilt rushed through her, and she felt like crying. "I'm sorry, Luke. I've disappointed you in so many ways already."

  He frowned, coming closer. "I never said that. I don't blame you for not wanting to stay here. I'll take you back to town and you can come back here in the spring." He placed his hands on her shoulders. "I love you, Lettie. I never want you to be unhappy or wish you had never married me. I made you some promises, and I intend to keep them."

  A lump seemed to rise in her throat. "You'd really take me to Billings? You wouldn't be angry about it?"

  Luke studied her face. He wanted her so, but was not sure how to approach the situation because of what she had been through. He knew there was a part of her that wanted him that way, but he had not seen it in her eyes since leaving Fort Laramie. He had only seen doubt and fear. "I told you I'd take you. I wouldn't be angry."

  She suddenly smiled, although there were tears in her eyes. "That's all I need to know. I... I thought you took it for granted, just because I was your wife... that you'd demand..."

  She threw her arms around him, resting her face against his thick fur jacket. "Oh, Luke, forgive me. I haven't been much of a wife at all yet, except to cook your meals. I just... I need time to adjust to all of this. I know your intentions are good, and I trust your promises." She leaned back to look into his eyes, trusting more every day in the look of love she saw there. "You don't have to take me back. As long as I know I can go back, that's all I need to know. Does that make any sense?"

  He grinned. "I think so." He moved his hands inside the bearskin blanket she still wore tied at her shoulders. "I'm not a man to demand anything, Lettie, except a woman's loyalty. There isn't anything you want that I won't try to give you, as long as you belong only to me."

  She reached up around his neck. "I could never belong to anyone else." She reddened then, remembering the rape, and her smile faded.

  Luke pressed her closer. "You remember what I told you. I'm going to be your first man, and your only man. There just hasn't been the right time or chance to show you. I'm sorry about all this, Lettie. I know it's hard for you."

  Somewhere in the distance they heard the cry of a bobcat. Combined with the groaning mountain wind, the sounds only accentuated how alone they really were, a good five miles from the only town, and no sign of civilization for hundreds of miles beyond that. "I can't let you stay out here alone. You're my husband. I belong here with you," Lettie said, still clinging to him.

  Luke kissed her hair, her cheek. She found herself turning to meet his lips, and he explored her mouth savagely then. She felt lost in his powerful hold, buried in the fur jacket, suddenly weak. How well he fit this land, so tall and strong and rugged and determined. She loved him all the more for it, loved him the most for not being angry that she might want to go back. She had that freedom, and knowing that only made her want to stay; just like knowing he would never demand his husbandly rights made her want to be a wife to him.

  He left her mouth, kissed her neck. "I'd better get a fire going, bring in—"

  "Luke." She felt her heart racing as all her fears began to melt away. She didn't know how to tell him, what to do. She could only look into those handsome blue eyes and say his name. She met his lips again, astonished at the sudden hunger in her soul. How could she have considered letting this poor man stay out here alone, when he had a wife and child who could help him, love him? And how could she keep denying him the one thing he had every right to take for himself? Most of all, how could she deny her own sudden desires, this surprising awakening of woman that ached to be set free?

  He returned her kiss tenderly, searching more softly with his tongue now, groaning with the want of her. Little Nathan continued to sleep on the pile of blankets, oblivious to the awakening taking place between his mother and his new father. Lettie felt herself being lowered to the floor, the bearskin blanket providing a soft barrier at her back. Luke groaned her name, kissed and licked at her throat while he moved a strong hand along her leg, up under her dress and the several layers of petticoats she had worn for warmth.

  "I should build a fire," he groaned. "We should use the bed."

  "It doesn't matter," she whispered. "I want to be your wife, Luke, in every way. I want to be one with you and know that it's all right. I don't want to be afraid any more."

  He looked down questioningly at her, his eyes glistening with love and desire. "Lettie, it's so cold and crude in here—"

  She touched his lips. "Do it quickly, Luke, before Nath
an wakes up... and before I lose my courage." A tear slipped down the side of her face. "We can make it nicer next time."

  He met her mouth again, lingered there before moving to caress her throat. "Lettie... Lettie..." He moved his hand over her drawers, yanked at the waist. Lettie closed her eyes, her heart pounding wildly with fear and anticipation. Luke moved away from her for a moment, and she knew he was unbuttoning his pants. She could not look. In the next moment she felt her drawers being pulled away, down over her knees, her boots. Her skirts fell to hide secret places, but he pushed them back up as he moved between her legs then, kissing her eyes, her throat.

  "There is so much more I want to do," he told her softly. "I can make it much better than this, Lettie."

  She finally found the courage to open her eyes and meet his gaze. "I believe you, but for now, I just want to be Mrs. Luke Fontaine, in every way, not just on paper. I'll not deny you any longer." She reached up and moved her fingers into his thick, dark hair. "Just love me, Luke. Never leave me."

  He licked at her lips. "Never."

  Lettie drew in her breath when she felt his hardness then. He pressed against her thigh, while he met her mouth again, moving his tongue deep inside suggestively. For a moment the panic returned. She braced herself for the pain, but he did not enter her immediately. Supporting himself with one arm, he reached down with his other hand to guide that part of man she thought she hated, rubbing it softly against a magic spot between her legs and creating a new sensation she had never experienced. It made her want him more, made her open herself to him more willingly.

  "Relax," he whispered between kisses that kept her breathless. Desire was building deep in her belly. It had not been like this before—the gentle kisses, the soft, teasing stroking against secret places. Suddenly she felt a rippling explosion deep inside that made her cry out his name, and to her own shock, she was begging him to enter her, pleading with him to fill her, to make her his own.