The Paradise Trees

by Linda Huber

  ‘It’s the energy of childhood. They should bottle it,’ said Margaret, glancing out of the window. ‘What did your lawyer friend have to say?’

  ‘Quite a lot. She’s going to investigate for me about alimony. Paul seems to be doing quite well for himself now so she doesn’t see why he should get away with not paying anything back. And she said he definitely wouldn’t get custody of Jen in Singapore and 99.9% sure not here either, in spite of the ‘stable family’ he has to offer. He might well get visitation rights, though, so she advises me to be cooperative about that if he wants to see her again.’

  ‘Good. That sounds like more or less what you wanted to hear,’ said Margaret. She spun the lettuce briskly. ‘I’d like to spend the afternoon with Bob, lovey, how about you?’

  Alicia only just managed not to pull a face. ‘Not today. But I’ll run you to St. Joe’s, and then we’ll collect you later, how’s that?’

  She noticed the vulnerable expression in Margaret’s eyes and felt guilty all over again. Her aunt had so wanted to maintain the status quo here at home, but St Joe’s was the best place for a dependent stroke patient. It was time for Margaret to get used to the new situation. The big change had happened, and they could enjoy a few weeks’ breathing space while they decided what to do with this place. Would Margaret want to stay on here, or move closer to David and Sheila? Somewhere in between might be best. Then they could sell the house, and what a blessing that would be.

  Slowly, Alicia felt something like peace settle over her. Everything was sorted, she could let the past go now. As soon as the thought entered her head the child’s voice did too, screaming in terror.

  Let go! I hate you!

  Alicia jumped up, shivering. That was a memory now, not a flashback, she could actually remember screaming that loud. He’d been dragging her inside from the garden, and she’d been younger than Jenny was now. But why? What had happened? The little voice had been full of hatred. Alicia the child had hated her father as much as Alicia the teenager had, but Alicia the adult couldn’t remember the details. She would have to find out more, and this might be a good opportunity to ask her aunt about it. She took a deep breath.

  ‘Margaret – this is going to sound odd and please don’t be upset, but – do you know if um, Bob, um, hurt me at all when I was a kid? To punish me? Ever since we came here I’ve been having this sort of nightmare and I’m not sure if it’s something that really happened or not.’

  Margaret was rummaging for salad tongs. She turned and stared at Alicia for a moment, leaning against the worktop.

  ‘Oh Alicia love. I know he was always very strict about his principles; you didn’t have an easy time. He used to smack you, yes, but I’m sure it was nothing more than other youngsters experienced back then. I’ve known him since the day he was born and I can’t imagine he was ever cruel.’

  Alicia was silent. He had been cruel. Look at what he’d done on her fifth birthday, all because she’d been given a Barbie doll.

  ‘What about Mum?’

  Margaret was clearly ill at ease. ‘Well, I think she left most of the discipline to Bob, that was their way of bringing you up,’ she said. ‘But Alicia, love, don’t worry. They were very adamant in their beliefs, let’s say. But I’m sure they were doing what they honestly believed was best for you. I always felt their faith was very restrictive, but no-one can say that any one religion is better or worse than another.’

  Alicia looked into her aunt’s worried face and nodded. ‘Okay. Thanks, Margaret,’ she said slowly. It was no use asking further questions, Margaret didn’t know the answers, she was just saying what she believed. What she wanted to believe.

  Was there any point in raking it all up now, when her father could no longer be held responsible for his actions? He was demented, even though there were still these odd moments when he looked straight at her and laughed. Maybe they weren’t quite moments of clarity but he did seem aware of who she was and that she hated him. But they never would find out how much he really understood. She couldn’t prosecute him now even if she wanted to.

  ‘Mummy? Can I take Moritz to the pet shop to see the kittens?’ Jenny appeared at the back door, Moritz under one arm and Conker in his usual place at her heels.

  ‘Not right this minute, sweetheart, but we could go this afternoon after we’ve dropped Aunt Margaret off at St. Joe’s.’

  And maybe they would see Doug while they were doing that. He would probably phone soon now that Margaret was home, and make arrangements for a proper date. Or should she phone him? A pleasurable feeling of excitement settled into Alicia’s middle. Even the hassle with Paul, her father and the flashbacks wasn’t enough to spoil her feelings about Doug.

  Jenny was pouting. She kicked the door frame. ‘That’s mean, I want to go now. I can go by myself, it’s not far and I’ll take Conker too.’

  ‘No,’ said Alicia, then shook herself. Gut reactions were becoming positively commonplace this summer, but why did she have such strong feelings against Kenneth Taylor?

  He’s a creep, part of her brain said. He’s... slimy. And she didn’t want Jenny with him on her own, Conker or no Conker. A thought struck her and she glanced at her daughter. Could Kenneth Taylor be Oberon? Was that possible? Had he been here during the Festival? But no, it must be John Watson. All this talk about Oberon and Titania was much more likely to come from a retired English teacher than an overweight and decidedly odd pet shop owner.

  ‘Why can’t I?’ demanded Jenny, and Alicia pointed to the clock on the wall.

  ‘Because it’s nearly lunchtime, silly. Now take a cloth and wipe that door frame where you’ve marked it, please. We’ll go to Mr Taylor’s after lunch.’

  Brilliant. Now she had let herself in for a long afternoon visit with Kenneth Taylor.

  To Alicia’s relief, Jenny accepted this reasoning, wiped the door frame with another pout and flounced back to the garden. Margaret looked round from the sink.

  ‘What was all that about?’

  Alicia explained about their visit to the pet shop and how she felt about Kenneth. Her aunt snorted.

  ‘Fiddle faddle. The man’s overweight and soft, that’s all. Not your type, is he?’

  Alicia grinned. ‘No way.’

  She paused halfway through setting the table for lunch. Maybe she wasn’t doing herself any favours, raking the past up; it was only making her miserable. She should concentrate more on the few positive memories she had of her childhood. Sonja of course, and Cathal. School. And she’d been happy doing things with Mum too, she could distinctly remember them baking together, and going to the shops. It might be an idea to write everything down. The bad stuff here had undoubtedly been prominent, but maybe there were more happy memories than she realised. She should look for them.

  The phone’s shrill ring tone interrupted this happy train of thought. Alicia’s good mood evaporated quickly when she heard Paul’s voice, but she remembered Louise’s advice and forced herself to sound pleasant and calm. It was difficult, though, when she heard what he had to say.

  ‘I want to have Jen here in York for a couple of days,’ he stated boldly. No ‘please’ or ‘would that be okay?’ Alicia noticed, and only just managed to bite back a snappy answer.

  ‘When did you have in mind?’ she asked sweetly, wondering if he would notice the sarcasm in her voice. He didn’t, of course.

  ‘My meetings tomorrow finish at lunchtime, then I’m free until Saturday morning.’

  Alicia broke in quickly before he could make any more demands.

  ‘Right. You can collect Jenny tomorrow at two o’clock, and I want her back here by nine at the latest on Friday evening,’ she said firmly. ‘One night away from home is quite enough for the first visit.’ That was clever, she thought. By insinuating that there would be more visits she had softened her restrictions on this one.

  ‘Oh... okay,’ said Paul. ‘See you tomorrow at two, then.’

  He rang off, and Alicia trailed back through to the kitchen.
Thank goodness Paul had agreed to her conditions without arguing. Though now she thought about it, she should have consulted her daughter before arranging a visit like that.

  Fortunately, Jenny was delighted, and Alicia realised that all her little girl’s former apprehension about Paul had vanished.

  ‘A whole day and a half with Daddy! In a hotel!’ cried Jenny, dancing round the kitchen with Moritz in her arms. ‘You will take care of Conker and Moritz for me, won’t you, Mummy? Oh, I wonder what we’ll do in York, me and Daddy!’

  ‘My goodness, there are lots of things to do in York,’ said Margaret. ‘You’ll have a super time, won’t she, Alicia?’

  ‘Sure. Jen, I think we’ll get you a mobile this afternoon,’ said Alicia, the uncomfortable, apprehensive feeling in her stomach lifting slightly at the thought of being able to speak to Jenny whenever she felt the need. Lower Banford’s precarious mobile reception permitting, of course.

  ‘A mobile of my own?’ Jenny’s eyes were round as saucers.

  ‘Yes, but only for emergencies and... and visits to Daddy,’ said Alicia firmly. ‘Off you go upstairs and wash your hands for lunch, you exuberant thing!’ She held the door open for Jenny, meeting Margaret’s eyes as the child ran past.

  ‘You worry too much, Alicia,’ said Margaret, shaking her head.

  Alicia sighed, looking to see that Jenny was out of earshot. ‘I know. But if she has a mobile I won’t have to worry so much,’ she said, and saw Margaret cast her eyes heavenwards.

  ‘What do you think is going to happen? Paul isn’t going to abduct her in the middle of a business trip. He couldn’t get her out of the country even if he wanted to.’

  ‘I don’t care. I’m still buying her a mobile,’ said Alicia, knowing she was being overprotective but quite unable to stop herself. ‘If nothing else, it’d be useful if she loses Paul anywhere, you know how she dives about the place, and he’s not used to that, is he?’

  ‘Have it your way,’ said Margaret, peering into the oven. ‘Let’s eat.’

  Later that afternoon, Alicia drove back to St. Joe’s to collect Margaret, Jenny beside her clutching the new collar that Kenneth had given her for Moritz. They had spent a fascinating – from Jenny’s point of view, at least – hour playing with the kittens. Alicia knew she couldn’t have denied Jen anything today, anyway. If only they had bags of money and a big house in the country, she could give her daughter the best childhood ever.

  Kenneth had bumbled around the entire time they were there, asking if she wanted coffee, and if she and Jen could come again the next day, and how was she enjoying the Yorkshire weather. It was more than a little unnerving.

  Five minutes later they were at St. Joe’s. The afternoon had turned chilly, and the rose garden was deserted. Alicia followed Jenny up the main staircase.

  ‘Alicia!’ A voice called behind them, and Alicia turned to see Doug Patton and Frank Carter emerging from Doug’s office at the bottom of the stairway. It had been Doug who’d called, and he grinned at her.

  ‘I was just telling Frank that Bob’s pretty good on his feet. He and Margaret walked right round the garden this afternoon.’

  ‘That’s good,’ said Alicia, looking from one man to the other. Her two coffee invites, side by side. ‘Is he okay otherwise? I thought yesterday evening that he was looking terribly tired.’

  ‘His routine’s different now,’ said Frank immediately. ‘He’ll get used to things in a day or two. He’s up at seven here, and I think he slept until later at home, didn’t he?’

  ‘Yes, eight at least,’ said Alicia. ‘I should have realised that. Thanks, Frank.’

  He grinned at her, and she smiled back. Frank was good at making people feel better in whatever situation they were in. She should talk to him about Jenny’s visit to Paul, maybe he could relieve her of some of her fears.

  Doug put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. ‘I’ll come upstairs with you, Alicia, and I’ll get back to you about those referrals, Frank. I know you need to get back to the practice now.’

  ‘Right,’ said Frank, and Alicia could feel his gaze on her. He stared for a moment, then lifted his hand in a brief wave. ‘I’ll be off, then. What’s that you’ve got, Princess Jenny?’

  ‘A new collar for Moritz,’ said Jenny, holding out the green and yellow band for him to inspect. ‘Mr Taylor gave it to me.’

  ‘That was kind,’ said Frank. His eyes were bleak as he turned back to Alicia and she wondered if he was missing Sonja. ‘I’ll see you soon, then.’ He turned away, and Alicia allowed Doug to steer her upstairs while chatting about her father’s new routine.

  They reached the ward door and Doug held it open, laughing as Jenny sped off down the corridor towards her grandfather, who was sitting with Margaret in one of the big bay windows overlooking the garden.

  ‘It’s nice to see youngsters about the place,’ he said. ‘Alicia, what about that dinner, maybe tomorrow? I’m sure Margaret would babysit.’

  ‘Oh, Jenny’s going to visit her father tomorrow, she’ll be away until Friday,’ said Alicia, the anticipation making her feel warm and excited. Her apprehension about Jenny going away was suddenly a great deal less. How long had it been since she’d been on a date? Months? No, years. Doug was everything she could wish for, and like herself he was a nurse, they had that in common. She should get his input on her flashbacks, too. Not that she didn’t trust Frank, of course, but a second opinion might be useful. She smiled at him.

  ‘Tomorrow would be perfect.’

  ‘Great. Shall I pick you up at seven? There’s an Indonesian restaurant just outside Upper Banford, we could go there, if you like?’

  ‘Sounds good,’ said Alicia, watching as Derek Thorpe strode up the corridor. ‘See you at seven tomorrow, then.’

  ‘I’m looking forward to it.’ He squeezed her arm then turned to go downstairs again.

  Derek immediately started telling her about the speech therapy assessment that was planned for the following day, and Alicia found herself agreeing to a feedback session with Derek and the speech therapist afterwards followed by a care-plan discussion with Derek alone. But what the hell, it might be interesting and if she knew Derek at all now there would be coffee and cake involved as well. Alicia sat down beside Margaret, conscious that a smile was pulling at her lips.

  She had a date with Doug Patton. Who knows where that could lead? Alicia hugged herself.

  She was the one with a secret now, and it was a very good feeling indeed.

  The Stranger

  Plan B. A wonderful plan for a wonderful day.

  Everything was arranged in his head. All he had to do before Saturday was make sure he had his time with big Helen. Then he merely had to set plan B into action on Saturday morning, and everything would follow on almost automatically. Nothing could go wrong this time. How happy his love would be to have a little Helen all of her own.

  He was so looking forward to his own time with his little fairy queen. She was such a darling. He would meet her at the special place in the woods and then he would bring her home, and he would hold her and tell her all about his own Helen in Paradise and the love that was waiting for her there. She would be afraid, little Helen, perhaps she would even cry, but he would hold her tight and comfort her. They would have all day together, on and off, and then in the evening he would take her back to the woods.

  He looked around his living room. There wasn’t much luxury here for his sweet little Helen. Luxuries just weren’t an important part of his life any more. Losing Helen had made him see how insignificant earthly things were. But he had the golden throw for a robe, and the fluffy yellow blanket, and there was a lovely soft new towel somewhere, too. He would remove those horrible jeans or shorts she always seemed to be wearing and wrap her in the golden robe. Yes, how regal she would look. And he would loosen her lovely long hair and brush it out, and run his fingers through it and bury his face in the softness and oh, how much he would enjoy it all. He would massage her... or yes, oh ye
s, he could bath her in Helen’s bath oil, the very same kind as Mummy always used, and then he would hold her and stroke her, his beautiful little fairy Helen. How happy he would make her and oh, it was almost too much, he was looking forward to it all so very, very much. He would be rich beyond his dreams. A fairy king indeed.

  Alicia

  The thought of Jenny spending thirty-odd hours with Paul was weighing heavily in her gut. Heart thudding, Alicia started to wash the dinner dishes. The doorbell’s strident ring almost made her hit the ceiling; all this stress, she would have a stroke herself if she went on like this.

  Frank was standing on the doorstep, a piece of paper in one hand. ‘Alicia, are you okay? What’s wrong?’

  ‘Hi, Frank. Come in. Nothing’s wrong, exactly, Jenny’s going to visit her father for an overnight stay tomorrow. He’s in York on business this week. It’s a bit of a worry.’

  He followed her into the living room. ‘I can imagine. What’s been happening there? Has he made any more threats about getting custody?’

  ‘Not in so many words. My lawyer says he won’t get custody, but I should be cooperative about visits. She’s going to organise better child support for me too. It’s just the thought of Jenny being with Paul that’s bugging me.’

  ‘What does Jenny think?’

  Alicia looked at him appreciatively. She could talk it through with a neutral person now and maybe lay her fears to rest. She fetched them both a glass of Margaret’s homemade elderflower cordial and sat back in the sofa. ‘Oh, she’s delighted. And I do know it’ll be okay. She’ll be with Paul in York for a day and a half and she’ll be back home on Friday evening. But you know, Frank, sometimes I wonder why on earth I married him in the first place. When I speak to him now my toes just curl. What on earth did I see in him?’

  ‘You were younger then, other things were important,’ he said. ‘And Paul would be different then as well. You have to accept the past, Alicia, I’ve learned that myself too. Accept it, take the good things out of it – Jenny, for instance – and move on. You can’t beat yourself up about something you can’t change.’