He hated it, but he didn’t know what to do. And he always knew what to do....
Just then Sophie moved out onto the porch and leaned against a column, looking tired and lost and lonely.
He’d chew through broken glass to get to her, if things were different. But they weren’t.
Because he loved her, he couldn’t keep her.
Cade stared at Sophie across the expanse of lawn and as though she felt his gaze, she looked over and locked eyes with him. The moment spun out, endless loops of what if and I miss you and I wish…
They only had one night left. It wasn’t the least bit fair to ask.
But maybe she wanted it, too. And all she had to do was say no.
SOPHIE WAS TWO DAYS away from a dream.
She couldn’t be more thrilled at the response to Cade’s plan or more grateful for all his family had done to give Hotel Serenity its chance to live, for her vision to become reality. Yet as much as she was excited for the opening, she longed to jam a stick in the wheel that turned inexorably, bringing her ever closer to the day Cade would leave her.
She’d seen little of him in the past weeks since he was so busy getting ready for his trip and preparing for Jaime’s book. He had, however, taken time to select more photos for her guest rooms, framing them himself at Jesse’s. Each one was more stunning than the last, yet he still refused to even consider payment. The guests would love them, even if she wasn’t sure she could bear seeing them every day. They would forever remind her of the time she’d had with him, so they were as precious to her as they were exquisitely painful.
Hotel Serenity was shaping up nicely—her staff had worked hard, the entire place shone, Patty and her assistant had been cooking for days… Sophie’s to-do list was dwindling. She’d done it.
And tomorrow Cade was leaving to pursue his own dream. They’d never kissed again, never held hands, seldom exchanged more than ordinary conversation about the hotel or what else needed to be done before the opening.
She hated it. She missed him like a limb, an eye…a heart. Staying away was the right thing to do, though. He was thrilled about his trip and eager over Jaime’s book. He was shooting photos all the time again.
He had his life back. His gift.
She would never forget him, but she couldn’t keep him. You didn’t cage a wild falcon, clip an eagle’s wings, lock a panther in a steel cage. To do so would be a betrayal, and if you loved someone, you didn’t betray them or expect them to be something they weren’t. Cade was too grand a force to be constricted by an ordinary existence like hers would be in this small hotel.
But, oh, how she ached for him. Longed to rewind time and give them a chance to linger in that golden escape they’d had together. Arguments and all, worries and exhaustion… She’d never been happier than during this time with him. He’d believed in her when she hadn’t believed in herself, had seen the lonely person that she’d never let anyone see, and for a while had made her feel like she was not alone.
“Sophie?” Kelly, Patty’s assistant, spoke from behind her.
Sophie clenched her fist over her chest and pulled herself back together. “Yes?”
“This is for you.” She extended a folded sheet of paper and left.
Sophie opened it to read the bold scrawl.
I shouldn’t ask but I’m going to. Meet me at The Haven tonight at 9:00 if you miss me as much as I miss you.
But it’s okay to say no. This isn’t smart.
Cade
It wasn’t smart, no, but could she feel worse than she did now?
Probably. Being with him again and then watching him walk away would hurt her badly, but she was a realist. When he left, she would hurt no matter what.
Not smart, no. But she was going anyway.
For the first time in days, Sophie smiled…and meant it.
THE NIGHT WAS SOFT, the breeze tender on her skin as Sophie emerged from the house and spotted the welcoming glow emitting from the incredible space Cade had created. Peach gauze curtains rustled gently as she neared, and snatches of music drifted on the breeze. Her heart was beating too fast, but calm was impossible. She wanted this night too much. Couldn’t stand the thought of it ending.
Then Cade stepped from the shadows, and her pulse bumped up another notch.
“I didn’t know if you’d come.” He extended a hand.
She took it without hesitation. “You were right. It’s not smart.” She lifted to her toes and brushed his lips. “But like I said, neither of us is too bright.”
One strong arm yanked her to him, and he kissed her back with all the impatience she could have ever wished.
I love you. She almost said it aloud, but thankfully her mouth was busy. Nothing would be served by telling him that. Instead, she poured herself into the kiss, let his taste fill her.
“I’ve been going crazy without you,” he said between kisses.
“Me, too.” She coiled one leg around his calf and brought their lower bodies even closer.
He swept her up in his arms and began walking, his kisses a dark fantasy, his touch a starving man’s hunger.
Abruptly he drew back from her. “This was supposed to be a seduction. We have to take it slow.”
“Uh-uh.” She caught his mouth again.
He leaned away. “Sophie.” His breath was pumping. Dark blue eyes pinned hers. “Let me love you, Sophie. Let me show you tenderness.”
A silent struggle ensued. Tenderness would destroy her. Better the flash of heat, the greedy seduction.
“Please.” The one word undid her. Slowly she relented, and he parted the curtains to bring her inside, carrying her like precious cargo.
Inside, candles glowed. The massage table lay ready, oils lined up in pretty bottles behind it. Champagne was chilling in a bucket. The scent of gardenias twined through the air. “Oh, Cade…”
“I’m no professional masseur, I’ll warn you.” He grinned, but his eyes held nerves, of all things. “But I have good hands.”
“You certainly do.”
“Let me take off your clothes, Sophie, and make you feel wonderful.”
“Just looking at you does that,” she said before she could censor herself.
Pain speared through his beautiful eyes.
She slipped off her blouse and stroked his cheek. “Let’s not be sad, Cade. There’ll be enough time for that later.”
“Sophie…”
“Shh…” Her smile was wry. “We know what you’re doing is right. And I’m happy for you, honestly.”
“Sophie, I’m—”
She heard the sorry and stilled his words with her fingers. “You’ve done so much for me. Don’t be sorry—I’m not. I wouldn’t trade anything for these weeks. I’m a big girl.” She made herself turn away before he could see her desolation. She slipped off the rest of her clothes and lay down on the massage table.
She tried to relax, but she was afraid of what letting go would allow her to feel. His big warm hands spread over her skin, and a shudder rippled through her. Sophie reminded herself again that she had vowed not to be sad on this, his last night.
CADE STROKED DOWN HER BACK with a long caress, the oil slicking her skin as he painstakingly unknotted the muscles down the length of her spine. Barely, only barely, he resisted clamping his hands on her. Giving in to his greed, his need to bind her to him.
Sophie sighed, and he ruthlessly reminded himself that she deserved this peace, that they would make love tonight, but he couldn’t have her forever. That climbing on the table and pressing every inch of him along every inch of her would have to wait because he was going to tell her with his hands what he didn’t have the words to express, while preventing himself from uttering what would be wrong and cruel to say.
I love yo
u, but I have to leave you.
I want you, but I can’t have you.
I can’t be the man you need me to be.
Over and over his hands smoothed her muscles, caressed her hips, slicked over pretty curves, slid between her toes.
Sophie giggled at that, and he smiled, too. He hadn’t known she was ticklish.
Some other man would find that out. Cade wanted to beat the faceless man to a pulp.
He yanked his hands away before his own inner turmoil revealed itself to the woman he was trying to care for. When he was calmer, he took one of her hands and used his thumbs to release the tension there, sliding between her fingers and smoothing out across her wrist. He placed a kiss to the bend of her elbow, and Sophie sighed again.
When he reached her feet once more, he tried to remember the points a Balinese masseuse had once told him released the body’s yearnings. As Sophie’s beautiful behind began to wiggle, and her mound rubbed against the sheet, the atmosphere shifted.
Near-violent greed ripped through him.
He couldn’t tell her how she tangled him up, how she made him wish for what he couldn’t have.
But he could show her what she meant to him.
He stripped off his shirt and bent over her, sliding his hands over the mystery of her curves, diving beneath her, slicking one finger into her dark, beckoning folds. Sophie cried out, and he laid himself over her, latching his teeth on her tender nape as she rode out her climax.
When she finally sagged to the table, reluctantly he dismounted and gently turned her over.
Then he began again, massaging from her toes upward, pausing for a lick or a nip as he made his way to her thighs. A glide of both thumbs over her curls had her moaning, her fingers flexing, reaching for him.
Gently he replaced her hands by her sides and continued his progress, oiling her belly, caressing her hips, spanning her waist with his hands and running spread fingers up to caress her breasts. Slick circles across tender underarms made her giggle again. He smiled as he stroked across her shoulders and down her arms, devoting a great deal of time to her sensitive palms. He sucked one finger into his mouth, then the next and the next until Sophie was writhing, eyes still closed as little pants escaped between her lips. Then he crushed his mouth to hers.
Her eager kiss nearly broke him, but he wasn’t finished yet. Snapping a chain on his urge to devour, he instead painted calming circles over her face, easing the stress from her temples, massaging her scalp until she groaned. As he worked, he tenderly kissed each eyelid and the tip of her nose. His tongue glided over the seam of her lips on his way back down.
Then he kissed her, breasts, belly…his tongue to her core.
She gasped. “Cade, please…”
“Not yet,” he said, though he couldn’t hold out much longer. He was crazed for her, half mad with need to be inside her, to make them one. He stripped away the last of his clothes, holding on with the barest of control. His pulse hammering, he held on long enough to send her shooting high again. Watched with swiftly unraveling control as the tremors rocked her, as her arms flew wide in surrender.
Then Cade gave them both what they wanted in one powerful thrust.
She came again, grabbing for him, dragging his face to hers. Still he let the exquisite longing spool out until his craving shredded his control.
They let the explosion shatter them, locked in a kiss that said all they did not dare.
And as they fell to earth, Cade knew with a deep and aching grief that he would never find this miracle again.
No matter how much of the world he traveled.
SOMEHOW HE MANAGED TO lift them both off the massage table and got them to the chaise she had been reupholstering back when he still aggravated her.
So few weeks ago, and yet a universe away. Sophie smiled into his throat. If she didn’t, she would break down.
“Sophie…” His arms gripped her so hard she could barely breathe.
Tell me. Say you love me, Cade. I feel it. Say you’ll stay.
He reversed their positions but kept her close, wrapping her tightly against him. “I don’t know what to do,” he said.
She forced her suddenly clenched fingers to relax and stroked the side of his face. “You have to be true to yourself, to who you are. You’re special, Cade, so special. You give the world a gift with your talent.”
“But leaving… I’ve never had trouble doing that before.”
She smiled, determined not to falter. “I’m glad you do. It means you won’t forget me. You’re welcome back, anytime. You take time off, right?”
“I didn’t. But I will.”
She could see that it made him feel better to talk about the future as though this wasn’t the end. That he had regrets about leaving meant a lot to her, but she was not going to rob him of the gift he’d so newly regained and he thought he needed so much. To love him the way he deserved meant letting him go, not holding him back.
She could already feel the agony of it, but she would handle it. Once he was gone, she’d remember how to be alone again. Get her feet back underneath her. “I’ll be happy to see you.”
He rested his forehead against hers. “I don’t like thinking of you alone. You won’t shut everyone out again, will you, Queenie?”
She’d grown to love that name. “You know I’ll be fine.”
“Will you suffer a little, at least?”
From somewhere she found a smile. “I could probably manage that.”
“Sophie.” His eyes turned serious again. “Promise you’ll let me know if you need anything. Anything. Or if you have any trouble.”
God. Could he make this any harder? If he’d just walk away whistling, then she could hate him and get over him quickly.
But he was a good man, and that wasn’t how he operated. So even though she wouldn’t, she nodded. “I will.” Then she asked her own favor. “And will you let me know that you’re okay, now and again? Tell me how the mountain looks from the forbidden side?”
He wanted to believe that was enough for her, she could see it. Wanted not to hurt her. “I’ll email you the first photos. You’ll see it before anyone else.”
“I’d like that.” It would tear out her heart. She couldn’t stand this. She scraped up a smile she didn’t feel. “So…” She walked her fingers up his chest and circled his earlobe, loving the feel of his body’s response. “Are we done talking yet?”
For a moment he looked at her with such sadness she nearly broke down and said let’s not do this, don’t pretend I don’t love you and you don’t love me....
But then he kissed her, and she gratefully seized the respite. Nothing had changed. He was a wanderer, and she’d planted roots here and made a place to stay. And she was a survivor.
“Let’s not waste this night,” she murmured.
He answered with his body instead of words that would change nothing.
And if Sophie clung to him now and again when she couldn’t help herself…he clung to her, too.
Until she slept, then awoke.
To discover that he’d already left her.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
TWO WEEKS AND FOUR ENDLESS days later, Cade stood on a spot where few Westerners had ever been permitted, taking in a sight many would give anything to witness. The journey to Heaven Lake had been interminable—two weeks wasted tied up in bureaucratic wrangling.
He could have attended Sophie’s opening, after all.
But at last he’d made it. Baekdu, the sacred White Mountain, the jewel of North Korea. He’d waited years to explore this beautiful and sacred place.
He should have been ecstatic, but instead he was untouched. Frozen. He framed shot after shot, waiting, hoping for that spark…to no avail.
&nbs
p; His gift wasn’t gone, no. On the ascent, he’d taken some photos he could be proud of. He’d captured more still of the faces of people whose paths he’d crossed—though the shots had angered some and there had been threats of confiscating his cameras, so he’d had to stop taking those.
He’d like to blame his physical condition for the malaise that gripped him as he stood on the summit, but he wasn’t in the habit of lying to himself. The fault lay not in his body but his heart. He thought of Sophie every day, whether he wanted to or not. He’d deliberately not called her to find out how the opening went, figuring a clean break was best. All that brave noise they’d made of future visits, of staying in touch?
Screw that. A casual relationship with Sophie? He was light-years from managing that, and it was infuriating. Every mile away from her had stamped a nasty tattoo on his heart, souring his disposition, yanking at his patience, tainting the seminal joy of his life—being free, solitary, unencumbered.
Blast her.
“There is a problem?” his guide asked.
“No.” Barely he avoided the impulse to bark and instead summoned basic manners. “Thank you for asking.”
“You are ready to depart?”
Cade stared out at the incredible vista. Buckle down. Get the shot you’ve waited years to snap. You’re a professional. “No.” He strode away from his guide, blanking his mind to anything but what he could see through the viewfinder.
A sick feeling roiled in his gut. If he couldn’t capture this, nothing mattered. If he had lost the fire, he was done, he would never make it all the way back from the accident and—
There. Oh, God, there it was, the rush, the knowing. He began to snap off frame after frame, adjusting, crouching, scanning… The buzz up his spine was visceral, a greeting, a welcome home from a long-lost friend. “Thank you,” Cade murmured while he continued to shoot as the light shifted, and he snapped and snapped.
A Texas Chance Page 21
