Angel Without

by Rhiannon Ayers

  “Of course I’m in love with you!” Riley shouted.

  “I love you, too, you idiot!” Maddox shouted right back, taking an aggressive step forward.

  Riley shook his head. “Don’t say that! You love Amber!”

  “Why can’t I love both of you?” Maddox roared.

  “I’m not worth it, don’t you get it?” Riley cried. “You guys deserve more than a fuck-up like me. You don’t want me!”

  “Says who?” Maddox snarled.

  “Says me!” Riley shouted back. He was breathing hard, adrenaline pumping through his body hard enough to make his muscles jump erratically. He dropped his arms, scattering condoms, razors, and his toothbrush all over the living room floor as he began pacing.

  “You don’t want me, okay? You can’t want me!” He ran both hands over his face, ignoring the wetness he found on his cheeks. “It’s not safe to want me. You don’t need someone as fucked up as me in your lives! Just let me fucking go before I ruin everything!”

  “Why?” Amber said. “Why would you ruin everything? You’re the one that made this possible, Riley. Why would you think—”

  “Because I ruin everything I touch!” Riley yelled, rounding on her. “Because everyone I care about ends up getting hurt!”

  Stunned, heavy silence.

  “What are you talking about?” Maddox finally asked.

  Riley chewed his inner cheek, pacing furiously. “God, why are you making me do this? I’m a loser, okay? Everything I touch falls to pieces. The two of you…You’re both so perfect. Amber, you’re so beautiful, and well educated, and so goddamn strong. You could hold the whole world up on your shoulders and not even break a sweat. And Maddox, you’re so fucking amazing, you run your own business yet still have time to work with that charity. On top of that, you take care of me and all the rest of the guys on the crew and act like it’s no big deal. You’re both so smart and wonderful and gorgeous and so fucking sexy it hurts to be in the same room with you. The two of you are just so much more than I could ever be.

  “And look at me!” he said, throwing his arms out wide. “What the fuck am I? Nothing but a piece of shit loser who barely graduated high school and had to go into the military because there was nothing else I could do! And you know what? I fucked that up, too! I iced out. I wasn’t discharged honorably or any of that shit. I iced out because I couldn’t take the heat over there, couldn’t stand up and be a soldier my buddies could rely on. Uncle Sam didn’t want me because they were afraid I’d do something stupid and get somebody killed!”

  He cupped both hands behind his neck, almost doubling over as the pain ripped through his body. “And I did get somebody killed, didn’t I?” he said with a strangled laugh. “Even before I was told I couldn’t be trusted with the lives of other men, I got somebody killed. Stacy wouldn’t have died if it wasn’t for me.”

  “Riley, no…” Amber said in a tear-filled whisper.

  He cut her off. “Yes, Amber. Yes. Stacy wouldn’t have been raped if I’d been a man and taken care of her. She wouldn’t have gotten hurt. Wouldn’t have killed herself. It was all my fault, don’t you get it? My whole fucking family knows that. They made sure I knew it, too, after I got back.”

  “What do you mean?” Maddox rumbled darkly.

  Riley gritted his teeth. “Oh, they weren’t obvious about it. Not right away. My mom still talked to me, still acted like I was her son. But my aunts and uncles and cousins didn’t come around anymore. Stopped wanting me to be part of the family. I thought it was because I’d been gone for a few years, and they didn’t know how to relate to me anymore.” He laughed, the sound full of jagged glass. “My dad set me straight. Big time.”

  Suddenly, both Maddox and Amber were there, each taking hold of one of his arms and propelling him backward until he sank down onto the dark-brown leather couch. Amber sat on one side, Maddox the other. Each of them took one of his hands.

  “Tell us,” Maddox rumbled. “Tell us what happened.”

  Riley fought tears as the words tumbled past his lips, a verbal avalanche drenched in years of pent-up anguish. “It was about six months after I got back. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what it was. Everybody was acting strange around me. Like I carried plague, or something. They’d forget to tell me about the family getting together at a restaurant. Or forget to invite me to my nephews’ football games. Little things. Stuff we used to do together all the time. Really weirded me out. I had no idea what was going on, no clue who I should talk to to figure it out.

  “I was having trouble sleeping one night. Got up to get a glass of water, went to raid the fridge for something sweet. Found my dad sitting in the kitchen, eating ice cream out of the carton.”

  He paused, squeezed his eyes shut. “Dad always had a sweet tooth,” he whispered tightly. “Would get up in the middle of the night and raid the ice cream. We had a ritual, when I was growing up. When I was little, if I woke up and found him down there, I’d always ask, ‘Can I have some, too?’ And Dad would always reply, ‘As long as you get your own spoon.’”

  Riley took a deep, shuddering breath. “It became our thing. I’d get my spoon, sit down, and we’d eat ice cream and talk. About anything. School. Girls. Life. Anything. Those times, he wasn’t my dad. He was my best f-friend.”

  Amber’s fingers tightened around his hand, as Maddox lifted his free arm and draped it over the back of the couch, behind Riley’s head. They said nothing, just waiting for him to finish.

  Riley swallowed. “That night, when I saw Dad sitting at the table with his ice cream, I smiled. Walked into the room, and said what I always said. ‘Hey, Dad. Can I have some, too?’ But he didn’t complete the ritual. Didn’t even look at me. Instead he got up, closed the ice cream carton, put it back in the freezer, and dropped his spoon in the sink. Then he turned and walked out of the room. I followed him as far as the stairs, wanting to ask him what was wrong, but he stopped and spoke over his shoulder.

  “‘Once,’ he said, ‘a long time ago, I had a son who would come have ice cream with me in the middle of the night. I loved that kid. But that kid let his sister die. I don’t have a son anymore.’ And he walked up the stairs.”

  “Jesus,” Maddox whispered. “God, Riley…”

  “The next day,” Riley said brokenly, “my mom pulled me aside. She said I needed to leave. That my dad had told her I wasn’t welcome in his house anymore. She gave me a bus ticket. Not to Austin or San Antonio, even though they were closer. She gave me a bus ticket to Houston. Because my dad hates Houston, and so as long as I lived there, he would never have to risk running into me.

  “I left that day. Haven’t talked to anyone in the family since. Nobody wants me to be part of their lives. And why should they? It’s dangerous, being around me. I almost got my squad killed in Iraq. I let Stacy die. Everything I touch turns to ashes.

  “My sister is dead,” he finished tiredly. “My family cast me out. I’m dead to them now, too.”

  Amber crawled in his lap, wrapping her tiny hands around his jaw as she looked into his eyes. “You’re not dead to us, Riley,” she said softly, fiercely. “You’re everything to us. Without you, none of this would have ever happened.”

  “That’s not true,” Riley whispered. “You would have gotten over your issues with Maddox on your own. You’re strong, Amber. You would have figured it out, with or without me.”

  “No,” Maddox refuted seriously. He tipped Riley’s chin, forcing him to look into those silver eyes. “Without you, neither Amber nor I would have had the courage to get past those issues. You make us whole, Riley. There is no us without you.”

  “You don’t want me,” Riley whispered hoarsely. He looked from one to the other, desperate to make them understand—before he fell even more in love with them. “You can’t want me. I have nothing to offer you, for Christ’s sake. Nothing.”

  “You don’t think so?” Amber asked, blue eyes flashing in the darkening room. “Do you want to know how often I’
ve been able to laugh with a man? Do you want to know how many times I’ve felt safe enough with a man—any man—to laugh and tease and make silly jokes?”

  She paused while he just stared at her.

  Amber caressed his jaw, his neck. “Never, Riley,” she whispered. “Never, not once in my whole life, have I felt comfortable enough with a man to do any of the things I’ve done with you in the past two days. Do you know how important that is to me? Do you know how significant that is? You give me that. Just by being you.”

  Riley cringed, tried to shake his head, but Maddox forced him to look at him again. “You make me stop and think, Riley. You make me get out of my own head and look at the world the way it really is. Do you know how important that is to me? How desperately I’ve needed someone I could just talk to, who wouldn’t let me get away with shit? You make me a better person, a better man, just by being you.”

  Two stingy tears squeezed out, warming Riley’s cheeks as Amber met his eyes again. “You’re the reason we could be together in the first place,” she told him seriously. “You’re the reason we even wanted to try to get past our problems. So we could be with you. Both of us. We don’t want to be together without you, Riley. You’re the center. The foundation. The one that makes this relationship possible. Without you…”

  “There can be no us,” Maddox finished for her, repeating his earlier sentiment.

  “Please, Riley,” Amber whispered breathily. “Please, don’t leave us. We need you.”

  “Desperately,” Maddox agreed, silver eyes glowing with sincerity.

  “You’ll get hurt,” Riley whispered, staring into Amber’s eyes. “I’ll let you down, and you’ll get hurt. I can’t risk that.”

  “The only thing you can do to hurt me is leave,” she whispered back. “We need you, Riley. Please, don’t leave us.”

  “Please,” Maddox echoed.

  Riley looked from one to the other, stunned by the sincerity in both their gazes. How could they possibly want him? How could he trust himself with them? Maddox could take care of himself, but Amber…okay, she could take care of herself, too. She’d had the courage to run away from that asshole who abused her, hadn’t she? And she’d had the strength to seek out her brother and beg him for help. The strength to be here with Maddox, a guy who embodied everything she feared about men. So maybe she was strong enough to put up with Riley’s bullshit. Hell, she might be the only woman on earth who was even qualified.

  And Maddox…he had his own issues. Riley hadn’t forgotten those shadows he’d seen in the man’s eyes when they’d talked about what it meant to be a Dom. Maddox hadn’t foresworn being with women on a whim. Something had goaded him into believing he couldn’t be with women anymore. So it must have taken a lot of courage for him to agree to be with Amber, too. And yet here he was, saying he needed Riley to help keep his head on straight. How did that even make sense?

  God, both of them simply amazed him. They were both so strong, so perfect. Why would they ever want a weak idiot like Riley hanging around?

  And yet…they were asking him to do just that. Asking him to be with them. He’d tried to walk away, to give them an out. But they weren’t letting him leave.

  They were begging him to stay.

  Riley licked his lips. “You’re both insane,” he croaked. “Why on earth would you want me around when you already have each other?”

  “You’re part of us, Riley,” Maddox said softly. He ran his fingers through the short hairs at the base of Riley’s neck, petting him the way he’d seen Sidri pet Allen. “Whether you believe it or not, you’ve been part of us right from the first moment. We don’t just want you, Riley. We need you.”

  Amber nodded solemnly. “Stay with us,” she begged. “Stay with us, please. Me and Maddox don’t make sense without you. Besides”—and she gave him a watery smile—“who’s going to deck Robbie the next time he comes around?”

  Riley snorted. “So, that’s what I am? The hired muscle?”

  “You’re everything, Riley,” she said with a soft smile. “We couldn’t do this without you. I couldn’t do this without you.”

  “You’re crazy. You’re both crazy,” he said, voice cracking with emotion.

  “Maybe so,” Maddox agreed with a little chuckle. “But we’re all crazy together. And we’re both crazy about you.”

  Riley blushed furiously, completely at a loss. And he’d thought he was in love with them before?

  Amber gave him a soft smile that suddenly turned wicked between one blink and the next. Riley blinked, his cock going rock-hard as she walked her fingers down his chest, looking up at him through her lashes. “You know…I still owe you for getting mascara on your shirt, Riley. I wonder what we should do about that? Any ideas, Maddox?”

  Riley groaned as his dick twitched in his jeans, taking a bite out of his zipper. “You look pretty fucking sexy wearing Maddox’s shirt,” he grated hoarsely.

  Maddox chuckled darkly, leaning in so Riley could feel the man’s breath across his ear. “She does, doesn’t she? She looks even sexier wearing it while sitting on your lap.” His voice dropped, becoming a rumbly, vibrating whisper.

  “Which is why she’s going to keep it on while I watch her ride you.”

  Chapter 22

  It was a good thing Riley was already sitting down. Otherwise, he probably would have passed out after all the blood rushed from his big head to his little one.

  His hands convulsed, tightening around Amber’s thighs and pushing the T-shirt high enough to reveal she wasn’t wearing any panties underneath. He groaned, licked his lips, and murmured, “Just…just watch?”

  Maddox let loose a sultry chuckle. “Just watch. For now.”

  Amber shivered on top of him, running her hands down his chest before scooting backward so she could reach his fly. Riley started panting long before she popped the button. Unable to help himself, he slid his hands up to her waist, watching the way Maddox’s shirt bunched over his wrists.

  “Stop.”

  The command, so deep and sensual, froze both of them instantly. Maddox rumbled, “Put your arms over your head, Riley. Grip the back of the couch.”

  He complied with a heavy moan, digging his fingers into the dark leather while his chest heaved with every breath he took. Amber gave him a naughty smile as she took his zipper down, one tooth at a time, relieving some of the pressure on his aching dick. Pre-cum already stained his shorts, his cockhead peeking over the top of his waistband, practically screaming for attention.

  “Stand up for a minute, Amber,” Maddox ordered quietly.

  She rose, taking a step back as Maddox leaned over him and slipped his thumbs inside the waistband of his jeans and shorts at the same time. Those silver eyes flashed up to Riley’s face as he whispered, “Lift up.”

  Riley did, raising his lower body high enough that Maddox could slide both articles of clothing down his body, shuddering as the fabric caressed his throbbing cock on the way past. Maddox left them bunched around Riley’s knees, his socks and boots still on, keeping him hobbled. His dick pulsed as both sets of eyes took in the sight of his hard shaft resting against his lower belly.

  “Beautiful,” Maddox whispered. He shot Amber a smoldering look. “Straddle him.”

  Amber moved instantly, her knees digging into the couch cushions on either side of him as she settled across his lap. She rested both hands on Riley’s shoulders, her eyes now a dark purple, glittering with lust and anticipation. Riley shuddered, biting back a curse as she rubbed her bare pussy up and down the backside of his cock, coating him with the evidence of her own arousal.

  Maddox stood, walked behind Amber, and reached around her lower body to gather the trailing hem of the T-shirt in his hands. He pulled the excess material back, tightening it around her waist so that her tits remained covered while her lower body became visible. Riley’s eyes locked on the apex of her thighs, the tightly cropped curls that glistened with her juices. Maddox must have tied a knot in the back of the shir
t, because it stayed in place when he stepped back and took a seat on the coffee table in front of them.

  “God damn, you two look sexy together,” Maddox rumbled. “Play with him, Amber. He’s your sex toy tonight.”

  “Jesus fuck,” Riley groaned.

  Amber hummed appreciatively, started running her fingertips all up and down his chest, teasing the fuck out of him since his shirt was still on. She tweaked his nipples, the abrasion of the fabric only serving to heighten his pleasure. Riley cursed, body quaking as he fought the urge to wrap his arms around her. Amber flashed him a knowing look and reached for the hem of his shirt, slowly pulling the material upward while he leaned forward to accommodate the movement. But he didn’t let go of his white-knuckle grip on the back of the couch, so she couldn’t remove it completely. Instead, she left it tangled around his wrists, making him feel as if she’d suddenly tied him in place.

  “I love the way a man’s body can be so hard and yet so soft,” Amber purred, dancing her fingertips over his pecs, making him groan. “Solid muscle from head to toe, all of it covered in silky, hot velvet. I think I could come just from running my hands over you, Riley. You have the most amazing body.”

  Riley shivered, closing his eyes as she pinched both nipples hard enough to make him gasp. But they popped open again immediately when she reached down and took a two-handed grip around his screaming cock. He shouted, unable to help himself, as she squeezed gently. The sound of a foil wrapper tearing open filled the room before Maddox reached around Amber’s waist and presented her with a condom. She took it, and together they sheathed him, covering his cock in latex.

  “He’s so big, Maddox,” Amber murmured breathily. “Do you really think he’ll fit?”

  Riley groaned while Maddox just laughed. “Only one way to find out, angel. Ride him.”

  Amber rose up onto her knees, notched his cock at her entrance, and settled both hands on his shoulders once more. Riley couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, as she slowly, slowly lowered herself onto his shaft, surrounding him in the most intoxicating, addictive wet heat. Fuck, she was tight, so damn tight and so damn wet, practically strangling his dick with her tunnel. Both of them were panting, shaking uncontrollably by the time she took him all the way to the hilt.