The Wedding Pact

by Isla Gordon

  ‘It’s fine, same as usual,’ Yui said.

  ‘And your family?’

  ‘Everyone’s doing well.’

  ‘Do you still live in our apartment?’ he asked, needing to know.

  ‘No,’ she shook her head. ‘I moved out a month or so after you’d gone. It wasn’t right for me anymore. I’m now in a place by myself, it’s really nice. Small and cosy and has a view over the Sumida River.’

  ‘That sounds perfect for you,’ he answered. She’d always loved the water. In their worst days, when they seemed to argue whenever they had a rare moment together, Yui would take herself off for long jogs from their apartment block and alongside the river.

  ‘It is, it suits me.’ The way she said it felt dipped in sentiment, like she was trying to tell Flynn in the kindest possible way that he hadn’t suited her, that he hadn’t been right for her anymore. ‘What is your home like in England? Do you live on your own?’

  ‘No … ’ he paused. ‘I share the flat with a woman, actually, but she’s just a flatmate.’ Just a flatmate.

  ‘Does she find your early-morning banana milkshake habit as annoying as I did?’ Yui asked, and chuckled.

  Flynn thought of August, and how at the sound of the blender she’d always appear, no matter how early, in the kitchen, sniffing at the air. He knew now to always make enough for her to have one too. Bananas had been added to the ‘shared’ shopping list long ago. ‘Luckily for her, the blender we have is much quieter than the one you and I owned.’ Flynn remembered that blender well, a gift from Yui’s parents which she’d never quite forgiven them for, that churned and ground away like a pneumatic drill was being used inside the apartment.

  ‘What’s her name?’

  ‘August,’ Flynn handled her name with care, unsure how Yui would respond to it.

  ‘August … ’ Yui turned the name over in her mouth. ‘Like the month?’

  Flynn only nodded.

  ‘Do you and August live in a tall building, like you and I used to?’

  ‘No, it’s a house converted into flats, just a few neighbours sharing the same roof.’

  ‘And does it have a view?’

  ‘It does, you can see the whole city stretched out before you. I can see why some people would climb all the way to the top of the hill again and again, year after year, just to look at the view.’

  ‘So the city is beautiful, you have a nice place to live, good company, good health, the only real problem is the job?’

  ‘And I don’t have you,’ he confessed.

  ‘Fujio … ’ Yui put her hand on his arm, signalling him to come to a stop. They paused on a low wooden bridge, a stream running underneath it, babbling softly. She took a deep breath, and Flynn already knew what she was going to say, he could see it in her face, kind though her expression was.

  Yui took a beat before speaking. ‘You wouldn’t have me, even if you came home. You know that, right? Even if you’d stayed in Japan and never left, you still wouldn’t have me, not anymore.’

  His shoulders sank, not with the weight of his sadness, as he’d thought they might if Yui said this, but with relief. Relief to finally know the answer to the question that had troubled him for months. It was still sad, of course, and would take some adjusting to, but if anything it was now like a weight had finally been lifted..

  ‘It wasn’t working, was it?’ he asked, leaning down on the railing of the bridge, but turning his face to look at her. ‘We weren’t working.’

  Yui simply shook her head.

  ‘You don’t think it would have made any difference if I’d stayed?’

  ‘Do you?’ she asked, a half-smile on her lips.

  ‘I honestly didn’t think I knew the answer to that this whole time.’

  ‘I think deep down you knew it before you accepted that job. I don’t believe you would have taken it – you probably wouldn’t have even applied for it – if you hadn’t already known we were lowering the curtain on us.’ Yui said this without judgement, without bitterness. Flynn could see she’d moved on, and now he just needed to catch up with her.

  ‘You seem happy,’ Flynn stated. ‘Are you?’

  ‘I am. Is that the answer you came all the way across the world to hear?’ she joked.

  Was he happier knowing she was happy? It didn’t make sense to him, because if she was happier now than she’d been when they’d been a couple, shouldn’t that make him sad? Shouldn’t he feel resentful and even more lonely? Maybe he should; who’s to say how a person ‘should’ feel? But he didn’t. If anything, Yui’s happiness gave him permission from himself to let go. And so in reply to her, before they went away from the Japanese gardens in two different directions, he told her, ‘Yes.’

  Chapter 74

  August

  August poured Abe a glass of wine. Another week had passed, or close enough, and he was back in Bath again, this time coming down early for the Thursday evening. He’d knocked on her door on his way up the stairs, carrying a duffel bag and wearing his work suit, and had asked how she was.

  ‘I’m good,’ she said, cursing her straggly hair and the yellow monster feet slippers she’d bought on impulse during the week and had barely taken off since. ‘How are you? Is your mum okay?’

  ‘She’s fine, well, not fine, but no different. So, still seems a bit unwell, really, I suppose.’ He lingered in her doorway.

  ‘Do you want to come in or do you need to go straight up?’

  ‘I could come in,’ he answered immediately.

  ‘Wine?’ she asked, picking a bottle out of the rack. She wouldn’t usually drink on a work night but … who was she kidding, yes she would.

  ‘Yes, please,’ he answered, and took a seat on the armchair. He then moved to the sofa, and then back to the armchair. He stood up when she brought the wine over. ‘Where should I sit?’

  ‘Anywhere you like,’ she answered. She glanced at the bedroom doors; both were closed. It had become a habit that she and Flynn kept their doors shut now, in case anyone popped by, but it still didn’t hurt to check. She also mentally clocked the rest of her surroundings. Wedding photos upright: check.

  Abe took a seat on the sofa in the end, so August squashed down on the armchair, feeling like the two of them together on the sofa might send him running.

  He seemed distracted though this evening, focussed on something else, more like he was the first time they met than the last few times, especially last weekend. ‘Are you okay?’ she asked him.

  ‘Hmm? Oh yes, I’m fine,’ he said, and took a gulp of his wine. ‘How are you? How was work today?’

  ‘Good, actually, I finished a bit early and came home to do a bit of recording and found out I’d been booked for another job, voicing a cartoon character for an episode of a new Netflix series!’

  ‘That’s amazing!’

  ‘It’s just on one episode, not like, a recurring character, but still.’ August couldn’t help but beam. She’d never voiced a cartoon character before, and she nearly hadn’t gone for the role. But she’d had a photo text from Flynn during his first few days in Japan, showing a pile of interestingly flavoured KitKats he’d bought for her, and she’d taken the colourful animal characters on the front of some of them as a sign.

  ‘I think that’s very cool,’ Abe nodded, and then drifted back into silence again.

  ‘Are you sure everything is all right with your mum? You seem … distracted,’ asked August.

  ‘Yes, well. Is Flynn still in Japan?’

  ‘Yep, for another week-ish,’ she answered, her answer feeling loaded.

  ‘Great. I mean, not great, for him. But.’ Abe stopped talking and stood up in front of her as if he was about to declare something, before backing off and leaning against the back of the sofa, maintaining a distance between the two of them.

  Eventually he spoke, his voice soft, his eyes downcast. ‘I feel stupid. Because I came home early this weekend, not for Mum, she’s probably sick of the sight of me by now, but … to see you
.’

  August held her breath. What did this mean? ‘To see me?’

  He nodded and rubbed a palm across his forehead, before gulping at his wine again. ‘I’m so, so stupid, and I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it, I’m not trying to muscle in on anything just because Flynn’s away. I’m just lonely and we get on, that’s all.’ He stood up, flustered.

  August stood too. Abe liked her. She was sure this is what he was saying. Wasn’t it? Or was it just like he said, that he was lonely and he saw her as a friend, but felt like that was encroaching on a boundary?

  She should tell him the truth. Right now. She could just let the words spill out that she was single and then whatever he was thinking would be okay. She and Flynn had spoken about how this couldn’t go on for ever, after all … sort of. She opened her mouth but the words caught in her throat.

  Abe went to the door. ‘I should go up to Mum. Let me know if you want to hang out at all this weekend. Or not. As friends, of course.’

  ‘Abe—’ she stuttered and he turned, looking at her with a sadness that made her want to wrap her arms around him. Those words were right there: I’m single. I’m not really married to Flynn. Do you like me? But instead she said, ‘Shall we get dinner or something tomorrow, and just chat?’

  Abe nodded at that, his lips parted like he wanted to say – or do – something else, but he then clamped them shut and turned to walk out the door.

  ‘Tomorrow, then?’ August clarified.

  He looked back at her. ‘Tomorrow.’

  August wasn’t sure what they’d both agreed to, exactly, but she had until tomorrow to decide what she wanted.

  Chapter 75

  Flynn

  The third time Flynn nearly sliced into his finger instead of a mushroom, his mother took the knife out of his hand and replaced it with a beer. ‘You’re no use to me in this state, Flynn,’ she scolded, softly. ‘Just leave it to me.’

  Flynn sat on a bar stool in his parents’ kitchen, their window facing out onto a lake, Mount Fuji’s peak visible in the background on a clear day, like today. His father was in the garden, finding extra fresh vegetables to add to their lunch, and Flynn had spent the morning, well, actually the whole time since he’d boarded the train and returned from Tokyo last weekend, thinking about his future. And his past.

  ‘Can we talk about Yui yet?’ Mrs Miyoshi asked. She spoke to him in her native English, just as happy to utilise that language as Flynn had been to use his Japanese when he arrived back in the country.

  Flynn laughed at that. ‘Of course, what do you want to know?’

  ‘Oh, I don’t know,’ his mum said. ‘How is she? How did it go? Are you still in love with her?’

  ‘She’s fine, good even. Happy, actually. It was nice to see her – and no, I’m not still in love with her.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘Oh?’ he questioned.

  ‘I just … ’ she trailed off for a moment. ‘I presumed she was the reason you came back.’

  ‘She was, in a way, in the same way you and dad are, and Japan in general is. I just missed my life.’

  ‘Your life now isn’t so bad, you know,’ she replied, raising an eyebrow at him as if to say, Millennials.

  ‘Agreed, agreed, I’m just doing some thinking about what I really want.’

  ‘But you weren’t thinking about Yui, just now?’

  ‘No,’ he replied with honesty. He’d been thinking about August.

  ‘What’s the smile for?’ Mrs Miyoshi probed. ‘Do you have a girlfriend in England?’

  He shook his head. He hadn’t told his parents about Poppy, and now it was over before it had ever really begun, there seemed little point. Instead he tried to change the subject, seek some advice. ‘Do you think I should quit my job?’ he asked, just as his dad walked in the room.

  ‘Quit your job?’ Mr Miyoshi parroted. ‘In England?’

  ‘Yes,’ Flynn replied, switching back to Japanese.

  ‘For another job?’

  ‘Or to come back here.’

  ‘Why would you come back here?’ his father asked, bluntly, as his wife took the handful of vegetables from his hands. ‘Fujio, are you happy?’

  He thought about it, but he didn’t have to think for long. ‘No. But I worry it’s just because of all the changes.’

  ‘Change is fine, it’s part of life,’ his mum said, echoing words to him that she and his father had always lived by. ‘We can still appreciate the past and enjoy its memories. But you need to be happy, that’s what is important.’

  ‘Why can’t you be happy at the moment?’ Flynn’s dad asked. ‘Why do you think you need to quit your job?’

  ‘Because I’m tired and overworked.’ And because I’ve fallen for my flatmate, who isn’t interested in me like that.

  His mum, who had always been a big believer in following the heart instead of the head, which was how she’d spent her life between two different continents, said, ‘There is happiness in time-affluence, Flynn. If you don’t have the time to do the things that make you happy, then working all the extra hours and earning all the extra money isn’t going to make you wealthy.’

  ‘You’re very wise, Mother,’ Flynn said, thinking about what she’d said.

  And so Flynn got in the car. He drove towards Mount Fuji and parked where he could see her shoot straight up into the air, white tipped and full-skirted. He had so much of Japan he still wanted to explore that he’d never given himself the freedom to do so. He wanted to climb in the Japanese Alps, travel far to the snowy north, take a plane to the tropical islands in the south, visit the temples and shrines and cities and villages. He wanted to do it all.

  And one day he would.

  Because he also wanted to visit the remote lochs of Scotland, just like he’d described to August for their imaginary honeymoon. He wanted to visit Rome in the summer when it was so hot your gelato melted down your hands. He wanted to drive through Germany and campervan around Cornwall. If he left England now, he’d be making exactly the same mistake he’d already made here in Japan – making plans and goals and wish lists and not fulfilling them. And what then? Wouldn’t it just be an endless cycle?

  Coming to Japan had been just what he needed. He’d seen his family, he’d had closure with Yui, he’d cleared his mind, and now he could go home. His new home. And one day he’d come back here and call Japan home again.

  But not now.

  Suddenly he knew what he wanted: to spend his last few days of leave with August, really figuring out what they meant to each other, and deciding what else he could do when he quit his job.

  He checked his phone. He wasn’t due to leave Tokyo until early next week, but perhaps he could change his flight. To tomorrow.

  Chapter 76

  August

  August took a half day on Friday and went shopping. She couldn’t concentrate at the press office because she still didn’t quite know how to handle things with Abe tonight.

  What if she told him the truth and it ruined everything? Her brain was so muddled. If only Flynn were here to talk this through with, then they could both make the decision.

  Sometimes, when the brain is trying to work through a difficult problem, it can become fixated on a solution to something else entirely, just to feel productive. This was certainly the case with August, at least. And that’s why she found herself standing by the sale rack of a fancy clothing store in Bath’s city centre, holding up a slinky slip of a dress. If she dressed like an elegant grown-up for her dinner with Abe tonight, she reasoned, then perhaps she’d be able to remain level-headed and grown-up about the whole situation.

  Touching the fabric of the dress, in this store she didn’t quite belong in, she felt a wash of loneliness, just as she was predicting about Abe, and she wanted to be close to him, she liked the way he looked at her. It hurt to think of Flynn wrapped up with Yui right now.

  August wanted to be close to someone.

  When August got home, she tried on her new dress
again. It was beautiful, and it looked beautiful on. The satin fabric, a deep teal shade with matching teal lace detailing, wrapped her body like a Christmas present. It accented her curves, and didn’t squish or hide her imperfections – it made her feel sexy and celebrated. The back of the dress had been fiddly, with ribbons and lace trailing down her spine, but it was worth persevering with in the end, and thanks to the fanciest underwear she owned, a teddy she’d purchased on a whim a few years ago that was now layered underneath, she stood proud in front of the mirror.

  August gave herself a satisfied nod, struck a quick pose, and then reached behind her to start undoing it all, ready for it to be fresh on tonight.

  Although … it might be overkill, mightn’t it, showing up for a ‘friends’ dinner dressed to the nines? Abe would probably run a mile.

  As the doubts crept in, August’s fingers fiddled with the looping ribbons down her back, her mind elsewhere. Hmm. Something was wrong, and the dress wasn’t slipping off as easily as it had in the shop changing room.

  August twisted in front of the mirror to try to get a better look, but she couldn’t really see. Something was wrong, right where the ribbon looped into the lace and kissed the ticklish centre of her back. She just … couldn’t … quite … get it undone.

  As she tugged, her limbs contorted, she heard the sound of threads tearing. ‘Shit,’ she muttered, and carefully pulled the delicate straps over her shoulders so the dress dangled from her ribcage, tangled hopelessly in the equally intricate underwear. What was she going to do? Sure, she could keep it on for the rest of the day and then wear the damned thing straight out to dinner, but there were only two possible endings for this garment as things stood. Either she’d need to politely ask Abe to help her remove it after dinner, which would be a big expectation to place on a man who thought she was married, or she’d be in this exact position late this evening and need to rip it off herself anyway. And she really didn’t want to rip it. August’s budget didn’t allow for drawerfuls of luxury garments, or lingerie for that matter, so this little number was intended to be pulled out again and again.