Were Me Out

by Robyn Peterman

  “How is your life partner doing these days? We all heard he was sick and had taken medical leave.”

  “My what?” Erin asked in surprise, tripping over the term. She didn’t appreciate the girl laughing at her stumble.

  “Angus—Mr. MacNamara?” Mia asked.

  Erin kept forgetting that the whole world believed Angus was having himself a medical break from his duties. No one knew the original Universe 1 version was really gone. If he was with the Goddess now, she hoped Brighid took pity on the man and looked after him. The Morrigan would take his soul in the afterlife if the original was as bad as the version she dealt with.

  “You’ll have to forgive me, Mia. Angus and I got spitting mad at each other just before he took ill. I sometimes forget what the world thinks of us. But don’t lose faith in long-term love. If there wasn’t any fighting in a relationship, there wouldn’t be any making up. Ya certainly wouldn’t want to miss that kind of sex. It’s the best ever. Angus is outstanding when riled up beyond reason.”

  And that was the biggest lie she’d told yet. She had no idea what Angus was really like in bed. His one drunken poke had been blissful to her neglected girly parts, but hadn’t done a thing for the rest of her.

  While the girl was giggling about her sex comment, Erin let a quiet sigh of relief escape.

  She surely hoped she was done lying today. The ones about Angus always broke her heart.

  Chapter Four

  Angus walked back to the mirror in what some medical person had explained to him was the interim recovery area. His room was furnished like a military barracks, but what did he know? He was still trying to figure out how he’d gone from looking sixty-seven back to looking thirty-five during the time he’d been sleeping his life away. He didn’t even recognize the bugger staring back at him. The amount of physical change was shock enough to make a man swear off Guinness altogether.

  He thought of Erin and wondered where she was. She’d left him sleeping and then disappeared. No one would tell him anything about her. They just patted his arm and assured him she would return when she could.

  He also wondered what happened to his kilt. He was now wearing a pair of loose waist pants and a shirt in the same material that hung outside. They looked like night clothes, but he’d noticed the doctors wearing something similar. Maybe it was all they had for someone his size. He’d never been a small man, not even in youth. Most of his time was spent in kilts because pants were fecking uncomfortable on an arse his size.

  A knock on his door had him spinning and just as quickly his stomach dipped when he saw it wasn’t who he’d hoped to see. Though exactly why he wanted Erin O’Shea to come torture him was beyond his comprehension. Maybe it was just because they’d been kidnapped together.

  “Hello, Mr. MacNamara. I’m Nate, your primary healer. I wanted to come by and update you on your current condition.”

  “If I seem confused to see ya, it’s because I am,” Angus declared. “I was feeling just fine before ya stuck me in that fecking box. What condition are ya talking about?”

  Angus watched his doctor wrinkle up his forehead in thought. The man looked like he had gas.

  “When you came to us, you had several diseases commonly found in Universe 6. We had to research and heal each one separately, so that took a bit of time and no small amount of staff, but we were under orders to take care of everything. We of course made our typical DNA adjustment while we were working on your organ regeneration. I must say your body responded quite enthusiastically to the cell restructuring. Most people gain back a little time, but you seem to have doubled the usual amount of change we see.”

  Angus twisted his mouth into a grimace. “How about ya speak all that a little plainer, lad?”

  He watched the doctor smile. “Sorry if I seem rude. It just that I like the way you talk. It’s so very different from what I’m used to hearing. None of the aliens are… well, never mind. You asked for a plainer explanation. Let me think.”

  Angus watched his doctor pace and frown. His stomach clenched in preparation to hear bad news.

  “While you were in the healing coma, your body reset it’s biological clock and what you see in the mirror is the age it chose. Everyone in Universe 1 gets their DNA reset in one-third-life, which averages between sixty and eighty-five here, but rejuvenation doesn’t usually net such incredible results as it has in your case. In a Universe 1 person’s life, the rejuvenation process can be repeated a few times, but eventually the body stops responding. The first time is usually the best. You look like one of the aliens with all those muscles. How old are you—chronologically, I mean?”

  “Never ya mind how fecking old I am,” Angus said, wincing internally. “Where’s my kilt?”

  “Your… oh… your plaid suit. Technically, the fabric was once animal so it probably couldn’t come through the portal without causing some problems, especially with the time difference. You’re welcome to look through the other clothing we have that might fit someone of your stature, but it’s all going to look pretty much like what you’re wearing.”

  Angus looked down at himself. The pants he wore covered his man parts well enough he supposed. Wasn’t that the most important thing? “Okay. Where’s Erin O’Shea hiding?”

  “Erin will be back shortly. She’s probably working with the draftees. It’s remarkable how well the woman has adjusted to being here. Unlike her predecessor, she picked up the work immediately. Your Erin is quite the marvel. We’re all very happy to have you and Ms. O’Shea replace the Universe 1 originals.”

  “She’s a marvel, eh?” Angus asked, huffing at the thought. “More like a pain in someone’s arse, if ya ask me. It’s her default setting.” The man looked highly disturbed at the insult. “What are ya staring at me like that for?”

  “You and Erin… you’re not… I mean, you don’t sound like you were a couple in your universe.”

  Angus rolled his eyes. “We weren’t anything but strained acquaintances pretending to be friends. Oh, I took a run at her once, but it didn’t take. We do try not to fight in front of strangers. She helped me match up some of my children with their husbands and wives. I’ll be paying for that help for the rest of my days.”

  Nate nodded as a sound of genuine surprise escaped his throat. “How interesting. I guess sometimes even the Guardians don’t quite get the story right. We all know the portal has quirks. I suppose this is one of them. Mr. MacNamara, do I need to worry about a negative relationship between you and Erin O’Shea?”

  “What are ya talking about, man?” Angus demanded. “Yer tone sounds like I just announced an intention to kill her. I promise ya, I would never do that no matter how much the woman tempted me. Ya can truly believe I’ll not be spending eternity in hell because of the likes of Erin O’Shea. But I can’t promise ya I will never yell at her.”

  “I can understand your relationship not being quite the same, but you two were still legendary matchmakers in Universe 6. Weren’t you?” Nate asked.

  Angus hung his head and shook it as he studied his feet. They had put paper shoes on him. He must have been really sick to let anyone get by with that.

  “Feck man, I don’t know. Matchmaking is what they called what I did just because I matched up my children… and some friends and kin. I made one fecking promise to my Mary and now my entire reputation is ruined for all history. I had a thriving farm and sold milk to Lisdoonvarna and other towns. That’s what kept my belly full and how I raised my kids. Matchmaking didn’t pay anything but the occasional chicken or lamb.”

  Nate laughed. “I’m so terribly sorry for my amusement. Your language is wonderful. Who’s Mary?”

  “Mary is my dead wife,” Angus said grumpily. “Hellcat and tormentor extraordinaire. Worse than Erin O’Shea and that’s really saying something.”

  “Wow, things really were different in Universe 6 than here. So… are you actually saying Ms. O’Shea is a free woman as far as you’re concerned?”

  “And if I am sa
ying it?” Angus demanded, not sure why the man’s keen interest in Erin was starting to bother him. The man had jumped on his revelations too quickly. That was probably it.

  Nate shrugged and then smiled. “Erin will have a long line of suitors when the word gets out she’s available.” He fought off the glare aimed at him with a hand. “Don’t worry, Mr. MacNamara. The news of your estrangement won’t come from me. You and Erin will have to make that official here in Universe 1. Why would I increase my competition for her? I find her both beautiful and charming.”

  “Ya nearly got me thinking we’re talking about a different woman. Help me out here, Nate. What’s so great about Erin that makes ya so interested?”

  Nate smiled. “Perhaps you’re not much like your Universe 1 alternate. However, Erin is exactly like hers. Ms. O’Shea’s compassionate nature when it comes to love is something very revered here in Universe 1. We’ve gotten a little away from those kind of values since we started dealing with all the alien cultures.”

  “We can’t be talking about the same person. Erin O’Shea is a mean harpy with a vicious tongue,” Angus declared.

  Nate laughed. “Erin’s been perfectly pleasant to me. She came every day to see you. The first time you were still in the cylinder. She sat on the floor by it and cried. It took us an hour to convince her you weren’t dead or dying. But you had the beginnings of severe gout, a couple of cancers that had started spreading, and some extensive liver damage. We had to put you into stasis to let your body heal itself without traumatizing you.”

  Angus snorted. He’d had the life he’d had and he wouldn’t apologize for any of it. Where he came from, men lived hard, played hard, and died hard. That was the way of things.

  The idea of Erin crying over him—well that was nearly unbelievable. She’d probably just been scared to be in this loony place all alone. He’d have been worried about that as well. He just wouldn’t have blubbered about it.

  Angus sighed. “I suppose I’d have been upset for a couple minutes if it had been her cooking in the box, so I reckon that excuses her reaction.”

  Nate laughed again and cleared his throat guiltily. “I think maybe you like Ms. O’Shea more than you realize, Mr. MacNamara.”

  “Really? Has hell frozen over then?” Angus asked. “Because that’s what going to happen the day I admit to liking that woman.”

  Nate didn’t answer, just smiled as he stepped outside the room.

  “I am Toorg.”

  The boy was agitated when he came to collect her. He ignored all the women, including Prudence. He tugged her up from her seat and motioned for her to go with him.

  Erin nodded as she gently pulled from his grasp. “Okay, Toorg. I was ready to go anyway.”

  They walked down the hall and he directed her back to medical. Only this time he entered and guided her to a room where she could see an anxious Angus now pacing inside. She looked up at Toorg. He motioned to the door with his head. Drawing in a breath, she pushed it open and walked in like she had a right to do so.

  Angus turned on her entry. He looked so large in the ugly medical clothes. He also had a month’s growth of beard and hair that needed trimming. He looked like a big old bear.

  “Where the feck have ya been?” Angus demanded. “They wouldn’t let me out of here until ya came to collect me.”

  Erin walked to a chair, sat, and put her face in her hands. She started to cry at his complaining, mostly because Angus was fine and she was relieved. The rest of it was because she was stuck in a land of strangers with the most contrary human being she’d ever known.

  Angus started toward her when he heard her sniffling, but was soon stopped by her tall blonde guard. “Move, boy,” he ordered.

  “I am Toorrrgggg,” Toorg growled, hand firmly pushing back on his chest.

  Erin sniffled and rose. She put a hand on Toorg’s arm. “It’s okay. Angus is always a fecking arse to me. I didn’t expect anything less.”

  Angus barely held steady when Toorg leaned down to him and narrowed his gaze. He thought he felt a beam of something enter through one of his eyes. The man made a throaty growl sound and in it was a warning.

  Angus nodded, properly chastised at last. “Okay, lad. Yer meaning is clear enough. I’m sorry I made her cry.”

  After the apology, the guard eased away and turned to look at Erin who was wiping her eyes.

  “Ya did not make me cry, Angus. I’m actually glad to see ya made it out of the box. It’s the stress of this place that makes me want to curl up in a ball and bawl my eyes out every moment, but I don’t because that won’t change anything. We’re stuck here in this oblivion between life and the ever after.”

  Angus shook his head. “What are ya going on about?”

  “Nothing you’d understand yet, but ya will.” Erin looked around. “Did Nate say ya could leave?”

  “He said I had to wait for ya to fetch me. Since when are ya the boss of me, Erin O’Shea?”

  Erin nodded, too emotionally tired to take offense at his unfair comment. “I’ll put you in our quarters and have some dinner brought to us. We’re fecking celebrities here with all kinds of help at our beck and call. Once you have some food, it might improve yer disposition enough to listen to something other than yer own screaming arrogance. Ya won’t believe half of what I got to tell ya, but ya still need to listen so ya won’t be caught unaware.”

  “How long was I in that glass box they cooked me in until I was skinny?” Angus demanded.

  “Just over a month,” Erin replied.

  “A fecking month of my life and I remember none of it. I don’t like it here, Erin. I’d like to take a walk and get the lay of this place before I settle in anywhere.”

  Erin shook her head. “Toorg and Berg—our guards—won’t let ya wander around just yet, Angus. I wouldn’t challenge them in yer weakened condition if I were ya, they have those same devices Agent Black used on us. Nate explained to me how those things worked, but I don’t really get it. I just know the weapon works on aliens too, so it must be strong. Apparently we’re to find that reassuring. Since the aliens are perfectly nice to me, I don’t understand that worry either.”

  “What do ya mean fecking aliens?”

  “I mean fecking aliens, ya eegit, just like I said. But they’re not little green men like they joked about on the telly. They’re like Toorg and Berg… well, and like others you’ll just have to see for yerself.” Erin rubbed her eyes once more, wiping away the last of her tears. “If ya don’t believe me, get Nate to explain it to ya. Maybe yer stubborn male brain will believe him.”

  Angus huffed. “Ya seem awfully cozy with old Nate.”

  Erin lifted her chin. “Can’t ya stop being an arse for one fecking minute? The man’s been kind and helpful. Without him, I’d have gone insane by now. Are ya ready to leave with me or not? I want out of here. Medical places always give me the willies.”

  Angus frowned as Erin headed to the door. “Is yer willies from yer beau dying in some military field hospital.”

  Erin huffed as she moved to the door. “Goddess no. I gave up on that fecking jack the moment he told me he was leaving. I hate medical places because I lost a baby in one once. I can only think of loss in places like this.”

  “A babe? Ya lost a babe? When was that? I don’t remember it,” Angus declared.

  “Of course, ya don’t remember it,” Erin said snidely. “Mary and ya were raising yer own babes. I was a wee girl barely twenty. Why would ya know about my losses? The father didn’t even know I was carrying his babe. Instead of staying to see what became of us, he left me to fight in his precious army for causes he couldn’t explain to either of us. Well, he died for his precious army too. Not all of us find happy ever after, Angus. Not even real matchmakers like me.”

  The guard glared at him when Erin walked ahead, her neck bowed with the weight of memories she probably didn’t allow herself often. Now he felt like a right bastard for bringing all that up. Plus, he had no idea what she’d endure
d among these strangers while he’d been in the box. He glared at it as they left and then cleared his throat when they were in the hallway.

  “I’m sorry for upsetting ya, Erin. I’m cranky from what I went through and mad that I let them take us from our home. I don’t like feeling this helpless, but that’s no reason to be mean. Please forgive me.”

  Their guard who was walking beside him nodded once, obviously approving of his tone probably. Angus had no idea if the man understood his words.

  Erin kept her gaze focused on where they were going. She well knew the way by now and didn’t need Toorg to guide her. “I don’t like feeling helpless either, but you’re going to encounter a lot of that here. Director John, one of those in charge, said he’d explain the situation to us both when yer healing was done. Nate said our journey here was a one way trip. He said we were needed here more than back home. He quit talking to me about the subject when I accused him of playing God with us. For a pagan like me, I guess that was a cheap shot to take, but I was ripe to get back at anyone when I said it.”

  Angus touched the back of her arm to slow her walk and make Erin turn to look him. In her face was defeat and she did not wear it well. “I’m wide awake now. We’ll deal with the reality of this.”

  “Ya kill me with yer male arrogance. What the feck do ya think I’ve been doing since I woke up here without ya, Angus? Not all of us got to sip from the fountain of youth for a month. I’ve made my own fecking way here. I don’t see that changing just because yer up and about.”

  Pulling her arm from his, the woman who never failed to churn him up walked away, mumbling Gaelic curses under her breath. Probably some pagan shit too.

  “I am… Toorg,” the man beside him said sadly.

  Angus nodded solemnly. “Pleasure to meet ya, Toorg. I guess I’m a horse’s arse in Erin’s mind, but ya can just call me Angus.”