Driving Ambition - My Autobiography

by Andrew Strauss

  As I was obliged to face the media after the match, I had to fend off a barrage of verbal bouncers from the press corps. I tried as hard as possible not to add fuel to the fire, although I did make the point that ‘the team unity over the last three years in this England side has been outstanding. It is something we all pride ourselves on. We always have done and we will continue to do so.’ The comment was a direct reaction to what had gone on both in the dressing room and in the press conference.

  I know that it later came out that he was upset with the spoof Twitter account, called ‘KP genius’, that some of the players had followed, and that he even had suspicions that one or more of the players were involved with it. Perhaps he was genuinely upset by the mickey-taking nature of the account, but he had never shown any antipathy towards it before. In fact, I remember him laughing about it at The Oval during the first Test match. In hindsight, perhaps Andy Flower or I should have politely informed the players concerned not to follow the account, but it seemed so innocuous, so in line with the day-to-day banter, that neither of us saw it as a major issue. There was certainly no time while I was captain when I thought that Kevin was being victimised in the dressing room.

  As I got into my car for the long journey home after the press conference, I knew that the next nine days, the build-up to my hundredth and probably last Test match, would be as testing as anything I had encountered as captain of the England cricket team.

  When Andy Flower and I sat down in a quiet country pub near Oxford a couple of days later to discuss how best to approach the Kevin Pietersen problem, Andy received a call from Hugh Morris to say that Kevin had spoken to him and, after some serious reflection, wanted to recommit himself to the England cricket team. Hugh had suggested a meeting with him and his agent that evening. The call certainly put the cat among the pigeons, as we were already starting to prepare for life without Pietersen in the England ranks. On the surface, KP recommitting himself to English cricket was the best-case scenario, but some serious bridge-building would be required in the dressing room after what had happened in the previous Test match. The meeting that evening was going to be an interesting one.

  Before we left the pub to go our separate ways, I felt that it was the right time to tell Andy that, in all likelihood, I was going to retire at the end of the final Test match against South Africa. He was shocked, as he had assumed I was going to carry on until after the twin Ashes series against Australia, but apart from a few exploratory questions about why I thought it was the best time to go, he didn’t try and dissuade me. It was my decision to make and he respected it.

  I must admit that I felt particularly emotional talking about the prospect of retirement. Up to that point, it had always been an internal dialogue with myself, or with my wife and a couple of close friends. Now that I’d mentioned it to Andy, my long-term confidant but ultimately my coach, it all became much more real. I left saying that I would delay making a final decision until after the Test match. At no stage during that conversation, by the way, was Kevin Pietersen’s name mentioned. This was a completely different and separate matter.

  Later that day, I had a call from Andy Flower.

  ‘Straussy, I don’t know how to tell you this, but I have received some information that KP has sent some text messages to the South African players, criticising you and perhaps even giving them information on how to get you out. A newspaper is apparently in possession of the texts and intends to print them.’

  I was completely dumbfounded. I wasn’t actually all that bothered about him sending texts to the opposition players. He knew a few of the South African players quite well, after all. I certainly did have some issues with him criticising me to members of the team we were currently playing against. That felt like talking out of school, not to mention giving the opposition a way to drive a wedge between Pietersen and myself and the rest of the team. But if he really had given information about how to get me out, well, that amounted to treachery and I could never forgive him for that.

  The sudden text-message saga had certainly put a new complexion on the evening’s meeting with KP. When we met, he seemed completely contrite about what had happened the week before and, having had time to consider the repercussions of turning his back on English cricket, he reaffirmed his willingness and commitment to come back into the fold. Without the sudden appearance of those text messages – which had come to light a little too conveniently from a South African point of view for my liking – the matter would have been well on the way to being solved. We could all have forgiven and forgotten.

  Unfortunately, without Kevin either refuting that he had sent the messages or, for that matter, apologising for sending them, and letting us know the substance of them, it was impossible to move on. A few gripes at your captain when you are feeling vulnerable might be forgivable, but helping the opposition team to get him out is another matter altogether. The issue was further complicated by the fact that we weren’t entirely sure if the newspapers were actually in possession of the text messages or had just been shown them. For some ridiculous and bizarre reason, the contents of a few text messages had become pivotal to KP’s further involvement with the England side.

  In the meantime, KP and his representatives, mindful of some of the bad PR he had received, had put together a YouTube video, in which he stated his commitment to English cricket. The ECB requested that he delay releasing the video until the text-message saga had been addressed. For whatever reason KP put out the video against the wishes of the ECB, choosing an unfortunate time to do so, while Mo Farah was in the process of winning 5000 metres gold at the Olympics.

  From that moment on, clear battle lines were drawn between Pietersen and the ECB. What began as an issue about IPL participation had apparently turned into a PR/legal battle for both sides to gain public support and cover themselves in case of litigation.

  I watched it all unfold, prior to my final Test, and became increasingly tired and exasperated by the legal speak being used. To me, it was a clear case of someone overstepping the boundaries of what was acceptable from a team point of view. If KP wanted to come back into the fold, then he would have to apologise and accept some punishment for his actions. Then we could move on.

  The fact that he, and his representatives, were engaging in a deliberate PR damage-limitation exercise worried me greatly. It gave the impression that he was more concerned with coming out of the saga in the best possible light than with doing the right thing by his team-mates.

  With the clock ticking down to the start of the Lord’s Test, it became apparent that we were not going to get to the bottom of the issue before the start of the game. There was no option, therefore, other than to leave him out of the side.

  After all has been said and done, I feel very uncomfortable with the notion that it was issues between KP and myself that led to the whole circus that followed. Up to the Headingley Test match against South Africa, we had never had any significant fall-outs. For sure, the text messages were a big problem, but they actually stemmed from a longstanding and far bigger issue between Kevin and the board.

  Subsequent to being dropped for the Test match, he admitted sending ‘provocative’ text messages and after the match came to my house and sincerely apologised for doing so. I accepted his apology and hold no grudges against him. I am also confident, in retrospect, that he did not give them information to get me out.

  The far greater issue, even at the time of the Test match, was one of trust. There were many people involved with English cricket, including myself, who felt particularly let down about a lot of things that had taken place in the previous two weeks. Stuff that should have stayed in the dressing room had been brought out into the open and played out in front of the media. The one nagging frustration I still have is that all of that time, effort and commitment from our players over a three-year period to make our environment special and different was undermined in that one episode.

  I am sitting on the balcony as the final wicket at Lord’s
falls. Steve Finn is well caught by the bucketlike hands of Jacques Kallis at slip. A brilliant rearguard action by Matt Prior, Graeme Swann, Stuart Broad and particularly Jonny Bairstow, who scored two fifties in the match as Pietersen’s replacement, has not been enough to stave off defeat. Although we ran the South Africans close, they deserve the 2–0 series win.

  Deep down, I am conscious that I have just seen the final action of my career, although I am trying my hardest not to allow my emotions to come to the surface. I lead the team down to the Long Room to shake the South African players by the hand and congratulate them on the win. I negotiate all the usual post-match rigmarole, from the post-match presentation to the press conference, without too much trouble.

  When I arrive back in the dressing room, though, things become much tougher. The players have all clubbed together to get me a couple of mementos to recognise the fact that I have just completed my 100th Test match for England. Firstly, Jimmy Anderson stands up and says a few touching words about my contribution to English cricket, before handing over the first twenty of a century of bottles of wine. Shortly afterwards, he is followed by Graeme Swann, who again talks a little about the extent of the achievement and the great career I have had, before presenting me with a painting of the pavilion at Lord’s, signed by all the players.

  I am the only one in the room, apart from Andy Flower perhaps, who understands the real significance of what is going on. The guys, without knowing it, are saying their goodbyes. Although a part of me wants to tell everyone that I have reached the end of the road, I decided before the Test match that I should give myself at least a couple of days afterwards to see how I feel and let the emotion of the last few weeks subside before committing to a decision. Once you have made it, you can’t go back.

  Instead, I stand up to thank the players and management for their gifts. I tell them how honoured I feel to have had the opportunity to play for England 100 times. I also mention all the many wonderful moments I have been a part of on the cricket pitch. But the real pleasure has come from the people I have played with. Bonds are formed between groups of men that will never leave you. I tell them how thankful I am to everyone in the room for all the help and support they have given me as captain.

  Choking back the tears, I finish by declaring, quite truthfully, that I have never been as proud to lead an England team as I have during this Test match. The way the players reacted to the media storm outside, the way they went about their business on the pitch, their never-say-die attitude, their willingness to stand up for what we believed to be right – this is the ultimate testament to the people sitting in front of me.

  I did not finish as England captain with a win, but my final memory will always be a fond one.

  England v Pakistan in UAE 2011–12

  DICS, Dubai. 17–19 January 2012

  England 192 (M.J. Prior 70*, A.J. Strauss 19; Saeed Ajmal 7–55) and 160 (I.J.L. Trott 49, A.J. Strauss 6; Umar Gul 4–63)

  Pakistan 338 (Mohammad Hafeez 88, Adnan Akmal 61, Taufeeq Umar 58, Misbah-ul-Haq 52; G.P. Swann 4–107) and 15–0

  Pakistan won by 10 wickets.

  2nd Test. Sheikh Zayed Stadium, Abu Dhabi. 25–28 January 2012

  Pakistan 257 (Misbah-ul-Haq 84, Asad Shafiq 58; S.C.J. Broad 4–47) and 214 (M.S. Panesar 6–62)

  England 327 (A.N. Cook 94, I.J.L. Trott 74, S.C.J. Broad 58, A.J. Strauss 11; Saeed Ajmal 4–108) and 72 (A.J. Strauss 32; Abdur Rehman 6–25)

  Pakistan won by 72 runs.

  3rd Test. DICS, Dubai. 3–6 February 2012

  Pakistan 99 (Asad Shafiq 45; S.C.J. Broad 4–36) and 365 (Azhar Ali 157, Younis Khan 127; M.S. Panesar 5–124)

  England 141 (A.J. Strauss 56; Abdur Rehman 5–40) and 252 (A.N. Cook 49, M.J. Prior 49*, A.J. Strauss 26; Umar Gul 4–61, Saeed Ajmal 4–67)

  Pakistan won by 71 runs.

  Pakistan won the series 3–0.

  England in Sri Lanka 2011–12

  1st Test. GIS, Galle. 26–29 March 2012

  Sri Lanka 318 (D.P.M.D. Jayawardene 180; J.M. Anderson 5–72) and 214 (H.A.P.W. Jayawardene 61*; G.P. Swann 6–82)

  England 193 (I.R. Bell 52, A.J. Strauss 26; H.M.R.K.B. Herath 6–74) and 264 (I.J.L. Trott 112, A.J. Strauss 27; H.M.R.K.B. Herath 6–97)

  Sri Lanka won by 75 runs.

  2nd Test. P. Sara Oval, Colombo. 3–7 April 2012

  Sri Lanka 275 (D.P.M.D. Jayawardene 105, A.D. Mathews 57, T.T. Samaraweera 54; G.P. Swann 4–75) and 278 (D.P.M.D. Jayawardene 64; G.P. Swann 6–106)

  England 460 (K.P. Pietersen 151, A.N. Cook 94, I.J.L. Trott 64, A.J. Strauss 61; H.M.R.K.B. Herath 6–133) and 97–2 (A.J. Strauss 0)

  England won by 8 wickets.

  Series drawn 1–1.

  West Indies in England 2012 – The Wisden Trophy

  1st Test. Lord’s, London. 17–21 May 2012

  West Indies 243 (S. Chanderpaul 87*; S.C.J. Broad 7–72) and 345 (S. Chanderpaul 91, M.N. Samuels 86; S.C.J. Broad 4–93)

  England 398 (A.J. Strauss 122, I.R. Bell 61, I.J.L. Trott 58) and 193–5 (A.N. Cook 79, I.R. Bell 63*, A.J. Strauss 1)

  England won by 5 wickets.

  2nd Test. Trent Bridge, Nottingham. 25–28 May 2012

  West Indies 370 (M.N. Samuels 117, D.J.G. Sammy 106; T.T. Bresnan 4–104) and 165 (M.N. Samuels 76*; J.M. Anderson 4–43, T.T. Bresnan 4–37)

  England 428 (A.J. Strauss 141, K.P. Pietersen 80) and 111–1 (A.J. Strauss 45)

  England won by 9 wickets.

  3rd Test. Edgbaston, Birmingham. 7–11 June 2012

  West Indies 426 (D. Ramdin 107*, T.L. Best 95, M.N. Samuels 76; G. Onions 4–88)

  England 221–5 (K.P. Pietersen 78, I.R. Bell 76*, A.J. Strauss 17)

  Match drawn.

  England won the series 2–0.

  South Africa in England 2012 – The Basil D’Oliveira Trophy

  1st Test. The Oval, London. 19–23 July 2012

  England 385 (A.N. Cook 115, I.J.L. Trott 71, M.J. Prior 60, A.J. Strauss 0; M. Morkel 4–72) and 240 (I.R. Bell 55, A.J. Strauss 27; D.W. Steyn 5–56)

  South Africa 637–2 dec (H.M. Amla 311*, J.H. Kallis 182*, G.C. Smith 131)

  South Africa won by an innings and 12 runs.

  2nd Test. Headingley, Leeds. 2–6 August 2012

  South Africa 419 (A.N. Petersen 182, G.C. Smith 52) and 258–9 dec (J.A. Rudolph 69, G.C. Smith 52; S.C.J. Broad 5–69)

  England 425 (K.P. Pietersen 149, M.J. Prior 68, A.J. Strauss 37) and 130–4 (A.N. Cook 46, A.J. Strauss 12)

  Match drawn.

  3rd Test. Lord’s, London. 16–20 August 2012

  South Africa 309 (J.P. Duminy 51, V.D. Philander 61; S.T. Finn 4–75) and 351 (H.M. Amla 121; S.T. Finn 4–74)

  England 315 (J.M. Bairstow 95, I.R. Bell 58, A.J. Strauss 20; M. Morkel 4–80, D.W. Steyn 4–94) and 294 (M.J. Prior 73, I.J.L. Trott 63, J.M. Bairstow 54; V.D. Philander 5–30)

  South Africa won by 51 runs.

  South Africa won the series 2–0.

  19

  THE FUTURE

  It is important for all cricketers to understand that their lives do not come to an end alongside their careers. Although the great game of cricket has been an immense part of my life for the last fifteen years, I have never felt that it has defined me as a person. My best friends today are the same guys who were my best friends well before I hopped onto the life-changing conveyor belt of international cricket.

  Also, while it is impossible to have quite the same relationship with players when you are no longer in the thick of competition, my family, and especially my wife, Ruth, were there before it all started and remain now that it has all finished. In a way, I have lost a little of the intimacy that I had with my cricketing family but regained it with my real family. I know that my boys, Sam and Luca, are particularly pleased to have their dad around a bit more often.

  That being said, any professional sportsman or sportswoman has to struggle through some difficult emotions on retirement. It is almost impossible to replace the adrenalin surges that accomp
any a Test century or an Ashes series win. We all have to come to terms with the fact that life has changed. That is a different matter, though, from admitting that your best days are behind you. At the age of thirty-six, I feel far too young to spend the rest of my life talking about the 2010–11 Ashes as my most significant contribution to the planet. In many ways that would be sadder than retiring.

  In the days following the press conference at which I announced my retirement from professional cricket, when I was somewhat surprisingly applauded out of the room by my good old friends in the Fourth Estate, I started to let my mind wander towards the future.

  On the immediate horizon was a much-needed holiday, before committing to the hugely challenging and rewarding quest to run the London Marathon with Ruth, to raise some money for the Lord’s Taverners. Apart from the obvious good cause, it was an excellent way to remain focused and keep fit. In some ways, it was like preparing for another Test series, and it served to soften the blow of no longer playing and having to endure a winter in the UK for the first time in over a decade. It also proved to be a very enjoyable shared experience with Ruth. I am just grateful that she didn’t beat me over the line.

  If the truth be known, I am not sure where my path lies in the future. For the time being, I am keen to try out a rich and varied array of opportunities.

  Cricket is always likely to play a significant part in my life. The ECB have been good enough to keep me involved with the long-term planning of the English game, which I am both passionate and excited about. Also, I am looking forward to playing a role in the ICC Cricket Committee. In my view, the ICC is a much-maligned organisation, which struggles to lead the world game more because of the undue influence of individual cricketing boards than because of its own inadequacies. Hopefully, I can make some sort of contribution.