Sunrise Fires

by LaBarge, Heather

  I continued to sob uncontrollably. The couch material had begun to dampen; darkening the beautiful beige microfibers to something more of a chocolate brown. But, at the moment, I didn’t care. Ryan was standing over me, surveying the situation, trying to make sense of the dramatic scene that was unfolding, or else checking out the deluge of tears now staining our somewhat expensive sectional. A couple of times I tried to speak, wanted to say something that made sense of the entire thing, but all that came out were choked sputters and snot-filled coughs.

  Gradually, the consequences of the Dullberth call settled in, or maybe the initial shock of witnessing me lose it wore off. Regardless, he settled on the couch next to me and lay his head on my chest. He drove his arm under my body and wrapped the other over my belly. We lay there quietly, absorbing the truth of it for quite some time. It seemed like an eternity before my sobbing finally subsided.

  “You okay?” He raised his head and looked into my ridiculously puffy eyes.

  “No.” I smiled weakly. “But I think I’m cried out.”

  He chuckled. “Really? Cried out? Not one more tear left?”

  I smiled despite myself and drew him closer to me. “I fucking love you. I love you so goddamned much.” My lower lip quivered even as I spoke. “What other guy can make a woman smile even in a moment like this? Nobody. That’s who!”

  “So,” he began treading slowly and carefully, “Dullberth calling doesn’t feel like the end of the world to me, baby. You are so good at what you do, and your name is already known. Another company, another country, they’ll come knocking. Just wait.” He paused, looking into my eyes before continuing with a smile. “And until then, I get you all to myself.” He squeezed me more tightly. “Plus I get to say ‘I told you so,’ which is a bonus as far as I’m concerned. I told you to call them back weeks ago. They probably waited as long as they could for you to give them a ring. If it was gonna make you this upset, why didn’t you take the job?”

  I blanched. He thought Dullberth called to say someone else got the job in Germany. He had no idea what was really happening. He had just held me, so I could cry it out. He wasn’t sad at all. He didn’t realize that I had to leave him, leave us, leave our beautiful wonderful life behind. And he definitely didn’t realize that it was going to happen soon. Tears sprang anew.

  “Hey, hey, hey. You said you were fresh outta those. Liar!” he chided me as he reached up and wiped my tears. “So, I’m gonna go back to my initial question, you wanna tell me what’s up?”

  “That’s not what he called to say.” I paused, choking back more uncontrolled sobs. “Ryan,” I took a deep breath and sat up, unsettling him from my chest, “Ryan, baby, they…” I started to cry again. “They hired somebody for my position here in Vegas.” I sniffled. “The job in Germany is still available, but regardless, my job here…” I trailed off, hoping he wouldn’t make me say it. My lips trembled. I had the nervous shakes.

  “Regardless, what, baby? If you don’t go to Germany, then whomever they hired will be un-hired.” He air quoted hired and un-hired for emphasis.

  “No, honey. They said they couldn’t keep him contingency-hired for so long, and since I have made them wait this long, they hired him for real. Basically, they decided for me.”

  “Are you serious?! So, either you go to Germany or…you’re fired?” I nodded as tears overtook me again. “That’s such bullshit. They can’t do that!

  “They wouldn’t say they fired me.”

  “How can they not? They hired someone for your position while you still work there! How is that not firing?!”

  “‘Offered a promotion and refused it’…that’s what they’ll say.”

  “Well…fine, baby, fuck it. I told you that you should go to Germany anyway. So go. I support you, baby. Go to Germany. It’s a promotion after all. And it’s only a year. Twelve months isn’t that long – consider it an extended well-paid vacation.”

  “It doesn’t include a job for boyfriends….” I fished for his feelings about us, and how they’d change if I went to Germany.

  “I never said I would go with you, hun. I like it here. My family is here, my bike, my friends, my job, my life. I never even thought about going with you. You never even put that on the table.”

  “If I did, would you? Would you at least think about it?!”

  “That’s heavy, baby. That’s really heavy.”

  “Why do you think I’m crying? I feel like I have to choose between the man who makes me the happiest I’ve ever been or else my career! I don’t want to leave you. That’s what it boils down to. The promotion is great, but I don’t want to leave you.”

  He kissed me. Tenderly at first, and then again and again. His lips drew the sadness out of me, or at least made me temporarily forget it. So intense were his kisses. My hands flew to his face, pulling him in. We fell back into the depth of the couch and the kiss broke. I was desperate to feel him here again, making me forget. I whimpered. He crawled to me, pulling my shirt collar down a little and kissing the chest he revealed, and then my collarbone and my neck. He worked his way back to me slowly, tenderly. My hands pulled at him, but he would not be rushed. And when he finally reached my face, he paused and looked at me, his gaze so intense that I almost looked away. “I love you. I love you deeply, Ms. Simmons.”

  “C’m’ere ya big lug.” And I stretched my neck toward him, pushing my tongue into his mouth as soon as our lips met. He placed a hand on my chest and pushed me into the couch, his weight pinning me exquisitely. His lips abandoned mine again, and he worked his way over to my neck. I turned my head and exhaled, my belly trembling as he reached my ear. His tongue snaked into my ear and then behind it. He bit and nibbled my neck and began working his way down to my chest again. His hands were already working the button of my jeans. I arched my back, and he slid a hand under me and up to my bra strap. In one swift movement, it was open, and his hand was covering my breast. He flicked the hardening nipple with his thumb, and I jolted. I reached down and yanked at my shirt, finally wriggling free of it and my bra. He licked one breast from ribs to nipple and then the other. I squirmed and squealed. “Please, baby.”

  He looked at me, and the corners of his mouth drew upward. He sucked one breast while massaging the other, twisting the nipple between his thumb and forefinger. My hand flew to the back of his head, pulling him more deeply into my breast as I moaned with pleasure. He moved slowly downward, stroking each rib with his tongue and nibbling at my sides while he slid my jeans off my hips and my panties with them. Squeezing my own breasts, I tried to push my pelvis in his direction. He held my hips still and stopped kissing my body long enough to give me a warning look. He was kneeling on the floor in front of me, and the heat of his presence so close to my already aching pussy was torture. Slowly, he removed my jeans from my left leg. Tenderly, he kissed his way back up my inner thigh and nearly to the apex of my legs before moving to my right leg and removing my jeans from it. By the time he made it back to my pelvis, my quim was vibrating with anticipation. One hand on the tender skin of each inner thigh, he inhaled deeply and exhaled a steamy breath onto my swollen glistening lips. I tensed and pushed my pubic bone toward him. My heart was pounding, breathing shallow. With a flat tongue he licked me, starting from deep in my pussy and moving to my clit, flicking it as he passed. My breath caught in my throat, escaping merely as a sharp yelp.

  He rose and kissed me, settling between my legs as both of us savored my taste, sharing in its exquisite sweet pungent flavor and the anticipation of where we were going. I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him more deeply into me. Even through his jeans, I could feel his cock hard and full. I reached between us, unbuttoning his jeans and sliding my hand inside, fingering the tip of his cock and reveling in the slick feel of the pre-cum oozing from it. I sighed, he groaned, and we broke away from our kiss.

  I moved to his neck and nuzzled it
, trying to simultaneously slide his pants down over his hips. “I love you.”

  “Shhh…” He placed a finger over my lips and moved back down to his knees, the head of his cock barely peeking out from his boxers. He covered my clit with the warmth of his mouth, sucking and releasing in time to the fingers he slid inside me. In and out slid his fingers; in and out of his mouth my clit pulsed. He drove me closer and closer to orgasm. My hips bucked and rolled in time with his tongue and fingers. He moaned, his voice thrumming my pubic bone and sending me ever closer to the edge. My moaning and whimpering increased, louder and faster, breath coming in rasps. “Yes, oh, yes. Please, baby…ahhh.”

  Filling me with fingers and working the pace to frenzy, his thumb joined his tongue at my clit, and I gave into him. I gave him my vulnerability, my love, my fears, my lust. My cum spilled all over his fingers and into his hand. My body tensed, froze, and then twitched as I screamed out his name. He was relentless in drawing every bit of that orgasm out of me, and, as I slowed, my legs trembling, stomach quivering, he came up and laid beside me on the couch, head on my chest.

  “I love you,” I whispered again.

  “Shhh,” he replied.

  I lay there for long moments, catching my breath and feeling him beside me. His course dark hair was on my chest, his five o’clock shadow a rough reminder that he was there. His breath was warm and moist, blowing across my chest while it rose and fell more slowly as I regained composure. At last, I looked at him and smiled, reaching for his pants and fully unzipping them. I reached inside and grabbed his shaft, finding him still rock hard and throbbing, very near release himself. He grabbed my wrist. “Relax. There’s plenty of time for that.”

  I placed my finger on his lips. “Shhhh,” and I smiled lovingly at him as I lowered myself down to his waist and took the head of his cock into my mouth. The salty slick taste of his pre-cum was enough to wet my pussy all over again. God he tasted good. I wanted more of him. I yanked at his jeans, and he finally acquiesced and lifted his pelvis for me. I slid his pants to his knees and gaped at his rock hard cock jutting out at me. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” I said more to his dick than to him. He laughed, almost shyly.

  My mouth watered as he oozed another glistening drop of cum for me. I licked it away and slid my tongue around the swell where the shaft meets the head, flicking and teasing all the way around. I worked slowly down his shaft, letting the continuing stream of pre-cum drip freely over my fingers that gripped him. The base of his rod was so hard and my tongue played at the transition from rod to his tightening ball sack. Then I carefully gave each ball individual attention, sucking and drawing them into my mouth one at a time, applying enough pressure to pull a groan from him. And now that he was lubricated and primed, I rose back to his head, purple glistening and dripping profusely. I slid him quickly into my mouth, taking in as much of his cock as I could, striping my tongue with pre-cum all the way back to my throat. As he slammed into the back of my throat, I swallowed hard, squeezing the head of his cock with my throat muscles. Working quickly, I slid him into and out of my throat over and over again, each time increasing in intensity and speed. My hand worked his shaft in time with my mouth. I wanted to taste his cum. I reached up with my other hand and coaxed his balls to give me what I wanted. Balls, tongue, throat, stroke, balls, tongue, throat, stroke. He tensed and his balls drew up as I felt the first spurt of cum surge through his dick. I pushed him all the way to the back of my mouth, stretching my soft pallet but not letting him all the way into my throat. I wanted to taste him, to feel his cum spurt forcefully into my mouth.

  He placed a hand gently at the back of my head and groaned loudly as one word defined his feelings: “Fuck!” And then he filled my mouth with shot after shot of warm seed. I swallowed and swallowed, and sucked and swallowed, until I had sucked him soft again.

  I crawled up to him and kissed his neck as I lay on top of him, one leg between his and the other on his left side. It felt good to cover him with my body, sharing warmth and connectedness. He moved my hair from around my face and looked at me before kissing me tenderly on my forehead; grabbing the blanket that was draped over the back of the couch, he covered us.

  “I love you,” I whispered.

  “I love you, too, baby.”

  Chapter Six

  In the days that followed Chris’s welcome home dinner, Germany came up multiple times, but Ryan never agreed to go, and I never had the balls to ask him directly if he would. Instead, we poked at the subject and kept sliding it off to the right more and more. Mr. Dullberth called twice more, but I didn’t answer. Fuck him, I thought. Just fuck him for wanting an answer.

  I went to work, but being a regional manager meant that, more often, I could visit my stores rather than spend much time in my office at corporate. I didn’t want to be there; I resented what was happening and didn’t want to deal with it. I had one week to make a decision. Regardless, I needed to clean out my desk, so I made short trips to the office at odd hours to accomplish the task piecemeal.

  “Nice to see you in the office for a change.” It was Jackie, my best coworker and friend. Jackie and I had both started at Huntington’s on the sales floor. When we worked together, we were often paired to design and set up sales displays. Over time, we became close, going for drinks after work or hiking and camping together. At that time in our lives, Jackie and I talked nearly daily and helped each other with everyday struggles, including, at times, the frustrating parts of working the sales floor at Huntington’s. As I rose through the sales ranks, Jackie continued to go to college, and the frequency of our contact gradually faded. Still, my affection for her had not waned, and when we saw each other, our friendship was always rekindled.

  “Hey, babe, how’ve you been?” I hugged her warmly; she smelled of rose water and berries. She was slight, barely ninety pounds and less than five feet tall. She was one of the spunkiest, sportiest, most independent women I’d ever met, and she was a spitfire to anyone who doubted her. Her thin blond hair had just a hint of strawberry hues to it that accented her mint green eyes beautifully.

  “I’ve missed you.” Jackie wasn’t one to speak of emotional topics, so the admission that she missed me was a stretch for her and a heartwarming surprise. I raised an eyebrow and smiled appreciatively as I met her eyes. She looked away and poked at the loose papers on my desk. “I heard what they did to you.”

  My lips tightened to a thin line. “Yeah. Well. Whatever.” I shrugged, suddenly wanting to run straight into Dullberth’s office and kick him in the dick.

  “Really, Jen? Just ‘whatever’? That’s the summary of your feelings on the matter?”

  “I mean, seriously… what the fuck am I supposed to say?” And then lowering my voice I said, “Dullberth is a dick, and he’s trying to force my hand. It’s manipulative, and you know how I feel about being played. But…” I paused, letting the feelings wash over me, “that fucker bested me, and I have no choice: unemployment or Germany. And both are shitty.”

  She squinted at me and then scoffed. “Are they equally shitty? I mean unemployment is just as bad as a prestigious promotion to start up Huntington’s first ever European chain?” I looked down at those papers on my desk, my jaw set, trying not to be mad at her for pointing out how silly my feelings were. The air hung thick between us. “Look, Jen, this plays well for you. Just go to Germany. It’s a year. What bad can possibly happen in a year? Ryan supports you, right? Wants you to go?”

  “Jackie, don’t… I can’t… I mean,” I sighed. “I love him, and, in a year, maybe he would decide to love somebody else. Is professional success really worth that? Is Huntington’s worth losing the love of my life?”

  “Damn. Low self-image talking there or what?”

  I knew she was right…that my fears were based in my own insecurities and nothing Ryan had ever shown me. “Fuck you for saying it.”

  “I call ’em a
s I see ’em. You’ve been with Ryan for three years now, and he has given nothing but love and support. I’m jealous of your relationship as I’m sure most couples are.”

  “Ha! You’re single. You’re jealous because you don’t have a man.”

  “And fuck you for saying that,” she mocked, emphasizing the word ‘that.’ Both of us laughed. “I’m serious, Jen. He loves you. A husband’s love. A lifetime love. He’ll be here when you get back.”

  Before I could stop it, I blurted, “What if I want him to go with me?”

  “What?!”

  “I mean, Jackie,” I hesitated feeling suddenly vulnerable, “what if I want him to go with me? We don’t have to be apart. I don’t have to miss him. We can just stay like we are.”

  “You!? The woman who won’t marry him? The woman who won’t commit? The woman who says, ‘let’s just let things happen naturally’ wants to package him up and ship him off to Germany with you? Well, now, isn’t this a twist?!”

  “Stop it,” my lips were tight. I wished I hadn’t said it. I wanted to inhale those words all back again.

  “I’m serious. You want to pack him up and take him with you because you’re afraid to lose him. You don’t want to share the experience with him, you want to drag him out there so you can keep an eye on him.”

  My eyes ran hot and bloodshot at her words. My lower lip trembled, “Jackie…”

  “C’mere, girl.” She drew me into a hug. “Have you talked to Ryan about it?”

  “I can’t. He tries but I keep delaying. I know it isn’t fair to ask him, but I don’t want to tell him I am going to Germany for sure. It feels so final. I am sure he knows. I mean, I’m not the kind to be without a job and the ability to be independent. And I’m too proud to ask him to support both of us while I sit home and do nothing. He has to know that Germany looms just ahead. But somehow, it feels like, if I tell him I’m going, then I am saying good-bye to him, to us. I want to ask him to go with me, but that seems so unfair now that he’s just gotten the promotion… and his family is here and all of his friends and Chris…”