It would be a cold day in hell before I became like her. I will be going to college. I want to study English and Literature. I may not have decided on my career path yet, but I have a love of writing so anything is possible.
Reaching the door, I turn, hearing my name. Earlier, at dinner, Soph had suggested a stay in – girl’s movie night, to wind down. After spending the day packing, I was extremely keen for some down time. “Mom is making us some popcorn. She wants to know if we would prefer to set up in the living room. She and Dad are heading out, so we have it to ourselves,” Soph’s voice calls out as she approaches me.
“All good, girlfriend, I don’t care where we end up as long as it is comfy,” I reply, facing her. She catches up to me, rambling on about going to set up while I shower. Turning back around, she leaves me to collect my thoughts and get ready for our evening festivities. Picking up my phone I send dream boy one last text, throwing it on my bed as I head toward the door.
Stephen
Waking this morning, my body is sore and I’m feeling sorry for myself. Restless sleep playing a major part of my discomfort this morning. I woke during the night, to find a text from Sherlyn, one that I did not expect.
What does that girl see in me, that I do not? Her persistence is unwavering, as is her determination to make feel something, to open up. I cannot deny the electricity that radiates between us when we are close, but it’s the hesitancy to act on it that stops me.
I came so fucking close just before we left, to burying my cock inside her pussy. I wanted to sink balls deep, into all that warmth, and imagined tightness. How I restrained myself, I do not know. There was one night, late, just after her mother died, that we were cuddled up together on her lounge chair because she didn’t want to be alone.
We were watching some crap movie on TV and I had offered to crash on her couch. With her face plastered to my chest, and her soft breasts crushed up against my stomach, she had nestled herself between my legs. She smelt delicious. The aroma of cotton candy surrounded her, smothering my senses. I could not work out if it was her hair or her perfume, but it made it so much fucking harder to resist touching her. There would have been no way she could have missed how hard my cock was, it was rock solid beneath the denim, resting against her stomach.
I know she wanted me as much as I wanted her, but I just couldn’t do it. She was dangerous for my heart, and soul. You will have to excuse me for sounding like a coward, but I don’t like the person I became the last time my heart broke. That crushed me, shattered me into pieces. I still haven’t managed to put all those pieces back together yet. There was a time when I allowed my heart to open, to feel, and the bitch I gave it to, desecrated it.
She scattered those pieces of me, like fucking ashes at a funeral.
I fell hard for Rochelle – now justifiably labeled our resident bitch, just after we arrived in Brooklyn. She seemed nice, befriending me quickly. She was gorgeous and to be honest, I couldn’t believe that she was giving me the time of day. I was a tall well-built kid, and we it off instantly, or so I thought.
The boys and I were new to the school, and although we were cocky, we weren’t as assured of ourselves, as we are today. It started with her walking home from school with me, to me helping her with one of her classes. As time went on it appeared that we had gotten closer, eventually it progressed to her becoming a regular in my bed.
The closer we became, the more we gave away about ourselves until it emerged that we were both virgins. This was something both of us were eager to rid ourselves of, and it seemed better to do that together. She generated a lot more confidence around her friends than she did when we were alone, but she was keen. Rochelle wanted to experience as much as she could.
I, of course, was only too happy to oblige, falling in love with her hard and fast.
Unfortunately, to her, my love was a joke. I was a goddamn game for her and her friends. A way to gain some experience, until something better came along. Someone to relieve the boredom. I taught her everything she wanted to know, even learning a few new tricks myself. Once she got what she wanted, she dumped my ass, moving on to someone who could boost her social standing.
I became lost after that. She had been the first girl that I had ever attached any emotion to and she left me guttered when she was gone. I swore I would never allow anyone that close to my heart, ever again. It is also, another reason why I close myself off and crave control during sex. It gives me the power to walk away satisfied, yet unscathed. Justice was kind of served on Rochelle last summer when she set her sights on Luke and Ben. After asking for my permission, Luke alone gave her a taste of her own medicine. He hit that ass, kicking it to the curb before the sheets even had time to cool.
No emotion, just sex. She was not fucking happy, but she got what she deserved.
If I keep receiving, messages like the one Sheri sent me last night; I’m worried that I will cave. Finally giving into the temptation. If I do that, I doubt I will be able to walk away at all. Living in two different states will curve that temptation with any luck, which I’m hoping will make it easier to get her out of my head. Knowing I have to respond I pick up my phone from where I left it.
Me: Good Morning Dream Girl xx
I don’t suppose calling her that is helping my cause here. I can’t remember how it started, but her whole face lit up the first time I called her that, and it made my fucking day. I loved seeing the slight crimson blush that overtook her cheeks. It stuck after that, she even resorted to calling me the opposite in return. Loving the effect, it had on me, I did nothing to discourage her either.
Sheri: Good Morning Dream Boy xx. How did you sleep?
That’s my girl, always thinking of others.
What the hell! Where did that come from?
Me: Didn’t sleep well, tired as all hell this morning. Just wanted to let you know the others arrived safely and are getting settled in.
Sheri: We heard from Ben last night, Luke and Kyle texted this morning. You have not replied to my message last night yet, are you avoiding it altogether?
Fuck me! She is killing me here. How am I supposed to respond to that? She sent me a text last night, telling me, that she was heading for a shower, and that she missed my touch. You put those together, and my head was thinking shit it shouldn’t have been.
Now you can understand my dilemma with the lack of sleep. All I could envision every time I closed my eyes was the two of us naked under the water, droplets running over her delicious breasts, and down her body at a steady pace. It was pure torture! I made a mess of myself just thinking about it. I hadn’t realized my hand was even on my cock until I felt the warmth of my ejaculation running over my fingers.
Fuck, just remembering is making me hard again.
Me: I did not sleep well because all I could think about was you. Your message put thoughts into my head I should not be thinking. I got off to the thought of your body, my touch, and water.
If that doesn’t have her blushing, I don’t know what would. Anxiously, I wait for her reply.
Sheri: You cannot say stuff like that and tell me we have no future. You are messing with my head. Either you want me as I want you or you don’t. I cannot keep this up to have it go nowhere.
Okay, I deserved that…
Me: I want you, but I can’t give you what you desire…a future. I’m not trying to mess with your head. I think it would be best if I end this before it goes too far. I am sorry if I led you on.
I press send before I chicken out. She is right, this constant flirting between us would be messing with her head, and it needs to stop. I cannot give her, her happy ever after. I should not lead her to believe there is hope. She is going to be hurt, but she will recover. She has too…
Sheri: If that’s what you want
Then she was gone. That’s all I got. I should not have been surprised, after all, I did ask for it.
The pain I am now feeling, which is gripping my chest, was unexpected. Just the thought of n
ot having her in my life hurts like a bitch. Running my hand through my hair, I tell myself that I need to suck it up. I have to move the fuck on. I am doing what is best for Sheri.
I now just need to believe it myself….
Heading down the stairs, I hear laughter coming from our kitchen. There is no missing whose voices those are. Walking through the door, I see Ben, Kyle, and Luke sitting at our breakfast bar stuffing their faces with pancakes, talking to my mom. “There you are Nevan, the boys were just reacquainting themselves, what took you so long?” I hear her ask as I approach.
She is in her element, back where she wants to be. Pity I do not feel the same.
“I didn’t sleep well, took me longer to function this morning,” I reply, trying not to hold anyone’s gaze. If I look at any of the others, they will see straight through me. I really don’t want to have that conversation yet.
“Ah yes, the time difference knocked your father around a bit too. You will adjust again soon enough,” she carelessly throws over her shoulder. If only that were the truth.
On my right, the guys have gotten quiet all of a sudden. They give me no choice but to look at them, where I find them staring at me intently. Motherfuckers, they will know instantly that the time difference isn’t my problem. Trying to avoid their glares, I look back over at my mother again, quickly.
“Don’t avoid your friends Stephen, it is rude,” my mother snaps, startling me, making me jump.
“What the? What the hell was that for, I wasn’t ignoring them? I just wanted a glass of water before they bored me with their crap” I reply, trying to produce a believable story.
“Watch your mouth, we do not cuss in my home, you know this,” she snaps at me again.
“I’m sorry, won’t happen again.” I apologize.
Smirking, I direct my attention back to the three hovering around our island bench. “What’s up dicks?” Their faces break out in massive grins. Their faces indicating that my ass is theirs when we leave.
“STEPHEN!” mom yells.
“Yeah, Yeah, I know. No cussing.” I call out, motioning for the boys to follow. Grabbing a pancake, I move toward our front door. I need to get out before she pins my ass, and expects me to help sort shit out today.
“All right, spill dude,” utters Luke. Fuck that didn’t take long. We have only just stepped out onto the sidewalk.
“Spill what?” I counter. I know they will not buy it, but I don’t care.
“Don’t give me that shit, give it up already.” He spits back.
“God damn Luke, what are you, my mother?” I shout out, a little harsher than I intended.
The group stays quiet for a moment, but it does not last for long, as I hear Luke state, “Well fuck me, doesn’t prissy boy here have his panties in a twist.”
When I turn around the three of them are standing there motionless, their faces unreadable. The tight-lipped expressions on their lips making me aware, that they are annoyed with me. I suppose I fucking deserve that, I should not take my shit out on them. It isn’t their fault I feel like a douche this morning.
“All right, I’m sorry, I deserved that.” I apologize, gripping my hair in my hand, leaning against the brick fence. Running my hand over my face, I continue. “I don’t get what is bugging me this morning. I slept like crap.” The realization that I have just confessed without actually saying as much, frustrates me more. I suppose you are wondering how I have confessed. Well, it is as if those fuckers can read my mind, which has always been the case for as long as we have been friends. God knows how we do it, but we just know what the other is thinking. Realistically, we don’t always get it right, although, we are generally spot on more times than not.
“You know she feels the same about you right,” looking up from the ground, I stare at Ben. As I said before, those fuckers can read my thoughts. I wish that were still true, telling her that I was ending whatever this is between us, just about killed me this morning. I had little to no sleep during the night, making my mood explosive this morning.
“I doubt it man, I told her we were through this morning. I cannot be the person she wants me to be.”
If I thought they looked pissed before, they are bordering on the edge of livid with me now. The three of them are talking over each other, yelling at me for being such a dick.
“Okay, Okay, I get it. Enough already.” Unfortunately, they were not even close to being finished with me yet.
“What the fuck man?” Kyle yells at me. His jaw clenches, making that ticking noise as he grips the gate, slamming it shut. “How could you be so fucking selfish?”
I’m still staring at them. I can’t believe they are giving me so much shit about this. What the hell! “How am I selfish?” I ask no one in particular. The silence that follows is deafening, it is as if none of them can believe what just came out of my mouth.
“How?” states Luke. Of course, he would be the first one to reply, “That girl worships you, asshole, and for the first time, in a long time, you were happy.”
And it didn’t stop there…
Once Luke was finished, Kyle continued in his place. “Just because you’re scared, doesn’t mean you can make decisions for the both of you. Have you even considered how Sheri is feeling?”
Shit, I didn’t consider Sheri’s feelings, and when did these assholes become so philosophical?
“Good one, ass-wipe, now I am going to have Soph on my case.” Yep, even Ben had to have his say as well.
Fuck, I didn’t think of Sophie, man she is going to have my head on a spike for sure. Well, I sure made a mess of this one, didn’t I?
Grabbing their attentions once more, “She is better off without me,” I start declaring, trying to appear more controlled than I really am. “She will have a chance at happiness with someone who is capable of loving her. I cannot do that. No better yet, I will not do that again. This conversation is over.” Turning back around I start walking away from them. I have no idea where I am going, just that I need to be alone right now. If I stick around here, they will see straight through me, and I do not need them calling bullshit on me.
I need time to sort my out my head.
Chapter Three
Sherlyn
If anything could put a downer on my day, that was it. I had been overexcited when I saw that Stephen had texted me back. What I was not prepared for, was how he would destroy me with a simple sentence. I think it would be best if I end this before it goes too far.
I think it’s a bit late for that.
What did I ever do to him, for him to play with my emotions like that? How can he just shut me down as if I am an inconvenience to him? The shock running through me causes me to tremble, tears gently running down my face. Just when I thought I had found my prince charming, the bubble bursts, dissolving the illusion. He was supposed to be the one who would rescue me from my misery. Clearly, I was wrong.
“Sheri, are you crying?” a small voice from in front of me asks. Oh, crap! I didn’t even notice that Sophie had come back into our room.
“Yes, but I’m okay. Don’t worry about it.” I reassure her, wiping my face.
“Don’t give me that shit, what is wrong?” She demands. Good god, she is persistent. Glancing up I notice compassion in her eyes, her face looking pained as if she is worried. I don’t want her worried about me. Hell, I don’t even want to talk at all. I know that if I do, I will start crying and if that starts, I doubt I will be able to stop. The only problem is Soph will not rest until she knows what is worrying me.
“Stephen has ended whatever this is between us,” I begin, waving my arms around to exaggerate the whatever this is. “Apparently, he cannot give me what I want, and he doesn’t want to lead me on.”
I didn’t understand that comment, what does he mean about giving me what I want? I don’t even know what I want. I just wanted an opportunity to see where it would lead. I guess that was too much to ask.
Oh goody, here come the tears again.
�
��I will fucking kill him,” Soph shouts, startling me. “You wait till I get through with him,” she continues. If Stephen was standing here, and looks could kill, that boy would be dead instantly.
“Just leave it, Soph. Please don’t make a big deal of it. I think I was expecting too much.” She has me begging, pleading for her to drop it. “I have enough to deal with. Please don’t give me more to worry about.”
She takes a minute, obviously contemplating what to do, and then out of nowhere hugs me, whispering, “Okay, I will drop it, but if you need me to remove some body parts, just let me know.”
Feeling amused, my whole body shakes as laughter takes over. Releasing me, she takes a moment to have a good look at me before joining in.
“What did I miss?” comes a low voice from the doorway.
Looking up, I notice Sean leaning against the doorframe with a smirk on his face. His eyes crinkling with laughter. He obviously finds the two of us amusing. “Nothing, weirdo,” Soph tells him, swiping her hand at him in a shooing motion to get rid of him.
The two of them together are hilarious; their constant banter provides great entertainment at times. It makes me wish that I had a sibling, someone I could share the kind of connection that Sophie and Sean have. I stay quiet whilst the two of them continue back and forth until I hear their mom yelling down the hallway for them to give it a rest. They both shut up instantly.
As I said, great entertainment.
“Come on girl, let’s go shopping, that will cheer you up.”
Without warning, Sophie is pulling me off the bed. Stopping briefly, I manage to latch onto my bag before she continues to drag me out of our bedroom, toward the front door. Quickly glancing back, I notice Sean watching me intently. It looks as if he is checking me out. I must be seeing things; what other explanation could there possibly be. There would be no way Sean would be interested in me like that. I am just another annoying female taking over his house. Surely, I must be imagining things. Closing the front door behind me, I follow Soph to the bus stop. It has easier always be easier to get around the city by train or bus, so I chose not to do the driver’s ED course. I don’t know what Sophie’s excuse is, but as I see it, there are enough lunatics on the road without me getting behind the wheel as well.
Sins of the Father (California Dreaming Book 2) Page 4
