In the midst of my tears I saw a stark flash of lightening high above the trees. Andy's warning. They hadn't left, but they would be leaving soon. Could I make it in time? Now, if I ran, would I make it?
But it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter one bit because I am not going anywhere. I could never go back to Andy, my faction, my family and friends knowing I was responsible for killing him. My body shook harder and I realized Darren had been wrong – I hadn't been in danger of making the wrong decision, he had: me, the girl who would take his life.
I suddenly couldn't bear to be near him. I was dirty, tainted. The prince deserved better than a sobbing murderer at his feet. I forced myself to wipe away the tears, not caring that I had just smeared blood and dirt across my face in the process. I stood with my back to the prince and scanned the clearing for any sort of winter flower that I might be able to set beside him: I couldn't recreate a funeral pyre, but I could give his body one last thing of beauty before the Shadow God came for his soul.
But then I remembered. We were too far north, still in the months of winter, and there had never been a hint of blossoms anywhere along the trails we had taken. I couldn't even give Darren something beautiful, something to take with him now that he was gone.
My tears became hysterical and my legs gave out. I kneeled in the mud, sobbing. What had I done?
Something brushed my shoulder – but I barely felt it, the rain was drowning out everything as I fell away…
Ryiah.
The rain still had his voice. It hurt how real it sounded, catching the slight lilt to his tone – a hint of music edged in humor and bitterness, a mixture of darkness and light.
I told myself I didn't deserve to hear it.
Ryiah.
This time it was louder and for a moment, for a moment I believed.
"Ryiah." A rough hand gripped my shoulder and jerked me around. And then, suddenly, I was face to face with Darren.
The prince was sitting across from me, cradling the back of his head, the strangest expression on his face.
"I – I thought you were…"
Darren winced, keeping a hand on my shoulder as he studied my face. "You don't give me much credit," he said hoarsely, "if you thought one of your castings would kill me." He had meant it as a joke, a play on the vanity he always wore around the rest of our faction - but it only made me cry harder.
"Hey. Hey!" Darren shook me. "I was kidding, Ryiah!"
"How…?" I couldn't finish.
"I was on my way back when I heard you calling but by the time I got there the Caltothians had found you..." He swallowed. "I was about to jump in when you pain cast… If I hadn't cast my shield – well, let's just say your pain casting has gotten a bit stronger since the first-year trials."
I couldn't look at him. I was too afraid if I did I would see I was alone – that this scene was all just a figment of my imagination, a way of coping with my loss. What he said made sense, but it was just too simple, too easy.
"Ryiah. Look at me."
I kept my eyes fixed to the hem of his sleeve, but then Darren lifted my chin so that I was forced to meet his eyes. Silent tears slipped down my face.
My breath hitched.
He's here. He's alive.
It should have made the tears stop – but they only seemed to come down harder.
"Why are you still crying, Ryiah?" his words were almost a whisper.
I just shook my head, not trusting myself to speak.
"Ryiah." He was looking at me strangely. "Are you in love with me?"
Was I? Was that it? Was that why I had been unable to make a decision for weeks – and, even after I had, I'd still been miserable inside? Was that why I had resigned myself to the enemy instead of going back to the ship? Was that why I couldn't stop crying?
And then: don't you dare tell him! You know it will be a mistake if you do!
"Yes." My voice cracked. I hated myself for saying the word aloud.
I heard myself add softly: "But I don't want to be."
"Why don't-" His eyes met mine and Darren swore. "I should've known. I should have but I was too proud to accept it." He laughed shortly, "By the gods, it doesn't surprise me that the girl I love is too proud to be a mistress." His eyes became serious. "We are the same, you and I. Both of us are too mule-headed, too stubborn, too proud-"
I looked away, unable to hold his gaze.
"-And I am just too in love with you to care anymore." Darren's hand found my trembling one and he said abruptly, "I'll end it, Ryiah. I will call off the betrothal."
I looked up. Shock – and hope - tore across my heart in rapid succession. Then: "But what about your duty?"
"I don't care!" His face was inches from mine and I could see the anger building in his eyes. "I am tired of following their rules. I deserve one good thing. One good thing for always doing what they want, being who they want me to be – I…" Darren's grip on my hand tightened. "I want you, Ryiah. Just say the words and I'll do it. I'll find a way to convince my father."
I could barely breathe. Every inch of me was singing and crying out. The words were fighting to rise and I was hard pressed to stop them. I didn't want to stop them.
He doesn't know what he is saying. Both of you are drunk on emotion. He isn't being rational, you aren't thinking clearly. Who's to say the king will even let him call off the engagement? And most importantly: Could it be this easy?
I realized I didn't care.
"I choose you."
"You have to mean it."
I glanced up, startled. "I do!"
Darren had started to smile. "Prove it." His gaze dropped to my mouth.
All at once I was aware of how close we were sitting. My poor beating heart almost ripped itself right out of my chest. I had said yes. I had chosen him. And Darren was looking at me. He was looking at me and, and…
This time it wasn't a dream.
The sky lit up and I froze.
Lightning.
The ship!
"Get up!" I pulled Darren off the ground and pointed to the trees just beyond us.
"Ryiah, what are you-"
"They are leaving!" My whole face was flushed. "Andy cast lightning! We have to get to shore – they might have already-"
Darren started to run, clutching my hand in his as he made his way through the forest. I followed, hardly conscious of the pain in my side. We were two shadows in the night, racing across the darkness, our hearts beating as one.
The wound in my stomach, the dizziness, none of the aches from earlier had really subsided – but somehow the warmth of Darren's fingers in mine gave me strength to continue. I couldn't remember how close we were to shore. I didn't let myself think about what would happen if the others were gone. I just kept running, running knowing that even if they were, I had won:
Darren was alive.
If the gods had chosen to grant one wish, I was happy it was mine.
CHAPTER TWELVE
"Andy. Cethan. Ryiah. The three of you almost destroyed an entire mission with your reckless conduct. Never have I been so disappointed by the amount of insubordination in all my years of service. I have no choice but to recommend the three of you for disrobement – well, Ryiah, you don't even have your robes but make no mistake, I will be suggesting the end of your apprenticeship as well."
Darren cleared his throat as Flint applied a new bandage to the wound on the back of his scalp. His interruption had the desired effect: our leader suddenly paled remembering his presence.
"That said," Mira amended, "we are all very pleased to have recovered you, your highness. It was not my intention to leave you behind, but you were well aware of our orders…"
Darren gave a false smile. "Just the same, I'm sure my father will be very pleased to hear how successful this assignment was. I would be the first to recommend you for promotion – perhaps a post in the Crown's Army? My father has been looking to the Council for recommendations, but I am sure I could put in a good word… assured the othe
rs are spared any mention in your report, of course. Surely you can see how their actions were only for the welfare of their prince, and who can fault such loyalty to the Crown?"
Mira's face fell. I watched the woman, waiting for her response. After what seemed like forever, she nodded sullenly, and then declared that she was going to check our course and make sure the winds still had us headed in the correct direction.
Darren's smile turned genuine as his gaze fell on the others. Andy and Cethan had done the impossible. Without them we would never have made it out of Caltoth. When the first soldier had appeared and Andy had shot out her lightning, instead of retreat both she and the large man had remained on the beach, fighting off as many Caltothians as they could in an effort to buy us time.
There had only been a handful of men – and by the time Darren and I had burst through the clearing they had just finished combat with the final one. Of course in Mira's eyes, Andy and Cethan's actions were a direct violation of her orders. According to Mira, they should have retreated to the ship the second they caught sight of the enemy.
"Thanks for that." Andy gripped the prince's shoulder in passing. Cethan just grunted with a nod in the young man's direction, following his friend to the front of the deck.
Then it was just the two of us. For the first time alone since we had boarded the ship the night before.
Darren stepped out to lean against the deck's railing. I followed him. A moment of awkward silence followed as we both stared out at the ocean.
"Have your feelings changed?" His voice was flat, distant. "Now that it's no longer a matter of life and death?"
He meant to let me down easy. See Ryiah, I do care for you – but what I said back there on the beach? I can't. Princes can't call of engagements because they fancy a lowborn girl, even one so charming as you. I glared at the icy cold waters below. "Just say it already."
"Say what?"
I turned to face him, hands on my hips. "Tell me you didn't mean what you said before."
Darren continued to stare at the water. He was quiet for a moment, then: "I still mean it. Every word I said. " He turned to face me. "Do you, Ryiah?"
My cheeks warmed. "Of course. I-"
I never got to finish the rest of my explanation – his lips were already on mine, burning, tingling, scorching. Every part of me was ablaze. I forgot where I was. Everything was a mist of red. Sparks of brilliant light darted across my vision as I met his kiss with my own. The only things I was aware of were his hands on my waist and the heat of his mouth on mine. He tasted like cinnamon.
Someone coughed behind us, loudly. I started to break free but Darren held me firmly in place.
The prince didn't look away from me as he said, "Andy, you are dismissed - I have been waiting a very long time to kiss this girl."
I started to laugh but then I caught sight of his expression. Dark, smoldering garnet held me in place, stealing my breath.
"You think I'm not serious?" Darren pulled me closer and then bent low so that his lips brushed my own. "Perhaps I need to show you then."
This time he didn't bother to hold back. Hunger took over my senses. Unrelenting and burning so hot that every part of me seemed to buckle and collapse… until he was left holding me against the rail, kissing me until I could no longer breathe.
Until every part of me was a slow, steady burn.
"Still think I was joking, Ryiah?"
I bit my lip, smiling. "I think you can do better than that."
"Oh really?" Darren chuckled. "Well, far be it to me to decline a lady's challenge."
****
"What are you going to say to him?" Darren's fingers were tracing a path up and down my wrist.
"Hmmm." I couldn't concentrate. Not while he was touching me, not with a surge of fluttering sparks racing up and down arm, spreading across every inch of my skin like wildfire. It had been like this for the past ten days – apprentice duties during the day and then fire the second the rest of the crew retreated below deck. Every second I spent in his company was bringing me higher and higher until my body lit up whenever Darren was near.
It was getting harder and harder to pull away. To remind myself that when we returned to Langli it would have to end. At least for a time.
I didn't want to think about the future. I just wanted time to stop.
"Ryiah." The non-heir dropped my hand to lean in close. "You know it's not going to be easy - for either of us… Not at first."
I swallowed as I read the truth in his eyes. He was nervous.
Darren was never nervous. The realization hit me like a thick sheet of ice, my throat constricting against its numbing cold. This was real. There was no going back.
Tomorrow we would arrive in Port Langli and everything would change.
"We've planned it as best we could… We just have to make sure we don't make any mistakes." I wasn't really speaking to him. Darren was a master at keeping his emotions in check. He would have no problem continuing the charade until we reached the palace. "I – I will try my best to follow it."
Darren brushed a strand of hair from my eyes. "I know you will, Ry." He sighed. "I just wish there was an easier way for both of us." Then he pulled me back to him and held on tightly. "No matter what happens, Ryiah, I'm not going to give up. No matter how hard it gets."
****
When we arrived at the port the sun had already set and we were greeted by a wave of fog that had just begun to settle on the beach. Above us I could see forks of lightning coming from the bluffs, and though we were still too far away to see them I knew somewhere up there was Master Byron and the rest of our faction.
Darren's grip on my hand tightened in one final reassurance and then he released it. The two of us had a long road ahead of us and it started with Ian.
After I had finished putting away my pack and taken a long, hot bath to scrub away a month's grime of sea and sweat I heard the rest of the girls enter the barracks. I had just finished pulling my shift over my head when Ella found me, shrieking and screaming that I was back and that I had better tell her every last detail of my trip.
Chuckling, I told her that I couldn't. Mira had made it very clear to Darren and I that our mission was never, ever to be discussed with anyone unless we had permission from the king himself. Not even Commander Chen knew exactly what our assignment had been. Our hostage and her daughter had already been transported out of the city. Mira and the rest of the crew were riding to Devon as we spoke.
"Has Ian seen you yet? Of course not, what am I thinking, he's going to be so excited…" Ella trailed off as she noticed my expression. Her face fell and then hardened. "You changed your mind." It wasn't a question.
"Shh!" I pulled Ella to the side. I didn't want anyone else to hear, especially Priscilla. I took a quick scan of the barracks and sighed, realizing there was no sign of the dark-haired beauty. Then I cringed as I realized she was probably looking for Darren.
Ella studied my expression. "I hope you aren't making a mistake." Her eyes spoke her thoughts, but she was too much of a friend to say them aloud.
I raced off in the direction of the men's barracks, wondering what excuse I would give to find Ian inside, when I noticed the curly-haired fourth-year outside talking to Loren. The second he spotted me Ian excused himself and ran over, a huge smile on his face.
My mouth was instantly dry. There was no question Ian cared, loved me even – and here I was, about to tell him I'd made a mistake.
"Ryiah!" Ian pulled me in a tight embrace and bent low to kiss me. I pulled back, shame filling my cheeks with color as his baffled eyes sought my own. Pain, hurt, and anger took over golden green so that all I saw was a mix of emotions and then the impact of my decision.
Ian didn't know that Darren had almost died, that it had taken losing the prince for me to finally acknowledge the depth of my feelings. All Ian knew was that I had chosen him, told him I loved him, and then tossed him aside the moment I was alone with Darren. After telling Ian multiples time
s that I didn't care for Darren, after assuring him that I was his. That I would never choose the prince.
My words to Ella during our first year of the apprenticeship came back to me: I would never hurt Ian.
I was a liar. "I'm sorry," I whispered, hating the look in his eyes as he took a faltering step back.
"I thought you were better than this."
I cringed – Ian's quiet anger was worse than shouting. I was unable to do anything besides blurt out, "I'm sorry!" again. He didn't need an explanation. There was nothing that I could say to change the way he was feeling.
"Did he say he's going to leave her?"
I nodded. "When we get to the palace."
"It won't last." Ian drew in a deep frustrated breath and stared at me. "He's only going to break your heart, Ryiah. He's a prince – he's never going to choose you! You are lowborn!"
I opened my mouth and then shut it instead.
"You will never, ever be good enough. Not for Darren." There was so much fury in his eyes - and now there was anger building in me as well.
"You don't know him!" The words came out harsher than I intended.
Ian ignored me, continuing bitterly: "Whatever lies he told you, I hope the fleeting moments are worth it, Ryiah." Then he straightened. "When he betrays you – because he will - I hope you remember that."
I watched the fourth-year retreat angrily into the barracks, shoving past the prince as he exited the building. The two of them locked eyes for a single moment, and then Ian was gone and Darren was left standing outside, watching me.
I shook my head slightly. The prince watched me for another moment, and then sighed and disappeared back through the barrack doors.
I felt silent tears build up in frustration. I blinked them away. Now more than ever I needed to remain strong. Alone.
Everything depended on these next few months.
****
The Black Mage: Apprentice Page 19
