Level Up

by Hadley Quinn

  She gave him a peculiar look. “Why does that matter?”

  He paused. “It just does. Come on, I’ll come to bed with you,” he said.

  She was completely baffled. He wasn’t going to come to bed before, but now he would so she didn’t sleep on the couch?

  But his demeanor shifted a little and she was pleased. He no longer seemed sucked into his dreadful memories and she knew she had a chance at making him smile again. She agreed, so Gabe made sure the house was secured and turned off all but one lamp, and then he led her to bed.

  He did get into bed with her, tucking her against him in the crook of his arm. She knew he’d be out of there as soon as he could, but she didn’t care. She had him with her again and she was grateful.

  The next day, Gabe seemed distracted. It was almost like he was in a daze and it worried the hell out of her. He did a damn good job of pretending he was right on top of things, and to be honest, he really was. But there were little things that didn’t get by Ava and she knew his mind was on something serious. When she asked, he always told her it was nothing.

  She made dinner in the main house kitchen. Fried chicken happened to be one of Gabe’s favorites, so she whipped up a large order of her delicious recipe and took it to him. It was weird to see him sitting at the coffee table as she crossed the driveway, but when she entered the front door, he was clear on the other side of the room in the kitchen. How was it even possible to move that fast?

  She stopped in the entryway, glancing from the coffee table to him taking a glass out of the cupboard. There was absolutely nothing on the coffee table, but she could have sworn she saw something there, something black, when she’d come from the house.

  He faced her when she didn’t say anything. “A beautiful woman bearing food,” he said with a smile. “But if you’re trying to re-enact the fantasy I had earlier, you didn’t have any clothes on.”

  She didn’t know what to respond at first. He was trying to deter her for some reason, but should she let him? Should she ask him what the hell was going on?

  Instead, she smiled and set the dish of chicken on the kitchen table. He said something about how good it looked, or how good it smelled…she wasn’t sure. But she wandered into the living room, curious as to what he’d been doing only seconds before she entered the house.

  “What were you doing?” she finally asked. Better to not beat around the bush, at least. Now she would know if he was lying to her about it.

  “What do you mean?”

  She wasn’t about to let him lead her all different directions, so she said, “I know you were doing something at this table when I came over here. It’s not here anymore. Where’d you put it?”

  He looked her in the eyes dead on. She knew he was either trying to determine if she really did see what he was doing. Finally he said, “I was cleaning something and then I put it away.”

  “Cleaning something?” she asked, thoroughly confused. What would he possibly be cleaning and then have to put away quickly?

  And, where the hell was it?

  Ava looked around the room. He’d been sitting on the couch so…

  She took her foot to shove the couch back, just as Gabe said, “Ava—”

  She had a hunch about what she’d seen on the table; he really was being honest with her when he’d said he’d been “cleaning” something.

  “Oh, my God,” she gasped as she looked at what was in front of her. Once she’d pushed the heavy couch off the rug, it had coasted nicely on the hardwood floor a few feet toward the door.

  Right in front of her eyes were over a dozen military-style weapons laid across a brown cloth on the floor, arranged in a row by size.

  She looked at Gabe with her eyebrows raised but he was expressionless. All he did was come across the room to replace the furniture over his collection of weaponry.

  She was speechless after that. And for some reason, it dawned on her why the furniture was placed in the room the way that it was. It was different than how Charlie had had it, but it was more than just a new arrangement.

  It was perfectly designed to defend off an attack.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  The guns and ammo were now covered again but Ava could still see the image in her head. She knew what was under the couch and she wouldn’t forget.

  “Well now you know my addiction,” Gabe tried to joke casually.

  But it was obvious he was measuring her up, trying to gauge her thoughts, her feelings. Ava thought maybe he was trying to decide how he was going to lie to her.

  “Interesting,” was all she said.

  She left the living room and grabbed the chicken from the kitchen table. He was still watching her as he slowly followed her and stopped at the counter.

  There was awkward silence for the next minute. Maybe it was just awkward to Ava because she was dying to think of something to say, something that would get him to tell her why the hell there was an arsenal of weapons under the couch.

  She’d mixed some lemonade and set it on the counter in front of him. When she placed two glasses next to it he softly took her hand.

  “There isn’t much room in this cabin, you know,” he finally said.

  She looked up at him, realizing he was waiting for a response.

  Of course you hide a dozen weapons under the couch. There weren’t loose floorboards to pry up or a basement wall to hang them all on? The couch was the logical place, right?

  She glanced around the house though, wondering if that was the only place he’d stashed military artillery. She seriously doubted it. There were drawers and bookshelves, cupboards in the kitchen that she’d never touched. Even the innocent stone gnome next to the front door looked like an evil little sentinel. Was he stashing a weapon too?

  “Ava, talk to me,” Gabe said, pressing her hand to his lips.

  “Talk to you? Now you’re willing to talk about something? I can’t keep up with what I’m supposed to ask about and what I’m not.”

  She pulled her hand away to pour the lemonade and he sighed.

  “Well this isn’t something that’s a private memory, babe. You saw my artillery and it freaked you out. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable because there are weapons in the house.”

  “Uncomfortable? You think guns scare me? No,” she shook her head. “I trust you, Gabe, and I’m pretty damn sure you know how to use them.”

  “But?”

  “But what?”

  Ava didn’t realize there was more to this than she was currently thinking. She’d only been looking at it at face value. He had a pile of guns in the house, he’d been in the army, he was paranoid as hell, and he was pretty much on his own without comrades.

  Gabe took a deep breath a slowly released it. “Ava, there’s something I need to tell you,” he told her gently.

  Just those words were like a punch to the gut. She didn’t like them. And she didn’t like the look on his face. But she tried to keep a neutral expression because she wanted to know. Whatever it was, she needed to know.

  “I wasn’t just in the army,” he began. He studied her for a moment before he went on. “I was in Special Ops. After a few years of that, I was sought out by a private government agency to be part of an elite team that was given assignments that no other special team was even considered for. And…I’m still a part of that team,” he concluded.

  “No,” she finally spoke. She shook her head fervently, not wanting to believe it. “No, Gabe.”

  “Right now we’ve disbanded for reasons I can’t get into, but…”

  She looked at him carefully. “You mean you’re in hiding,” she suddenly realized.

  His expression didn’t change. “In a way…”

  Her heart sank into the pit of her stomach. Her mind flashed back to dozens of memories, moments that included Gabe or the way they’d been with each other. She thought of how distant he was at first and then she’d slowly broken him down. Of course she had. He’d been without female companionship for so l
ong…

  “Just answer me one thing, Gabe,” she said softly. “You answer with the truth—no matter what it is—and I won’t question anything else.”

  She had his attention, but he looked pained.

  “Just tell me how I fit into all of this,” she said softly. “Was it part of your cover or something, or was I just—”

  “Ava, everything with you is real, baby,” he rushed, realizing why she was about to cry. “I swear to you. I didn’t expect anyone to be here this summer. When your dad called and said houseguests were coming I thought, okay, it will just be a few days…” He took a deep breath. “I didn’t count on falling for you. I didn’t expect to be taken down by such a sweet, beautiful girl. It complicated things, yeah, but…I wouldn’t change anything, Ava. I’m sorry for having to keep things from you, but you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I know you have a lot of shit to put up with because of me, and I’m so very sorry about that, but I want you to know how incredible you are.”

  She felt emotional over his words, knowing that they were sincere. But she was also scared because of what he’d revealed.

  He was a member of a team that was currently waiting for another dangerous assignment.

  “So you guys will be sent out again, right? You said you didn’t have another contract with the army—which technically wasn’t lying,” she frowned at him “—but you’ll have one with this private contractor, right?”

  He sighed. “Our unit was compromised after an undercover operation. We didn’t get to complete it. We did a lot to cripple the target, but didn’t complete it. It took nine days to evade thirty mercenaries that were sent to kill us. When we finally made it to a friendly base, it took another month just to get stateside.”

  She considered all of that for several seconds. “So…why’d you guys have to split up over here? That means…”

  She swallowed hard, not wanting to finish the thought.

  “We didn’t disband because we needed to go into hiding from the enemy,” he clarified. “Our identities were never discovered, just our operation. We all just required some time off. I swear to you, Ava.”

  She glanced across the room at the couch. Time off with an arsenal of weapons hidden right in the middle of the house…

  He followed her gaze and nodded. “Obviously I’m prepared for anything,” he said. “But you’re not in danger. Trust me, okay? All that… That’s about all I came with. And I’m fresh out of something pretty deep; it’s hard to return to a normal existence. You understand that, right?”

  She nodded. She did know that. He’d been deep undercover God knows where, but he’d been in the middle of a war nonetheless.

  “When I agreed that I was in ‘some way’ hiding… I meant from my team,” he added. “Reality.”

  She studied him carefully. “What do you mean?” she asked.

  “I’m done,” he sighed. “I can’t do another assignment because I just don’t have it in me. I love my guys, they’re my brothers, but they didn’t go through what I did. I need more time than they do. They understand, but I just need to be separate for now.”

  She nodded her understanding. At least…she thought she understood. She didn’t know what it was like for Gabe and she could only speculate. As it was, he was finally sharing more with her than he had so far. Hopefully it meant he was starting to trust her.

  “You’re pretty quiet,” he said. “I guess that’s a lot to take in. I, uh… I guess the more we’re together…”

  “The harder it is to hide things from me?”

  He met her eyes. “The less I want to hide things from you,” he corrected softly. He took her hand again and held it to his cheek. She could see his soft heart just by looking into his eyes and it melted her. “I understand if you’ve had enough, Ava. You’ve done more for me than anybody has ever done, and I appreciate all of it. I tried to warn you, but I’ve got a long way to go. This last experience was like nothing I’ve ever been a part of and it’s taking a long time to pull myself through it. Maybe when I’ve figured things out we can—”

  “Oh no,” she chuckled sarcastically. “Nuh uh, Gabe. You are not getting rid of me that easily.

  He lifted an eyebrow. “I should, though.”

  She laughed again. “You’d waste your time trying.”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

  “And you’d be miserable.”

  “True.”

  “And you couldn’t be with another woman because you’d be wishing those were my legs wrapped around you instead.”

  He took a long look at her legs and wet his lower lip. “You’ve already ruined me.”

  She tried not to laugh. “Damn right. You even look at another female and I’ll gouge your eyeballs out.”

  That time he smiled, and then he chuckled. With a shake of his head he said, “I’ve seen it happen for real, but threats coming from your feisty little mouth…your sassiness turns me on.”

  She clamped her mouth shut. Why would she be dumb enough to say such a thing? But he reached for her shoulders and pulled her close to him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her face against his chest. The warmth of his body felt right; the strength of his arms felt right. She was where she belonged, and no matter what circumstances were around them, she’d fallen in love with Gabe and needed to be with him.

  “So are you really here to get this house sold?” she asked.

  “Yeah. My handler figured this was a good place for me.”

  “Your handler?”

  “Uh, a guy that keeps track of my whereabouts, my assignments, my contacts… Stuff like that.”

  “Oh. So…he does know where you are?”

  “Yeah, he does. He knows where we all are. It’ll be a while before anyone contacts me, though.”

  “Contacts you for what?” she asked, pulling back to narrow her eyes at him.

  He slowly shrugged. “To pull me back in. To re-assign me.” She was about to argue and he shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, Ava. I’m done.”

  “Can you be sure about that?”

  “Yes, it’s my decision. No one can make me take on an assignment. I take jobs depending on the need for me.”

  “Need?” she questioned.

  “Uh, for my skills,” he partially smiled.

  She paused, debating her response. Was she supposed to ask? Did she want to? “What is your specialty, Gabe?” she stated dryly. Her eyes darted to the couch, already knowing.

  “Weapons and explosives,” he answered with a goofy smile. She could tell he at least like that aspect of his job.

  “So you like to blow things up.”

  “Who doesn’t?” he grinned.

  She laughed uneasily. “Uhh…”

  He sat her on a stool at the counter and took up the other one. He slid her stool closer to him, so her legs were in between his, and he set his hands on top of her thighs. He softly touched the bruises on them, the look of remorse returning to his eyes.

  Looking down he said, “Sometimes you can detonate from far away. Other times you’ve got plenty of time to find cover. And then occasionally—actually too often—you’ve gotta hit the deck sooner than it’s actually safe.” He looked up at her. “All of that just depends, but that sound programs you somehow; explosives, guns… reactions are automatic.”

  “I understand,” she nodded. “Gabe, I’m not upset about last night.”

  “I just don’t want you to think I’m crazy.”

  “I don’t.”

  “And it has nothing to do with lack of sleep.”

  “Maybe not, but I think you’d feel better if you did get some sleep.”

  “I’m sure I would, but it wouldn’t have changed how I reacted last night. That was automatic. And nights are just…extremely unpleasant. I can’t help when some of that stuff hits, but at night it’s just worse. My ears are slightly damaged from my line of work and the occasional ringing gets to me. If it’s not that, then the silence is way to
o loud. In the dark too many of the memories seem real. They take over and I’m placed somewhere that I don’t wanna be, and because my mind makes me think I’m there, sometimes…things happen.”

  She looked at him curiously. “Like what?”

  He shrugged. “I do things out of habit. I’ll grab something—or someone—and I react. I don’t want you to be around me when that happens. I don’t want to hurt you, Ava. And I could. I could really hurt you without even trying.”

  “Does it still happen when you’ve taken something for sleep?”

  He took a slow breath of air and let it out. “I’ve never fully tried,” he admitted.

  She was surprised.

  “I’m afraid to,” he continued. “When I wake myself up, I eventually realize what’s going on and it’s just a nightmare. I’m afraid if I’m on medication…I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop myself, wake myself up.”

  “But isn’t that stuff supposed to sedate a person into a restful state? Isn’t that the point?”

  “I’ve heard things,” he shrugged.

  “Like what?”

  He paused; he didn’t want to tell her.

  “Gabe, just say it.”

  “Fine. A buddy of mine went home after my first tour. He was fucked up pretty bad. The doctors put him on some heavy duty sleeping medication and he ended up killing his fiancée in a sleeping rage. He didn’t remember a thing.”

  He stared at her to drive the point across. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, but she realized why he was so hell bent on not sleeping next to her.

  “Then we need to sleep separately for now,” she concluded. “I’ll sleep in my bed in the house. That way you can…do whatever you need to do over here.”

  He didn’t reply. She was sure he was debating the pros and cons like she was trying to. She absolutely wanted to be with him, but he needed some damn sleep. If he was worrying about hurting her, then she needed to remove herself from his space.

  “I still don’t sleep,” he shrugged. “Even when you’re not here. Again, it’s just my damn mind that won’t let me. And now I worry about you when you’re not with me.”