Jane reached for the tissues, handing one to her mom and keeping one for herself. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d cried this much. Back in California she’d had no reason to cry. No reason to feel anything. It was actually nice to feel the tears flowing down her cheeks. “You didn’t fail me. I knew you loved me. But after he died, it was hard for me to let myself be loved.” It was still hard. Love felt temporary. “And I didn’t think I could stand losing it again. I still don’t think I could stand it.” It wasn’t only the grief and the sadness. Those, she’d expected. Even the fear made sense. But there was something else hiding in her heart too. A stronger emotion that almost felt like…anger. She could never say it, but sometimes she was still so mad at her dad for going on that trip.
“You did survive, Janie. You’re so strong.” Her mother pressed her palm against Jane’s cheek. “To me, you’ve always been this beautiful old soul. Too good for most of the kids your own age. Too good for almost anyone now.” Her mom stared up at the ceiling for a second before looking at her again. “But I suppose, perhaps, maybe Toby could someday convince me he deserves you.”
That made Jane smile through her tears. Maybe, perhaps. “You are right about one thing though.” Her gaze drifted back to the window. Outside, the volleyball game was still in full swing. “I hid from everything.” From relationships, from anything she perceived as risky. “I still hide.”
Her mother nodded. “I do too.”
“Really?” Her mother had been so brave, so stoic. She’d taken the ranch and made it hers. She’d supported her family. Not once had she acted scared.
“I hid behind this place, behind work.” Her mom looked around the cabin. “It gave me an excuse to stay here, to stay busy, to ignore the things I really crave—some adventure, maybe the chance to love again.” She looked at Jane with a sad smile. “Those desires are easier to ignore when you cover them up with other things.”
Jane understood that. She’d trained herself to ignore those cravings, to hide behind things like studying and work, and yes, even writing.
“It’s scary stepping out from behind the things you use to guard yourself,” her mother said. “But we both have to step out, honey. There’s a whole life waiting for us on the other side of our fears.”
Chapter Seventeen
There you are.”
The sound of Toby’s voice was all it took to warm Jane in the chilled evening. True to her word to Louise, Jane had been cleaning up the pavilion after the bonfire and s’mores. She’d collected two bags of trash and had wiped down the tables while Toby had driven some of their friends home.
All evening they hadn’t had a moment alone, but now Jane turned to see him walking toward her. He’d put on a flannel over his T-shirt, and his hair was tousled from the long day of swimming. Even though it was a dark evening with no moon, the dim lights from the pavilion seemed to brighten his eyes.
“You look cold.” He ran his hands up and down her arms in a caress.
“Do I?” She couldn’t hold back a smile. She definitely wasn’t cold. Her heart beat fast and a fiery heat stirred low in her stomach. After her conversation with her mother earlier that afternoon, anticipation had been simmering. Toby made her feel things, and while that was what scared her the most about him, it was also freeing somehow.
She couldn’t deny she had feelings for him. They were still fragile, still tentative, but they’d already put down roots in her heart and even though her knees were shaky at the thought, she wanted to let those roots grow.
“Want to take a walk?” Toby’s voice sounded lower.
“Sure.” She slipped away from him and came back carrying the trash bags. “We can bring these to the dumpsters.”
“Romantic,” Toby said with a laugh. But he hoisted both the bags in one hand as though they were weightless.
“What can I say? I’m practical.” Jane led the way out of the pavilion to the path that skirted the lake. The night was calm enough that the lake’s still surface reflected the stars shining overhead. Jane pulled her phone out of her pocket to light the trail in front of them.
“You are practical,” Toby agreed. “But I also think you’re a romantic too.”
Even with the light shining on the path, Jane nearly stumbled. “What makes you say that?”
Toby kept quiet, simply continuing down the path to the dumpsters they kept behind the boatshed. Jane quickly caught up with him, holding her breath.
The man seemed content to keep her in suspense. After he’d stowed the trash and latched the bear-proof containers, he took her hand and led her closer to the water. “I have a question for you. It might sound crazy.”
Jane snuck a peek at his face. He knew. He had to know…
“Did you write that book I checked out from the library?”
Jane opened her mouth to tell him no. That was crazy. Of course, she hadn’t written the book. But something stopped her.
Toby turned to her fully as though he wanted to gauge her expression. “Because it’s an incredible book. And there were times when I was reading it that I swear I heard your voice. I felt like I recognized the characters. And I especially liked Beau.” A grin hiked up one corner of his mouth while his eyes searched hers. “Maybe it’s a coincidence. And maybe it’s not.”
Jane stared back at him, holding perfectly still, so tempted to protect her secret, to keep her guard up.
“You don’t have to tell me—”
“Yes,” she blurted out before she lost the nerve.
“Yes?” Toby’s mouth fell open. He obviously hadn’t expected her to confirm his suspicions.
Jane swallowed hard, grasping at courage. He’d told her his secret. She could trust him with this. “I wrote it. Mountain Destiny. That’s my book.”
“I knew it.” He half laughed. “At first I thought I was crazy, but the more I read the more I thought you had to be the author.” He shook his head, something that resembled pride beaming from his eyes. “I couldn’t put it down. You’re so talented, Jane.”
“Really?” Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. She’d poured her heart and soul into that book never thinking it would amount to anything…
“Really.” He took both of her hands in his, warming her skin. “Why don’t you want anyone to know you’re the author? That’s a huge accomplishment.”
“It’s scary to put yourself out there like that.” Not for him maybe with that larger than life personality, but it terrified her. “I’m glad you know though. Because I have a confession to make.” Jane eased closer to him and rested her hands on his chest. “In order to write a cowboy, I had to sort of dig into my past and remember what I’d learned about them.”
“Oh yeah?” He didn’t look at all surprised by the revelation. “What had you learned about them?”
“Well, I only knew one, really.” She moved her hands up to his shoulders. “And he was sexy…”
“Was?” Toby’s grin dipped into a frown.
“Is,” she corrected. “And he’s fun and funny. Strong. Confident. Sometimes cocky, but only when he has a right to be.” She brushed her lips against his in a fleeting kiss. “And he’s also thoughtful and noble.” Her hand drifted back to the left side his chest. “He has a huge heart.”
“He’s flawed too,” he told her. “But he tries hard.”
“We’re all flawed.” Jane held his face in line with hers. “That’s what makes us real.”
Toby lowered his lips to hers, stroking her cheek with his thumb. The kiss started off slow and searching, a heat building between them. “Let’s go inside,” she whispered against his lips.
Murmuring an agreement, he slipped his hand in hers and they hurried off along the path together. Jane found it hard to hold her cell phone light steady. “Your cabin is closer,” she murmured, watching the ground so she wouldn’t stumble.
Toby grinned over at her, moving faster. He led her up the porch steps and hurriedly opened the front door, gesturing for her to go i
n first.
It still amazed her that the place looked nothing like it had when her father had made it his own. Not long after he’d died, her mother had the cabin completely renovated when she decided she wanted to focus on weddings. The interior still had rustic undertones with aged, wide-plank oak floors and the original stone fireplace, but the kitchen had been redone with sleek modern touches—stained concrete countertops, gray cabinets and stainless appliances. It was simple but nice—an open living room, kitchen, and dining room, and she knew there were two bedrooms down the hall…
“Want something to drink?” Toby guided her into the kitchen.
She moved her gaze back to his lips. “No.” All she wanted was for him to kiss her again, to help her step out from behind her walls. But she didn’t know what to say…how to put words to what she felt, how to tell him what she wanted him to make her feel. So instead of talking, she pulled her sweatshirt up and over her head and dropped it on the ground next to her.
Toby’s gaze held hers before lowering down the front of her. He seemed to take his time studying the details of her body. Jane’s heart pounded as she unbuttoned her jeans and slid them down her hips so she could step out of them and kick them aside.
Goose bumps prickled her skin, but she didn’t feel cold anymore. Toby’s heated, smoldering gaze started a pulsing burn inside of her.
“I love looking at your body.” His eyes wandered back to hers.
“I don’t think I’ve ever let anyone look.” In every romantic encounter she’d ever had she’d made sure to move through the undressing part and getting into bed part as quickly as possible. But Toby seemed to like taking it slower. She was liking it too. It made her heart pound so hard it felt like it could burst through her chest.
“I want to see everything. All of you.” His arms stayed down at his sides, giving her the freedom to show him, to take control.
“I want to see all of you too.” Leaving her bra and underwear on, she unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders, then brought her hands to his bare chest before moving slowly down, dragging her fingertips over his skin. Toby had started to breathe harder, deeper, his shoulders rising and falling.
Jane slipped her fingers under the elastic band on his boxer briefs and started to inch them down over his chiseled hips.
He took over, quickly shoving them down to his ankles like he couldn’t wait to get rid of them.
Now Jane took her time looking at him—the way muscles rippled all down his body. His obvious desire for her stoked that inner fire, and she reached around to unclasp her bra, slowly sliding it down her shoulders while Toby fixed his gaze to her body. Next, she shimmied her underwear down her hips and bent to pull it off.
“You are the sexiest woman alive,” Toby said with a low seductive growl.
He definitely made her feel like she was the sexiest woman alive. Jane took his hand and pulled him to her. His other hand skimmed her hip, the touch sparking an aching desire for more.
Right there in the kitchen underneath the dim recessed lighting, Toby smoothed his large callused hands up her sides drawing her in against his body. Jane clasped his wrists and guided his hands to her breasts, holding them there. Toby lowered his mouth to hers, sealing her lips in a wet, arousing kiss. She opened her mouth to him and found his tongue with hers, taking the kiss deeper. Toby caressed her breasts, his fingers drawing circles around her nipples.
Jane had to pull away from his mouth to gasp in a breath. She swore her lungs were on fire. Toby tilted her head back and kissed her chin, then ran his tongue down her neck. She threaded her hands into his hair, urging him to move lower.
His mouth was even hotter than the fire burning inside of her. He kissed a path between her breasts and then glided his tongue to her right nipple, which he took into his mouth.
So, this is how it felt. All those scenes she’d written in her book…she’d never felt all the things she wanted her characters to feel. The deep stirring of passion and pleasure. The desperate longing for release.
“Toby,” she whispered. “Please. Oh, God please.” No man had ever reduced her to such a desperate plea.
“Tell me what you want, sweetness,” he murmured against her skin.
She had moved way past want. “I need you to make love to me. Right now.” So she could break apart in his arms and he could hold her together.
Toby moved away from her and found a condom in his wallet. After he’d put it on, he secured one arm around her and pulled her right leg up, edging her against the wall. Securing her leg around his waist, she opened her knee out to the side and tugged on his hips until he was against her, pressing into her.
She gasped as he pushed deeper. God, he went so deep. His hand held her backside, coaxing her to move with him. Her body trembled so much she could hardly stand, but he was strong enough for both of them. Toby gazed down into her eyes, moving inside of her, thrusting his hips, building that tantalizing pressure until she couldn’t hold it together anymore. The orgasm shattered her control, quaking through her, forcing a cry from her lips. Relief crashed over her as Toby thrust once more, holding her tighter while he came into her.
Jane leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder. He kissed the top of her head, and then guided her leg down so she had both feet on the floor. Not that she could stand up straight.
“I’m a little wobbly,” she confessed, still holding on to him.
“Then let me help.” He swept her up into his arms and started off down the hall.
She laced her arms around his neck. “Where are we going?”
“To the bedroom,” he said, veering to the left. His bedroom smelled like him, like fresh laundry and aftershave. Toby set her on the bed. “Do you need anything?” he asked.
Shaking her head, she pulled him to the bed with her. “Only you.”
Chapter Eighteen
When Jane opened her eyes, two things occurred to her. One, she was in Toby’s bed with him sound asleep next to her. And two, she had to be late. “Oh my God!” She was supposed to meet Beth at the café so they could have coffee and then walk over to the beauty parlor for manis and pedis! “Shoot.” She scrambled to find her way out of the tangle of sheets and blankets while trying not to reinjure Toby in the process.
Eyes still closed, he groaned and captured her in his arms, pulling her in against his naked body.
Jane instantly went still, luxuriating in the feel of his skin against hers, his breath warm and even on her neck. Contentment seemed to weight her to the mattress. She really could stay here all day.
Toby’s breathing deepened as though he’d fallen back asleep. She could too, but instead her gaze drifted to the window, to the bright sunshine outside. No, no, no. She really could not stay here all day. It had to be at least nine o’clock.
“What time is it?” she asked, shaking Toby’s arm.
“Don’t care.” His hand slid down her hip, hitching her body even closer to his.
His sleepy tone prompted a smile. She could relate. They hadn’t exactly gotten much sleep last night…not that she was complaining.
“Toby, I have to go.” She shifted onto her side to face him fully, which turned out to be a mistake. His eyes fluttered, and then his lips came for hers, pulling her back into oblivion with another kiss. A buzzing sound coming from the floor interrupted.
“That’s my phone!” She squirmed free and nearly fell all the way off the bed reaching for her discarded jeans so she could pull her phone out of her pocket. “It’s ten after nine!” She sat straight up. “And I have four missed calls from Beth.”
“So?” Toby crawled over to her. “Call her back and tell her you’re staying in bed all day.” He snuck a hand up her thigh, but she swatted it away with a laugh. “I can’t stay in bed all day. I’m the maid of honor and I take my duties very seriously.” She quickly hit the call button and brought the phone to her ear.
“Are you alive?” Beth asked before Jane could apologize. “Because you�
�re exactly forty minutes late, and you’re never late.”
“I’m so sorry!” Jane pushed off the bed, searching for her other clothes. “I overslept. But I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“She needs to stay in bed all day,” Toby called.
Jane covered the speaker with her hand and shot him a look. “Give me twenty minutes,” she said, then cut off the call before Toby blew their cover. Holding her jeans against her chest, Jane darted out to the kitchen where her other clothes lay in a pile. She’d only brought her jeans in last night so her phone would be close by and thank God she had. Poor Beth would’ve been calling all morning.
“Want me to make you some breakfast?” Toby strutted out of the bedroom in a pair of black boxer briefs and it was a darn good thing she’d already put on her underwear and bra. She’d had no idea a cowboy could look his sexiest in the morning.
“I make a mean buttermilk pancake.” He came over and slid his arms around her, gazing down into her eyes.
“I wish I could stay.” She really really really wished, but… “I promised Beth we’d get our nails done. And I’m the maid of honor.”
“I get it.” Toby kissed her and then let her go.
“What’re you doing today?” She pulled on her sweatshirt and wobbled while she put on her jeans.
“I have to head to Denver later this afternoon for a doctor’s appointment.”
“Oh. Right.” He’d mentioned something about that, about finally discussing the results of his latest MRI with the surgeon. “I hope it goes well.” She wanted those words to be sincere, but there was a part of her that also hoped the doctor would tell him he wasn’t ready, that he couldn’t go back out on the circuit. Not yet. God, she was a terrible person. But if his shoulder had fully healed, it would change things. Right now, with him sidelined, she could pretend this was the way it would be, them waking up together in the morning, maybe sharing breakfast together before they went about their days. But once the doctor released him, she wouldn’t be able to pretend anymore. She’d have to let him go.
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