Chapter Sixteen
I guess we should clean up and get ready to head back.” Toby leaned back on his elbows on the blanket he’d ended up sharing with Jane, but he didn’t move to get up.
Currently, she was lying on her back staring up at the white clouds billowing in the sky above. All around them, the group was in various stages of finishing their lunch. A few people were exploring the small pond nestled into the mountainside, but most were sitting on the comfortable blankets enjoying the view. He hadn’t known about this spot, but Jane had remembered the way to the place her dad used to take her, so that’s where they’d come.
While everyone else ate lunch and wandered, he and Jane had spent the hour talking on the blanket. He knew they were being watched. Mainly by Ethan and Beth, as well as Bernadette. They all had to see what he saw—the chemistry he felt with Jane, the way he couldn’t stop watching her, the way he seemed to forget about everyone else even though he was supposed to be the trip leader. He’d been so distracted he’d lost sight of the trail a few times.
“I guess we should get ready to go soon.” Jane didn’t get up. Instead she turned onto her stomach, propping her chin on her fist, looking carefree and sexy. “Thank you for encouraging me to come. I needed this.”
“I’m glad you came.” Toby inched closer to her. God, it was impossible for him to stay away from her. When he’d seen her sadness earlier, all he’d wanted to do was take it away, to make this easier for her. He knew he might not be the best choice for her. He knew their paths didn’t necessarily travel in the same direction, but he couldn’t deny his feelings for her. “I know how hard it is to confront those memories.” But she seemed happy too. Sure, she’d cried, but she’d also smiled a lot while she told him about her father. And now, lying here, she looked serene.
“I know you understand,” Jane murmured, watching him carefully. “And as difficult as it is to remember, it helps. In some ways this has brought me back to him.” She rested her hand over his. “What about you? Have you talked to your parents about Tanner yet?”
“Oh. No.” He’d thought about it, but what was he supposed to do? Bring it up out of the blue all these years later? They’d already built a life without his brother. None of their friends knew. He couldn’t change things now.
Jane sat up and hugged her knees into her chest. “I thought you wanted to try.”
“I do. Eventually.” But he was tired of obsessing over what he would say to them. The truth was, he didn’t know. “Let’s talk about that another time. This day is too perfect.” Toby tucked her long dark hair behind her ear. “You’re perfect,” he said, trying to lure out her smile again. He could live to make this woman smile.
But Jane simply shook her head and ducked her chin to her chest, staring at the ground.
“What?” Toby sat up too. After a morning of talking and taking in the scenery together, Jane had opened up to him. Now she was shutting down again.
“You don’t have to pretend for me, Toby.” She picked a blade of grass and rolled it between her fingers. “In fact, I don’t want some big performance. I want to see the real you.”
“You’ve seen more than most—”
“We’re going to head back.”
Toby turned around to find Ethan and Beth standing behind them.
Right. He and Jane were supposed to be leading the ride. He started to stand. “If everyone’s ready, we can all pack up—”
“Actually, would you two mind staying back to clean up?” Beth asked sweetly…and a little suspiciously. “I really have to pee. Ethan and I can lead the way down. You two can catch up in a little while.”
Jane narrowed her eyes. “You can’t wait ten minutes for us to pack up so we can all head down together?” She wasn’t buying the act. Toby wasn’t either. Their friends obviously wanted to give them some alone time.
“Nope. I definitely can’t wait.” Beth dragged Ethan away. “Come on people! Mount up! We’re heading back. Follow Ethan and me.”
Shaking her head with a small smile, Jane watched the group pack up, but she sat still while the group got their things together and headed off down the trail. As soon as the last horse disappeared, she lay on her back and stared up at the sky again. “That was real subtle.”
Toby laughed. “Beth is never subtle.” He lay down on his side next to her and guided her face to his. “I’m not trying to put on some big performance you know.” He realized sometimes it just happened. “I won’t say anything I don’t mean. Not to you.”
Her eyes shied away as though she didn’t know what to do with that. He didn’t either, but he’d also gotten tired of fighting that pull between them. Why did he have to figure it out now? Maybe he should quit worrying about the future and live now.
“I’m not sure what to say to my parents,” he admitted.
The admission drew Jane’s eyes back to his.
“I know you had a great relationship with your dad. You were close to him.” He propped himself up on his elbow so he could stare steadily into her eyes. “But I don’t have that kind of relationship with my parents. I never have. My parents and I have never discussed how I felt about anything. Ever.” So, he wasn’t good at this. Talking about real stuff. Figuring out how to fix the underlying issues. He was much better at distracting himself.
“Maybe that could change,” Jane suggested. “Maybe talking to them will turn that around.”
“Maybe.” He didn’t let his doubts show. Instead he shot Jane a grin. “Would it have changed things between us in high school?”
“What’d you mean?” she asked warily.
Toby inched closer. “I mean would it have made a difference if I’d told you how I really felt about you after I kissed you?”
“How did you feel about me?” she half whispered.
She didn’t know. She’d never known. “It caught me off guard. That kiss…it was different.” The chemistry between them had taken him by surprise. “I liked you. I wanted you.” Maybe he always had, he didn’t know. Maybe that’s why he’d always teased her and challenged her.
Jane stared past him at the mountains. “I liked you too.”
“But you said—”
“That kiss terrified me. And I was so embarrassed when everyone saw us kissing.” Jane turned her face back to his. “I didn’t want to like you. I’m not sure I want to like you now. It’s not safe.” An honest doubt lingered in Jane’s eyes. He could see it there holding her back.
“I understand. But my feelings for you are real.” That’s all he knew. His feelings for Jane ran deeper than his doubts. Toby brought his hand to her jaw and guided her lips to his. Jane’s chest rose with a sharp intake of breath, and he knew she felt it too—the same desire pouring through him. He savored the taste of her lips, the heat of her mouth, the quiet whimpers that came from her throat.
Jane swung her leg over his hips, and he shifted to his back, guiding her to lie over his body. Their lips found a rhythm, moving together, opening so he could explore the wet heat of her mouth with his tongue.
Jane raised her head for a second, her eyes closed, her breathing ragged, and Toby took the chance to kiss his way down her neck, lingering just below her ear.
“I definitely want to like you now,” she gasped.
Toby pulled his lips away from her skin. “Thank God. Because I sure as hell like you.” He pushed up to a sitting position and Jane repositioned herself so she was straddling his lap. “Back in high school you always looked at me like I annoyed you.” She’d roll her eyes at him or discount the answers he gave in class.
“Well you did annoy me.” A smirk plumped her swollen lips. “But you were hot. And pretty nice most of the time. Obnoxious as hell, but also pretty nice.”
“I’m even nicer now.” Toby leaned in and brushed his lips across her neck.
“You’re hotter too,” Jane murmured. “But we need to pack up and meet Ethan and Beth to finish the party.” She scooted off his lap.
The party? W
hat party? Toby eased onto his knees and distracted her with another long, sultry kiss. “When can we finish this?” he asked.
Jane wrapped her arms around his neck. “I guess we’ll wait and see.”
* * *
Toby had so many stories. She liked listening to him talk about riding—the traveling, the people he’d met. He’d entertained her the whole way down the mountain. But she hadn’t forgotten how he avoided talking about his parents back at the picnic, or that when she’d brought up the subject, he’d simply turned it into a walk down memory lane, revealing he’d liked her back in high school. And she’d fallen for it, of course. Willingly.
When Toby touched her, when his eyes pulled her in, she didn’t want to think about anything else. She only wanted to feel something. But it didn’t take long for her thoughts to catch up with her. For that nagging reminder to kick in. He’d be headed back out to the circuit as soon as he was able and if she wasn’t careful, he’d take her heart with him.
“Maybe we should skip the lake activity and take a detour to my place.” Toby rested his chin on her shoulder.
“I think we’ve been spotted.” Beth waved at them from across the lake where she and Ethan were kayaking.
“Damn.” Toby steered the horse in the direction of the stable and behind a grove of aspen trees. “Guess we’ll have to hold that thought then.” He said the words as if they caused him physical pain. He stopped the horse and dismounted, grinning up at her. “At least a dip in the cold lake will help.”
She wouldn’t be going for a dip. No way. She didn’t even want to get near that water. In fact, she needed a little space. The thoughts, the fears, the doubts were growing louder. “I have some things to check on.” She swung her leg over the horse and slid off, landing in Toby’s arms.
“Maybe they’re things I could help you check on?” he asked, locking his arms around her waist.
Desire rolled through her, drowning out everything else. She wanted him to hold her. She wanted him to kiss her. She wanted more. But she had to be practical. “People will wonder why we both disappeared.” Though after what they’d pulled at the picnic, it seemed their friends were trying to throw them together. “I’ll come down to the beach as soon as I make sure dinner is all set,” she promised.
“I’ll get the horses situated so I can meet you over there.” He kissed her lips and Jane started to sink against him again, letting him pull her away from everything else. She let herself stay there, let herself kiss him back, feeling that pull between them intensify. God, she wanted to surrender to it, but instead she clung to her doubts and eased out of his embrace. “I’ll see you soon.”
Toby’s expression fell into disappointment, but he nodded and started to tend to the horses.
Avoiding the beach area, Jane hurried up the path to the main lodge and found Louise in the kitchen. “I’m here to help,” she announced looking for an apron in the pantry.
“I don’t need help.” The woman finished wrapping a pan with cellophane. “You know my staff is more than capable. We got all the prep done and I’ll just throw it all in the ovens to warm it up later.”
“Oh.” Jane hung the apron back up. “Well there must be something I can do.”
“There is.” Louise stuck her hands on her hips. “Go on out there and have fun with your friends.” The woman peered out the window in the direction of the beach. “The day’s too pretty to be stuck inside.”
“I don’t mind being stuck inside.” It would be better than watching everyone enjoy themselves while she sat a safe distance away from the water. Jane scanned the counters, which were unfortunately clear. “What about dessert? I can help with that.”
Tsking at her, Louise shook her head. She wasn’t having it. “Already in the refrigerator.” She gave Jane’s shoulder a gentle nudge in the direction of the door. “Don’t let them have all the fun out there, dear girl. You can put your suit on and lay out in the sun. You don’t have to go near the water.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Or maybe she’d head back to her cabin and work on her book. She could get in an hour or so before anyone missed her. “I am helping with cleanup tonight, though,” she called on her way out the door so she couldn’t hear Louise’s reply. The woman would likely tell her she didn’t need help cleaning up either, but her “very capable” staff consisted of two college-aged assistants, and they could all likely use an extra set of hands.
After slipping out the door, Jane moved stealthily down the path back toward her cabin, trying to stay in the shadows of the trees so she wouldn’t be spotted. From the sound of things, everyone was having so much fun they wouldn’t notice her anyway.
Once she was safely inside, Jane sat at the small writer’s desk where she’d spent hours reworking her story. The desk was right in front of a large picture window that had a perfect view of the lake. It had provided plenty of inspiration before, but now she stared out at the beach and found herself searching for Toby.
Her heart did a leap. He and Ethan were doing handstands on the paddleboards, the show-offs. Everyone else seemed to be lounging on the beach cheering for those two, only encouraging their reckless—
Hold on. Jane leaned closer to the window. Was that Aubrey? She quickly scurried over to the binoculars that sat on the living room windowsill and brought the group into focus. Yes, that was definitely Aubrey. Wearing a revealing red bikini. No surprise there. She was clapping her hands together, obviously quite impressed with Toby’s theatrics. It looked like some of their other high school acquaintances had shown up to join the party. A few of Ethan and Toby’s old football buddies. Some of Aubrey’s friends.
Well, good. Jane was glad she hadn’t gone down there then. They’d never been her friends anyway. She’d just hide out in here for a while and get another chapter written.
For some reason though, she couldn’t seem to put down the binoculars. Toby did a side flip, splashing into the water. A gasp caught in her throat, but within seconds, his head bobbed on the surface, his wet face shining with a grin.
“Knock, knock.” The cabin door opened, and her mom poked her head in. “There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
“Oh.” Jane quickly tried to hide the binoculars behind her back. “Did you need something?”
Her mother walked fully inside the cabin. “I noticed you weren’t out there with the other kids. I wanted to check and make sure everything was okay.”
“Everything’s fine.” She didn’t mention they weren’t kids anymore. Some of the boys out there still acted like they were. Jane couldn’t stop her gaze from drifting back to the beach where they’d started a volleyball game. Aubrey was on Toby’s side of the net of course.
“Are you sure?” Her mom walked over, obviously suspicious. “It doesn’t seem like everything’s fine. Why are you hiding out in here? And what’re you holding behind your back?”
Oh Lord, why did it feel like she was back in high school again? When Jane didn’t say anything, her mother walked past her and spotted the binoculars.
“Bird-watching?” she asked with a smile.
Jane thought about lying, but it wouldn’t do any good. “I was just making sure everyone was staying safe down there.”
Her mom held out her hand and wiggled her fingers in a silent hand-them-over gesture. Jane gave her the binoculars with a huff. This was definitely a little too reminiscent of high school. Her mother checking on her, concerned because she wasn’t out “having fun.”
“I see Aubrey stopped by,” her mother commented, peering through the binoculars. “I’m not sure that’s the best attire for playing beach volleyball.”
“Depends on your goals.” Jane shouldn’t sound so snarky. The truth was, in some ways she envied Aubrey. She’d always been outgoing and confident and fun, and yes persistent, but that seemed to be working out for her. Jane, on the other hand, had always felt more like she did right now—standing on the outside looking in.
“Sweetie…” Her mom set the bin
oculars back on the windowsill. “Why aren’t you out there too? Beth and Ethan are your good friends. And Toby…I think he likes you.”
“Toby likes everyone.” And everyone liked him. People were drawn to him the same way people were drawn to Aubrey. Maybe those two belonged together. And she belonged behind her computer. “Besides, I have a lot to do.” She brought her laptop out of sleep mode, hoping her mom would take the hint.
“Are you sure that’s what it is?” Her mom dragged over a chair from the kitchen table and sat next to her. She’d never let Jane off the hook that easily. But instead of annoying her like it used to when her mother would pester her, Jane was grateful for the chance to talk.
“I’ve never been good at it.” Jane let her shoulders slump. “Being in a big crowd, fitting in.” She generally didn’t mind being reserved and introverted, but watching Aubrey out there made her wish she could be more outgoing, more laid-back, always ready to have fun. Instead she tended to be serious and cautious, maybe too cautious. But that’s who she was. And she wasn’t going to pretend to be someone she wasn’t. Not even for Toby.
“I love that you don’t fit in,” her mom said.
“I’m sorry, what?” Jane didn’t hide the shock. Was this the same mother who’d tried to buy her all the cool clothes? Who’d bugged her about inviting Aubrey over and becoming friends with her? “I always thought you wanted me to fit in.”
“I worried about you, Jane.” Sadness echoed in her tone. “Especially after your dad died…I desperately wanted to reach you, to help you, but I felt like I was constantly failing. You two were so close…”
“That’s because we both loved books. We loved to debate. We loved to read National Geographic together.” They were alike in so many ways, but Jane definitely hadn’t inherited her father’s adventure gene.
“He understood you.” Her mom dabbed at her eyes. “I watched you change after he passed. You were so closed off. You hid from everything. In my own way I tried to help you, but I couldn’t seem to reach you. Not the way he had.”
First Kiss with a Cowboy: Includes a bonus novella Page 15
