by J. Darling
“Yeah, you’re banged up pretty good. Linnie’s here. You want to say anything to her before you go?”
“Linnie?”
Linnie stepped up to the bed. “I’m here, Jules.”
Jules looked over. “Linnie, you make my decisions if I can’t.”
Linnie nodded. “I will, it’ll be alright. You hang in there. We’ll meet you in the cities.”
A nurse came over, “Excuse me, I’m about to give her a little pain medication for the ride. The team’s landing now. You’ll want to say your goodbyes.”
Jake kissed her hand again. “Precious, look at me. I love you. I really love you.”
She smiled a small smile, her eyes growing heavy. “Ti amo anch’io.”
Just then the flight team walked in, and began preparations to move Jules onto the transport stretcher. His time with her coming to an end, he quickly kissed her. “I love you, Jules. Don’t forget, okay?”
Then they moved her over, buckling her onto the stretcher, grabbed a packet of papers, and were gone.
“Jake, come on, we need to go.” Linnie said, pulling him along. “Nate has the directions and is waiting in the truck.”
“Do you know what she said? I don’t know what she said. How is it she’s having trouble thinking, and yet can respond in another language?”
“I don’t know. Let’s go.”
Just then the doctor walked in. “Are you Jake?”
He stopped. “Yes, I’m Jake.”
Putting his hand in his pocket, the doctor explained, “Juliet wanted me to give this to you.” Fishing around inside, he pulled out the piece of Baltic Amber and handed it to Jake. “We had to remove it when we were doing the scans. I was thinking she was confused, because she was saying something about it being Jake’s eyes, but seeing you now, not so much so. It’s definitely the same color as your eyes.”
Jake took the amber piece in his palm and immediately felt a zing of energy flow up his arm and straight to his heart. Jūratė tears, cried for her one true love.
“It’s the ultimate love story.”
Looking up at the doctor, his voice cracked when he responded, “Thank you, this means so much.”
“Hey, no problem, glad I caught you before you left. Drive safely.”
CHAPTER 11
Jules slowly opened her eyes. Pain, she was in really bad pain. She had a massive headache, and her back was howling something fierce. Where was she? Turning her head was a chore, but when she did, she saw Jake sleeping in a chair next to her with his arm extended towards her. She could feel his hand heavy on hers. Her mouth was a desert, and felt positively rank. Moving her fingers, she found his and gave them a squeeze. Jerking, he sat up quickly, then jumped to his feet.
“Precious, you awake honey?”
Flinching from the sound of his voice, she put her hand to her head and felt a large bandage.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Is that better?” He took her hand and kissed it.
She nodded a little.
“You in pain?”
She nodded again.
“You need to push your pain button, sweetheart, remember?”
No, she didn’t remember. Where was she? What day was it? She needed to get to work. She needed to find her toothbrush, and she needed to get off this bed, it was killing her back.
“Whoa, baby, what are you doing? Don’t move. You were hurt and had surgery, remember?” Jake said, holding her steady. “We need the nurses to help you move.”
She stopped and looked at him. What had he said? Surgery? Nurses? She looked around. This didn’t look like a hospital room. It was decorated all fancy. But there was an IV pole next to the bed, and attached to it was a patient controlled analgesic pump, and a bag of IV fluids hung from the top. There was a blood pressure machine mounted on the wall, and a sink in the corner, and…come to think of it, she could hear soft beeping sounds from a monitor next to her head.
“Jake?” she croaked.
He squeezed her hand. “I’m here. What do you need?”
“Toothbrush.”
He smiled. “Toothbrush and toothpaste coming up. How about a warm washcloth? You could wash your face.”
She nodded slightly. He helped her wash and brush, and if that didn’t help her feel like a new person, the spoonful of ice chips did. Those were the best dang ice chips she’d ever had. “Jake, what’s going on?” Gosh, even her throat hurt.
“You were hurt when we went tubing. Do you remember?”
She shook her head a smidge. “No,” she answered tentatively, “just hazy images.”
“Linnie, Nate, you, and I, went snow tubing, and as we were walking past the chutes, you dropped your glove and went back to get it. A large tubing party came down the hill and ran into you. You were thrown several feet before smacking into a safety fence. You have a large laceration on your scalp and a fractured vertebra. It’s Tuesday evening, and you’re in a hospital in the cities, where they did surgery to stabilize your spine.”
“Am I alright? Is everything okay?”
“You’re getting better. It seems like you’re awake now, you’ve been in and out of it for days.”
She closed her eyes. “I know I’m moving my arms, and I hurt. How about the rest of me? Am I moving my legs, toes?”
Jake paused. “Ahh, not yet. The doctor says we need to give it some time, till the swelling goes down.”
When she opened her eyes, a tear slid down her cheek and he caught it. “I need the nurse, I need to know what medications they’re giving me. I’d like to see the doctor too, and Linnie. I need Linnie.”
Leaning in, he gave her a kiss on the lips, then whispered, “I know it’s hard. Try not to cry. I’m here. We’re all here for you, and praying for a full recovery. Linnie will be here soon, she and Nate went to get something to eat. I’ll go see about the nurse and doctor.”
A short time later a nice looking gentleman wearing scrubs walked into her room. “Hi Juliet, I’m Curtis, your nurse for the evening. I understand you woke and wanted to talk with me. What can I do for you?”
Oh boy, Curtis was young and cute, and Jules was not into him being anything to her. She could only imagine the number of things she was going to need help with, and having young cute men help her, was not in her game plan, at all. Wishing she could throw the covers over her head, she said, “Please review with me what medications I’m receiving.”
“Sure thing, then when we’re done, I’d like to do a set of vitals, and a head to toe assessment. We should change your position too, get you onto your side. Let’s start by going over your careboard.”
Just then Jake walked in with another young man in scrubs. “Ahhh, hold up,” she said, pulling her blanket higher.
They all stopped and looked at her.
“Who are you?” she asked, looking to the young guy next to Jake.
“I’m Tenzin, your nursing assistant. I came to help you wash, to move, and to empty your Foley bag.”
She had a catheter? In her bladder? She couldn’t even feel it, didn’t even know it was there! She felt her cheeks turn beet red, and her head start to pound. This was not going to work. “Ahhh, no. No. No. I’m sorry, but no.” She reached a hand to her head and held it, then continued, “I don’t mean to be difficult, but no. I’m sorry, I just can’t. Do they not have women working here? I never thought I’d feel this way, but I do. Please, take no offense, but I need female caregivers, I’m sorry.” Then her arm flopped onto the bed, her energy zapped from the stress of the moment.
Curtis, the nurse, spoke up. “We’re here to help you, and I can assure you we’re professionals, competent and capable of caring for you.”
She turned and looked at him, then blinked several times. Her head was pounding and she was overwhelmed from exhaustion. Feeling backed into a corner and extremely irritated, she answered him angrily, “Without a doubt, and you took offense when I asked you not to. This has nothing to do with you or your abilities, but it does have everythi
ng to do with me and my modesty.”
There was a knock on her door, and a gorgeous man wearing a suit walked in, oblivious to all present. “Hey, Juliet, I’m Dr. Reiter. Glad to see you’re awake and that they caught me before I left the clinic. I’m happy to report the surgery went well, and I didn’t have to do an anterior approach through your abdomen. I was able to do what I needed to from your backside.”
Her backside? First, a catheter, which meant no underwear, and now my backside…then all these men, and Lord knows how many more, who’ve seen my body in full detail, because under this scrap of a gown, I’m no doubt nude. I wasn’t even able to let Jake see me completely nude! Totally overwhelmed, everything coming at her at once, she fought back tears with the realization that she’d been totally vulnerable and unable to protect herself. She wanted to die. Not knowing what to say, she simply pulled the blanket up and over her head as she began to cry.
She heard some movement, and then a whisper. “Sweetheart, the nurse and aide left, the doctor is here wanting to talk with you.”
Hot tears rolled down her cheeks. “Jake, I’m…I’m…so...”
He pulled the blanket back a little. “I know.”
“I don’t want this.”
He caught her tears with his fingers. “I know.”
She pulled the blanket down, and looked to the drop dead gorgeous surgeon who was staring her way, waiting. “I’m sorry, will you be able to request female caregivers for me, please. I…I…just can’t…”
Dr. Reiter walked over and touched her arm. “I will request that whenever possible, a female nurse and aide be assigned to you, but please know that may not always be possible.”
“I understand. Will I ever walk again?”
“In all honesty, that’s a hard question to answer right now. It’s just too early to know. You had an unstable fracture within the vertebral arch of the first lumbar vertebra that I went in and fixed. The vertebral arch is what forms the canal your spinal cord runs through, and essentially protects it. It varies between people, but the spinal cord terminates somewhere around the first to the second lumbar vertebrae, at which point it branches into numerous individual nerve fibers, similar to that of a horse’s tail.” Stepping to a whiteboard on the wall, he drew a picture to illustrate what he was talking about.
“There’s obviously been some kind of injury to the area, we know that, but to what degree and how bad, we can’t really say for certain at this time. From what I’ve been able to see, it doesn’t appear your spinal cord was severed, but it was definitely impinged upon by the broken vertebral arch and the swelling in the area.”
Afraid to ask, but needing to know, she pushed forth. “So where does that leave me?”
“Best case scenario, the paralysis and delayed reflex responses you’re experiencing are temporary, and on line with what we know as spinal shock. Worst case scenario, the damage is extensive and your symptoms are permanent, and of course, it wouldn’t be unexpected for you to fall somewhere in between both those scenarios. We need more time to know for sure.”
Taking a deep breath, she asked, “How much time?”
“In the case of spinal shock, we see the return of reflexes as early as a few days from the time of injury, on upward of six weeks. At that point, we pretty much have, what we have. Their return seems to correlate with the extent of the injury, minor injuries taking less time and greater ones taking more.”
“Have any of my reflexes returned?”
“None so far, but you’re only day three. I’d hoped we’d have seen something by now, but I’m not ready to throw in the towel on this by any means. We treated your injury within hours of it happening, which is crucial, and you had the presence of mind to demand that Dr. Benton give you a high dose steroid to minimize swelling before you were transferred here.”
“What happens now?” she asked.
“Rehabilitation mostly, physical therapy, occupational therapy, medications, back brace, leg braces, stuff like that. We need to keep you strong during these weeks while we wait.”
“Thank you, I appreciate your candor. Will you please review my medications with me?”
“Certainly, let me open up your chart.”
*****
“Linnie, I need to talk to you alone,” Jules said discreetly, while Jake and Nate were talking.
Linnie, looked at her, and Jule’s gave her the look. “Nate, Jake, can you give us girls some alone time, please?”
Jake came over and gave Jules a kiss. “You need me to get you anything while I’m gone?”
She didn’t have to think hard. “Food.”
He chuckled as he stood. “I think you’re still on restrictions, but I’ll see what’s allowed and find something to bring back. Sound alright?” he asked, as he moved to the door. “We’ll give you two some time.”
She nodded. “Thanks.”
When they walked out, Jules turned to Linnie. “I can’t have men doing my private cares, and I need help. Please, help me. I know Jake’s going to want to help, but I don’t want him helping me.”
Linnie hesitated. “But you like Jake, right?”
“Ahhh, yeah, but we’ve just begun to get to know one another, and I’m not comfortable with this level of intimacy. It’s bad enough I’m going to need help, but to get it from a man is not an option.”
Linnie reached over and patted her hand. “I’ll help, but Jules, he wants to be involved. He hasn’t left your side since the accident. He really cares for you.”
“No, he can’t,” she responded adamantly. “Linnie, I may be a paraplegic, and even if I’m not, I most likely won’t be one hundred percent functional.”
Linnie looked at her like she’d lost her mind. “So? Is anyone really one hundred percent functional? We all have our issues. Your’s would be physical that’s all, so what.”
Now, Jules looked at Linnie like she’d lost her mind. “Do you realize how expensive and difficult it will be to be a para? To be committed to a para? The accomodations, the therapy, the medications, the lifestyle changes and family dynamic constructs. It wouldn’t be fair to expect him to sign on for life.”
Linnie shook her head. “You don’t know that you’re a para, and why not let him decide that for himself?’
“Because, he’s a good guy, and I’d live with the guilt all my life. It’s like Nik said the other night at dinner, they’re active guys who don’t like sitting around doing nothing.”
“Of all the things you remember, it’s that?” Linnie responded in disbelief. “So you’re just going to break his heart and end it?”
Jules paused, “I care for him, I really do. This will be extremely difficult for me. I won’t be cruel. I just need to get through this, and get back to Chicago. I don’t think this will interfere with my job, or the promotion. I should still be able to sit behind a desk and analyze data, regardless of the amount of injury. I need that job, if not for the money, then for the health insurance to cover my needs. I’m supposed to be in Connecticut come the third week of February. Do they know? Did you call them?”
Linnie nodded. “They know. Does Jake know you took the job?”
Jules shook her head. “I don’t think we ever talked about it. I really need a shower. Can you help me? This room has one of those lift things that can get me into the bathroom.”
Linnie sighed. “It’s getting late, how about I drop Nate off at the VA tomorrow morning, and then come over and help you clean up?”
Jules nodded. “I would really, really appreciate that, and Linnie, take Jake with you when you go, please. He needs to get back to normal. I’ve disrupted things enough already.”
Linnie shook her head. “I think you’re being hasty. Give it some time.”
“I disagree,” Jules responded, digging in her heels. “All more time will do is make it harder to say goodbye.”
*****
Standing outside Jules hospital room, Jake was beside himself. Jules, in effect, had just said her goodbye. She’d gotte
n the promotion, and even though her prognosis was up in the air, she was moving forward with rehab as a paraplegic. Her thought process aligned with hoping for the best, planning for the worst. It was her expressed desire to be stable enough to discharge from the hospital and be back in Chicago by the week’s end.
He was absolutely opposed to her leaving, but had no say in the matter. He wanted her to stay. Even if she wouldn’t accept his help, she’d accept Linnie’s, but that’d be a little tough to do when the two were separated by hundreds of miles.
“Jake,” Linnie said softly, as she put her arm around his waist, giving him a hug, “give her some time and space.”
“She’s not thinking, Linnie,” he ground out.
“Yeah, I don’t know about that,” Linnie said with a pat. “I think the problem is she’s thinking too much. This is typical behavior for someone like her.”
“What? What do you mean, typical?” He wanted to argue.
Linnie rubbed his back some. “Becoming a para or quad isn’t easy for obvious reasons, but for the individual going through it, the biggest loss is to their independence, and one of their biggest challenges is accepting the need for help from others. It’s not uncommon for them to make decisions that give them maximum independence from those they would otherwise be dependent on.
He still didn’t think she was using good judgment, and had to squelch his desire to argue the point. Put yourself in her shoes, he told himself. Okay, so maybe what Linnie was saying made some sense. He continued to listen.
“This isn’t true for all spinal cord injury patients, but for many. In essence they push people away, consciously or subconsciously, by way of the decisions they make, or through their behavior, attitude, and words, all in an effort to maintain some form of control. Given how independent and self-sufficient Jules has had to be all her life, this makes total sense. It’s a coping mechanism for her.”
Jake thought about it. “So if we know that, should we listen? Shouldn’t we stay and help her through this?”
Linnie shrugged. “We could, but that might make her all the more determined, and if there’s one thing Jules is, it’s determined. I’m of the opinion that we step back, and let her figure this out some. She’s not alone, the doctors and nurses are here. Let her identify what her needs are, and let her come to us when she’s ready.”
