The Beasts of Upton Puddle

by Simon West-Bulford

  “Is dat you down there, Joe boy? Where’s dis brewery the beasties are tryin’ ta deproive us of?”

  “Fell for it, didn’t you, Lilly?” shouted Joe. “But if you and the others take care of these dragons for us, we’ll build the biggest brewery you’ve ever seen in your life.”

  “Ya mean ya got no booze? I get arl me mates tagedder, and dere’s not one drop of amber nectar? Roight! Now oi’m really angry.”

  Above their heads, a war of fantastic proportions raged. Dragons soared and wheeled while the sky boats fired dung, sewage, rotten food, compost, and all manner of smelly horror from cannons. Cluricauns parachuted to the island, chuckling and firing catapults at trolls as they drifted to the ground.

  “Snappel,” said Danariel quickly. “The dragons have been caught off guard, and I know where Gnauserous is. Take me with you, and bring every wyvern you can find. We’re going to rid the world of its greatest enemy.”

  Joe watched as Snappel led a swarm of the feisty lizards with Danariel into the heart of the battle.

  “All we can do now is wait and hope,” said Mrs. Merrynether.

  “At least we have hope now,” said Joe.

  “We have more than hope,” said Heinrich, smiling at Lilly, who had left his boat to approach them. “We have a whole army of cluricauns at our side.”

  “We only came for da party” said Lilly, gritting his teeth. “Tort dere’d be some free booze if we saved the day.”

  Kiyoshi stirred at the sound of Lilly’s voice. “There are many more admirable pursuits than your never-ending endeavors to attain a state of crapulence through alcoholic poisoning.”

  “Did monkey face just swear at me, den?”

  “I merely stated that—”

  “And oi’m merely gonna—”

  “Stop it!” said Joe, holding back a laugh.

  Kiyoshi closed his eyes, settling into a doze, the words “coprophagous midget” on his breath as he crossed his arms under his chin.

  “There must be thousands of you,” said Joe. “Where did you all come from?”

  “It doesn’t take long for us ta build up an army if we need ta, especially when beer’s at stake. Oi just spread da word.”

  “Look,” said Heinrich, pointing. “I think something is happening.”

  Above them the great swarm of dragons had dispersed, exploded apart by fire. From the core of the hot cloud, Gnauserous burst forth, her great body weaving in a cyclone of smoke. She snatched, clawed, and buffeted a series of dragons that came at her from every direction. She swiped, smashed, and ripped at wyverns that attacked from above. One of the cluricauns’ sky boats splintered into fragments as Gnauserous thrust her horned head into it. Through it all, Danariel shone like a tiny supernova, clinging to her former kin-tie’s head, using whatever powers she had to throw the great dragon’s mind into confusion.

  The plan appeared to be working. Despite her ferocity, the queen could not sustain her defense. As Snappel closed in to attack, more dragons and wyverns swarmed in until a final, piercing death cry echoed across the island.

  The Queen of Pyronesia had fallen.

  FORTY-ONE

  “Be ready,” said Mrs. Merrynether. “We don’t know how the rest of the dragons will react.”

  A stream of cautious dragons approached their side of the gorge as the battle above petered out. The fleet of cluricaun boats dispersed, either landing somewhere on the island or choosing to head back to England.

  Joe ached in places he hadn’t even realized were there. Until this moment, a combination of adrenaline, kappa juice, and the consistent expectancy of death had kept his mind off how he felt physically, but now his body was screaming.

  The approaching clutch of dragons, two of which he recognized from his audience with the Conclave, seemed unthreatening. They moved slowly, almost respectfully, between the charcoaled trees toward Joe’s small group. It was still not a good time to relax, though. Joe had no idea what their intentions were.

  Danariel drifted beside Joe. He tried to ignore the fact that her glow had diminished since Gnauserous’s fall.

  “Hold your ground, Joe. They want to talk.”

  She told Joe the names of the seraphim that flew with each dragon, and they appeared before Joe in their various orbs of color.

  The seraph belonging to the largest and oldest of the dragons approached. A turquoise tint surrounded the seraph as he hovered a few feet away from Joe’s face. “Many have died,” he said.

  A lump of remorse caught in Joe’s throat, but he tried to keep his voice even. “I know.”

  “Your kind has always brought destruction, but never before has it ended so terribly. Our queen fell today.”

  “Your queen wanted to kill all of us. We only wanted to protect ourselves.”

  “And Gnauserous only wanted to protect Pyronesia. She knew every inclination of the human heart dwells upon evil all the time. It was only a matter of time before that evil touched this island. Our queen was merciful once, but Argoyle Redwar’s return forced her to act.

  “Even as we speak, Redwar is making his escape from Pyronesia, taking with him a spoil of diamonds from our Nesting Caverns. All he wanted was wealth, and he didn’t care about who he would kill to get it.”

  “No,” said another seraph. “His intentions were far worse. He planned to kill every dragon on this island. We had to remove explosive boxes placed at the Tree of Sanctuary.”

  “So you see,” said the first seraph. “Mankind is evil and should be removed. Gnauserous was right.”

  “No, she was wrong,” Joe said. “Not everyone is evil. Some people are good, and some are just . . . bad. I don’t think anyone really knows why.”

  “Does your society not destroy things that are evil? Why do you allow human beings that are evil to go on living and poison your culture?”

  Joe glanced at Mrs. Merrynether with an expression that begged her to help him.

  She stepped forward to address the dragons. “You cannot expect—”

  “Are you the chosen representative for humanity?”

  “Well, no, but—”

  “Then be silent and let the boy speak.”

  Mrs. Merrynether grimaced in apology to Joe and stepped back.

  Joe took a deep breath and stared at the seraph, feeling the weight of the world pressing down on the top of his skull. A fork in the road lay before the whole of mankind, and Joe stood at the junction, holding the signpost. He tried hard not to think about that as he considered the best way to answer his inquisitor.

  “I don’t think you can put people in categories like good and evil. Even evil people aren’t evil all the time, and good people sometimes do bad things, don’t they? What do you do with dragons or seraphim that do evil things?”

  “We destroy them. Evil has no place on Pyronesia.”

  Joe glanced at Mrs. Merrynether and the others. Each was silent with motionless tension, and Joe could not tell if they thought he was failing or succeeding. Even the wind had stopped, as if the island were waiting to see how he would answer. How could a twelve-year-old boy reason with beings thousands of years old and much wiser than he? Nevertheless, all he could do was try.

  “Look. You can’t go around just killing people because they don’t fit in. You can’t just . . .” He trailed off as he looked from the seraph to the dragon. Something important fell into place in his mind, as if a key had been turned in a lock.

  “You can’t just cut the bits off that you think are wrong or evil. My dad died a few years ago, and because of that, I used to be afraid of dying too. Then I met Danariel, and she showed me how not to be scared of death. I used to wish I could get away from how death made me feel . . . as if I could somehow cut death off of me or cut out the bits that made me scared, but you can’t. At least, humans can’t. We have to live with it, and sometimes it can help us to appreciate what life is really about.”

  “What you say makes no sense. When something fails in the human body, do you not cut it ou
t or replace it?”

  “That’s different. You can’t cut out bad thoughts like a dodgy appendix.”

  “And that is why humans should be destroyed.”

  “No, we shouldn’t. Part of being a good person is learning how to say no to evil thoughts. Some people are just better at it than others; that’s all. I suppose it takes a bit of practice.”

  “You speak nonsense. If there is evil, it should be cut away. That is the way things have always been on Pyronesia, and that is the way the world should be.”

  “If that’s true, then all dragons should be destroyed.”

  An angry murmuring rumbled out from the dragons, and Joe could almost sense waves of anxiety from Mrs. Merrynether and the others.

  “Dragons are not evil,” the seraph said, remaining calm.

  “If your history is true and what you say is right, then all of you are evil. I heard the story of how dragons were created. Your ancient king went to a mountain for twenty years after having all his doctors killed. He got rid of his hate, and it turned into the first dragon. So all you are is a race of hate, something evil discarded by an old king.”

  “A ridiculous legend, nothing more.” Then Joe took a chance, but he had a hunch he might be right. “But all of your big ceremonies in that Tree of Sanctuary are built on those legends, aren’t they?”

  The seraph looked suspicious. “Without adherence to the great laws, our society would be meaningless, but that does not mean we believe in myths and legends.”

  “So what was that thing you all said when I was in there? Something about the four?”

  “May the light of understanding call The Four. May the unity of The Four bring us wisdom. May the joy of wisdom bring us peace. So may it be,” the seraph said solemnly.

  “I bet you don’t even know what The Four are, do you?”

  “How dare you question our—”

  “Do you?” Joe had lost all sense of fear now.

  “They represent the four spirits of ancient time when our people were lost and without direction. They—”

  “Yes, but what are they?”

  The seraph said nothing, but Joe could sense he was bristling with frustrated anger. His dragon’s claws extended into the burnt soil, etching its disapproval into the earth.

  “Want to hear what I think?” said Joe, praying he was right, hoping desperately they would think he was too. Joe guessed a few scientists would have a good belly laugh at his expense if they heard what he was about to suggest. But the really important thing was that the dragons believed it.

  “I think the legends are true and that you really did all come from humans originally. I think your ancestors tried to get rid of everything that was evil and that was how the dragons and seraphim came about. And I think you wanted to get rid of all your ugliness, just like in the legends, and that’s where the squonks came from. I don’t know what the fourth creature is, but I bet your ancestors also realized they made a big mistake and wanted to put you all back together again somehow. What else could they mean by ‘May the unity of The Four bring us wisdom’?”

  The turquoise light from the seraph rippled like an angry heat wave. “Gnauserous has had many dragons sentenced to death for uttering such blasphemy, but to hear such things spoken by a human boy is more than we can bear.”

  The seraph’s dragon arched its spiny neck and drew a guttural breath.

  Joe hunched his shoulders and thrust his hands into his face, waiting for a swell of flame to consume him, but before the dragon could act, Snappel launched between them with her wings outstretched in a protective canopy, Heinrich yanked Joe backward, and Danariel zipped into the air, shouting for them to stop.

  Joe sat in the dirt, shaking.

  “Listen to what he says,” she shouted. “Doesn’t he say the same thing as Azariel so many years in the past? I watched in shame when Gnauserous had her executed, all because the Conclave are too terrified to accept what is so obvious. Should we continue to bury the truth in fire and remain in denial, or is this the time for our kind to rise above its fear and act with nobility?”

  “But to accept such a thing would mean that dragonkind was spawned from human iniquity. Our law would dictate our destruction.”

  “Then maybe it’s time to change your laws,” said Joe, pushing past Snappel’s wings to face the dragons. “I don’t think any of you should be destroyed. I think you’re all amazing.”

  “He’s right,” insisted Danariel. “It’s the only way forward. Either we stop this now or everything ends in fire and blood. The island would no longer be secret. The world would be a burnt cinder, and you would have destroyed your creators. In your hearts, none of you want that.”

  A thoughtful silence settled over the small crowd. Snappel dropped back, and Joe looked around. The dragons were no longer circling in the sky. During the debate, all of them had landed on the other side of the gorge, gathered in multitudes but all watching quietly, and Joe guessed with awe that thousands of seraphim, invisible to his eyes, surrounded them, watching and waiting for the Conclave’s decision.

  Then a new revelation struck Joe.

  “Danariel is the last part of Gnauserous you have left, isn’t she?” he said, breaking the silence. “Doesn’t that make her your queen now? Shouldn’t you be following her?”

  The seraph still had no answer other than the look of confusion, shock, and embarrassment flickering over his tiny features. Then after a deep sigh, he spoke. “The Conclave has much to discuss. There will be no more war today, but for the truce to hold, one problem remains—Argoyle Redwar. He knows where we are, and he must be stopped. As long as he has power, Pyronesia cannot remain hidden. One day soon, war is sure to come again.”

  “We’ll deal with him,” said Mrs. Merrynether firmly.

  The seraph nodded, then fluttered to Danariel.

  “You must stay with us. If you are our queen, we need you.”

  “I know,” she said, looking not at the seraph but at Joe with a forlorn smile.

  Joe swallowed. “Do you have to?”

  “No,” she smiled. “But I should. Don’t worry, though,” she said, stroking his forehead. “We will see each other again. You’re the human ambassador, remember?”

  Joe sighed. “I suppose so.”

  FORTY-TWO

  Leaving Pyronesia was a curious affair. On the island, Joe hadn’t even considered what he would do if he got back home. He hadn’t expected to be leaving at all. He thought he’d be dead by now, one of the first casualties of a war to end all wars, but it hadn’t happened that way. Somehow, against the amazing odds, he had survived. Somehow, they had all survived. Danariel had stayed on the island with the Conclave, hopefully convincing them that humans should be allowed the chance to go on living. Without Gnauserous, she wouldn’t enjoy the same longevity that the other seraphim had, but Mrs. Merrynether assured Joe she had a few good decades left in her yet.

  Even Flarp had recovered. Joe had been convinced the poor globble had slimed its last on Pyronesia when he’d been gunned down, but once again, Mrs. Merrynether had set Joe straight. Globbles had no nervous system, they felt no pain, and all they really did was look at things all day. After the bullets had been popped out of his green skin, Flarp was up and about, whizzing around as merrily as ever.

  Cornelius’s damaged wing had been repaired, Kiyoshi had fully rested, Snappel’s wounded claw had completely healed, and Heinrich, having heard Aunt Rose accept his offer of marriage, was suddenly a new man.

  Yes, they’d all been very lucky indeed. On the long journey back in Lilly’s airship, Mrs. Merrynether had insisted it had nothing to do with luck but everything to do with Joe. She’d told him, with the twinkles of tears in her eyes, that there could be no braver boy on the whole planet and that it was he who had inspired such fierce devotion from everyone he met—man, woman, or beast. And she’d told him he would grow up to be a fine man, if he wasn’t already.

  Joe had smiled and blushed but held those words close,
hoping he would not let her down.

  If leaving Pyronesia had been an unexpected event for Joe, arriving back in Upton Puddle turned out to be even more surprising. Though Joe felt mildly triumphant that they had managed to avert disaster on a global scale, they were not out of the woods yet.

  After bribing one of the cluricauns to take him home in one of their airships, Argoyle Redwar had left several hours ahead of them on his way back to Upton Puddle, and none of them had the slightest idea how to put an end to his hateful campaign. Having left the island with more diamonds than most human beings had ever seen, Redwar needed only to bribe more people, hire another army, and expand his growing empire to be ready to launch another attack on Pyronesia. Even without Gnauserous, Joe guessed it would take very little to provoke the Conclave into war. Joe doubted the greedy businessman would ever understand the danger he or the rest of the world faced because of him.

  As the airship settled over the Merrynether Estate to make its landing, the serious debate about Redwar appeared to have no resolution in sight.

  “Oi say we stick some fireworks up his backside and send the fat git to da moon,” Lilly said, making a final spin on the ship’s wheel.

  “A most astounding machination,” Kiyoshi commented, “but with two calamitous shortcomings. Firstly, your lack of comprehension concerning the laws of physics is rivaled by that of only the most basic of protozoan life forms. Secondly, the combustion required for thrust would be negated by the reduction of oxidizing agents once the explosive has been inserted in—”

  “Let’s test it in the turtle first,” Lilly drew a big lug from his pipe and blew a ball of smoke in Kiyoshi’s face.

  “We should go to the police,” said Aunt Rose.

  “And what would we tell them?” asked Mrs. Merrynether. “Anything close to the truth would sound ridiculous. Besides, even if we could convince them by showing them proof, the last thing we want is for Pyronesia to be revealed. No, we have to deal with him ourselves.”