Is this the beginning of the end?
“Ryan, please. Think about this. Go to practice tomorrow. Go to school. You know that every time your mom cleans up—”
“Don’t bring my mom into this,” he says. He bares his teeth, and my eyes flicker to his hands, which are now fists.
“—Every time she cleans up, she tells you this is the biggest mistake she has ever made. That she wants better for you, even if she can’t be there for you.”
“I said, don’t bring her into this.” Ryan’s voice is different now. Scraping his throat.
“You’re better than this life. Don’t turn into your parents.” I’m almost yelling.
Next thing I know, my head is hitting the concrete, and Ryan is on top of me. Pain shoots through my head, and I can’t figure out which way is up. Ryan’s fists are pounding into my chest and face as I try to regain my sense of balance and get through the pain.
Ryan caught me by surprise, but I manage to roll him off of me and climb on top of him. I grab his wrists and force him to stop moving them.
“Get the fuck off,” he yells.
“No,” I say just as loud. “I won’t let you kill yourself. You may not die today or tomorrow, but you’re sentencing yourself to a slow and painful death, and I won’t watch you do it. I know you. You can get through this.”
Ryan is still struggling against me, but I manage to keep him down.
“Get off and get back to your damn perfect life.”
“It’s not perfect,” I say. “No one’s is. And I know yours sucks extra, but that doesn’t mean you get to throw it away.”
“You don’t tell me what to do.”
I finally get off of him, and we stand up.
“It’s up to you,” I say. “Decide that you’re better than this life, and show up to school and practice tomorrow. Or condemn yourself to this.” I indicate his house, to his mom, who is probably in her room in there, drowning in her stupor.
I see angry tears in Ryan’s eyes, and I can feel them in mine. I pick up my book bag and gym bag and walk home. Without looking back.
Four
I reach the curve on the road that’s just before Mayra’s house. I’ve been walking for about ten minutes, and I’m still seething. I move my gym bag to my other shoulder. My head and my cheek are still throbbing, but I ignore the pain.
I’m walking fast and staring at the ground, not believing what just happened.
Ryan’s pretty much off the team. I doubt he’ll show up tomorrow. There goes our senior year of basketball together.
My mom finally texted back that she’ll be home later. I haven’t texted back. Mayra calls, but I hit ignore.
I just want to get home and into a hot shower.
I can’t stop thinking about how Ryan jumped at me and threw me to the ground.
How were things so bad for him that he felt the need to hit me? I know I pushed some buttons, but I only said things he needed to hear, things that he had told himself in the past.
Not only is his time on the basketball team over, I’m starting to think our friendship is over too.
I wipe my nose with my sleeve and try to think of something else but I can’t. I hear a car come around the curve behind me, but I don’t bother to move over. They can hit me if they want. I don’t really care right now. Screw the world.
The car pulls up next to me, and I look and see it’s Mayra. Great. I really don’t want to talk about this with anyone right now.
She rolls down her window.
“Hey, sorry, I got swamped at work.” I glance at her. “Babe, what happened?” Her mouth hangs open as she stares at me. “What happened to your face?” Her eyebrows are scrunched together, and next thing I know, she’s in front of me.
I’m taking deep breaths, and I realize she’s asking me a question.
“Jimmy, what happened?” Her voice is louder now, and her hands are gripping my arms.
“Nothing,” I begin.
“Don’t give me that BS, Jimmy. What happened?”
I look away and try to keep walking, but she’s not letting me go anywhere. “I went to check on Ryan because he didn’t show up for practice today. We got into a fight.”
Mayra stutters for several seconds, obviously not comprehending how what I just said is even possible. “What?”
“I just want to get home,” I say.
“No, you’re not!” She pulls me by the arm and opens the passenger door of her car. I get in. “I’m taking you to my house and making sure you’re okay. And you’re going to tell me what happened.”
Even though we’re like thirty feet form her house, she puts the car into drive and pulls up to her house. I open the car door, but she’s already there, helping me out.
She leads me into the kitchen and to a chair. She reaches into a drawer for plastic bag and then heads to the freezer to fill it with ice.
In less than a minute, she’s holding it to my face.
“Your cheek is a little swollen.”
She uses her hand to hold my head steady as she presses the ice to my cheek, but I flinch at her touch at the back of my head.
“You hit your head?”
I nod.
“Oh my God,” she says, and she’s up for more ice. Soon, she’s holding two bags of ice to my head, and when I notice her get tired, I help her with one.
“Babe,” she says, tilting my chin up so she can look me in the eye. She’s pulled up a chair right in front of me. I haven’t said a word. “Please tell me what happened.”
She looks like she wants to say a dozen more things, but she waits for me to say something instead.
I take a deep breath and force the lump back down again. I just can’t believe this.
“He just didn’t show up today. School or practice. Coach says he has to show up tomorrow or he’s off the team.” I pause before continuing. “Henry gave me a ride to his house today. I needed to make sure he was okay and tell him he’s about to get kicked off of basketball.”
“Okay,” she says.
“So he answers the door, and—” I swallow. “He was so fucking high.”
“Oh my God,” Mayra says, switching arms. “What did he say?”
“He doesn’t even care about the team anymore. I tried to tell him he doesn’t need to resort to drugs. He doesn’t need to turn into his parents. And he just went off when I said that. He jumped on top of me, and that’s when I hit my head on the concrete. He started pounding away at me, but I got him off of me and held him down and told him it was his choice if he wants to throw his life away, but I’m not going to stand there and watch him do it.”
Now Mayra takes a deep breath. “I can’t believe this.” She has tears in her eyes. “I don’t even know what to say. I just really hope he realizes he’s making a huge mistake.”
All I can do is nod.
No one is more surprised than me when Ryan shows up to practice the next day. The first thing I see when I enter the gym is him talking to Coach Rogers. Coach is nodding and walking off, and Ryan turns to see me come in. I immediately look away and keep walking to the locker room to change, a couple of guys behind me.
I had seen him in class today but I hadn’t bothered to talk to him. I figured he just decided to come back after all.
Now that I know I’m going to have to interact with him, I have no idea what to think. I just know it doesn’t feel right to talk to him right now.
Several people today asked about my face and who I’d gotten into a fight with.
I hadn’t answered. But they’d done the math when Ryan walked in with scraped knuckles and I pretended he didn’t exist.
Now I can tell Coach Rogers is also doing the math. He freezes for a half second as he sees my face but keeps walking. I hope he doesn’t ask me about it later when no one is around.
I open the locker room door and head to my usual spot. Ryan’s stuff is there, so I head somewhere else. I set my stuff down at another bench and take off my shirt first.
/> Explaining the bruise on my cheek to my parents had been bad enough. I hadn’t even told them about the bump on the back of my head. I’d lied and told them I got into a fight with some guy after school, in the locker room, when the coach wasn’t around. They weren’t happy, but they finally let it rest, trusting me when I said I hadn’t started it.
I change into my shorts and put on my basketball shoes.
I should be happy that Ryan isn’t off the team. Yesterday, that had been my biggest worry. Today, I’m not sure I have a best friend anymore. I’m not sure that I care.
I tie my shoes.
I need to focus on basketball and my future. That’s what’s important.
The entire practice, I don’t speak one word to Ryan, or anyone, and everyone notices, especially the coach, but I’m out of there before he can ask why. I’m supposed to be captain. I feel a pang in my stomach as I wonder how Ryan is going to get home, but I push it away. I hope Mayra’s already out there so I can get home.
Just as I’m about to push open the gym doors to leave, I hear someone call out to me.
“Jimmy.” It’s the coach. “Get over here.”
I sigh and slowly turn around. He’s just staring. I slowly walk over to him. He’s just come out of his office, and his hands are on his hips. He narrows his eyes at me.
“What’s going on with you two?” he asks quietly. It’s just us, and I’m glad.
I shrug. “I got him to show up today, Coach.”
“I can see that. But what happened? How are we supposed to get to the state championships this year if the team can’t get along?”
“We got into an argument. And it’s not the team, sir. It’s just us.”
“I think it’s pretty obvious it was more than just an argument. And yes, it is the team. You’re supposed to be captain. And let me tell you one more thing, son. One thing that scout is looking for is if you can get along with everyone, regardless. No scout wants an athlete who can’t work well with everybody. It was one of the first things he asked me about you, and I had absolutely nothing bad to say.”
My muscles tense as I hear that. I hadn’t even thought about that, but he’s right. Shit.
I lick my lips as he goes on.
“If you want this as bad as you say you do, you two better figure it out. I won’t have that on my team. I know all of you aren’t the best of friends, but you need to be able to talk and communicate without any kind of drama.” He doesn’t wait for me to respond as he turns around and walks away.
“You’d think I was coaching the girls’ team,” he mutters as he closes the door behind him.
I take a deep breath and turn around again. I run my fingers through my hair, pulling at it, needing something to distract me from what’s going on in my head.
Ryan’s gone. I’ve hung out with Mayra once in the past week, and now my own basketball coach is telling me to get it together. I don’t even know how to begin to fix all of this.
I’m waiting for Ryan to come out of the locker room. I have no freaking idea what I’m going to say. I lean against the wall and look up. I close my eyes and only open them when I hear the locker room swing open.
It’s him. He glances at me but keeps walking, fast.
“Hey,” I say, catching up to him.
“Hey,” is all he says, but it’s pretty obvious he’s not going to say anything else. We walk outside.
“Do you need a ride home?” My voice sounds completely weird. I can’t figure out what tone to speak to him in. I’m still mad, but I know we need to get our crap together, at least so we can both stay on the team.
“No, thanks.”
“Are you sure?” I ask. I look around. He’s not going anywhere. Just standing there, like he’s waiting on someone. He’s looking towards the entrance, but cars are only going past.
All Ryan does is nod.
“Just because we’re m—”
“My ride’s here.” He steps off the curb and walks towards an old car that just came in. I don’t recognize it. Or the guy inside. He looks older. His skin is pale, and he looks like he hasn’t slept in days. Who the heck is Ryan hanging out with these days?
Before I can say anything, Ryan gets in, slams the car door, and they leave.
I sigh and shake my head. I tried. I wait a few more minutes for Mayra. She’s supposed to be picking me up. A few minutes later, everyone else has already left, and I’m sitting down when her car finally rolls in.
I speed walk to her car, get in, and close the door behind me.
“Sorry,” she says, leaning over for a kiss.
I give her a quick peck on the cheek, hardly looking at her. “It’s okay.”
“How was practice?”
“Okay.”
We pull out of there and head home. She glances at the time on her phone. “Crap. I’m gonna be late for work.”
“You don’t have to pick me up every day. I can figure something else out,” I say. I lean my head back and close my eyes. I need a car really bad. I push down the anger building up in my chest.
“No, it’s okay. I don’t mind. Sometimes I just cut it close between getting out of class, traffic, picking you up, changing, eating, and then running to work. Getting out three minutes late from school somehow makes me like ten minutes late for work.”
She’s just as stressed as I am.
I feel a pit in my stomach again. This seems kind of familiar, and I realize why. It’s exactly what Ariana and Lucas went through before they broke up.
The pit in my stomach that was frustration just turned to dread.
I can’t believe how much has changed in a week. The team is on the court, and the crowd in the stands is already buzzing. They’re expecting another win, although this team is much harder. It’s our second game, but the vibe on the court is completely the opposite of the first game. And the crowd is pumped right now.
We’re mostly quiet, looking down. Ryan and I have said about two words to each other, and the coach looks pissed.
I wonder if Mr. Blair is here. I really hope he’s not. I haven’t even made the highlights video he asked me for. I don’t have anyone who can help me make it. I know nothing about editing video or anything like that, even if I could just get some footage from Jason. Ryan knows more than me, but he won’t talk to me, and I haven’t even seen Mayra other than when she takes me home from practice.
A few minutes later, we’re walking onto the court. I glance at the clock, like I always do. There’s not a single good feeling inside me.
About an hour later, the game is finally over.
51-79
Almost a thirty-point game.
The coach is not happy.
He marches us into the locker room right after. I stand adjacent to him, with my back to the lockers. I'm the captain. I should take the heat.
Everyone else takes a seat on the benches. Ryan is in the back. He’s spread out on a bench, looking up at the ceiling.
“Second game, and we’ve already lost the chance to go undefeated this season.” He doesn’t yell, but his voice is harsh.
I can hear the sighs of frustration all around the room.
“We haven’t lost this bad in over five years. We should not have lost, period.” His face is really red, and a big vein in his neck is popping out. His voice sounds like a growl, like he’s really trying not to outright yell at us. “And do you know why we lost? Because winning means one team working cohesively, not five people, each trying to win on their own. Not communicating.”
He’s looking at every single one of us, but no one can look him in the eye. He’s right. Me and Ryan fighting caused tension in the entire team. Our passing had been terrible; we couldn’t execute plays.
This team sucked tonight. I suck even more at being captain.
The coach sounds like he’s about to say something else, but he turns around to leave.
“Get ready to run your asses off on Monday,” he says as he leaves. “If you don’t show up, don’t bot
her showing up any other day after that.”
The door slams behind him, and I finally take seat on the bench behind me.
Henry gets up and glares at me before pulling on a sweatshirt and leaving, his gym bag in tow.
Everyone else starts to do the same. Except me and Ryan. I think we expected the coach to yell at us for way more than a minute.
This is worse.
Within five minutes, everyone’s changed and left, and no one has said a word to either of us.
He’s still lying on the bench, and I’m still sitting, staring at him.
We have to fix this once and for all.
“Ryan—”
“I know,” he replies. He covers his face with his hands and rubs at it, still looking up.
“We’ve been friends since elementary school,” I say. “We can’t just throw that all away. Especially over…”
He looks at me now, sits up. “Why do you think I decided to come back? Basketball is the only non-messed up thing I have left in my life.”
When he says it, I know he also means me. I give a small smile and nod.
“How’s your mom and dad?” I ask. I take a seat across from him.
He stays quiet for a few seconds before answering. “My dad’s somehow gotten worse. I seriously don’t think he’ll make it to his forty-third birthday. I think one day, soon, we’re just going to get that call that he’s…and I don’t know if I’ll be sad or relieved. Maybe my mom will finally get the chance she deserves to get better. Maybe it’ll be her rock bottom.”
I’m about to say something when he goes on.
“Or who knows? Maybe she’ll follow in his steps. I have no freakin’ idea. I just know I can’t wait until I graduate so I can move out. Half the time, I’d rather drop out right now and find a job so I can move out, but I can’t give this up. He looks around the locker room.
“I’m sorry,” is all I can think to say.
We sit there a few moments.
“You have it so good,” he says suddenly. He looks me in the face, and I want to turn away. “Good parents, a pretty awesome girlfriend, a sister who can be there for you.”
All In (Changing Hearts Book 2) Page 5
