by Amy Marie
“Erin, Erin, Erin.” He places a palm over his heart. “I’m starting to feel like a piece of meat.”
I throw my bag down on one of the desks in the back row, crossing my arms over my chest. “Your ego is huge, Walker. MASSIVE, in fact.”
As soon as those words come out of my mouth, I blush, knowing he could turn that around. His eyebrow raises, he stands up and walks down the center aisle towards me.
“There is a lot about me that is massive. You should know.” As the distance between us gets shorter my knees start to get weak. His hand reaches for mine and as I take it, he pulls me into a seat.
“I’m sorry,” he relents. “Let’s start over. I have some things I want to say to you.” He takes the next seat in front of me, keeping his grip firm.
“I have some things I want to say too,” I tell him but he waves his hand as to signify that he wants to go first.
“Erin. Please let me apologize for my actions yesterday. That wasn’t right. I know I come off cocky and egotistical but I’m a good guy, I promise. I couldn’t stop thinking about you all summer. You just walked out of that hotel room and I thought it was no big deal, but I couldn’t get you off my mind. I’ve never had someone take over my senses and consume my thoughts like that...and after just one night. You had me...but I feel like a jerk. I cornered you yesterday and I goaded you and made you uncomfortable. And again, I’m sorry.” His face drops to look at our entwined hands and he finally lets go of mine. A flurry of emotions run over his face, before he gathers his breath and says, “Robert is very lucky to be having a baby with you.”
Robert? He thinks this is Robert’s baby. There are few times in your life where you have two choices; do the right thing or do the easy thing. I said all summer I could do this alone. I could take care of my little bean by myself with the love and support from my family. No complications. I never thought Walker would be in the picture. I could stick with my plans and avoid the heartache that comes along with being tied to a man indefinitely through a child. Especially a man like Walker, who makes me so angry one minute and so hot the next. I can move on from this point and raise my child alone. My mom’s last words run through my thoughts. As easy as it would be to let Walker think the baby is Robert’s, I just can’t do that.
“He’s not,” I barely manage to get out.
“Who’s not what?” His eyes meet mine again with confusion and bewilderment.
I speak up and say, “Robert is not the father. We haven’t seen each other since a few weeks before I met you.”
The walls close in and I feel as though I’m in the desert, searching for a glass of water. Or wine. At this point, I don’t care. He is quiet, seemingly searching for words, and I am desperate for him to say something.
“Erin,” he says cautiously, grabbing my hands once again like he is talking to a suicide jumper. “How far along are you?”
Here it is. The point of no return. My search for him didn’t work and my plans had changed but he is here now. It’s my responsibility to let him choose to be an active or inactive father. I hope he wants to be a part of this small life, for the baby’s sake. “Thirteen weeks,” I answer.
Silence follows as I stare at him. He says nothing. The ticking of the clock on the wall gets louder and louder with every minute that passes by.
“I just need a second.” He stands, dropping my hand again, and races out of the room like it’s on fire.
My head falls forward onto the desk and I start to cry. I don’t think I have ever cried as much as I have in the past three months. My tear ducts should be dried out by now.
I should be relieved to get it all out there and off my chest finally. But I am not. I’m still petrified of the road my life is going to take when Walker decides what he wants to do. Either way, it changes the plan I had in place just twenty four short hours ago. The door flies open making me jump, and Walker strolls in half paying attention to me while looking at a book he has in his hands. “Last period, Erin?” He demands.
What? Is he crazy? “Walker, I don’t think...”
“DATE OF YOUR LAST PERIOD, ERIN!” He commands looking up from the book.
“May twenty eighth. Jesus. What is the matter with you? You can’t just come in here yelling questions and demanding answers like that,” I yell back at him, standing up.
His finger flips the pages over and over until they land on their target and then his emerald colored eyes look straight at me.
“Mine? This baby is mine?” He asks with little emotion, using his index finger to point towards my belly. “Are you sure? Because I used protection. I am certain of it.”
I look at him trying to read between the lines and realize that I need to be clearer.
“Yes, it’s yours and I’m sure. I got my period the day after Robert and I broke up. You are the only man I have been with since,” I verify trying to appear strong.
His gaze looks at what I’ve figured to be a calendar, then at me, back to the calendar, and then down to my stomach. Throwing down the book on a chair he takes the few steps needed to be right in front of me and brushes his knuckles over my abdomen. “Mine,” he repeats more as a statement than a question.
He wraps his arms around my waist and picks me up so my eyes are level with his. He places a soft lingering kiss on my cheek.
“You’re happy?” I ask, unsure if I am delusional.
Setting me back down, he places both hands on either side of my cheeks. “Happy? Baby, I’m thrilled. This wasn’t planned, but of course I am happy. THRILLED! I want to scream it from the rooftops, Erin. I found my girl and we have a baby on the way.”
“Wait. Walker, I don’t want you to feel obligated to me...or this baby. You can be as involved as you want but I don’t expect you to jump into a relationship with me. I can’t even think about throwing a relationship into the mix right now. I’m still in shock that you are even here in front of me. I looked for you all summer. I checked the hotel, the bar, Noelle and I even stalked pictures of men named Walker on Facebook. Not in my wildest dreams did I expect you to want me. I just wanted you to know about the baby. He or she needs you.”
“Are you kidding? Did you not hear a damn word I said yesterday...or today? I want you. I spent three months dreaming about you, wanting you, and thinking I would spend the rest of my life without finding you. And now you’re here and I can touch you and talk to you. Of course I want you, and now that I know about the baby, I want to make it work that much more.” He moves even closer to me, if that’s possible, and places a kiss on my forehead. “I want this so much, Erin. All of it...”
“Let’s take this one day at a time,” I say as I grudgingly push us apart. “Besides one night of sex we know nothing about each other. Let’s take the next six months to get to know one another, and when the baby is born, we’ll figure out the rest.”
He dips his head so he is eye level with me.
“I agree that we need to learn more about one another, but know this, Erin, by the time that baby is born I can assure you that you will be mine. One night of sex, amazing sex, was all it took for me to be hooked on you. There’s no one else for me but you and now this baby. Please don’t shut me out. Let me in.”
His words tug at my heart. It’s more than I could ever dream of hearing him say. But everything is still so complicated. It can’t be that simple, can it? How can he be so certain when I’m so confused?
“Okay,” I concede. “I’m open to letting you in but I can’t make any promises.”
I spend the next hour telling him what happened since our last encounter. Talking about my summer seemed a lot easier than deciding what would happen with the two, well three of us. I share the experience of my first two doctor appointments with him and extend an invitation to the next one in a few weeks. He doesn’t hesitate to say yes, flashing me a huge grin that makes me warm inside. He tells me that my due date, March 4th, is also his birthday. He will be the ripe old age of twenty four when the baby is born. I’ll be twent
y eight by then, my birthday being in November.
He tells me all about his family, how his sister lives in the area, and his parents used to but had recently moved to Michigan when his father got a promotion at work. He had come back to town after graduation to look for an apartment, visit with his sister, and interview for the job at Hudson. His sister was apparently doing some major home renovations, so he had decided to stay at a hotel while he was visiting, and the day after his interview at the school, we met. After that he went to visit his parents in Michigan for the summer and help his mom out who had just broken her ankle. To my surprise, I learn his new apartment is down the street from my subdivision. That will certainly come in handy when the baby arrives. I’m also informed that he isn’t a stalker but got my phone number from his welcome packet.
“So, I was thinking,” he says after he finishes the last slice of pizza that we had delivered. “If we are going to see where this could go, maybe we should go on a date. Say, this Saturday? Maybe the Cubs and Brewers game at Wrigley.”
“Oh, no. I’m sorry. I’m a White Sox fan,” I say trying to respond with a straight face.
“You’re what? How could I have ever thought there could be something between us?” He jokes. “I’m kidding. I can think of something else no problem...since you like the White Sucks. I mean Sox.”
Slapping him playfully on the chest I tell him, “I’m joking. Die hard Cubs fan here. For life.”
“Oh, thank God,” he says visibly relieved. “I was thinking of all the disgusting White Sox onesies you would put on our baby.” He laughs and I’m stunned. He said “our baby”. Our baby.
Taking a look at him I smile as my heart flutters a little. The father of my child is now within reach, happy about having a baby with someone he barely knows, and he wants to make it work between the two of us. A vision of the future plays out before me. Walker pacing back and forth in a yellow nursery kissing the forehead of our child and smiling at me. I can do this. I can try to make this work.
Noelle finally made it home Thursday night after Walker’s and my talk at the school. I think she popped my ear drum squealing with delight after I told her what happened. She started telling me how happy she was that he manned up and was going to take responsibility. She couldn’t help pointing out how different Walker’s response was from Robert’s less than pleased one when I had become pregnant years before. I still had yet to call my mom back. She called numerous times wanting details on what Walker said but with trying to get my classroom in order on Thursday and Friday, lesson plans finalized, and being utterly exhausted every night from growing a fetus, I have held that off for two days. My text stating “he’s in” was going to have to be good enough for now. She would have to wait one more day because today was Walker’s and my first date.
Last night’s dream was more intense than any dream I had of him so far. This one resulted in an in-dream orgasm that woke me up sweating and needing him more than ever. Needless to say, I was both loving and hating that I would have to spend all day with him.
With my stomach starting to show a small hint of a baby belly, I put on my too tight for my belly capri jeans and an old Mark Prior jersey. Slipping a ponytail through my red and blue Cubs hat, I take one last glance in the mirror as the doorbell rings. My heart skips a beat.
I pull open the door and am blessed with the sight of pure hotness. Walker is leaning into the door frame with his arms folded over his ripped chest and legs crossed at his ankles. His incredibly tempting backside is fit into snug jeans and paired with a vintage blue Cubs t-shirt that is just a bit too small for his upper arms. I nonchalantly squeeze my legs together to keep the lust at bay, thinking back on last night’s fantasy. A fitted blue Cubs hat sits backwards on his head hiding his dark brown hair. Lowering my eyes back to his, he flashes me a “make your panties wet” smile that I definitely didn’t need to see. I lick my lips and try to calm my pulse as he moves towards me and places his hands on my hips.
“You look beautiful, Erin,” he compliments me, licking his own lips as he looks at mine.
I want them on me. Pulling on my ponytail, I will myself to glance away. “I look like a boy in this getup.”
“You look nothing like a man.” He steps forward and cups my face bringing his closer. “You look like an enticing woman. I think a female is sexiest when she wears jeans and a t-shirt. Especially, when she is carrying my child.”
“Well then I’m glad I didn’t throw on a red dress and heels!” I joke. My mouth runs dry, and I can’t help but lick my lips again.
“I wouldn’t say that. Easier access!” He wiggles his eyebrows up and down. My hands, with a mind of their own, gravitate to his chest. Holy Hell! He pulls me up against him and places a chaste kiss on my lips before setting me back down.
“Are you ready to go? We can catch the train and get dropped off right at Wrigley,” he informs me dropping his hands back to my waist. I’m not thinking straight.
“Uhm, what? Oh, yea. Train. Wrigley. Let’s go.” I sound like a complete moron. I grab my keys off the table shoving them into my pocket with a small wallet.
Get it together, Erin.
~~
I love the mass transit system in Chicago. There are so many different varieties of people. Sitting at the train station at Dempster waiting for the El to arrive, we see a man wearing a hot pink halter top, skin tight cheetah print pants and Sketchers. He’s currently singing “Baby One More Time” by Britney Spears. Walker sees him at the same time I do and we both quietly chuckle.
No sooner than the train arrives, it is packed and Walker takes the opportunity to flush his body to mine. I can feel his steady breaths and his manly scent has my pulse racing. After my most recent dream, I’m not sure I can handle being this close to him for long without needing release. At Addison we all herd out like cattle, giving me a brief reprieve from the sexual tension I am experiencing. Walker puts his arms around my shoulders protectively, and I notice again how well we fit together. We walk down the stairs and look up at the amazing view that is Wrigley Field. It is absolutely beautiful. You wouldn’t think someone would describe a baseball stadium that way, but I do.
Bypassing the entrance to the stadium, we cross the street to The Cubby Bear, the famous bar and restaurant and find it crowded with wall to wall fans. Since the price of beer is insane inside the park, most come here beforehand to drink.
“I think I see a table in the back.” He points out pulling me by my hand.
When we finally get to the table, it’s dirty and a busboy is busily cleaning it off. We sit and the waitress comes over to take our drink order. I notice she can’t stop staring at Walker and she looks over her shoulder at him repeatedly as she is leaving us to peruse the menu. Walker picks up my hand off the table and rubs his thumb over the top of it. Setting his menu down, he brings my fingers up to his mouth and gently kisses them one by one.
“What are you doing?” I ask fascinated by how good it feels.
“I’m just so happy that you are here with me and I want to kiss you, really kiss you, but I don’t think you’re ready so I’m settling for your fingers,” he says taking my other hand and giving it the same attention. I’m so past ready that I barely notice when the waitress is back.
“What can I get ya?” The waitress asks us while poking her perky breasts out towards Walker. He doesn’t seem to notice, but I can tell she could care less that I am sitting right here.
“I’ll take a cheeseburger, well done with fries,” I interrupt her Walker-gazing and wave my menu in front of her face directing her attention to me. Bitch.
“I’ll have the same, thanks.” Walker smiles and hands her his menu. He looks at her without seeming to notice that she is easy on the eyes, but doesn’t stare, which impresses me.
“Erin, thanks for coming today,” he says turning his attention back to me as he takes a swig of his beer.
“Of course. We need to get to know each other and knowing you’re a Cubs fan too is a
huge turn on!” Raising my eyebrows and slapping a hand over my mouth, I can’t believe I just said that.
His beer stops halfway to his mouth with my confession. “A turn on, huh?”
“It’s the pregnancy hormones, Walker. I’m constantly turned on. Stupid dreams.” I didn’t realize word vomit was real, until that moment.
He takes another sip of his beer, contemplating my admission. His eyes are smoldering as he asks, “Dreams? Like sex dreams? About who, Erin? Me? Was it as good as you remember?”
“You ask a lot of questions.” Hoping to avoid the rest of this conversation I look around the room and pray he won’t notice the crimson color rising into my cheeks.
“Well, I think I know the answer anyway.” His hand brings mine to his mouth and slowly places a lingering kiss on it again. The smile that crosses his face is raw, primal, and promising.
“With that grin you look like the big bad wolf hunting little Red Riding Hood. What a big mouth you have, Grandma,” I say giggling at my little joke.
He leans in closer causing my lungs to gasp for air. I am wet, and I want this need to go away. I need it to go away.
“The better to eat you with, my dear,” he whispers suggestively.
“Here ya go! Two cheeseburgers. Anything else?” The waitress drops our plates down in front of us, and I shift uncomfortably in my seat, hoping Walker won’t notice my rapid breathing.
“Thanks. Another beer and some more water, please,” he says. She acknowledges Walker’s request and walks away.
“Did I tell you how sexy you look?” The question comes just before he takes a bite of his cheeseburger.
“Nope. You told me I look like a slob and you didn’t want to be seen with me in public. It kind of hurt my feelings, but I’m trying to get over it,” I say straight faced making his jaw drop.
“You’re funny. Eat your food so we can go see our Cubbies.”
It makes my heart flutter anytime he uses the word “our”. It almost feels as though we are a real, normal couple. Not two people shoved together for a lifetime over what was supposed to just be a one night stand.
