Me, Myself and Him

by E. N. Joy

  “Locksie! That’s enough,” Dawson interrupted as he stood in the bedroom door. He walked over to a crying and trembling Martha and helped to lift her off the bed. “Ms. Winters, thank you for coming.”

  Taking Dawson’s cue, Martha grabbed her purse off the floor next to the bed and allowed him to escort her out of the room. She stopped in the doorway, looked over her shoulder at her hurting child and whispered, “Lord, help her. Apprehend her heart.”

  “I apologize for how Locksie was talking to you,” Dawson told Martha. “She’s just hurting so bad. She feels guilty about not going to have coffee with your sister the morning of the fire. She feels that if she had been there, the fire would never have happened.”

  “No need to apologize,” Martha assured him. “That’s just the devil trying to take over her. Satan waits for a time like this in a person’s life, a time when he thinks they believe God has forsaken them. The devil finds that opening, then creeps in and whispers lies in their ear.”

  Dawson looked at Martha as if she was a nutcase. Did this woman actually have the nerve to be standing in their living room trying to tell him that his woman was possessed by the devil? If this was the type of conversations Locksie had to put up with all her life, he could almost understand why she liked to keep her distance from her mother.

  “Have a safe drive. You sure you’ll be okay driving straight back to Detroit by yourself?”

  “Oh, it’s only three hours—four hours at the most. God will keep me.” Martha hugged Dawson and went on her way.

  Another car pulled into the drive as Martha’s pulled out. Dawson didn’t recognize the woman who got out of the car carrying a plant and a Bible under her arm. She walked up to the door and greeted him.

  “Hi, I’m Naomi. I go to church with Locksie,” she said.

  For some reason, Dawson had just assumed Naomi was black. Locksie had never mentioned her being white. “Oh, yes, Naomi. I’ve heard about you.” Dawson attempted to control his tightening jawbone and his furrowed eyebrows. So, this was the woman who had tagteamed Locksie along with Mary, convincing her that her life with Dawson would land her in hell. “Come in.”

  What Dawson really wanted to do was take the plant that he assumed was a token of sympathy for Locksie and tell the holy homewrecker that Locksie was asleep. Dawson hated that it was taking something like the death of her aunt to make Locksie see that God wasn’t all that He was made out to be, and he didn’t want this Naomi chick coming in trying to change her mind about it again.

  As far as Dawson was concerned, he had been the one there for Locksie during this time of sorrow. He had been caressing her and holding her while her shoulders heaved as she wept. He and Locksie had even been sharing the bed together again. Although Dawson wasn’t completely inhuman and insensitive to try to get any from Locksie, he knew that it would only be a matter of time before things would be completely normal between them again.

  “Thank you,” Naomi said, stepping inside. “You must be Dawson.”

  “Yes.” Who else would I be?

  “It’s good to finally meet you.”

  Oh, yeah, a sinner like me?

  “Good to meet you too. Uhh, Locksie’s in our bedroom. It’s straight ahead.” Dawson pointed.

  Naomi proceeded to the door Dawson had pointed her to. Even before she got there, she could hear Locksie cursing God. Naomi smiled. Just as she had expected. She was walking into the situation the Holy Spirit had told her she would be and had prepared her for. She creeped into the bedroom and set the plant down on the nightstand without Locksie being aware of her presence. She opened the Bible to Psalm 6.

  “Father God, hear my prayers as I stand in proxy for my sister, as I intercede on her behalf, God. These are her words that I speak on her behalf with my voice. O Lord, rebuke me not in thine anger, neither chasten me in thy hot displeasure. Have mercy upon me, O Lord; for I am weak.”

  Locksie suddenly ceased her tearful fit and took in Naomi’s soft, gentle voice as she continued. “O Lord, heal me; for my bones are vexed. My soul is also sore vexed: but thou, O Lord, how long? Return, O Lord, deliver my soul: oh save me for thy mercies’ sake. For in death there is no remembrance of thee: in the grave who shall give thee thanks? I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears.”

  Naomi sat down next to Locksie and continued reading. “Mine eye is consumed because of grief; it waxeth old because of all mine enemies. Depart from me, all ye workers of iniquity; for the Lord hath heard the voice of my weeping. The Lord hath heard my supplication; the Lord will receive my prayer. In Jesus’ name. Amen.” Naomi closed the Bible then looked over at Locksie. She spoke no more words. She simply opened her arms wide and allowed Locksie’s weak body to fall into them.

  “I hear what you’re saying, Naomi. honestly, I do,” Locksie cried, still angry and full of confusion. She had received the scriptures Naomi had read to her, but she still had just one question she needed answered before she could even think twice about allowing God back into her heart. “I just don’t understand one thing that I need you to help me gain some clarity on,” Locksie said as she pulled away from Naomi and began wiping her tears away.

  Naomi looked into Locksie’s eyes as she waited for her to pose the question.

  “Where was God when my aunt died?” Locksie said, returning Naomi’s gaze.

  With a loving smile on her face, Naomi sighed. That’s an easy one, she thought before she kissed Locksie on the check and replied, “The same place He was when His Son died.”

  Her words were like a revelation to Locksie. It was just the answer she needed to hear in order to soften her heart and remove all doubt that God had not forsaken her. Tears, once again, flooded Locksie’s eyes. “I get it,” she told Naomi as she fell back into her arms. “I get it now.”

  Naomi held and rocked Locksie for the next hour, instilling scripture in Locksie’s heart and soul, renewing her love for God.

  Chapter 35

  It had been two weeks since her aunt Mary’s death, and Locksie’s spirit was no longer weak and vexed. She missed her aunt dearly, but whenever she got to feeling down, she would remember that Mary was with the King of kings and the Lord of lords. She was in that place that Jesus had prepared for her. Before Locksie knew it, her grief would almost turn to jealousy. It gave her the strength to continue her walk so that someday she could be seated at His feet, praising and worshiping Him twenty-four hours a day with her aunt Mary.

  After relaying to Naomi her interest in wanting to be a part of the praise and worship services, but not having the gift to sing or dance, Naomi had suggested Locksie join the flag worship team that one of the church members had just recently formed. Today would be Locksie’s first day waving the flag. It wasn’t anything rehearsed. She, along with the two other members thus far, would simply wave however the spirit moved through them during the praise and worship song selections.

  The flag team waved the gold and purple metallic flags through the air to the melody of the songs. Locksie found the spirit taking over her as she went from just standing still while waving the flag to doing spins and turns with the flag.

  It was during the second song when Locksie turned with the flag in hand only to see Dawson coming through the church doors. She was completely surprised. Her and Dawson’s relationship had seemed so distant lately. They barely even said two words while in the same room together. To see Dawson walk through those church doors was an unexpected blessing for Locksie.

  Although Spirit of Life Christian Center wasn’t the type of church that made a big scene when someone showed up late to church, some members couldn’t help but turn their heads at the latecomers, causing a domino effect for others to do the same.

  When Dawson noticed Locksie in the front of the church, a huge smile crossed his face. He waved at her. Locksie couldn’t help but be a little embarrassed that her man had showed up late and was waving her down, but at the same time, she couldn’t help from
smiling huge and flagging harder, now with something even greater to give praise and thanks to the Lord for.

  After Locksie and her team flagged to three praise songs, a member of the dance ministry did a prophetic dance to “Conversation” by Quan Howell. After that, Reverend preached like it was the last sermon he was ever going to preach in his life. He preached hard. He opened up so many hearts and touched so many lives with his message on relationships.

  “When you get into a relationship with someone and they already have children,” Reverend Franklin preached, “it becomes a package deal. In order to have a relationship with that person, you must now have a relationship with their children as well.” Reverend Franklin noticed a few puzzled faces among the congregation. “Just stay with me here for a minute . . . I promise you this thing is going to go somewhere.” He continued. “For example, I’m gonna pick on one of the single sisters. Sister Lipsey, say you wanted to get into a relationship with a man of God that already had a ready-made family. You would have to have a relationship with his children. It would be pleasing to the children’s father, and even help him and you to have a better relationship, if your relationship with them was a good and cordial one. Wouldn’t you agree?”

  Sister Lipsey nodded her head in agreement.

  “Well, then I have just one question for you: Who’s yo’ daddy? I’m not talking about in the biological sense. I’m talking about the real creator of all men—the Father of all fathers. The one who is never delinquent on child support. The one that shows up at every graduation, function and event.”

  “That’s right! Preach,” members shouted.

  “I think it’s about time we all come to realize that if we claim to be the children of God, the one and only almighty Father in heaven, then in order to truly have a relationship with Him, we need to also have a relationship with one another. Like I said before; it’s a package deal. You want a relationship with my daddy? Then you have to have a relationship with me. If you want to have a relationship with me, then you have to have one with my daddy, which is our Father in heaven.

  “Let me say that again just in case some of you missed that one. If you want to have a relationship with my daddy, then you have to have a relationship with me. It works both ways, saints. If you want to have a relationship with me, then you have to have a relationship with my daddy! You can’t have one without the other. So, if someone claims they want to be in your life, but they don’t want to deal with the godly part of you, then you better reconsider that person’s role in your life.”

  Locksie couldn’t help but look over at Dawson, who happened to be looking at her as well. He had a look on his face that said, “I get it now.” She hoped he had. She hoped that Reverend Franklin had managed to find just the right words to get through Dawson’s head—his heart—that she hadn’t been able to.

  The way the reverend continued preaching, it was as if he was saying everything Locksie had been trying to tell Dawson, only she hadn’t been able to articulate it in such a moving manner as Reverend Franklin. Coming from her, it sounded like fussing, complaining and nagging. Coming from the reverend, it sounded like gospel. But how in the world did the reverend know? How did he know Dawson would be in church that day and would need to hear those words spoken? Locksie was in awe. She could tell by the look on Dawson’s face that he was too, as she caught him nodding in agreement with the pastor, allowing some Amens to escape his mouth and even a tear from his eye.

  If seeing all this transpire in Dawson wasn’t enough for Locksie to shout about, she thought she was going to fall out when Reverend Franklin opened the doors of the church and Dawson stood up from where he sat.

  “Won’t you come,” Reverend Franklin asked. “If you don’t already have a church home and you want to get closer to the Lord, won’t you come?”

  Locksie watched as Dawson’s feet seemed to be mounted in cement, disabling him from moving. But every time Reverend Franklin said, “Won’t you come?” it was like he couldn’t control his feet anymore. They just began to make their way down to the altar where he joined church so that he could learn more about and get closer to the Lord, prayerfully, his next step being turning his life over to the Lord.

  “Hallelujah,” Locksie shouted out as Dawson reached the altar. “Thank You, Jesus! Thank You!” Naomi grabbed hold of her to help her balance on her feet.

  At that moment, it didn’t matter that Dawson had arrived late for church. Sometimes it’s better to come to church late than never. As long as God is right on time, that’s all that matters.

  The following Sunday, Locksie was so excited to be attending church hand in hand with Dawson for the very first time. She got up an hour earlier than usual to prepare a nice breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon, toast and hash browns. She knew how sometimes if a person went to church on an empty stomach, the devil would use that to distract them from getting the Word, having them worrying about what they were going to eat after church or cook for dinner. She didn’t want that to be a problem for Dawson.

  “Get up, sleepy head,” Locksie said as she walked into the bedroom. “Breakfast is ready.”

  “Breakfast?” Dawson said, surprised as he stretched his arms and yawned.

  “Oh, shut up,” Locksie said, hands on hips. “It ain’t like I’ve never cooked breakfast before.”

  “Yeah, but I can’t remember the last time you did.”

  “Just hightail it on out of the bed and come and eat.”

  Dawson got up, went to the bathroom, and then joined Locksie for breakfast at the kitchen table.

  “This is good, baby,” Dawson said as he shoveled down a forkful of eggs after Locksie had blessed the food.

  “Thank you,” Locksie said as she took one more bite of toast and then took her plate over to the sink. She had barely touched her food. She was far too excited to eat. Her prayers were being answered. Her and Dawson’s relationship had a chance after all. God is so good! she thought as she scraped her plate into the garbage disposal.

  “Hurry up so we won’t be late for church,” Locksie told Dawson as she rinsed her plate and put it in the dishwasher.

  Dawson almost choked on his food. “Huh? Uh . . . what?” he said, scoffing down the last of his hash browns.

  “I said hurry up so we aren’t late for church, boy.” Locksie kissed him on the cheek before she started off toward the bedroom. “This time you gon’ be on time.”

  “Oh, baby, you go ahead without me,” Dawson said as he rubbed his belly.

  Locksie stopped in her tracks. Surely she hadn’t heard what she thought she heard. Surely Dawson had been just as excited to go to church as she was after last week’s awesome sermon. Of course, during the week they hadn’t discussed going to church this Sunday, but Locksie didn’t think they had to. She just assumed it was a given. They had discussed his first visit and how wonderful he thought the sermon was; how he felt Reverend Franklin was talking directly to him. Based on that alone, Locksie just knew he was going to return. Now she understood how disappointed her aunt Mary must have felt when she decided not to come back to her church.

  “What do you mean, go without you?” She walked back toward Dawson.

  “I think I’m going to pass. The game is coming on.” Dawson stood with his plate in hand. “But check this out. Why don’t I make dinner since you whipped up such a great breakfast?” He kissed her on the cheek, trying to save face as he set his plate down on the counter.

  “You’re kidding, right? I mean, Dawson, what about last week? You just joined church and all. What’s it going to look like if you don’t even come today?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, what? Do y’all take attendance up in there? Am I going to get suspended after I miss so many days?” Dawson joked.

  “Dawson, this is not funny. I’m serious. Now stop playing and come get ready.” Locksie started off again back toward the bedroom. She soon realized that Dawson was not behind her. She turned around to find him still standing in the kitchen
, looking down. “You’re really not going, are you?” The look on Dawson’s face said it all. “I can’t believe this.” Locksie threw up her arms and let them drop lifelessly to her side.

  “Believe what?”

  “You! How you just gonna make your way down the altar to join church and then not even have the decency to show up the following Sunday after you join? Now, what’s that gonna make you look like?”

  Dawson paused for a minute. “I don’t think the problem here is what it’s gonna make me look like, because I don’t care. I never have to see any of those people again, for that matter. I think the real issue is what it’s gonna make you look like.” Dawson pointed at Locksie.

  She didn’t deny his correct observation of the situation. “You’re right about that! I mean, if I’m going to be made to look like a fool, I would like to do the honors myself.”

  “How am I making you look like a fool by not going to church?”

  Locksie put her head down as tears began to well up in her eyes. She couldn’t explain it to Dawson. She couldn’t explain how many times she had taken their situation to the altar for prayer. She couldn’t even explain all the praying she had done that he, too, might share in her joy of loving the Lord and going to His house to praise and worship Him and to fellowship with the body of Christ; that he, too, may learn the Word of God and know that there is only one way to live, and that it is by His will. She couldn’t explain it. So, instead of trying, she wiped her tears and got dressed so that she could head out to church . . . alone.

  Chapter 36

  Locksie felt just awful as she pulled into the church parking lot without Dawson. All those congratulations and praises and prayers she had received for her mate, who she had been praying for and had put on the prayer request list to come to church, let alone join, were now all in vain. She had failed her church. She had failed God. She knew Naomi had led strangers in the streets to Christ. Locksie hoped God didn’t expect her to perform such works, because here she couldn’t even lead a person to church, let alone to Christ.