Me, Myself and Him

by E. N. Joy

  “Elkan has an uncle that works on houses. I can get him to come by and take a look if you want me to,” Hannah offered.

  “Oh, that’s okay. A member from the church she went to owns his own building company and they’ve already started working on it.” Locksie turned Hannah around in her chair to face her and began placing the rhinestones in her hair.

  “Well, that’s good. What are y’all going to do with the house once they get it together?”

  “Auntie, left it to me. Of course I already have more house than I need, so I’m going to put it on the market.”

  “You know my mother does real estate.”

  “I already have somebody lined up for that too. Girl, the bereavement committee at the church Aunt Mary used to attend is on top of everything. They have somebody in place for any situation you can imagine deriving out of the loss of a loved one. They may not have been the nicest folks the few times I visited their church, but they are definitely about their Father’s business.”

  “Girl, I’m glad everything is working out.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Is everything working out just as good with you and Dawson?”

  Locksie sighed. “Girl, I’m praying and praying, waiting to hear from God like Reverend and First Lady told me to, but He ain’t said a word.” Locksie sighed again and leaned against her station. “He’s back to sleeping on the couch.”

  “Does that mean you and him aren’t . . . you know. He ain’t gettin’ no boom-boom.” Locksie shook her head. “I hate to say it, Locks, but he’s a man. He ain’t into God’s Word and praying for strength to practice celibacy like you are, which means only one thing.”

  “Hannah, I try not to even think about it. I try to keep my eye on the prize.”

  “Which is? Because the last time I checked, I thought Dawson was the prize.”

  “Pleasing God is the ultimate prize.” Locksie placed the last rhinestone in Hannah’s hair.

  “Tah-dah,” Locksie said as she turned Hannah around in her chair to face the mirror.

  “Oh, it’s beautiful, Locksie.” Hannah turned from side to side, admiring her ’do. “I feel like I’m the bride. You did a great job.”

  “Thank you.”

  Locksie and Hannah walked over to the cash register, where Locksie rang Hannah up.

  “And that’s for you,” Hannah said, handing Locksie her regular tip of five dollars.

  “Thanks, girl,” Locksie said, very appreciative. She always loved it when customers felt she had done such a good job that she deserved a tip. On the other hand, there were still those handful of customers who didn’t know that it was good etiquette to not only tip your waitresses and bell hops, but your hair stylist too. “So, what time do you have to be at the church?”

  Hannah looked down at her watch. “In about a half hour. But we’re not meeting at the church. We’re meeting at his cousin’s parents’ house. She spent the night there last night because she said that she wanted to stay in the old room she grew up in. She wanted to experience one last night as her parents’ little girl before she became her husband’s woman.”

  “Aw w w, that is so sweet and symbolic,” Locksie cooed.

  Hannah looked out the window. “I took my shower and everything already and I have my dress and stuff in the car. Her parents live way out in Pataskala. Peni is supposed to meet me here to drop off Little E, since he’s the ring bearer, so he can ride with me. That way she doesn’t have to drive him all the way out there. She should have been here already. Knowing her, she’s trying to make me late on purpose.”

  “Or she’s with that guy she’s been seeing; the one she was with that day you had to get Little E from the sitters.”

  “Well, I’ll tell you what; somebody has been keeping her busy, because as you’ve noticed, I haven’t been complaining half as much as I used to about her evil self.” Hannah looked out the window again. No Peni.

  “Little E is supposed to go with me so that the women can get him dressed and all. After what I heard was the wildest bachelor party in history, the men probably won’t even be able to put on matching socks, let alone dress the ring bearer.” Hannah sighed and flopped down in one of the waiting chairs. “I called and left Peni a message on her cell phone to bring him here instead of that salon of horror she was originally going to drop him off to me at.” Hannah chuckled. “I hope she got the message. Let me try calling her again.”

  Just as Hannah took out her cell phone to dial Peni’s number, Locksie interrupted.

  “Isn’t that her?” Locksie said, pointing to the pearl-colored Chrysler that had just pulled into the parking lot. Locksie recognized the car from Hannah’s description when Elkan had first paid the down payment and cosigned for Peni to get the car; not to mention the notorious license plates that read: BBY MAMA Hannah and Elkan had had a huge falling out over him helping Peni with the purchase of that car.

  “But you didn’t even help me pay the down payment on my car,” Hannah had complained to her husband.

  “Yeah, but you don’t have a child to tote around either. Peni’s old car broke down and the mechanic said it’s dead, and she has my son to take care of,” Elkan had reasoned. “I ain’t gon’ have my son walking and riding public transportation if I ain’t doing it myself.”

  “But why can’t her man help her buy a car?”

  “I don’t want my son riding around in some car another dude done bought.”

  “Are you sure this is about your son, or you just don’t want Peni riding around in some car another dude bought? Perhaps this is your way of continuing ties with Peni.”

  “Continuing ties? Now how stupid does that sound? Peni and I have a son together. Automobiles come and go; our connection to our son will last forever.”

  And it was Elkan’s connection with Peni that ate away at Hannah. But she never once took it out on their son. It wasn’t his fault he was born into an ungodly mess. The actions of his parents didn’t make him a bad child. Still, Hannah, deep within her heart, wished that the child had never been born, at least not to Peni. She wished he had been born through her; after all, she was Elkan’s wife. She was the one who was supposed to bear children for him and continue his family name.

  “Hannah,” Little E said as he burst through the salon doors.

  “Hey, E, what’s up?” Hannah replied in a hip tone, giving Little E a high-five. Initially, Little E had thrown his arms up as if he was going to embrace her like he usually did every time his father brought him home for the weekend. But looking toward the window, remembering that his mother was outside, he decided that a high-five would suffice. He didn’t want to hurt his mother’s feelings by giving a motherly hug to someone who wasn’t his mother.

  “My mom said to meet her outside and she’ll take my stuff out of her car and put it in yours.”

  “Sounds like a winner,” Hannah said. She turned her attention to Locksie, who was standing their admiring Hannah’s interaction with the love child. “I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Mm-hmm. Have a good time,” Locksie said to Hannah. “And you too, little Elkan.”

  “I will, Miss . . .” Little E started before looking up to his stepmother for some name assistance.

  “Miss Locksie,” Hannah helped him out.

  “I will, Miss Locksie.” Little E smiled as they headed out the door.

  Hannah walked outside and waved to Peni, who was parked right next to Hannah’s champagne pink Sebring. Peni didn’t wave back. She just got out of her car after popping the trunk.

  “You all are going to take this tux back on Monday, right?” Peni asked as she walked to the trunk and pulled out a garment bag.

  “Yeah, Elkan’s going to take it back when he returns his,” Hannah replied as she opened her car door. Little E climbed straight into the backseat and buckled himself in.

  “Good, because I am so forgetful, which is how Little E got here,” Peni joked, and then in a slight whisper said, “Forgot to take that darn jagged lit
tle pill.”

  Hannah swallowed hard as she walked to her trunk and lifted it, trying to force down the knot that was stuck in her throat. Her attempt was unsuccessful as she remained silent, with a fake smile on her face.

  Taking Hannah’s silence as a sign of weakness, Peni continued with her taunt. “Lucky for you that you don’t have to worry about taking a pill. I mean, if you forget, chances are you still probably won’t get pregnant. Elkan told me you and him been trying to have a baby. I told him you two should go get checked out to see which one of y’all is the problem.” Peni thought for a minute. “Then again, I guess it’s obvious who has the problem considering Little E was conceived. The women in my family can just look at a you-know-what and get pregnant. Girl, you don’t know how lucky you are.”

  Don’t do it. Don’t do it, Hannah told the tears that were about to well up in her eyes. Don’t cry. She had endured Peni’s taunts for years, but never once gave her the pleasure of thinking her words had gotten to her. Unbeknownst to Peni, though, Hannah had cried a river of tears, lost sleep and even missed a few meals over some of her nasty words and actions. This time, like all the others, Peni’s tongue was seasoned.

  Peni extended her arms with the garment bag in them and Hannah accepted it, laying it flat in her trunk. Right before Hannah closed the trunk, Peni noticed that she had lain the garment bag on top of a box with a baby walker in it.

  “Oh, my goodness,” Peni said, pushing the garment bag to the side so that she could make sure she was seeing what she was actually seeing. “Maybe I spoke too soon. Is Little E going to be having a little brother or sister after all?”

  Perhaps Hannah had actually been the one who spoke too soon, when she told Locksie that Peni hadn’t been bothering her; now here she was at her best. “Uh, no,” Hannah said, swallowing down that knot, finally able to speak. “One of my clients is having a baby shower next week. I-I had, uh, just picked that up for her.” Hannah’s heart sank.

  “Oh, well, it’ll happen.” Peni shrugged. “I mean, God performs miracles every day, right? I mean, at least that’s what Little E is to me and his father; a true miracle.”

  Hannah closed her eyes and slammed the trunk closed, not knowing or caring whether Peni had been able to move her hands out of the way in time. When she didn’t hear a piercing yelp, she knew Peni had. Opening her eyes, Hannah turned to Peni, who looked as though she wanted to kick, scratch and bite Hannah for almost taking her fingers off.

  “Yes, God does perform miracles every day. If He did it for you,” Hannah said, looking over Peni from head to toe, “then I know He’ll do it for me.” Hannah let out a chuckle and got in her car, leaving Peni standing there with a clenched jaw.

  Taking a deep breath, Hannah looked at Little E through the rearview mirror. “You ready, little fellow?”

  “Yep,” he replied anxiously. Hannah backed out of her parking space while Little E waved good-bye to his mother, who had walked over to the driver’s side of her car.

  Hannah felt a tear drop down from her cheek. “Can You, God? Can You do it for me?” she whispered as she turned up the radio and drove away.

  Chapter 38

  “Where are you going?” Locksie asked as she entered the living room with her late-night snack, a bowl of cereal, in hand.

  Dawson was slipping on his jacket. “Out.” he answered flatly as if Locksie had no darn business asking him where the heck he was going.

  “Out where?”

  “I got some business to take care of.”

  “At nine-thirty at night?”

  “If that’s what time it is, then yes.”

  “How long are we going to play this game, Dawson?” Locksie asked

  “You tell me.”

  “I don’t know, because I’m not playing games.”

  “You full of games. Just because you all into church and I’m not, you act like you’re better than me. Like you can’t even lay with me or else some of my sin cooties are going to rub off on you. I thought we were better than that. I thought you loved me. But I guess I was wrong.”

  Locksie quickly set the bowl down on the coffee table and walked over to Dawson. “Is that what you think? That I don’t love you anymore? Dawson, baby, please. I love you. How many times do I have to keep telling you that?” She placed her hands on his face. He removed them.

  “Actions speak louder than words.” Dawson grabbed his keys. “And trust me, you ain’t even up for an Oscar nomination as far as acting is concerned.”

  Dawson knew his words were hurting Locksie, but he was hurting, and hurting people hurt people. It’s their so-called way of transferring the pain. Studies show that it doesn’t work. But still, Dawson decided he would exhaust his efforts; after all, how dare the woman he had loved as his solitaire all of a sudden deny him all of her and then blame it on God? She could have come up with something better than that. Maybe it was just a cover-up because she was cheating on him; had another man on the side. Dawson wouldn’t be surprised if it was the preacher. Yep, all sorts of crazy thoughts ran through his head.

  Although Drake tried to convince Dawson that Locksie denying him sex had everything to do with Locksie’s love for God and nothing to do with him, Dawson wasn’t buying it. Like he had told Drake, Dawson felt that holding out on sex was just Locksie’s twisted way of trying to get him to marry her. Well, he would marry her when he was good and ready, and not because he wanted her to remove the lock from her chastity belt. Heck, there were plenty of women out there who would love to have sex with him. Matter of fact, for the past month, he had been with one.

  “So, what are you trying to say?” Locksie really didn’t want to know the answer to that—or rather, she didn’t want to hear it. She already knew the answer. She could just feel it. For the past few weeks, there had been periods where, for hours at a time, Dawson was MIA; wouldn’t call home and would turn off his cell phone so that whenever Locksie tried to get in touch with him, his phone would go straight to voicemail. Even if her women’s intuition hadn’t been screaming on a bullhorn that Dawson was cheating on her, she would have known.

  At that moment, Dawson wanted to tell Locksie all about him and Peni, how Peni was filling the void she had left. He wasn’t in love with Peni or anything; matter of fact, he hardly liked her. Although she was a beautiful black woman, some of that beauty turned ugly once she opened her mouth. She was a bit more loud and outspoken than Dawson was used to, but when it came to her performance in the bedroom, her over-the-top characteristics were quite beneficial.

  His fling with Peni started after her knee injury. He felt so bad about it that he had gone by her house to check on her a couple of times to make sure she was okay; taking her a card and flowers on two different occasions. On the third occasion, he took her himself. Bad thing about it, Dawson knew exactly what he wanted when he went to Peni’s house that third time. Locksie had rejected him, so he went where another woman would gladly accept him.

  Dawson thought that maybe if he told Locksie about the affair, it would remove all of the guilt he was carrying around. Perhaps she would realize how seriously bad things were between them; how he had needs too, and that a compromise needed to be made if their relationship had a chance in hell of surviving. The verdict was in; Dawson did love Locksie with his heart and soul. But his body was the jury member that was holding out. His flesh needed to hear a little bit more evidence before the final judgment could be made.

  Chapter 39

  “Sorry, but I’m just not going to be able to go. I have to close at the salon that night. I don’t have a choice. You know my assistant is out on maternity leave.” Locksie, with great disappointment, had to turn down Dawson’s invitation to an event they were having at the gym. A new company had bought out the gym, and they were having a grand re-opening in the form of a happy hour. Dawson had called to invite her to go.

  Dawson was equally disappointed by her response, and wished he’d never taken his brother’s advice only to be let down now. His broth
er had convinced him to focus more on the mental aspect of what he and Locksie had; not the physical.

  “Try courting her,” Drake had suggested. “That’s what’s wrong with black people. We don’t know how to date and court. Folks, mostly Christians, look at that reality show called The Bachelor, and they judge it, talking about that’s just trying to get society to think that type of thing is okay. But look at the Book of Ester in the Bible. Isn’t that what King Ahasuerus did to find his queen? Date? It doesn’t mean that you have to sleep with every woman you date.

  “But a relationship needs to be formed. And you can’t have a relationship without a courtship. Just like when God wants us to have a relationship with Him; He courts us first. We need to learn how to court each other again.”

  Maybe Drake was right, but still, Dawson’s efforts to court Locksie were in vain as she, once again, rejected him. “Fine,” Dawson said, slamming down the phone after Locksie gave him her excuse for why she couldn’t attend the grand re-opening with him. Dawson was willing to bet that if the church was having an event, she’d make a way.

  Just then his cell phone rang. Maybe it was Locksie calling back. Perhaps she had changed her mind and was calling to accept his invitation. Now he’d have a date after all. He looked down at his caller ID. He smiled. It was, in fact, his date for the event. But it wasn’t Locksie.

  “Your brother called while you were on the other line and left a message reminding you of the event at his job tomorrow evening.” Delilah held the piece of paper on which she had just written the message.

  Drake smacked his forehead. “Oh, shoot, that’s right. I almost forgot.”