Me, Myself and Him

by E. N. Joy

  “Let her be,” Locksie told him. “She’s talking to God.” Locksie briefly explained to Elkan that his wife was speaking in tongues. She took Elkan’s hands into hers. “Come on, let’s you and I pray. Heads bowed, eyes closed.”

  Elkan bowed his head and closed his eyes as he and Locksie prayed, while Hannah continued her conversation with the Lord.

  “Dear Lord, you are so awesome and worthy to be praised,” Locksie said. “I just can’t thank You enough for all You do and all You’ve done, and, Father, all You’re gonna do. First of all, Father God, I’d like to thank You for what You’re doing right now at this very moment. I thank You for not being a temporary fix in our lives, Lord, but instead, the path to eternal life.

  “I thank You for putting it into Hannah’s heart to know that she’s just not to just call on You when she’s got a mess, but to call on You always in order to be blessed. God, we know that You are not just some Vegas slot machine who has a lever we can pull on to get what we want when we want it; but, God, You are an all-the-time God, an every-day God who we must seek a relationship with.

  “Father God, I just ask that You bless Hannah and Elkan’s lives with an overflow; an overflow of love, communication and understanding. Make them rich with happiness, dear Lord, keep them humble, surrendering to each other, but more importantly, always surrendering to You. Father God, I thank you in advance for the mighty move You are about to do in their lives. In Jesus’ name I pray . . .” Locksie then shook Elkan’s hands, signaling him to go ahead and give prayer a try.

  He opened one eye. “Who, me?” he asked. Locksie nodded with a smile. Elkan cleared his throat, thought for a minute and then prayed, “The Lord is my Sheperd, I shall not want. Amen.” Unfortunately, the only time Elkan had been in church and heard prayer was at a funeral, and that scripture was pretty much what every pastor recited. He opened his eyes for Locksie’s approval. “How was that?” he asked.

  She chuckled. “Well, it’s a start,” she told him. “It’s a start.”

  The Final Chapter

  “I expect a miracle!” Locksie shouted over the Byron Cage and J-Moss collaboration that was ringing through the speakers. She loved songs that allowed her to experience both praise and worship at the same time. Most songs were either songs of praise or songs of worship, but when the artist used the praise portion of the song to allow God to invite them into worship, it was felt by the listener’s soul; therefore pulling the listener into the presence of the Lord as well.

  As the song ended, Locksie was all set to go hit the repeat button on the CD player. She had been blasting the music to make sure that the sounds of praise hit every corner of her house, blessing each and every room. She had been cleaning up Hannah’s former bedroom, turning it back into the original guestroom that her aunt Mary had had it set up to be.

  As the song faded, and right before her finger hit the repeat button, she heard a loud banging at the door. What followed was a voice shouting, “Locksie, open the door!”

  She could tell it was Dawson’s voice, and the first thing that came to mind was that he was there to finish what Elkan had started; acting a fool out in her front yard. Surely the neighbors would call the police this time if she didn’t spit on the spark before it turned into an uncontrollable blaze.

  Locksie ran to the door, tripping and falling down on the way. She got up off the floor and quickly limped over to the door and flung it open before Dawson could do any more banging or any more shouting. “What, man? What do you want?” Locksie said, out of breath and frustrated from the fall in which she had hurt her knee, which was now throbbing.

  Although more angry at the floor than at Dawson, she was still angry at him. How dare he show up out of the clear blue sky after four months? She probably would have refused to talk to him, but the very least he could have done was try.

  “What are you doing here? You get tired of Peni?” Locksie spat. That’s what Locksie had been assuming all of this time; that the reason Dawson wasn’t trying to get her back was because he had been off gallivanting with the other woman.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Dawson said in response to Locksie’s greeting that was full of attitude.

  “You bangin’ on the door like the po-po; that’s what’s wrong,” Locksie spat as she rubbed her aching knee.

  “You okay?” Dawson was concerned.

  “Yeah, I just fell on my way trying to get the door that you were out here beating on like a lunatic.”

  “I rang the bell and knocked for ten minutes. I even called your phone. But I guess you couldn’t hear it over your gospel jubilee.”

  “Oh, yeah, the music was kind of loud, wasn’t it? But I wasn’t expecting anyone, so . . .” Locksie’s words trailed off.

  “Anyway,” Dawson looked down at Locksie’s injured knee and then deep into her eyes. “I didn’t mean for you to get hurt. I really didn’t.”

  Locksie could tell that Dawson’s words were directed at more than just her knee. They were meant for her heart. His sincerity immediately chipped away at some of the ice that was sealing her heart.

  “Well, I did get hurt, Dawson. And I’m still hurting. So, why don’t you just go back to Peni and—”

  “Peni and I are through.” Dawson cut her off. “We haven’t seen each other since the night at the gym. I tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t talk to me.”

  “So you just gave up?” Locksie’s arms flailed and then dropped to her side. “You gave up on us just like that.”

  “What was I supposed to do? I could have gone to jail if I harassed you. I really thought you were done with me, Locksie. I didn’t know what to do.”

  “So, why now? Why now after all of this time?”

  “I need closure,” Dawson confessed.

  “So, this is about you and your getting some closure?”

  “I just don’t understand why you have to make this so hard.” Dawson sighed.

  “Me making this so hard?” Locksie replied defensively. “I just don’t understand why you can’t see that you are the one who is making this hard, not me. All I ever wanted us to do was to live right.”

  “Who’s to say we are not living right? Living right by whose standards? Society’s?”

  “By God’s!” Locksie shouted, then caught herself and toned it down. “By God’s standards; the only standards that matter.”

  Dawson threw his hands up. “Here we go again. If it ain’t you, it’s Drake. I’m so sick of talking about God. I don’t want to talk about God anymore.”

  Locksie couldn’t explain the anger that erupted in her body. God was her father who was doing great things. How could anyone not want to talk about Him? Instead of letting her anger be quick to speak, she dipped into the “the gap” that was mentioned in a book she had read titled God Speaks to Me by Valerie Love. The gap was that slight period of time that allowed her to think about her response to Dawson’s words that had angered her. She could either fly off the handle by retaliating with angry words, or she could be Christlike. She decided to go with the latter.

  Taking a deep breath, Locksie stood in the doorway and replied, “You’ve been my best friend for years now. I’ve always been able to talk to you about everything; a really good movie I saw or a really good book that I’ve read. Now here there is the one thing that I love talking about the most in my life, and we can’t have a conversation about it.”

  Dawson took each one of Locksie’s hands into his. “But you can. You can talk to me about anything.”

  “But you just said you don’t want to talk about God, so evidently I can’t. Besides, I don’t want to just talk. I want to have a conversation. I want you to talk too, but how can you talk about something you don’t know anything about?”

  Dawson released Locksie’s hands. “You saying I’m the devil or something? Locksie, I believe in God.”

  “Believing in God isn’t enough, Dawson.” Locksie put her hands to her temples as her eyes watered. “This is just so frustrating. Why can�
�t I get you to love Him like I do?”

  “Him, Him, Him. I’m so sick of hearing about Him as if God’s a real person that’s walking the earth.”

  Clearing her mind and choosing not to proceed with the topic of their conversation, Locksie asked, “Was there any other reason you stopped by? I need to get back to cleaning.”

  For a minute there, Dawson had forgotten the initial purpose for his visit. “As a matter of fact, I did come by for another reason. I came by to just . . . to just tell you I love you, girl. I ain’t cool with this. I ain’t cool with us being apart. I don’t want this.”

  “I don’t want this either,” Locksie assured him.

  “Then you need to choose, Locksie.”

  “Choose what?”

  “Choose if you’re going to just give up on us completely, or try to work this out.”

  “In all honesty, I think a choice needs to be made by you. I’m heading in a certain direction in my life. My walk in life has changed, Dawson. I have to live for God.”

  Dawson’s jaw tightened. “Then my walk is going to change, too, in a direction that leads me away from you forever.”

  Locksie felt her heart drop to her feet. She had been the one doing all the walking away, in hopes that Dawson would see the light and follow. But to see him stand there and say that he was going to start walking all right, but in a direction away from her, was a huge blow.

  Dawson continued. “You need to sit down and say to yourself, ‘Is it going to be Dawson and me, or Him?’”

  “Him?”

  “Yes, Him; God, who you’ve all of a sudden fallen in love with and out of love with me at the same time. How can God be so greedy and take all of your love?”

  Locksie shook her head, and she was the one who now took Dawson’s hands into hers. “No, baby, you’ve got it all wrong. When I found my love for Christ, Dawson, I didn’t stop loving you.”

  “Like heck you didn’t!” Dawson snapped. “You wouldn’t even let me touch you anymore.” Dawson fought back his emotions. The last thing he wanted to do was stand there and cry in front of the woman for who he was trying to be every man in the world.

  It hurt Locksie to see Dawson so emotional. “I love you, baby. But you can’t ask me to choose between you and—”

  “And some supernatural being that doesn’t even have a shape or form? I mean, yeah, I believe there is a God and all, but come on. It’s not like God is a person. Someone you can see. That you can touch. I mean, I could see if I was up against some pretty-Ricky, rich millionaire dude or something. But for some so-called—”

  “Dawson, don’t . . .” Locksie put her hands up as if they were a barricade whose only purpose was blocking Dawson’s words from landing in her ear.

  “You don’t have to choose right now, Locks. I’m gonna give you some time to think about it and then tell me the choice you’ve made. As a matter of fact, I’m going to let you show me the choice you’ve made.” He turned and picked up the tweed, flower-print carry-on bag that he had set down next to the porch during all of his knocking. Locksie had left the bag under the bed at Dawson’s place, their former house together. Since she hadn’t been on any overnight stays, she hadn’t needed it and therefore hadn’t missed it. She also hadn’t even noticed it sitting next to the porch.

  “Our Delta flight to Vegas leaves next Thursday at 6:00 P.M.,” Dawson informed her, handing her the bag.

  Oh my God! Is he asking me to marry him? was the first thing that popped into Locksie’s mind.

  “We need to be checked in at least an hour before the flight departure time. I’ll be at the Delta check-in counter at 5:00 P.M. If you’re there, too, then I’ll know what that means.”

  Locksie shrugged. “And what would that mean?”

  “That you chose me; that you chose me and you. That you can stop playing this stupid little game and sell this house and move back into our home. The home we made together. The home that when we picked it out, you said heaven made just for us. Now, heaven can’t be wrong, can it?” Dawson said sarcastically.

  “I’m not going against God and living in sin with you, Dawson. What part of that don’t you understand?”

  Words couldn’t begin to describe how torn Locksie was. She was so certain that because her heart wanted to be with Dawson so much, God would make a way for them to be together. That God would assign some of His angels to get all up in Dawson’s heart and make him begin to seek and love God, so that the two of them could be equally yoked. After all, she could have sworn that she had read somewhere in the Bible that God would provide her with her heart’s desires. Well . . . Dawson was her heart’s desire, but here he stood on her doorstep, talking about throwing in the towel.

  The more the reality of losing Dawson forever set in, Locksie began to waver. She thought that there was no way she could lose this man. This was the man she had vowed to love to eternity on the first night they ever told each other that they loved one another. Before now, she hadn’t really thought about it. Hannah had been there to keep her company, and with all the praying those two had done, she was just certain that things would turn out the way she wanted. After all, God saw to it that everything turned to Hannah the way she wanted. Wouldn’t He do the same for her? But now here was Dawson, planting doubt.

  Dawson could see that his heartfelt words were starting to persuade Locksie, so he better keep chipping away while the heat seemed to be melting the ice. “I love you so much, Locksie, and I know you love me. We’ve been nothing but good for each other. I make you happy. You mean to tell me that God wouldn’t want you with a man that makes you happy? That takes care of you? That’s never called you out of your name, and disrespected you or any of that? A man that wants to be with you for the rest of his life? A man that can own up to his mistakes and apologize? Because I am sorry, Locksie. I’m sorry for ever hurting you, and I promise I will never hurt you again . . . ever. Wouldn’t God want that kind of man for you?”

  Dawson’s last query opened up a can of worms that Locksie couldn’t help but push him into. “So, if all that is true and you want to be with me the rest of my life, then why don’t we confirm and commit to that by just getting married?”

  Dawson rolled his eyes up in his head. Great . . . I asked for that one. After thinking for a minute, his comeback was, “So what if I was to say, ‘Okay, Locksie, we’ll get married while in Vegas, not because I want to, but because you said I have to if I want to be with you’?”

  Of course that’s not the type of proposal Locksie had dreamt of as a little girl. She twisted her face a little bit as if she’d just eaten a sour grape. “Then I’d have to pray on it and see—”

  “That’s what I’m talking about.” Dawson cut her off in a frustrated tone. “You’d have to go pray on it and see what God gives you, right? No matter what, it’s never going to be about me anymore. It’s never going to be about just us.”

  “You’re right!” Locksie said, stepping out the door and walking close to Dawson. She’d had enough of his tantrums and blatant disrespect for God. “It’s never going to be about you or me, because in this life, it’s not about us. It’s not about anybody on this earth. It’s all about God. And if you had a closer relationship with Him, you’d know exactly where I’m coming from. I can’t explain it to you any better than that, Dawson. I just can’t explain it.” Locksie slumped her shoulders and put her head down as she began to cry.

  Seeing her in so much pain made Dawson reach out to her. “Can’t you see what this is doing to us?” he said, putting his arms around her. “It’s tearing us apart. We can work this out. Let’s just give it some time. You didn’t change into the person you are overnight, so don’t condemn me.”

  Locksie began crying harder in Dawson’s arms. She had never wanted him to feel as though she was condemning him. She just wanted him to be saved. How could she tell him that she loved him so much that she wanted to spend life and afterlife with him? Maybe Dawson was right. Maybe she had gone about this entire thing a
ll wrong. Maybe God had spoken, but she just hadn’t heard Him. Maybe God had placed Dawson on her doorstep today out of nowhere because Locksie hadn’t been taking heed. After all, with the exception of the Peni situation, which she might have driven him to, Dawson had been nothing but good to her. So why wouldn’t God want her to be with him?

  So there Locksie stood, weak and confused and left with a decision to choose the man she had vowed to love to eternity versus the love for the one who promised her eternity.

  “Sir, the system shows that there should be another traveler in your party,” the man at the Delta ticket counter stated as Dawson checked in for his flight to Vegas.

  “I know. She should be here any minute,” Dawson said with confidence before looking down at his watch that read three minutes until five o’clock.

  Dawson had arrived at the airport around a quarter to five. Originally he was just going to wait for Locksie before checking in so that they could do it together. As he waited, the line seemed to get longer and longer, so he decided to go ahead and stand in it, figuring by the time she got there, it would be their turn. By the time Dawson was next in line, he remembered that Locksie preferred curbside check-in anyway, so he went ahead and checked in without her.

  After the check-in process, Dawson was instructed to take his bags over to luggage security. As he turned away from the counter, he searched the doorways for any sign of Locksie. There was none. Slowly, he proceeded over to luggage security, the entire time looking over his shoulder for Locksie.

  By the time Dawson turned his luggage over, and after informing security that he didn’t have any film or disposable cameras of any kind that could possible be ruined by the X-ray used to examine luggage, Locksie still hadn’t showed up. Dawson decided to cop a seat and wait a few more minutes before heading through passenger security and heading to his departure gate. Just as he sat down, his heart skipped a beat at the sight of Locksie, who made her way through the parting doors. With a huge smile on his face, he rushed over to her.