Ions Of Luck

by Markus Fredericks

  The only access to the chamber was a small door, which was also painted black. There was a tiny observation window in the door at eye-level.

  “Oh, mama mia – let this moment be the opening of Pandora’s Box,” spoke Aldo out loud, even though he was all alone.

  Through the door’s window, Aldo watched intently as his communication device had latched onto something he had never witnessed before. Suddenly, multi-colored streaks of light appeared in the black, smoked mirror. Aldo’s mouth fell wide open as the lights increased in luminosity.

  “Grazie a Dio – my Mama Cecelia is coming back to me. Mama! It’s me, your loving son, Aldo.”

  Moments later, the lights flashed brightly before it became instantly dark again. There was a thud as the tripod holding the transmitter had toppled over. Aldo jumped back when suddenly a man’s face was jammed up against the door’s small window.

  “Let me out of here!” shouted Danny as he pounded on the door with his fist.

  A very disappointed Professor Paganini opened the door and said in a heavy Italian accent, “What’sa matta you? You are not my Mama Cecelia. Who the hell are you, and how did you break into my communication chamber?”

  Danny was unsure whether or not he was back in Seattle or if he had successfully made it to the parallel universe. He politely introduced himself, “Hi. My name is Danny Donaldson. I didn’t mean to intrude.”

  “What kind of joker are you?” replied Aldo as he beckoned his intruder to step out into the lab.

  “If your name is Danny Donaldson, then I must be the president of America, Mitt Romney.”

  “Say, what did you just say? Did you say that Mitt Romney is the president?”

  “Yeah sure – where have you been? Mitt Romney was real lucky to beat out Obama in the last election. Anyway, the son of a bitch cut off my funding. Goddamn Republicans – they’re always looking to eliminate government spending, but nevertheless, shame on you for not even knowing who our president is. Let me tell you, young folks these days need to keep up with current events. By the way, what’s this crap of you masquerading as the famous writer, Danny Donaldson? I must admit that you certainly look an awful lot like him.”

  Suddenly, Aldo became quiet and ignored his intruder. He turned around and began to search the premises. His serious demeanor went away as a big smile broke out across his face... He said out loud, “OK – That’s very funny. You know, I wasn’t born yesterday. I’m sure there must be a hidden camera somewhere, and you guys are filming me for a televised prank.”

  However, when no hidden camera was anywhere to be found, Professor Paganini became rather somber again. He asked, “OK, then – tell me exactly who you are, and how did you get into my communication chamber?”

  “I’ll tell you everything,” said Danny, “but please first tell me where I am.”

  “You got to be pulling my leg… I’m Professor Aldo Paganini, and you are at my physics lab at the University of Washington campus in Seattle. OK, son – start talking, or I’ll call for security.”

  “Did you say that I’m in Seattle – as in, ‘Seattle, Washington’?”

  “You heard me right,” replied the professor. “Say, are you on some kind of drugs?”

  “No – I’m not a drug user at all. I’m just surprised they have a city by the same name in your world too. OK, please have a seat. You’ll be astounded at what I’m about to tell you.”

  A skeptical Professor Paganini sat down on a chair and said, “Go ahead – tell me what you got.”

  “Well, my name really is Danny Donaldson, and apparently I look exactly the same as a famous writer by the same name. However, I come from a parallel universe. I was in a near-death experience, and I mistakenly ended up in a wormhole tunnel leading to a black hole. I was met there by a mysterious old man. He said he was the guardian of the crossroads between parallel universes.”

  Aldo leaned forward in his chair as he listened with great interest to Danny’s story…

  “The old man told me to return down the same tunnel I came from, but I had such a terrible life in my world living as an impoverished cripple. Miraculously, as you can see, I am able to walk again for the first time in twelve years. I ended up defying the guardian’s wishes, and I jumped into the other tunnel on the other side of this amazing, spherical room surrounded by swirling lights.”

  “I can’t believe my ears,” said a stupefied Professor Paganini. “That is absolutely amazing that you were able to pass from one universe to the next. You just confirmed what I’ve believed was possible all along.”

  “There’s much more,” interrupted Danny. “The elderly guardian mentioned something about luck. I didn’t grasp it fully, but he said that ions of luck exist, and he explained that positive and negative luck must balance out between the universes – or some disastrous paradox can happen.”

  “Oh my, this is incredible news,” replied Professor Paganini while rubbing his tummy, “but all of this excitement is making me very hungry. Let me buy us a pizza at Pagliacci’s on University Way.”

  Although Aldo had always been sure there was a parallel universe, he was eager to learn about Danny’s information about the ions of luck. They continued with their conversation as they walked to the restaurant.

  While Danny continued talking, he was also curiously studying his surroundings, which seemed oddly familiar, yet unfamiliar at the same time. Danny was astounded that the parallel universe seemed like an exact duplicate of his own, and for a while, he wondered if he truly was in an alternate, parallel universe or not. However, Danny’s uncertainty ended when he happened to notice a copy of the university newspaper. Its cover article heralded the miraculous game winning field goal made by the Husky football kicker as time expired against the University of Oregon.

  “I can’t believe this,” explained Danny. “You see, in your side of the parallel universe, the Husky kicker’s field goal hit the crossbar and the ball bounced over for the big win, but in my world, the same field goal attempt hit the crossbar and bounced back. The guardian was right – good luck ions in one universe are offset by bad luck ions in the parallel universe. That’s why you have President Romney, and we have President Obama.”

  Aldo was a good judge of character, and he was positive that Danny had told him the full truth.

  The twosome devoured a large, delicious pizza with ‘the works’ on it as they were deeply engrossed in conversation... Danny divulged that he had tried to become a book writer, but not a single publisher was interested in his work. He said, “Personally, I still think my book had a real clever storyline. I called it: ‘When the Monkey Cries’.”

  Aldo’s mouth fell open. He said, “This is really incredible. You see, the Danny Donaldson from my world is the author of a number one best-seller – and it has the exact same title as your book, ‘When the Monkey Cries’. It’s already been made into a movie. I haven’t seen it, but I hear it’s a big hit. It’s playing right now at the Varsity Theater. We ought to go see it.”

  The movie theater was located on ‘the Avenue’, within easy walking distance of the pizza parlor. Danny was rather familiar with the stores and restaurants located on University Way in his universe, and he was astounded that all the same businesses were located in the same exact places in the parallel universe as well.

  The movie was given a 5-star rating, and there was a long line of avid movie goers waiting to buy their tickets. A pretty college co-ed approached Danny in the lobby to ask for his autograph.

  “I’m sorry, miss, but you’re mistaken,” explained Aldo to the excited girl. “It happens to my friend, Ralph, all the time.”

  When the disappointed girl left, Danny asked Aldo, “Why did you say my name is ‘Ralph’?”

  “Psst,” whispered Aldo. “Please listen to me, my newfound friend. For the time being, it’s important for you to not attract any attention to yourself. My first priority is to figure out exactly how you physically made it into my communication chamber. It’s very likely th
at we are on the very brink of a fantastic, new discovery, but I can only imagine what would happen if the authorities took you in for questioning at this time. I bet that they’d either lock you up in jail, or send you to the nuthouse.”

  “I understand – I promise I won’t bring any attention to myself. OK, let’s find some seats. The movie is about to start.”

  Curiosity combined with jealousy filled Danny as he restlessly watched the wonderful movie. He kept on whispering to Aldo, foretelling each upcoming scene to prove that the story was his own. As the movie concluded, Danny was thoroughly agitated by his successful alter-ego.

  As they left the theater when the movie was over, Danny said, “Please tell everything else do you know about the famous Danny Donaldson. I feel I already hate him.”

  “Well, I’m afraid you’re going to hate him even more when I tell you that in addition to his good fortune with the writing and producing movies, he also happened to win an enormous lottery jackpot. I forgot how much it was, but it was obscenely huge. Also, he’s living in one of the fanciest houses on Mercer Island, and he’s married to a really cute and gorgeous, blond girl he had dated since high school. I recall her first name is Jessica.”

  3

  After the movie, it was getting late. Aldo knew that Danny had no place to stay, and that he had no cash at all. Literally, Danny only possessed the clothes on his back. Even his wallet was missing – Danny thought it probably flew out of his pants when he was struck by the truck on Aurora Avenue in the ‘other’ Seattle – so Aldo kindly offered his unique guest an invitation to stay at his modest, little house not far away in Shoreline.

  After setting up a small cot in a guest bedroom, they were too interested in learning about each other’s world to sleep a wink. They were still engaged in deep conversation when the break of daylight broke through the darkness of night. Aldo helped to maintain their energy by serving a large pot of coffee.

  Although the scientifically inclined Aldo completely believed in Danny’s story, he doubted that any ‘regular’ person would believe that a man could actually travel through a black hole into another dimension. After all, most people would simply scoff at the idea, if not ridicule it completely.

  “Say Danny, until we figure out how you can blend into society, it’s imperative that you lay low. This world already has one Danny Donaldson, and he’s very famous, so the world won’t be willing to accept a second one. From now on, whenever you leave this house, be sure to wear some sort of disguise. I have a pair of sunglasses you may borrow. For sure, you’re welcome to stay with me as long as possible, but you need to know that my house is in pre-foreclosure. When my government funding was cut off, I fell behind on my house payments. To make matters worse, the university has indicated that it won’t hire me to teach a regular physics class, since they claim that all my research has been too paranormal in nature for their curriculum. They said I’m free to use my physics lab on campus only until the next trimester begins, at which time I must officially resign my post and vacate the premises. The only way I can keep my lab is if I can raise some private funding – and the dean won’t even give me the time of day unless I can raise at least half a million dollars.”

  Danny rubbed his tired eyes, but felt a renewed surge of energy when he had a sudden epiphany…

  “You know, I’ve never stolen a single thing in my life, but I remember my dad used to say, ‘There’s a time and place for everything’. To be sure, I feel I’ve been unfairly punished for the past twelve years, although I’ve always been a man of good character. It’s a shame, but apparently I just happen to be overloaded with these terrible, negative ions of luck. I think it can be justified to arrange for my alter-ego, the successful, rich, and famous Danny Donaldson, to share some of his tremendous wealth with his less fortunate twin. Professor Paganini, I think I have a plan for us to become partners.”

  “Danny, I’d love to hear your plan, but please call me by my first name, Aldo. OK, tell about this partnership you propose.”

  “Sure, Aldo. Right now, I don’t even have any identification, but supposedly I am a perfect duplicate of the rich and famous ‘Danny Donaldson’ – right down to matching fingerprints. If you can help me pose as a credible imposter, I bet I can get you all the cash you need – enough to save your lab and your house.”

  “Hmm, that sounds very tempting,” said Aldo while smacking his lips. “Technically, you are not taking money which doesn’t belong to you, since the wealth was obtained by a disproportionate amount of positive ions of luck – at the direct expense of your own counterbalancing bad luck. Morally, I don’t see anything wrong with it either, but Danny – I hope your plan doesn’t involve killing the famous Danny Donaldson. I wouldn’t want to be involved with murder.”

  “Au contraire… The last thing I would ever do is to kill my rich twin, although I honestly can’t stand anything about him. You see, the elderly guardian of the crossroads warned me not to risk creating any kind of paradox. When the rich, famous version of me happens to die, his vast amount of positive luck ions would dissipate. Thus, to maintain a proper balance of luck ions, I’m quite sure I would die at the same time to maintain nature’s harmony.”

  “Danny, I see what you mean. Anyway, we won’t kill the rich, famous bastard – we’ll just get you a nice, ‘compensatory bonus’ which you deserve. So tell me, how can I help you?”

  “Let’s try to access his bank account through your computer,” said an invigorated Danny. “Let’s see how much wealth Lady Luck has blessed this lucky turd with.”

  “Come with me to the den. My computer’s in there.”

  Danny knew there were many different banks that his twin might deal with, but he reasoned that most people choose a bank that is located reasonably close to their home. He said, “Aldo, show me a map of Mercer Island, and point to the general area where you think his fancy house is.”

  After accessing a city map, Aldo pointed to a small protrusion at the edge of Lake Washington. “He lives right about there, on the waterfront.”

  “Great,” said Danny with enthusiasm. “Now use a search engine to locate the nearest banks.”

  A few minutes later, Aldo came to the conclusion that the Mercer Island branch of Bank of America was the closest one to his house.

  “Keep your fingers crossed. Let’s see if he has an account there.”

  Aldo tried to access the famous Danny Donaldson’s account, but the feedback said, ‘no such account exists.’

  “Why don’t you try: Daniel W. Donaldson?”

  Moments later, the screen asked for a password.

  “Well, at least I can tell that he has an account over at Bank of America,” commented Aldo, who was sure that their computer search has reached an impenetrable barrier.

  “Why don’t you click the button that says: did you forget your password?” said a hopeful Danny.

  The next screen which popped up on the computer screen stated: If you forgot you your password, you must successfully answer three security questions… (1) What is your favorite participation sport?

  “Oh boy, I’ve been a cripple for twelve years, so of course I don’t participate in any regular sports.”

  “Danny, you told me you were injured by falling off a ski lift. Didn’t you used to like skiing?”

  “Yes, I used to love skiing. I really was pretty good at it.”

  “Well, it’s worth a try,” said Aldo as he typed in the answer, ‘skiing’.

  The computer said, ‘Correct’, and went onto question number two… (2) What is the name of your first pet?

  “When I was a boy, we had a cute, little mutt named, ‘Sparky’, but I can’t fathom that my alter-ego could have had a dog by the same name.”

  “You’re probably right, but let’s try it. What have we got to lose?”

  After Aldo entered the name, ‘Sparky’, the computer said, ‘Correct’, and proceeded with the final question… (3) Where did you first meet your wife?

  This qu
estion brought a temporary sense of gloom to Danny, since he had never been married, but he was aware that in the parallel universe, the other Danny had been lucky enough to win the heart of his personal crush, Jessica Sweet Hart.

  “I guess he must have met her when her parents moved to the house next door back when they were in sixth grade. That was in Lynnwood, Washington.”

  “Let’s just try plain old, ‘Lynnwood’, and see what happens.”

  Presto – the computer allowed them to access his private bank account.

  An excited Danny said, “OK, let’s see just how the other half lives. Find out his balance. I’ll bet he has some ungodly amount of money.”

  When Aldo clicked his computer mouse to access the balance, he commented, “Are you kidding me? Sixty-three dollars and fourteen cents!”

  However, when Danny asked him to search for ‘account history’, it showed that only two days earlier he had transferred well over $5,000,000 in cash to the downtown branch of Key Bank.

  “That’s more like it,” said Danny. “Why don’t we catch a couple hours of rest before we pay a visit to Key Bank later this morning? I’ll withdraw enough money to cure all of our problems.”

  4

  After catching a couple hours of much needed rest, Danny took a shower and put on his jeans and somewhat dirty T-shirt. Aldo was in the kitchen brewing another pot of coffee. He turned around when Danny said, “Good morning, Aldo. So, are we ready to head to the bank to make a gigantic withdrawal?”

  Aldo’s eyes looked over Danny from head to toe. He shook his head and said, “Well, your plan sounded great at first, but it’s not going to be as easy as you think. OK, you happen to look exactly like Danny Donaldson alright – but I’m afraid that you still look more like the poor Danny Donaldson from another world. I know that the rich Danny Donaldson wears expensive, designer clothing – and so would the folks working at the bank. Before we can expect to waltz into Key Bank to make a huge withdrawal, you need a complete makeover. Otherwise, they’ll be very suspicious.”