Beautiful Goodbye

by Heather D'Agostino

  As we pulled into the parking lot, he smiled at me. “Is seven ok?” he put the Jeep in park but let the engine continue to idle.

  “Sure,” I shrugged. I didn’t have anything going on, but I didn’t want him to know that. Girls needed to have a little mystery.

  “I have to head home and run a few errands, but I’ll be back at seven. Where should I pick you up?” he grinned in triumph.

  “Here,” I pushed open the door and began to climb out.

  “Here?” he reached up and adjusted his hat.

  “Yep,” I pointed toward the stairs that led up to the space over the garage. “I live up there.”

  “Convenient,” he chuckled.

  “It works,” I laughed lightly as I stepped down and closed the door.

  “I’ll see you at seven. Dress casual,” he smiled before waving, and putting the Jeep in gear. I waved back, and stood there like an idiot smiling as I watched him drive away. What was it about this guy that made me give in? I hadn’t really dated lately, and now I was going to see him twice in one day. I needed to call Kasey. I had no idea what to wear, or where he would take me. There wasn’t much to do here in Reidsville, and I really didn’t want to go into Camden where I might run into someone I knew.

  “So a date, huh?” Kasey laughed through the phone as I sighed.

  “Yeah. Am I crazy?” I mumbled.

  “This is beer guy, right? He was hot,” she laughed again before pausing. “You wanna go, right?”

  “Yes?” it was more of a question than an answer.

  “That didn’t sound very confident. You need to get back out there, Rach. Your dad would want you to find someone that makes you happy. You’ve been mourning this long enough,” she murmured.

  “I know,” I huffed, exasperatedly. “I’m not mourning him. I’m trying to stay in business. I really haven’t had time to date.”

  “And again. Your dad would want you to be happy. You can’t tell me you’re happy right now. I know you feel like you have to keep the garage open, but you’re sacrificing your happiness to do it. Have you thought about letting it go?” she asked the last sentence so quietly that I almost missed it. Kasey and I have been friends for so long that we say things to each other that we wouldn’t say to others. We aren’t worried about hurting the other one’s feelings. We tell it how it is, and then support each other when it isn’t something that the other one of us wants to hear.

  “I don’t know if I can, Kase. It’s part of him. It’s the only part I have left. I don’t think I can say goodbye to that,” I could feel the tears forming in my eyes and my throat tightening. The thought of losing the garage, and moving forward with only the memories of it was debilitating. I had convinced myself that if I let it go, I’d be letting my dad down and that was the last thing I wanted to do. I had reasoned a long time ago that I wouldn’t let that happen. He’d given me so much over the years, and it was the least I could do now. McKenzie’s Garage would be a name that people knew. It would be a place that was known for reliable hard work. In the past people searched me out, now I just had to get back to that. I had to wait out this dry spell, and then I’d be back there.

  “I’m sorry,” Kasey muttered. “I didn’t mean to bring it up. I just think that this business is going to take over your life. You’re not going to have time to let anything with Ryan develop because you’re always working.”

  “It’s our first date, Kase. I’m not looking for anything to develop, at least not yet. I’ll worry about work when it gets to that point. Besides,” I grinned as I pictured him in my mind. “He’s a nurse. I’m sure work ethic and job stuff is important to him too.”

  “I know what else is probably important,” Kasey’s voice rose to a higher pitch. “I bet he’s really good with Chemistry. Nurses have to be, ya know. All those meds and things they have to keep straight?” she giggled, officially changing the subject.

  “Kasey!” I gasped.

  “What? You know I’m right,” she giggled harder. “I bet he knows all kinds of chemical reactions and can help you with your issue,” she snickered.

  “Kasey!” I shrieked. “I do not have issues!”

  “You do too,” she laughed harder and I wondered if she was lying down yet. I could imagine her rolling around on her bed as she teased me about the fact that it had been quite a while since I had been with anybody.

  “All I know is the first time you let him touch you, it’s going to set you off like a firecracker. I’d almost pay to be there,” she began gasping for air she was laughing so hard.

  “First date,” I growled.

  “Yeah, ok. He said casual. Mark my words. He will have you parked somewhere before he brings you home. Promise me that you’re going to let him have his way,” she paused and I could hear her fighting her laughter.

  “First date Kase!” I scoffed.

  “I know what I’m talking about, Rach. Just promise you’ll let him kiss you,” she pressed on.

  “Fine. Promise,” I shook my no as the words fell from my lips. She didn’t need to know that I wasn’t keeping these promises. Had it been a long time since I’d had sex? Yes. Was I attracted to Ryan? I hated to admit it, but yes. Was I going to jump his bones? No, if he let me, then he wasn’t the right guy for me. I needed a man that wanted me for me, not that. I’d only had a few boyfriends over the years, and I’d only slept with one. We’d been high school sweethearts, and when I’d finally let him take me it was less than memorable at best. Since then I’d been very selective. Ryan may have been hot, but I needed more than looks to jump into bed with him. I needed a real connection, and I’d never experienced that in the past so I didn’t have any expectations with him either.

  Chapter 5

  Rachel

  I must have spent an hour trying to decide what to wear on this dinner date. I’d closed the garage an hour early, showered, and now I was pacing my room in my bra and panties. My hair was a crazy mess from me tugging my fingers through it, and my bedroom looked like a tornado had hit my closet. I stopped to face the pile on my bed, and growled. Nothing looked appealing. I hadn’t gone out with a man in months. I didn’t know what casual meant to him, and in the back of my mind I think I might actually be a little scared. Who the hell was I trying to fool? I was a lot scared. Ryan seemed like someone I could actually like, and the idea of that terrified me. I’d always stuck with the ones that I knew would never be anything, and the thought that he was different made me want to run screaming in the other direction. If it wasn’t for Kasey, I probably already would have. After being talked off the ledge I’d put myself on, I finally chose an outfit.

  I stood there staring at the mirror trying to convince myself that this was a good idea for several minutes before I gave up, and went to wait in the small living area. The space wasn’t big, but it was enough for me until today. I didn’t realize how little it was until I paced it…repeatedly. The white cotton sundress swished around my knees, and the brown cowboy boots clicked on the floor as I stood by my front window and tapped my foot. I’d piled my hair up on top of head since I wasn’t sure if Ryan would have the top off of the Jeep. I never was the high-maintenance type girl anyway, and could pull off the messy updo effortlessly.

  Small strands of hair fell around my face and shoulders, and the gold heart necklace my dad had given me for my eighteenth birthday hung around my neck. I’d never taken it off, and something about knowing it was there calmed me. Sometimes I would fiddle with it when I was nervous, like now, but I was working on being more conscious of the habit.

  At seven o’clock on the dot Ryan’s Jeep pulled into the parking lot of the garage. I waited by the window watching, wondering if I should just go out there since I saw him, or wait for him to come to the door. Should I be the sassy girl he met at the bar, or the unsure one that was waiting for him? He sat in the driver’s seat for a moment running his fingers through his hair, and adjusting his hat before he opened the door and climbed out. The top was down, and I smiled wonde
ring exactly what he had planned for us. He seemed so carefree and young. We hadn’t discussed age yet, but he had to be close to mine.

  The dark t-shirt he was wearing pulled tight across his shoulders, and it looked as if he had decided to wear the same khakis from this morning. I nibbled my lip as I glanced down at my attire. After seeing him, I seemed slightly overdressed. I shrugged as I blew out a breath. “Oh well. Too late now,” I rolled my eyes as a knock sounded at the door, stopping my internal debate. “Coming,” I called as I grabbed my purse off the chair in the corner and made my way over to the door. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself before opening it, and being met by a blinding smile. “Hey,” I smiled shyly as I crossed my ankles and kept my chin down.

  “Wow,” he muttered under his breath. “I mean, hi,” he cleared his throat.

  “It’s too much, isn’t it?” I smoothed my hands down the front of myself, trying to stay calm as he took a few steps back.

  “No,” he slowly shook his head. “You look beautiful,” he stepped to the side, allowing me to come out and lock my door before I began to descend the steps. I could feel his stare on my back as he followed, and I paused at the bottom of the stairs to see if he would bump into me. Just as planned, he did, and I laughed to try and break the tension. “You did that on purpose,” he grumbled as I giggled.

  “Maybe,” I shrugged. I wanted to be the girl he met, not this nervous one and cracking a joke or doing something dumb seemed to be the perfect way to relax us.

  “I hope you don’t mind,” he motioned to the Jeep and the fact that the top was down. “It’s just such a nice day that I couldn’t resist. After riding with the windows down earlier, I wanted to feel the breeze. I can put it up though if it bothers you. I know girls don’t like to get their hair all crazy.”

  “This is fine,” I smiled at him as he opened my door for me. He stood there gawking as I reached for my seatbelt. I remembered how adamant he was about me wearing it. He shook his head at me as he muttered something under his breath before closing my door, and bounding around to his side.

  Ryan

  “Who was this girl, and how the hell did I find her?” I mumbled under my breath before making my way to my side of the Jeep and climbing in. I didn’t know any woman that wouldn’t raise a fit at the fact that I had the top down for a date. Even Jordan gave me a hard time when I gave her a lift home from the hospital.

  I’d planned a picnic, but after seeing how pretty Rachel looked I wondered if I should change my plans and take her somewhere nicer. “I kinda planned a quiet night if that’s ok?” I cranked the Jeep and grimaced when I looked over at her.

  “Sure,” she smiled as she ran her hands down her dress once again. She was nervous, why I’m not sure. She didn’t seem this way this morning when I kidnapped her, but she was mad at me then. Now she seemed unsure of herself, and I’d be lying if I said that didn’t bother me.

  “You ok?” I pulled out onto the main road and began heading to my secret spot.

  Her brow furrowed as she scowled. “Do I not seem ok?” Her arms crossed over her chest as she shifted in the seat to face more towards me.

  “There she is,” I laughed as her scowl deepened. “I thought you checked out on me for a while.”

  “What? I have to be pissed to make you happy?” she snapped and I couldn’t help but burst into laughter. It must have been contagious because she started giggling too, and couldn’t seem to stop.

  “I just want you to lighten up. That’s all,” I shrugged. “You seem nervous. Do I make you nervous?” I bit the inside of my cheek as I waited.

  She blushed a deep red before turning away from me. “I don’t do this,” she muttered.

  “What? Go out to eat?” I used my right hand to press on her shoulder lightly, causing her to jostle.

  “Go out, period. I don’t date, especially the likes of people like you,” she sighed.

  “People like me?” I pointed at my chest. I thought I might have an idea of what she was getting at, but I wanted her to say it. “Nice people? Guys? What?”

  “Oh for fucks sake. Yes! Guys, hot guys! Ok?” she threw her hands in the air as she muttered something else that I couldn’t make out before turning away from me.

  “So you think I’m hot, huh?” I leaned over next to her ear as I pulled off the road and put the Jeep in park. We sat there for a moment in the silence as I waited for her to volley something back in my direction. This right here is what attracted me to her. The banter was so much fun. Deciding to push further, I leaned in closer and lowered my voice, “How hot?”

  She stiffened as a little shiver ran through her before swallowing and glancing out of the corner of her eye. “I can’t tell you that. If your ego gets any bigger I won’t be able to breathe.”

  I chuckled as I leaned back in my seat. “Guess it’s a good thing I know CPR then, huh?” I pushed open my door and hopped out. I could have said something else; could have kept it going, but it was a first date after all, and I was kinda hoping that I’d get a second. “You coming?” I called over my shoulder before grabbing the bag and blanket I’d stuffed behind my seat.

  “I guess since you’ve brought me out to the middle of nowhere your manners are gone too,” she huffed, causing small pieces of hair to dance around her face. I had been getting her door, and I would now if my hands hadn’t been full.

  “I’m kinda carrying all the stuff we need,” I lifted my arms in her direction. “I think you’ll be ok for a few minutes,” I laughed as I waited for her to climb out. She rubbed her hands up and down her arms as if to warm herself, but I had no idea how she could possibly be cold. It was over eighty degrees out with very little wind. “I have a jacket if you’re cold,” I waited as she came toward me.

  “I’m fine,” she brushed her hands down the front of her dress for the umpteenth time before smiling, and following me down the path to our right.

  I led us through the thick grass, making sure Rachel stayed close until we came to the clearing. This small pond was my spot. I used to come here all the time to think and get away from the gossip. No one knew about it, and I’d never brought anyone here. After what Rachel had shared at breakfast this morning about her dad, I felt that I could share this with her and she’d understand. I wanted to tell her what had happened to me before the town gossip mill did, and this place seemed like a good place to do that. The calmness of it all soothed me, and made the words come easier.

  “It’s beautiful,” the words fell from her lips in a whisper when I stopped and set down the supplies in my arms. The sun was starting to set, and it was just beginning to kiss the tops of the trees. The sky was turning different shades of gold with streaks of purple and pink. A few wispy clouds still filled the sky, but I knew when it got dark we’d have a canopy of stars overhead.

  “I used to come here all the time to think. I haven’t had time lately, but I thought it would be a nice place to relax,” I smiled as I began spreading the blanket out at my feet.

  I held my hand out, offering her help as she sat before opening the bag I’d packed full of snacks and our dinner. “I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I brought a little of everything,” I began placing small containers on the blanket before rummaging in my pocket to get out my glucometer. I hated having to do this, but I hadn’t eaten in a while and was starting to feel the signs of low sugar. I’d dealt with this my entire life, but some of the women over the years were weirded out by it.

  “Does it hurt?” she tipped her head toward where I was currently pricking my finger.

  “Not really. Get used to it after a while,” I shrugged as I placed my fingertip on the glucometer. It only took a minute before the number eighty-five popped up. I put my supplies away and opened the container of grapes that were sitting between us, popping a few into my mouth. They were small and would raise my sugar enough to be back in the safe zone. “So,” I grinned as I stretched my legs out in front of me, mimicking her pose and leaned back on my hands. “Tell me ab
out yourself.”

  “Real original,” she rolled her eyes and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Ok, first date version… I grew up in Reidsville with my dad. Mom died when I was little. When I graduated high school I had plans to go to college, but my dad died. I stayed here instead and took over the garage. I don’t date because I don’t have time. I’m not your typical girlie girl. I don’t mind getting dirty. I can do just about any repair on a car, or I can find out how to. I don’t follow fashion, and I have no problem holding my own with the guys. Most of the time when I go out with my best friend, the men we meet hit on her. Is that what you had in mind?”

  Her head turned toward me, chin tipped up, and she batted her eyelashes with a sarcastic smirk. “Um,” I coughed before I started laughing.

  “What?” she turned her gaze away from me before looking back at the water.

  “How does a guy follow up after that?” I popped a few more grapes in my mouth, mentally keeping track of how much I’d eaten.

  “You don’t have to,” she lifted her right hand and began examining her thumb nail as she picked at it. “Like I said… most guys aren’t interested in me.”

  “I am,” I took her hand and wrapped mine around it. She pushed forward and curled her legs beside me as she scanned the containers around us.

  “What did you bring?” she lifted the lid of the one filled with small pieces of cheese.

  “I’ve got cheese, crackers, fruit, some sandwiches, and a couple of diet sodas,” I lifted two diet colas out of the bag.

  “No alcohol?” she looked around as if I was hiding something.

  “No,” I shook my head. “I don’t really drink,” I mumbled.

  “That’s ok. I just thought… Well, after the bar and all,” her forehead crinkled and I couldn’t help but laugh. It was cute.