Mother's Love

by Kirsty Dallas

  I ran a hand through her long hair as my mind began to work on new scenarios. I still had no idea what could have happened to Eli. If what Annie was saying was true, the loan sharks who Phillip was in debt to were early. Maybe they wanted to give Annie a little more incentive to come up with the cash, but then how did Alison and Stephan fit in? And where the fuck was Phillip?

  “I need to look for him. I need to be out there, too.” Annie’s broken voice brought me back to the here and now. I took her face in my hands and held her tight so she couldn’t look away.

  “My team is on this.” Her eyes seemed to clear a little with that knowledge. “We will find him. We have a one hundred percent success rate and there is no way we’re failing now.” Annie nodded, albeit a little despondently. “And Braiden is searching for Phillip. Once we find him, we can sort this mess out.”

  Charlie sat carefully beside us, a steaming mug of something in his hand. “Annie, try and drink this. It might be a little sweet, but you need the sugar to help with the shock.”

  I nodded, grateful for his forethought. Annie reluctantly took the drink and sipped it, her nose scrunching up with distaste.

  “I didn’t know I had tea here,” she murmured, her voice sounding distant and lost.

  Sergeant Maitland walked through the doorway, his gait strong and determined. “I need to speak with Annie. I need her words, her story.” Before I had a chance to protest, Annie slipped from my lap onto the couch and quietly began retelling her story, from the moment she received the phone call at her coffee shop two days ago, to the moment she saw the photo board next door, at which point her voice wavered and she grew silent. Sergeant Maitland held up a photo of Eli, and Annie sobbed. “Is this recent?” he asked, his voice sympathetic and soft. For such a big, gruff man, he could certainly turn on the gentle charm when needed. Annie nodded. “Is there any chance these people knew your husband, Phillip?” Annie’s entire body stilled, her eyes darting between me and Maitland.

  Annie shook her head slowly. “I don’t think so, but it’s been a long time since I had much to do with Phillip.”

  “Okay. What about the man who attacked you yesterday morning? Did you see anything that might help us?”

  She shook her head. “No, he came at me from behind. I didn’t see anything.”

  Sergeant Maitland nodded and patted Annie’s hands that were clasped tightly in her lap.

  “We’re going to make a statement to the press in the next half hour and get an Amber Alert up and going. We will circulate this picture of Eli on TV and social media. We’ll also be circulating pictures of Alison, Stephan, and Phillip, all as people of interest, not suspects, not at this stage.” Annie nodded woodenly. “It’s best if you stay here in case he turns up. If the heat gets too hot, too quick, whoever has Eli may just leave him somewhere, and the first place he’ll think to go will be home.” More tears fell from her eyes and my heart clenched so tight it was painful. “You have a minute?” Sergeant Maitland asked me. Charlie slipped onto the couch on Annie’s other side and picked up the tea again, encouraging her to drink, and I followed the police officer to the door of Annie’s apartment. “Is it possible Phillip Lonergan took his son?” he asked, straight to the point.

  I shook my head. “My gut says no, but if he’s off his medication, there’s no telling what he might do. I’m guessing it’s either the loan sharks he owes money to, or something else entirely.”

  Maitland nodded. “You’ve got your own men out in the field?”

  “Sam’s on the computer, as you already know, my cousin, Braiden Montgomery, is looking for Phillip in Holten Springs, and I’ve got Daniel Jones working from Eli’s last known location at the hospital.”

  Sergeant Maitland raised a brow. “You work fast, Dillon.”

  I shrugged. “It’s my family.”

  He nodded with sympathy etched into his features. “Braiden’s the one who found the Donovan girl?”

  “He and Jones both worked that case. They’re a good team, efficient.”

  “Okay,” Maitland said with finality. “I’m going to have a press conference and start distributing this picture. This goes without saying, Montgomery,” he pinned me with a hard stare, “you contact me the minute you have something.”

  “Likewise,” I answered, not the least bit unsettled by his authority. Maitland responded with a sharp nod before leaving the apartment.

  “Rebecca and Lola are on their way. I couldn’t stop them,” Charlie whispered a little sheepishly.

  “It’s okay. She needs people around her now,” I confessed. Annie sat on the couch, her arms wrapped around her middle, her eyes fixed on the window that gave a clear view of the street below. “Do me a favor and go see if Sam needs anything, will you?” Charlie quietly left the apartment.

  I took a frustrated step towards Annie. What a clusterfuck! If only she had trusted me to tell me about the threat I hadn’t seen. I couldn’t dwell on what-ifs now, though. We didn’t have the time for that . . . Eli might not have time for it. The photos in Alison and Stephan’s apartment stumped me, though. They’d been watching him for a long time, since before Phillip had been let out of prison, if my timeline was right, which meant this began before Phillip had the means to make any kind of business transaction. If that was so, it meant Alison and Stephan were a threat we had missed, a threat I had missed. Someone had Eli, Annie’s boy, my boy, and I felt completely and utterly helpless. I understood Annie’s need to be out there looking—I wanted to be fucking out there looking. But I also knew that Annie needed me, and I had every available resource working on this right now. Once standing in front of Annie, I sunk to my knees and her despondent eyes settled on mine.

  “Fuck, Annie, I’m so sorry.” I swallowed the bile that threatened to climb up my throat. I felt sick to my stomach with fear. Regardless of how despairing or frightened she was, she opened her arms for me. The gesture hit me hard in the chest, and with a shuddering sigh, I wrapped my arms around her and lay my head in her lap.

  Chapter 17

  Annie

  I barely registered my arms around Dillon. His body gently shook in my lap as my fingers threaded their way through his short hair. I couldn’t feel his pain over my own, but I knew it was there. I could see the guilt and anxiety in his eyes. I couldn’t feel it, but I could see it as his body heaved a shuddering sigh. I had broken, crumbled into dust under the knowledge my son had been taken from me. Dillon was now doing the same, and I wished I could comfort him, but my own despair clouded my thoughts. I felt confused, foggy, and in the recesses of my mind, I knew I needed Dillon to tell me it would be okay. I needed his strength right now more than I needed air. I leaned forward and laid my head over his.

  “It’s not your fault. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine.” The words weren’t spoken with determination or resolve; they were merely whispered with a tired and matter-of-fact murmur.

  Dillon lifted his head from my lap and pinned me with a pissed off scowl that washed away all sorrow. Was he angry with me for not telling him about the loan shark? I couldn’t handle his discrimination right now, no matter how warranted it was.

  “Look at us playing whose fault this is.” He shook his head in disgust. “It’s neither of our faults, Annie, it’s theirs. Phillip and this fucking shit he had going on, the assholes who think they can scare his ex-wife into coughing up money she doesn’t even have, your psychopath neighbors that we missed completely. It’s their fault, and we will not take that blame onto our shoulders.”

  I nodded, but somehow, I didn’t feel the same enthusiasm. The guilt over the secret I had kept had been hanging over my head for two days now, and it wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. “I need you,” I whispered, and Dillon’s sharp grey eyes softened. He took both my hands and pressed them against his face. “You’ll get him back,” I said, though to reassure him or myself, I wasn’t sure.

  “Damn straight I will.”

  My tiny apartment filled to capacity in no time. Lo
la fussed about the kitchen preparing dinner while Rebecca sat at my side, her arms wrapped around me and her own frightened eyes constantly searched out Charlie who flittered between my apartment and Alison and Stephan’s. Mercy and Dave had turned up; Mercy’s face fresh with tears as she collapsed on the other side of me and took my hand in a fierce grip. Her arrival brought my chaotic thoughts to sharp focus—Ella. Her name slipped from my lips, and Mercy gave me a small smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

  “Ella and Celeste are fine.”

  “Celeste?” Rebecca asked in a whisper.

  “It means heavenly. Celeste Mercy Carter,” Mercy explained. “They are all doing wonderful. Jax is aware of what’s happening here and is torn between wanting to come and help and wanting to be with his girls.”

  “He needs to be with Ella,” I said, my voice stronger than I thought possible.

  “And he is. He doesn’t want to upset Ella, so he hasn’t told her about Eli yet.”

  At just the mention of Eli’s name, my heart was dragged back to my harsh reality. My own child, who should have been home with me, here, in our apartment, safe and sound, was missing. Was he scared? Was he being harmed? Was he crying for me? Oh, how I had failed him.

  Dillon’s phone rang yet again and my gaze flew to his. He never tried to hide; he kept his eyes on me with each call, and like each time before, he gave me a small despondent shake of his head. No news. Bomber had managed to follow a trail of CCTV footage and eye witness accounts to a car rental place on the north side of town. From there, they could have gone any number of ways, and Bomber was methodically working his way through each one. I glanced across the room and took in the sight of Emily. She looked so broken and lonely, but I didn’t have the strength to go to her. Thankfully, Mercy slipped her hand out of mine and went to sit by her side, taking her hand. Her tight shoulders seemed to drop a fraction at the contact. My body, however, remained taut as a bow string. I was exhausted. I could feel the mental and physical drain, and yet I was tight all over; my head throbbed, and my stomach rolled with unease. I felt detached from the room, as if I were a stranger peeking through a hazy fog into someone else’s life, someone else’s heartbreak, and even though it didn’t look real, it felt real. I could feel every ache, every fear, and every single ounce of helplessness. It would have been easier to pretend none of this was real, it wouldn’t hurt so much, but there were too many reminders to believe the lie. The room full of worried faces a constant reminder that something was very wrong. I glanced at the picture of us sitting beside the TV, and Eli’s smiling face brought fresh tears to my eyes. It hurt. God, it hurt. It twisted up my insides and tore at my besieged heart. A low groan found its way out of the pain and to my chest as the tears fell; tears of frustration, anxiety, and fear, tears of a mother who had lost her baby. The room faded away to a distant, muted noise, and all I saw and felt was my own dark desperation.

  “Annie!” The loud, sharp voice caught my attention and dragged me back from the darkness, right into the bright light of my apartment which suddenly felt foreign. Dillon sat on his knees before me, his big warm hands holding my face in a tight grip that was sure to leave marks. Once Dillon saw he had my attention, he nodded with satisfaction. “It’s almost midnight. You need to lie down.” I shook my head with disbelief. How did he expect me to sleep? “Not sleep,” he said as if hearing my thoughts. “Just lie down, rest.”

  “I’ll lie with you,” Rebecca offered, standing beside me. She pulled me to my feet, and I was guided to my room. I could have drifted there for the numbness in my body. Rebecca didn’t bother turning the light on, but she did push the door so that only a sliver of light pierced the darkness. I sat on the edge of my bed, wrapped my arms around my stomach, and then I really let it go. If tears had fallen throughout the afternoon, they were nothing but a light scattering on what fell now. Now the tears were torrential; there was no stopping them. My entire body shook as broken sounds filled the dark room. Rebecca sat beside me and pulled me into a fierce hug, but there was no stopping the tide of bleakness. She tried murmuring words that might soothe some, but it didn’t work, nothing broke through the despair, and when her voice became silent and her own sobs joined mine, I wondered if Rebecca had broken right along with me. The bed dipped on my other side, and Rebecca was gently pried from me. When I opened my swollen eyes, it was to find Charlie gently gathering Rebecca into his arms. She cried just as fiercely as I did, and a part of me, the maternal part of me, wanted to ease her pain. How could I possibly ease someone else’s pain when my own was too ferocious to bear? Strong arms surrounded me, and I was pulled back into Dillon’s warm chest. I knew it was him; his scent was as familiar to me as Eli’s.

  “Let it all out, baby. You’ll never find that strength I know you’re made of if you’re drowning in desperation.”

  “I’m so . . . sc . . . scared,” I sobbed.

  “I know you are, but you have to remember fear isn’t real. It’s an emotion created by thoughts, your thoughts. I swear I will find him, believe in that.” His words broke through the panic, and finally, a glimmer of something new found its way into my heart. I knew what it was instantly . . . anger. Fury that someone would dare take my baby from me. “That’s my girl. There’s nothing more frightening than the rage of a momma bear. Grab that and hold it; anger is better than fear.”

  I took long, deep calming breaths, and Dillon continued to hold me tight. As the tears dried and the fear subsided, exhaustion fell over me like a heavy blanket, pressing me towards darkness. I was so tired, but sleeping would be a betrayal. While Eli was out there alone and scared, I was warm and safe in our apartment. No, I wouldn’t sleep, not until my baby boy was back, safe in my arms.

  *

  Regardless of the commands I gave my body, sleep did find me. I don’t know when darkness took me under, but the gentle nudge trying to force me to wake was irritating. I groaned for Eli to stop and give me another few minutes. I couldn’t remember feeling so tired, and for a moment I wondered if maybe I was sick. Then it hit me. The memories surged through my body and squeezed my heart until I thought it might stop beating. I bolted upright and barely missed head-butting Sam.

  “Hey, Annie, sorry if I frightened you. Dillon wanted me to wake you and let you know what’s happening.” I swung my legs over the side of the bed as Sam sat down. He looked tired and yet there was a glimmer of excitement in his blue eyes. “I’ve been working on Stephan and Alison’s computer, and I managed to find records of a house for sale just outside of Cedarville. It belonged to Alison’s mother who passed away six months ago. It’s empty and Cedarville is an easy thirty minute drive from here, so it is plausible that they could have taken Eli there. Dillon and Braiden are en route and will meet local law enforcement there.”

  My heart lurched with anticipation at the news, and I stood up, my mind a blur of what I needed to do. “I need to go. I need to be there . . .” A gentle hand at my elbow stopped me in my tracks.

  “You need to be here, Annie. If Eli’s not there, if he gets free from whomever has him, this is where he will come.” That made sense, but it didn’t quench the need to do something. I pretty much growled with frustration, and Sam gave me a sympathetic smile. “Braiden hasn’t had any luck locating Phillip, but he’s following a lead on this loan shark he owes.”

  I stood and began to pace, not even caring that I had a man, a virtual stranger sitting in my bedroom on my bed. My thoughts were too chaotic to care. My heart was aching, missing its other half. Where was he? Out of the three possibilities, I couldn’t find peace in the thought of any of them having him. If Phillip had him and was unmedicated, he could unintentionally hurt Eli. If Alison and Stephan had him . . . why? What was their end game here? And if it was the loan shark? I shivered, unable to allow my thoughts to consider that possibility.

  “There has been no ransom.” Sam’s frustrated voice broke through the haze of confusion.

  “What?”

  “There has been no ra
nsom, no demands. If it was the men who Phillip owes money to, they would have made contact, demands. Their end game is money, and there is no point in taking Eli as motivation if they’re not going to dangle him in front of their demands.” I nodded, Sam’s assessment making sense. “What about Phillip? Do you think he could have taken Eli?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know . . . no . . . maybe. I just don’t understand why he would take him. Maybe he thought he could keep him safe when I couldn’t. If he is not taking his medication, he won’t be thinking straight. Who knows what is going through his mind and the reasons why.”

  “And then there is Alison and Stephan,” murmured Sam as if trying to work out a puzzle.

  “They had pictures,” I whispered.

  “They’ve been watching him.”

  “They couldn’t have their own child.” The thought hit me like a bolt of lightning. Sam’s gaze rose from the spot on the floor he had been concentrating on. “Do you think the man who attacked me and Eli’s disappearance maybe isn’t related?”

  “It’s possible,” Sam said in a distant voice. It reminded me somewhat of Dillon when his mind was busy elsewhere. “Grab a shower and freshen up while you can, Annie. I’m going to keep working on Alison and Stephan’s computer.”

  I barely noticed Sam leave, the fear over my missing son as thick as fog, surrounding me, flooding me with helplessness. I gradually came to awareness only to find myself alone. I didn’t want to be alone. I wanted to be with Eli. I even wanted Dillon in a way that almost frightened me, yet at the same time I wanted him out there looking for him. Maybe he would find him this morning in Cedarville, maybe the next time my door opened it would be Dillon with a happy, healthy Eli in his arms. The thought gave me strength, and I grabbed fresh clothes and headed for the shower. If there was a chance he was bringing Eli home, I wanted to be ready for them.