by Beth Rinyu
“Quinn! These are so pretty! You didn’t have—”
“Don’t say it!”
She laughed and pulled out a vase, immediately arranging them in water. “Thank you so much!” She stood back and admired the arrangement.
After some pizza, cake, and a movie, Lacey’s spirits lifted completely, and I was finding mine did as well. She was so easy to talk to and laugh with, something I had been having a hard time doing as of late. We were just about ready to put another movie in when my phone rang. I was hoping I didn’t have to go into work when I saw it was a buddy of mine who was also a coworker calling. “One sec, I gotta take this.”
“Yo, Rob, what’s up?” I answered.
“Hey, Quinn. I’m at Bobby’s, and I think you may want to get down here.”
“Why, what’s the matter?”
“Sara is here and she’s completely wasted. She’s been giving Liza the death stare all night. I offered to give her a ride home and she refused.”
I let out an annoyed breath. “Okay, I’ll be right there. Just don’t let her drive like that.”
“You got it, man.”
“Thanks.” I hung up the phone, wishing I could stay there hanging out with Lacey instead of dealing with Sara when she was drunk, which meant she would be even more difficult than normal.
“Everything okay?” Lacey asked.
“I gotta get. Supposedly my wife is at the bar drunk off her ass. I’m really sorry.”
She gave me a sympathetic gaze as I got up. “Oh no, don’t be silly! I had a great time tonight…even if I don’t celebrate my birthday, you made it a lot of fun!”
I smiled and couldn’t help but think how easy she was to please. Sara always had to have a major production made out of her birthdays. “I had a lot of fun too, Lacey. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Okay.” She smiled just before I walked out the door.
***
I helped Sara into bed after getting her out of the bar without too much of a scene. I shut off the light and was almost out of the room when she spoke. “I went into his room today, Quinn.” I froze, feeling that familiar blow to my heart. Sara had spent months preparing Andrew’s bedroom to perfection, and had never gone back in there since the day he passed away.
“Why?” My voice cracked as I turned to face her in the darkness.
“Because I thought I could handle it. I want to remember our baby in a good way instead of always crying. And I can’t, Quinn. I just can’t,” she sobbed.
I walked over to the bed and sat down next to her. “It’s gonna take time.” At least that’s what I kept telling myself anyway.
“I feel like such a failure. I feel like I failed him, and I failed you. I’m so sorry, Quinn.” I reached for her in the darkness and hugged her as she continued to cry in my arms. In that moment we were sharing a common pain. The pain that was still so strong in my heart. I wasn’t sure if this was a step forward, but I knew this was the way we should have been handling it all along…together. “Will you stay with me tonight?” she requested.
I took off my shoes and crawled into bed next to her, pulling her close. As much as I didn’t want to admit it to myself, it felt good to have her in my arms, listening to her breathe as she slept. That night for the first time in a long time, I felt like maybe we were taking a tiny step in the right direction.
The bright sunlight was shining through the bedroom window. I heard the shower running in the bathroom and assumed that’s where Sara was. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, replaying last night in my head, Sara had opened up to me in a way she never had before. She would always place the blame on me for all of our problems in our marriage and last night, she finally owned her mistakes.
Her phone beeped with a text message as I leaned down to tie my shoe. I couldn’t resist looking to see who it was when I lifted my head. All the hope I had last night vanished in an instant when I saw that name flash across the screen of her phone. Martin.
I picked up the phone to read the message.
Miss you too, baby. See you tonight.
I scrolled up to see the message Sara had sent him first. I looked at the time it was sent, which was only fifteen minutes ago.
Hey, baby! Sorry I didn’t make it back into the city last night. Went out with the girls and had a little too much to drink. I’ll be back later this afternoon. Miss you lots xo
I felt like I had been punched in the balls. A few seconds ago I was actually thinking there was hope for us. God, I was so stupid for letting her continue to do this to me over and over again. I got up and headed out the door just as she was coming out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel.
“Hey, where are you going?”
“As far away from you as possible.”
She pinched her eyebrows together. “What are you—”
“I’m done, Sara. Done feeling sorry for you. Done putting your feelings before mine while you continue to rip my heart out.”
“Quinn!” she shouted as I walked down the stairs and out the front door. I turned around and looked at the house. That’s all it was to me now. All of the happy memories that once made it a home were now gone. All it held for me now was sadness and lies.
***
After leaving what was once my home, I headed into work for a few hours to catch up on some paperwork. “What brings you here on your day off?” the Chief asked as I lifted my head from my papers.
“Just gettin’ caught up on some things.”
He took a step closer until he was standing right over my desk. “Quinn, there’s been some talk.”
And here we go. “About?” I knew exactly where he was going with this, but I was going to play the game.
“Look, Quinn, I know you’re going through a lot, but you have to find another way to cope with it other than drinking.”
I looked straight ahead and nodded. After the morning I had, this was the last thing I needed. “Is it affecting my job in any way, sir?”
“Well, no…not yet.”
“Thanks for that. I’ve worked for you for how many years now?”
“Eleven.” His voice wavered.
“And in those eleven years have I ever done anything to screw up?”
“Quinn…I’m not saying you’re screwing up. But maybe you should take some time off to regroup your thoughts and—”
“I don’t need time off. I’m fine.”
His dark brown eyes stared into mine before he gave me an approving nod. “You know my door is always open if you need to talk.”
“I appreciate that.” He walked out of the office. What the fuck? Quinn Lavery: Lost his baby, lost his wife and is now the town drunk. Fuck my life.
Chapter 12
Lacey
What a difference a day made. My ankle was much better and the storm that had passed through yesterday was long gone. The sun’s rays glinted across the dewy grass and there was a refreshing chill in the air. I smiled, thinking about yesterday and how Quinn went above and beyond to make it special for me. No one had ever been that thoughtful to me since Aaron.
“Okay, okay, Gus. Give me a minute.” I looked down at him as I sprinkled a handful of mozzarella cheese on my lasagna. He had been whining all afternoon for me to take him for a walk. His whines became even louder when I opened the oven door and placed the lasagna inside. “Jeez, you’re impatient!” I scolded.
I threw on my sneakers and my coat, and we were out the door. Walking past Quinn’s truck got me wondering about how he made out last night with his wife. Their story was so sad. I couldn’t imagine the pain either one of them felt over losing a child. I especially felt bad for Quinn because of how his wife chose to deal with that pain. He was such a great guy who didn’t deserve that. I quickly reminded myself that I was only getting his side of the story and maybe there was more to it than I knew. Even if there were more, it was none of my business. Quinn was my friend and I would be supportive of him no matter what.
The bright afternoon sun was deceiving. The col
d air filled my lungs and my hands were becoming numb, making me wish I had worn my gloves. After twenty minutes of traipsing through the woods, Gus and I headed back home. Once we got closer to the house, Gus ran ahead of me with his tail wagging, barking his happy bark. I knew right away that Quinn was up ahead.
“Hey, buddy,” Quinn said as I walked out of the woods. He bent down and petted Gus on the head while Gus smothered him in kisses. As soon as his eyes met mine, I could tell he was upset. They were filled with sadness and doubt. The scruff he had on his face yesterday was even scruffier, and he was wearing the same clothes he had on yesterday.
“Are you okay?” I blurted out.
He stood up and stared into space. “I’m calling the lawyer tomorrow to start the paperwork for the divorce.”
My eyes widened as I looked up at him. “Is that what you really want?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. Do we ever get what we really want? I’m sure you didn’t want your husband to die. We don’t always get what we want in life, Lacey. We have to accept that and deal with the hand we’re given and move on.” His deep blue eyes settled on mine.
“Yes, but I was never given a choice in the matter. Your wife is still alive, so you still have a choice to make it work.”
He ran his hand down his face. “She may still be alive, but everything we had is dead, and I know that now.” His voice cracked with emotion, causing a teardrop to form in my eye.
I gently placed my hand on his arm in support, quite certain something must have happened last night to lead him to this decision. “You’re a really great guy, Quinn. Please don’t ever feel that you’re not.” He looked down at the ground, like he was having a hard time believing my words. “When Aaron died I tried to tell myself everything happens for a reason. I still don’t know what that reason is or why such a caring loving man was chosen to be taken from this earth. Why him? I kept myself awake at night asking that question over and over again. Maybe someday I’ll get the answer, but I have to believe it happened for a reason. The same way you have to believe this is all happening for a reason.”
“How did he die?”
I felt the weight on my chest with just that one question. A question I wasn’t prepared to answer. Not yet, anyway. “I-I just can’t talk about it right now.”
“I’m sorry, Lacey, it’s none of my business. I shouldn’t have—”
“N-no, it’s perfectly fine. It’s something I’m not ready to deal with just yet.” I looked up at him and forced a smile.
“You have no idea how much better you made me feel. I was about ready to drink away my sorrows in a bottle of Jack, but I’m finding a chat with Lacey works much better.”
“Well, I’m happy I could help. Now, I made a huge lasagna I couldn’t possibly eat myself even if I ate it every night for the next week. Care to join me?”
“Yeah, that’d be great. Do I have time to jump in the shower first?”
I looked down at my watch, calculating the time I had put the lasagna in the oven. “You’ve got twenty minutes.”
“I can do that standing on my head,” he replied with a hint of that adorable smile he so often displayed. The same one I was finding myself enjoying more and more.
Gus and I headed inside. I set the table, warmed the bread and before I knew it, the oven was beeping, signaling the lasagna was done. “Come in!” I shouted when I heard the light knock at the door. When I looked up from mixing the salad, I had to do a double take. I always viewed Quinn as adorable just based on his personality. There was never any doubt he was a good-looking man. But as he stood a few inches next to me, dressed casually in jeans and a T-shirt, sporting a hint of a five o’clock shadow, I realized how handsome he really was. Part of me felt as if I was being unfaithful to Aaron for noticing another man in that way. While another part of me was hoping it was a positive step in my healing process.
“Would you like some wine?” I asked, hoping he didn’t catch on to my thoughts just moments ago. I didn’t even wait for him to answer before pouring him a glass. He took it from my hand, and we sat down to dinner. After a few more glasses of wine, Quinn had opened up to me about what had happened last night and this morning to have made him so angry. My heart was aching for him just hearing the pain in his voice when he spoke about it.
After dinner, we talked some more and watched a movie. He looked down at his watch and raised his eyebrow. “Wow! It’s almost midnight. I better get going. You’ll never be able to get up for work in the morning.”
I was having such a great time hanging out with him that I wasn’t even worrying about the time. Talking to him felt so natural and comfortable. Something I hadn’t felt in a very long time. I waved my hand in a dismissing manner. “Ah…I’ll be fine.” I got up from the couch to walk him to the door, wishing we could talk all night. It was as if he understood me without really knowing anything about me.
“Thanks so much, Lacey. You really helped me feel so much better.”
“Anytime.”
An awkward silence passed between us as he stood with his hand on the doorknob, preparing to exit.
I looked up at him and smiled as his face inched closer to me until his warm lips were pressing against mine. I closed my eyes, feeling the tip of his tongue entering my mouth, and the kiss became more intense. He pushed me against the wall and his hands began to move up and down my body. My breathing became shallow, my body began to tremble, and I felt myself instantly breaking into a sweat. He looked down at me in alarm while I was in the midst of having a full-blown panic attack.
“Lacey, hey.” He gently nudged me, trying to get me to snap out of it. “Lacey,” he called my name a little louder than before.
I looked up at him, cheeks flaming from embarrassment. I didn’t want him to feel guilty over what had just happened. It wasn’t his fault. “I’m...I’m so sorry, Quinn.”
“No, no…don’t be.” His hand carefully swiped the side of my face. “What happened to you?”
I blinked away a tear. “I really need to get to bed,” I replied, averting my gaze and dodging his question completely.
He nodded, placing his fingertip under my chin, forcing me to look at him. “I’m here if you want to talk.”
I nodded as the tears continued to fall. I stood in the doorway a few moments after he had walked away, allowing the crisp autumn air to clear my head, wishing it would clear my memory as well.
***
The next few days went by at warp speed, with work during the day and parent/teacher conferences at night; it didn’t allow much time to think about Quinn and our kiss. But now that things had slowed down, I was pondering it big time. I was so embarrassed for the way I behaved, but I knew it was out of my control. I was assuming Quinn had been equally as busy these past few days as well since I hadn’t seen him around at all since that night, but as I pulled into the driveway and saw his truck, I contemplated what to say if I ran into him.
Gus greeted me with a wag of the tail as I walked through the door with my mail in hand. After a few pats on the head, he ran outside to do his business. I glanced through the junk mail and sales flyers, giving the envelope from the bank a second look. I cringed every month when the statements from Aaron’s business would come. I was so thankful to Adam, who spared me the agony of dealing with them and just took over everything.
“Gus!” I called as I opened the door and stuck my head out. He was nowhere to be found. “Great,” I whispered, remembering the last time he had done this. Grabbing my coat, I walked outside, knowing there was just a little bit of daylight left, which meant I needed to find him fast. It didn’t take me long to follow his barks to the end of the dock where he was sitting with Quinn, staring out at the lake.
Quinn jumped when I quietly came upon him. “Were you looking for this guy?” he asked, turning his attention to Gus.
“Yeah, I was.” I pushed my hair behind my ear and cracked a smile. Gus got up and was at my side, as if he understood every word tha
t was said. “So what have you been up to?” I asked Quinn.
“Not much, just working.” He squinted up at me. “I started the paperwork for the divorce.”
I bit my bottom lip and nodded. “I’m sorry, Quinn.”
“Don’t be. It kind of felt freeing to finally be able to make that choice.”
“Do you care if I sit?” I asked.
“Not at all.”
I took a seat next to him, watching him throw rocks out into the water as the late afternoon sun faded behind the trees. “So, Quinn, about the other night. I think I owe you an explanation.”
“You don’t owe me anything, Lacey.”
“No. I do.” I took a deep breath. “My husband. He…he was murdered.”
He turned his head in my direction and his eyes widened. “Oh, Lacey, I am so sorry. Did they ever find out who did it?” I stared straight ahead, focusing on the group of deer on the other side of the lake, and shook my head. “How did it happen?” he cautiously asked.
“We…we were getting ready to go to bed…and—” I paused and caught my breath. “We heard a crash coming from the kitchen. We thought it was Gus. He was a puppy and he would sleep in the laundry room. He was always jumping over the baby gate.” I wiped the tears rolling down my face and continued. “Aaron got up to see what was going on. I heard some kind of struggle, so I grabbed my phone and started to call nine-one-one, then I heard a gunshot, and I froze. I somehow managed to make it out to the kitchen, and Aaron was lying on the floor covered in blood, struggling to breathe while a man in a ski mask was standing over him. In that split second, I wasn’t scared of what was going to happen to me, all I cared about was Aaron. I bent down to help him, and the man pulled me up and held the gun to my head. I told him to take whatever he wanted and just please go, but instead, he...he—” My sobs were uncontrollable.
Quinn wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer. “It’s okay. If you don’t want to finish. It’s okay.”
“No, I want to. I need to.” I bit my bottom lip and exhaled slowly. “He shot Aaron again.” I tilted my head back and looked up at the sky, trying to find the courage to finish. “And then…” I closed my eyes, feeling Quinn’s hands intertwining with mine. “He raped me,” I whispered.
