by Beth Rinyu
“Ah, Lacey.” He let out a deep sigh and pulled me closer. I rested my head on his shoulder and broke down completely. He kissed me on my head, trying his best to console me.
“The whole time, I was praying he would pull the trigger on the gun he was holding to my head. I never felt so helpless. So worthless. I watched my husband die right in front of me, and I wasn’t able to stop it.”
“Lacey, you couldn’t have done anything to stop it. He had a gun.”
“I begged him to kill me when it was over. I didn’t want to live. My husband was lying a few feet away covered in blood, and my worst nightmare had just come true. I begged and I begged, and the son of a bitch wouldn’t do it. He told me I was too pretty to kill.”
“They never found out who did it?”
“Nope. Not from the DNA. Not from any of the evidence around my condo. Nothing. The few leads they had didn’t turn up anything. The best they could come up with was that he’d been watching me for a while and planned it out. I wasn’t supposed to be home that night. I came home a night early from a girls’ weekend. Maybe if I hadn’t, Aaron would still be alive.”
“You can’t think like that, Lacey. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I don’t sleep more than twenty minutes at night. I hate being around people, and I hate being alone. God, Quinn, why couldn’t he have killed me too, instead of making me live this hell on earth?”
“You’re so much stronger than you think, Lacey. You survived something no one should ever have to endure, but you did. And the fact you’re going on with your life is a testament to that strength.”
“Am I?” I pushed my hair from my face and stared at him. “Going on with my life?”
“Yeah, you are.”
“I dread each morning, and I loathe the nights. I’m a social recluse, feeling like everyone knows my story. I fear every man who crosses my path, thinking it may be him coming back to finish the job. Is that going on with my life?”
“Lacey,” he whispered, taking my hand in his. “It’s only been two years. It’s still all so fresh in your mind. You’re doing great.”
My therapist back home would always tell me how wonderful my progress had been, and I never believed her. But as I sat out on that dock with Quinn’s hand in mine, those words were finally starting to take on meaning. Just a few months ago, I had never dreamed I would ever allow myself to be this close to a man again, yet here I was. So close to Quinn that I could hear each breath he took. I rested my head on his shoulder and looked up at the last traces of daylight lighting up the sky in hues of peach and pink. I had no other choice but to go on living, as hard as it was some days, but ever since the man sitting next to me had entered my life, it was becoming a little more bearable with each passing day.
Chapter 13
Quinn
Lacey had been on my mind all morning. I knew she had some painful scars in her past, but I had never imagined it to be what she told me last night. The pain on her face when she relived that nightmare was something I would never forget. I felt like such a Neanderthal for the way I acted with her that night by forcing that kiss on her. If I had known the secret she was carrying around, I would have never done that. She was still hurting badly, and with good reason. When I typed her name in the Internet search engine, countless websites appeared all with newspaper articles regarding the murder and rape. I was normally able to disassociate myself when there was a crime. I learned early on to see them as a victim or the perpetrator. I never put my personal feelings into it. But as I read the article on the computer screen, I was unable to do that. Lacey had been through so much, and she was still kind and caring. I couldn’t believe the monster who did this to her and her husband was still out walking the streets somewhere. No wonder she was so leery of strangers and afraid of her own shadow. A thought came to me as I sat staring at my computer screen, tapping my finger against my temple.
I rushed downstairs to Lacey’s and knocked on her door. “Hey,” she greeted, still dressed in her pajamas, with the strong aroma of cleaning products lingering through the open door.
“Do you have plans later on?” I asked.
She shrugged. “None that I’m aware of.”
“Okay, can you be ready by two?”
“For?” She had a puzzled look on her face.
“It’s a surprise.”
“Well, normally I don’t like surprises, but I trust you.” She let out a slight laugh.
“Good. See ya at two.”
“K.” She smiled just as my phone began to ring from my pocket.
“See ya later,” I said, taking a step from the porch as I pulled out my phone, wishing I hadn’t.
I took a deep breath before answering. “What’s up, Sara?”
“Umm…I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me? You went and filed for divorce, Quinn? How could you have done this without even discussing it with me?”
“The same way you decided to sleep with another man without discussing it with me.” I walked up the stairs to my apartment and closed the door behind me.
“I-I feel like I was totally blindsided by this. Last week you spent the night, and we were actually talking the way we should have all along.”
“Yeah, well, what can I say, Sara? Things change.”
“Well, do you mind telling me what?”
“Him. You’re still seeing him, and I’m not gonna be your shrink you run to when you’re feeling down while you’re out fucking someone else. It’s done with, Sara, and all of the therapy in the world isn’t gonna put it back together. I want to move on.”
“Well, what if I don’t want it to be?”
“Damn it, Sara! You can’t have it both fuckin’ ways. That’s not how it works. I lost my child too. I don’t know if you realize that, but I did. And in that time I’ve been there for you as best as I could, but who’s been there for me? Maybe I needed someone to talk to about how I was feeling or maybe I should have just done what you did and found comfort with someone else.”
“Quinn, please stop!”
“No. I won’t stop. I’m sorry if you were taken off guard by this, but it’s what I want. I know this now.”
She choked back a sob. “I can’t believe this is happening.”
“Well, it is. So the best we can both do is accept it and move on.” As much as I hated to admit it, the pain in her voice was killing me. “I have to get going, Sara.” I hung up the phone, hating myself for feeling so badly over what I had just done. She never took my feelings into consideration, so why was I so worried about hers? I braced myself, knowing it was a matter of time before I would be getting the dreaded phone call from my mother. Sara would always call her up to bitch about me whenever I did something that wasn’t to her liking, and my mother always sided with her.
I kept my mind occupied for the next few hours, watching the college football games that were on. The knock on my door took me by surprise, and I was hoping it wasn’t Sara. It was already one forty-five, and I told Lacey we were leaving at two. I knew I would never be getting out of here on time if we were to get into it now. Much to my delight, when I opened the door it was Lacey on the other side, looking as cute as could be with her long dark hair thrown up in a ponytail, tight-fitting jeans with long black boots overtop and a baggy sweater.
“Sorry, the suspense was killing me.” She grinned.
I smiled and opened the door wider, allowing her to take a step inside. “Have a seat…I’ll be one second.” I went into my bedroom closet and grabbed my personal Glock G26 from the safe, making sure it was securely in the case. “Ready?” I asked as I stepped out into the living room.
She stood up and nodded. “What’s in the case? Tools? Oh God, please don’t tell me you need my help building something?”
I shook my head and chuckled over her naivety. “Nope, just come on. You’ll see.” We walked down the stairs to my truck. She did her best to try and get me to cave about where we were headed, but I didn’t budge.
Her e
yebrows creased in confusion when we pulled into the parking lot of the pistol and rifle club. “Umm…Quinn. I can’t—”
“Yeah, you can and you will. I’m gonna teach you.”
She reluctantly got out of the truck and followed me in. “Hey, Quinn!” Danny, the owner of the club, shouted. “Long time no see.”
“Yeah, I know, I’ve been pretty busy.”
“So, who is this pretty lady? Are you a new police officer?”
Lacey shook her head quickly. “Oh…umm, no—”
“Danny, this is Lacey. She’s a friend of mine. I’m gonna teach her how to shoot today.”
“Well, that’s what I like to hear!” Danny beamed. “I know the answer already, but you know I gotta ask. You have your earplugs and eye protection?”
“In my bag.” I held up the duffel bag in my hand. “And yes…I got it for both of us.”
He nodded and smiled. “Okay, bay nine is all yours. Good luck, Lacey,” Danny shouted as we walked away.
Once we reached the bay, I laid the equipment on the bench, going over the gun in detail with Lacey, who was still squeamish over the whole thing. “Lacey, it will be fine. I guarantee by the time you’re done, you will want to go out and buy a gun.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t go that far.” She sighed as I handed her the earplugs and safety goggles.
I started out by showing her how to hold the gun and the proper stance. “Keep your fingers away from the cylinder and grasp the gun tightly,” I directed.
Once I was satisfied she had that down, I had her practice with pulling the slide back. After hearing her grumble a few times about not being strong enough to do it and ignoring those protests, she finally got it down. I could tell her nerves were getting the best of her when I showed her how to open the cylinder, indicating where the ammunition feeds into the gun and where the brass comes out.
“Okay, now you’re gonna try to fire.”
“What?” She shook her head in confusion.
“You’re gonna practice shoot without ammunition.”
“Quinn…I-I—”
I stared down at her. “You don’t want to be afraid anymore, right?”
“No, but—”
“Lacey, guns aren’t always bad. In fact, they could be used to protect you, and that’s all I want to show you here. I want you to overcome this fear. You trust me, right?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
She turned toward the target, positioning herself and her fingers exactly as she was told, letting off the first dry fire. “Remember, Lacey, the second the gun comes off the target, your finger comes off the trigger,” I shouted.
Once she was done, I took the gun from her hand and loaded the ammunition. I had her watch as I slowly fired off a couple of rounds.
“Ready?” I asked, turning around and looking at her.
She shrugged her shoulders as she put on her ear muffs and safety goggles. She took a deep breath when I placed the loaded gun in her hand. I stood behind her at elbows reach and watched closely as she fired off the first shot and the tears began to flow.
“I-I can’t—” I carefully took the gun from her hand, and she turned around to face me.
“You can, Lacey. You can. This is a normal reaction the first time. I’m not gonna force you to do more if you don’t want to, but trust me this is completely normal for someone who has never fired off a gun before. Especially for someone in your situation.”
She let out a deep breath and pulled it together. “I want to try again.” I gave her a reassuring smile. I watched her become more and more confident with each shot she took, and I was so proud of her by the time we were done.
“What are you doing?” she asked when she saw me removing the paper target riddled with bullet holes.
“This is yours. Take this home with you and keep it so when you’re feeling afraid, you know you did this. You overcame that fear. You should be proud of yourself, Lacey.”
A slow satisfying smile spread across her face. “Thanks, Quinn.”
“Don’t mention it. That’s what friends are for.”
“That’s what I meant. Thanks for being such a great friend to me.”
“You’re welcome, and the same goes to you. Thanks for always being there to listen to me bitch about my disaster of a life.”
“I don’t think you’re a disaster. I think you’re pretty special.” She had a strong gaze set upon me.
I cleared my throat, breaking up the somberness. “Hey, go in the bathroom right there and wash the gun powder off your hands.”
“Oh yeah.” She crinkled her nose as she looked down at her hands.
“I think you’re pretty special too, Lacey,” I whispered to myself as I watched her walk off to the bathroom.
***
“So, when do you want to go again?” I teased Lacey while we waited for our food after stopping off at the diner.
“Hmm…I’ll have to get back to you on that one.” She smiled as she took a sip of her iced tea. I chuckled and stared at her a little longer than I should have. She was so damn beautiful and just knowing how much she endured and survived made her even more beautiful. “The whole time I was shooting off that gun, I was imagining it was him.” She shook her head and shuddered before looking out the window. “Is that wrong?”
“Not at all. It’s good to get that aggression out.”
“Is it good to think if given the chance, I would have no problem putting a bullet right through his heart?”
“Thinking it and doing it are two different things, Lacey. You have every right in the world to wish that animal dead, but you’re not that kind of person. You have a heart. You have compassion, even if he is a ruthless scumbag.” She sighed and smashed the lemon in her ice tea with her straw. I reached over the table and grabbed her hand when I saw her eyes glazing over. “Listen to me. I know it’s hard, but this is the first step. You can’t let what that monster did destroy you. You’re stronger than that, and you shouldn’t have to live in fear for the rest of your life because of it.”
She nodded and wiped away the tear streaming down her face with the back of her hand.
“Quinn. Hey, man, what’s going on?” I lifted my head to find Todd and Hillary and their baby, who was about a year old. They were good friends of Sara’s and mine at one time, but we had drifted apart over the last year. At least I had anyway. I wasn’t sure if Sara still kept in touch with Hillary or not, and I didn’t really care.
“Hey, I’m good. Wow, look how big this guy has gotten.” I smiled as I looked up at the baby in Hillary’s arms.
“Yeah, he’s growing like a weed,” Todd replied.
There was an uncomfortable silence before I finally snapped out of it. “Oh, Todd and Hillary, this is Lacey.”
Todd extended his hand to Lacey immediately and smiled. “Hi, Lacey, it’s very nice to meet you.”
“And you as well,” Lacey responded with a shake of his hand.
Hillary looked Lacey over as if she was imbedding every last detail of her into her brain. “Nice to meet you,” Hillary said with a sarcastic edge to her tone, which told me right away she still kept in touch with Sara. “Todd, I’m going to take him out to the car,” Hillary said when the baby began to fuss. “I’ll meet you out there. Good seeing you, Quinn,” she said as she turned around and walked out the door.
I could tell Lacey felt uncomfortable, and I hated it. I wanted to tell Todd that his wife was a bitch who had no right to pass judgment on anyone. “I’m gonna hit the ladies’ room before the food comes,” Lacey said as she slid out of the booth and walked away.
“Everything’s good then?” Todd asked once he saw Lacey was out of earshot.
“Yeah, as good as it’s gonna be, I guess.”
“Well, I’m glad. I was worried about you, Quinn.”
“Why is that?”
“Well, you know Hillary still talks to Sara, and she was telling her you’ve been drinking a lot. I knew it was probably all BS to make herself look b
etter. But looks like you got yourself a hot piece of ass to kill the time with until you and Sara get this all figured out.”
I ran my hand down the scruff on my cheek, wanting so badly to haul off and punch him in the face. “When was the last time we talked, Todd? Huh?”
“Well...I-I didn’t want to take sides, and you know, Hillary and Sara—”
“Fuck Hillary and Sara!” I raised my voice in anger. “You were my friend, but you’re so whipped by your wife that you couldn’t even pick up the phone and call or meet up with me for a drink after all of this happened. But yet you feel like it’s okay to preach to me about my drinking and then proceed to make your assumptions about Lacey. You and your fuckin’ stuck-up wife can think whatever the fuck you want, but Lacey is a better person than you or Hillary will ever be.”
He held his hands up in defense. “Quinn, man, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it.” I closed my eyes briefly and let out a deep breath when I saw Lacey standing behind Todd, staring sadly into my eyes as I wondered how much she had heard. Todd turned around and moved out of the way, letting her by. “Well, it was good seeing you again,” he said, making a hasty exit.
“Everything okay?” Lacey asked as she took a seat.
“Yeah, he’s a fuckin’ asshole just like the rest of the fucked up people in this town.”
“I’m sorry, Quinn.”
“For what?”
“Well, I don’t want people thinking you and I…you know. I just don’t want our friendship to jeopardize your marriage.”
“Hey, hey, hey. Lacey, I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks anymore. I’m so beyond that. As far as my marriage goes…it’s unfixable, and our friendship has nothing to do with that. Got it?” She nodded, still a little unsure. “I’m so thankful you’ve come into my life, Lacey, and I meant everything I said to him. You’re a better person than anyone I’ve ever known. I would seriously go out of my mind if I didn’t have you to talk to.”
