A Right to Remain

by Beth Rinyu

  “Did he tell you I still love him? Did he tell you I wanted us to continue seeing the marriage counselor and he refused? Bet he didn’t, right?”

  “I’m sorry,” was all I could muster just as Quinn came flying in the driveway.

  “You’re sorry?” she continued. “You fuckin’ stole my husband and all you can say—”

  “Sara! What the fuck?” Quinn shouted as he jumped out of his truck.

  She turned her attention to him and began to cry even harder. I hated myself so much at the moment, and if I could have undone every wonderful moment I had shared with Quinn to stop her pain, I would have. “How could you have done this do me, Quinn?” she cried.

  “Done what? Moved on with my life?”

  “It wasn’t supposed to be this way!” she shouted. I sucked in my bottom lip when Quinn turned his head in my direction. “I kept telling myself it wasn’t really happening. That all the rumors I’ve been hearing weren’t true, and in the end we would finally make it back together.” She turned her attention back to me and let out a deep sob. “But you really do exist.”

  I closed my eyes, fighting against the sting of tears.

  “Sara, just stop!” Quinn demanded, but she wasn’t paying any attention to him and remained keenly focused on me.

  “So, is this how it goes? Someone kills your husband and that makes everyone else’s fair game?”

  I lowered my jaw, unable to hold back the tears.

  “Sara, that’s enough!” Quinn shouted.

  Her eyes never lost focus with mine, and she continued, “The Internet is a very powerful tool, Lacey.” She accentuated my name. “Oh, and how convenient for you, Quinn. You get to play the big bad hero to the little damsel in distress rape victim here.”

  He shook his head in disgust. “You need to fuckin’ leave now!”

  I had heard enough. I couldn’t listen to any more. Gripping onto Gus’ leash, I ran inside and into my bedroom, throwing myself onto my bed. Gus jumped up next to me and lay beside me. I buried my head into his fur, refusing to cry anymore. Her words had cut like a knife, but I had survived worse than that. Hearing her so bluntly talk about Aaron’s murder and my rape was gut-wrenching. It was a low blow for her to bring that up, but I was stronger now. I always tried to see the good in people and wanted to think she had brought that up because of the pain she was in, and not to be mean and hurtful. It was what she said about Quinn that got to me. She was right…I slept with her husband, knowingly and willingly. Regardless of what Quinn had said, until those papers were signed there was still a chance they could be working on their marriage, and I hated myself for knowing I might have been the reason they weren’t.

  Chapter 29

  Quinn

  After I laid into Sara, I went to Lacey’s place to find her lying on the bed with Gus.

  “Hey,” I whispered, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

  “Please just stop,” she demanded when I went to rub her back. She sat up next to me and took a deep breath.

  “I’m sorry, Lacey. I’m sorry she showed up here and said those things to you. You didn’t deserve that.”

  She stared ahead blankly before turning her head and looking straight into my eyes. “Yeah, I did.”

  I frowned in confusion and shook my head.

  “Everything she said was true, Quinn. I went into this knowing you were married.”

  “Goddamn it, Lacey! I can’t go over this again with you! I’m getting a fuckin’ divorce! What don’t you get about that?”

  “Yes, I’m aware of that, but until that time, you still have a wife. You still have a marriage you could have been working on until I got in between. I mean, why would you need to go back to your wife when you’re getting all the sex you want from me?”

  I couldn’t believe the words that had just come from her mouth. Did she actually think I was using her for sex? I had proven to her time and time again how much I cared, and I couldn’t prove it anymore. I shook my head in disgust. “You are unbelievable. You know that?”

  “I’m sorry, Quinn. I didn’t mean for it to come out that way.”

  “Then what did you mean by it, Lacey? I’ve done nothing but show you how much I care about you and you’re not just some fling. Yet, it’s still not enough to get it through that thick skull of yours. I’m never going back to Sara, whether you and I are together or not.” I ran my hand through my hair. “You have no competition where that’s concerned, but I can’t keep competing with him, Lacey.”

  Her eyes widened. “With who?”

  “Your husband.”

  She shook her head, and I could tell right away I had struck a major chord. “Quinn, that’s not at all what—”

  “Lacey, come on? I get it. He was the love of your life, and you feel guilty for moving on without him, but please don’t use the fact that I’m still married as an excuse for that guilt. You and I both know it’s not true. I love you. I truly do, and I’m not asking you to love me more than him, not at all. All I’m asking is for you to see that it’s okay to let your heart feel again and let someone else in. It doesn’t make you a bad person for wanting to move on with your life. I see it in your eyes all the time. Every time you laugh, every time you smile, you doubt yourself for feeling that way. It’s okay to be happy. Don’t you think that’s what he would have wanted for you?”

  She seemed a little unsure before finally letting out a slight nod.

  “You know where I stand with Sara, and the things she said to you were downright wrong and untrue. Regardless of that, I know that deep down inside, you know you have no one else to contend with when it comes to my heart. It belongs to you, and only you. But, Lacey, I can’t keep competing with a ghost for just a tiny piece of yours.”

  “I’m...I’m not asking you to. I never expected for this to happen. I didn’t think I would ever love someone again in this way, Quinn, and it scares me. Then when I saw how sad she looked out there, I hated myself for feeling the way I do about you—about us.”

  “Lacey, the way she’s feeling has nothing at all to do with you. This was a long time coming, long before you even came into my life. Even before we lost him.” My voice wavered. “In a way, I guess I was hanging onto a ghost too. A ghost of a marriage that was once a good thing. Maybe I was selfish and should have ended it before we went through the whole pregnancy thing. Maybe I could have spared us both a lot of pain, but I kept hoping things would get better.”

  “You’re not selfish at all, Quinn. You’re the most loving and caring person I know.”

  I just wished she could believe that when it came to my feelings about her. I placed my hand over hers and caressed her knuckles with my thumb. “Lacey, if you need time to figure this out…” I caught my breath, not even believing what I was about to say. “If you want to take a step back and slow things down until you know what you want, I’m fine with that. I will give you all the time you need to work things out with yourself. If you want to wait until my divorce is final, then that’s fine too. I really think if we’re truly going to make this work you need to stop beating yourself up over every feeling you’re having.”

  She gave me a sympathetic smile. “God, why do you have to be so perfect?”

  “Yeah, well, I wouldn’t go that far.”

  “You are to me.” She sighed. “I’m so confused, Quinn. I know how I feel about you. There is no doubt in my mind. I just…I don’t know.”

  “So, why don’t we leave it like this? You do what you need to do to figure it out, and when you do, let me know. I promise no matter what you choose I’ll be here for you even if it’s just as a friend.”

  She bit her bottom lip and nodded as the tears streamed down her face. She threw her arms around my neck and sobbed into my shoulder. I hugged her, never wanting to let her go, but I knew I had to. I had to let her work out her inner turmoil on her own. The same way I had worked through mine with Sara.

  I tilted her chin so she was staring up at me. “You know where to find me
if you need me.” I kissed her on the top of her head and stood up. Watching her bury her face into her hands and cry was hard, but walking out that door and not knowing what was going to become of us was even harder.

  ***

  I thought it was going to be hard to avoid Lacey with us living so close, but it was easier than I thought. In the week that had passed, I hadn’t run into her outside at all. I still made sure I monitored what time she would come home and what time she would leave. On the nights I would work late, I would send a patrol car out to check in on her. I knew if there was a problem with whoever was stalking her she would without a doubt let me know. Each day that passed without seeing her, without talking to her and without touching her was killing me, but I had to give her the space she needed.

  The ringing of my phone startled me as I stared at my computer screen, trying to write up a simple arrest report for the past hour.

  “Yeah,” I answered.

  “Quinn, it’s Jim Frankild from Brookline P.D.”

  “Hey, are you calling because you got something?”

  “Not sure…the best friend doesn’t seem to have any blatant skeletons in his closet that we could find, but we may have come up with a new angle. We went over all the records again of every employee who worked for Sullivan & Symons within a year of the murder and a year after.”

  “And?”

  “Well, there’s one who was questioned two years ago, but we really never honed in on her because at the time we were focusing on a male suspect. Her name is Megan Lancer. She worked for Lacey’s husband for six months prior to the murder and was let go with a pretty hefty severance package three days prior to the murder.”

  “Okay…I’m not following you. It was a man who killed her husband, and clearly it was a man who raped Lacey.”

  “I get that, but I talked to a few of the ladies who worked with her and they said this Megan girl was awfully close with Sullivan…if you know what I mean. Could she have been a jilted lover who hired someone to off him?”

  There was no way. Lacey put him up on a pedestal and from everything she told me about him, it seemed as if he worshipped her too. “Ah, man. I-I don’t know. According to Lacey they had the perfect marriage.”

  “Well, you know what they say; the wife is always the last to know. I’m gonna head over to their office this afternoon and see if his best friend will divulge some information to me before I start tracking down this girl. In the meantime, I need you to work on Lacey. Try and get her to remember something, anything from that night that will give us something to go by.”

  “Ah, fuck.”

  “What? That doesn’t sound good.”

  “Lacey and me…I’m trying to give her some space. She’s gonna know something’s up if I just pop in and start questioning her.”

  “Do you want to find out who did this to her?”

  “More than anything.”

  “Then maybe you need to be honest with her.”

  He was right. I needed to come clean with her on this. As much as I promised to give her space, I also promised to keep her safe as well. “Yeah, okay,” I said with reluctance just before hanging up. I didn’t know what was gonna kill me more, seeing Lacey after a whole long week of wanting to hold her in my arms or telling her that her husband may not have been the man she thought he was.

  ***

  I pulled in the driveway and sat in my truck for some time before finally working up the nerve to knock on Lacey’s door. The smile that flashed across her face when she opened it did wonders for my heart.

  “Hey.” I tried my hardest not to look her over, but it was impossible. I wanted her so bad.

  “What’s up?” she asked, opening the door wider, allowing me in.

  “I’m here on business,” I joked, trying to break the ice.

  She creased her forehead and led me over to the couch. “Okay, and what would that be?”

  I let out a deep breath before taking a seat next to her. “Lacey, I’ve been talking to the detective who’s been working on your case.”

  “Why?” Her voice rose in defense.

  “Because whoever has been hanging around here may have something to do with it.”

  She shook her head and was visibly becoming more flustered. “Quinn, I got that under control.”

  “You do?” I released a sarcastic laugh. “Lacey, don’t be ridiculous. The person who murdered your husband and raped you is still walking around out there, and may be taunting you once again. Don’t you want this to end?”

  “Yeah, I do, but I don’t need to go re-hashing everything. I want to put it behind me!” she shouted.

  “How the hell are you putting it behind you? You’re scared to death, looking over your shoulder everywhere you go! Tell me, Lacey, exactly how’s that putting it behind you? This guy obviously isn’t putting it behind him! He was here a few weeks ago. Just a few feet away from you.”

  “Stop! Just stop!” she screamed. “Don’t you think I know that? I’m doing all I can to protect myself!”

  I shook my head in annoyance. “What are you doing, Lacey? Taking kickboxing classes? That’s gonna really come in handy when he’s holding a gun to your head.” I didn’t want to come across so harsh, but she was totally out of touch with reality and how serious this was.

  “You know, I don’t get you. I thought you’d be happy I’m finally getting stronger with dealing with this, but you seem like you’re pissed over it.”

  “I am happy, Lacey, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna let my guard down with this ever, and neither should you.”

  “What do you think, Quinn, all of a sudden they’ll be able to solve it? It’s been two years. Two years of nothing.” She threw her head back on the couch and gazed at the ceiling.

  “Lacey, I know it’s hard, but can you remember anything at all about that night?”

  “No! I told the police everything already,” she snapped. “Why? Did they tell you they have a new lead or something?”

  I rubbed my hand down the side of my face and gave her a hesitant shake of my head.

  “What do you know?” she asked.

  “I really don’t know much, Lacey. They’re looking into some woman who stopped working for your husband’s company three days prior to…everything.”

  “A woman?” Sarcasm dripped off her words. “Because that makes so much sense.”

  I shrugged my shoulders, trying to play if off.

  “Why would they be—” She stopped herself, looking deep in thought. “What are they trying to say, Quinn?” She anxiously shook her head, gasping for air. “That Aaron was involved with this woman?” Her voice cracked with emotion.

  “No. Look, Lacey, they just have to look at it from every angle.”

  “And is that what you believe? You think he was cheating on me?” Her eyes filled with tears.

  “No…I don’t know, Lacey. I just want to figure all this out.”

  “He loved me, Quinn, and only me!” she shrieked. “How could you or anyone else think that? He was the most caring, loving—” She paused to catch her breath.

  “Lacey, no one is saying that, but—” I moved closer to her.

  “But what? They have to drag his name through the mud because they’re a bunch of incompetents who couldn’t figure this out?”

  “Lacey, regardless of what they find out, don’t you want the animal who did this to pay?”

  She narrowed her eyes at me. “So you believe it too?”

  “Lacey, I didn’t say that.”

  “Don’t lie to me, Quinn! I know you do! Well, just because your wife cheated on you doesn’t mean everyone else’s spouse cheats on them! Some people actually value their marriages. So you and all the other assholes working on this case can go to hell!” She buried her face in her hands and began to cry. I reached over to comfort her, and she pushed me away.

  “Leave!” she shouted.

  I stared at her blankly, wanting to take away her pain, wanting to tell her I believed her husb
and was the stand-up guy she thought he was, but she was right. At the moment there was some doubt in my mind. I was wishing more than anything I could remove that doubt for Lacey’s sake, but I knew until this was all over, I couldn’t.

  Chapter 30

  Lacey

  The next few days went by in a blur. I felt like a robot who never broke from the routine. Work. Home. Sleep…or trying to sleep. I had countless voicemails and texts from Adam and hadn’t bothered listening or looking at any of them. I knew they most likely had to do with Aaron and the case, and I wasn’t ready to talk about that yet. Most nights I would toss and turn in bed, going over the last few months of my marriage in my head, and tonight was no exception. As I stared at the big red 1:08 on the clock, those same thoughts were in the forefront of my mind. Aaron and I had the perfect marriage, and I knew I wasn’t being naïve in thinking so. We had just gotten back from Hawaii and were planning on starting a family before everything was taken away from us. There was no doubt in my mind over the love he had for me.

  I turned on my side and reached for the empty spot on my bed. “Aaron, help me prove to them it’s not true. I won’t allow anyone to think you were anything but the wonderful man I knew and loved with all my heart.” I closed my eyes and thought back to that night. Chills went down my body and my stomach clenched. I sat up and gasped, suddenly remembering something. It was Aaron. I knew it was. He was helping me to remember. I jumped out of bed and grabbed the box containing all of Aaron’s things as well as all of the bank statements from his company I refused to open in the past two years. Gathering everything together, I threw my coat on and slipped my shoes on, stepping over Gus, who was sound asleep on his bed. I walked outside into the bitter cold and up the stairs to Quinn’s place, not caring it was the middle of the night. I needed to get this to him. I needed him to find out who did this, and most of all I needed him to prove Aaron wasn’t who they were trying to make him out to be.

  My lungs burned as I sucked in the cold air, waiting for him to answer my knock at the door. Knocking again a little harder, I began to question myself for not waiting to do this during a more acceptable hour.