Love on the Highlight Reel (Connecticut Kings Book 2)

by Christina C Jones

  I scoffed. “Yeah, aiight,” I said, then flipped the light off, turning to get the fuck out of there.

  “Be safe,” she said softly, barely loud enough for me to hear.

  Something in those words triggered something in me, and I slapped the light back and turned to face her. “Yo, Nicki what the fuck is this?!” I asked, closing the distance between us. “Huh? What the hell are we doing right now?”

  She looked me right in the eyes, not hiding the hurt and anger swimming in hers. “It looks to me like you’re about to go party, and I’m about to lay here and spend a few more hours of my life wondering why the fuck I even tried,” she snapped.

  “Tried?!” I let out a dry bark of laughter. “Nicki, you really think you’ve tried?!”

  She rolled her eyes – obviously anger was winning in the moment – “Yes, Jordan. I do. If you want to focus on my desire for discretion, so I don’t hydrogen-bomb my career, you do that. But don’t act like you’ve been some bastion of compromise, when you haven’t! Or, you know what, Jordan? Do act like that. I really don’t want to have this conversation again. Don’t want to list my reasons, my fears, again. You’ve never listened to them, you won’t now, so what the fuck is the point? Believe what you want. Have fun at your party.”

  She turned away, towards the bed, obviously intending to crawl under the covers, but I caught her by the arm.

  “Wait a damned minute,” I said, turning her to face me. “What the hell are you talking about, I haven’t listened to you?!”

  She snorted. “Are you serious, Jordan?! When have you ever taking my hesitations about this relationship seriously? The night you got arrested, we argued, I poured my heart out, and you told me it was fine, because you had no reservations. I explained mine, you brushed them off, and we moved forward anyway. I gave. The night of the royal ball, again, I told you I was scared. For my heart, and for my job. Again, you brushed it off. Said it would be fine. And we moved forward. I gave.

  “I thought we were good! We came here, spent time together, made love. I put aside my fears of getting hurt, of you breaking my heart. But this isn’t a fairy tale, Jordan. I can’t be cavalier about us being seen together, and I thought we were on the same page. I thought we were developing, and building. Growing. And for you to suddenly flip on me, acting like I’m risking my heart and my career just for sex? It hu—… It’s fucked up. But I swallowed it. I thought about it, and I tried to make it right. So much could have gone wrong with me arranging that dinner for us, but I was willing to risk that, for you. And you… shit on my efforts. Because all you can see is your own damned point of view.”

  I sucked my teeth. “Wait a damned minute, that’s not fair.”

  “Isn’t it, Jordan? You have the benefit of knowing what’s really going on in your head, I don’t. You have the benefit of being in a position where as long as you’re doing your job and not committing a crime, no one really cares what you do. I don’t. But all you see is: Nicki doesn’t trust me. Nicki is trying to hide me. Nicki isn’t all in. Have you considered that – Nicki is trying to be careful with her heart. She cares about me, very much, but it’s only been a few weeks. These things take time, and she’s trying. Or… Nicki would love to be on my arm. Nicki would love for the world to see that this tough, feminist bitch can get a man. A confident, sexy manly ass man. She’s really not a robot. Or… maybe Nicki isn’t all in because it’s still kind of early. Again, it’s only been a few weeks, and if it was any other woman, all over me after a month, I’d think she was crazy. Maybe she’s trying to take it slow so that we build something real. Or is it all… Nicki isn’t acting how I want her to act, so she’s being unreasonable?”

  I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came. And then instead of just trying respond… I actually thought about what she was saying.

  Shit.

  She kind of had a point… I had been bulldozing my way back into a relationship with her, because that’s what I wanted. Her objections didn’t matter to me, because whatever they were, we could overcome them. I didn’t plan to hurt her, so of course she could trust me. If these stupid motherfuckers wanted to think less of her for dating me… fuck them. She didn’t need a job anyway, I’d take care of her. And as far as her being all in or not…

  “It’s not a month,” I said, even though I knew it fell flat compared to what she’d said.

  She narrowed her eyes in confusion. “What?”

  “You keep saying it’s been a few weeks, it’s only been a month. But… I’m saying, it’s not like that to me. We were together for years. As far as I’m concerned, it’s not starting over. It’s picking back up. You can’t just start from scratch when you love somebody. Well… I can’t.”

  A little smile graced her lips as she stared up at me. She shook her head. “Neither can I, Jordan. And I’m not saying that I only have a month’s worth – whatever that means – of feelings for you. It goes so much deeper than that. But I’ve seen enough, heard enough, read enough, to understand that rushing into things is a recipe for disaster. I wanted us to get to know each other as grown-ups, build something solid.”

  An unpleasant feeling exploded in my chest. “Wanted?”

  She nodded, and stepped away from my grasp. “You dropped me… not even two hours ago, after I tried to bridge the gap and make things right after you falsely accused me of only wanting you for sex. And now here you are, getting ready to go drink and throw money at naked women. What should I feel, Jordan?”

  “What do you feel?”

  She stared at me for a moment, then shook her head. “Doesn’t matter.”

  “How do you figure that?”

  She shrugged. “It’s just… what I think. And I don’t particularly want to talk about it.”

  “So you’re shutting down on me?” I asked, moving back into her space. “Just like that?”

  “I don’t understand what you want from me!”

  I threw my hands up. “I want you to talk to me. Open up. Tell me what’s on your mind! What are you thinking? What are you feeling?”

  “I feel like a fool!” she exclaimed, trying to back away from me again, and rolling her eyes when the backs of her legs hit the bed. “I feel like I put myself out there, for you to not even see it. The most valuable things I have are my time, and my heart, and honestly Jordan you’ve been getting both. You said to me, that night of the ball, that if we were going to keep us a secret, it was with the caveat that we would be official. And I took that seriously. As far as I’m concerned, you didn’t hold up your end of that bargain, but I got punished for it. And it…” She took a deep breath, trying to contain herself, then shook her head. “Nevermind.”

  “No, it’s not nevermind, say it.”

  “I don’t want to.”

  “Do it anyway.”

  “Jordan…”

  “Goddammit, Nicki! Stop trying to hold shit so close, and just fucking saying it!”

  “Fine,” she screamed getting right in my face. “It fucking hurts. You hurt me. You did exactly what you swore you wouldn’t, and I don’t understand why! And you know what? I don’t want to hear that it hurts you too, for me to be unsure, for me to be protective of my heart. Maybe that’s true, but it’s not the same damn thing. You twisted me spending every spare moment I have in this hotel with you into me only wanting sex. You shit on me when I tried to make it right. And look at you. Ready to go watch somebody shake their ass, while I was crying for you. This is exactly what I was afraid of. My nightmare, come true. That’s what’s on my mind, Jordan. That’s how I’m feeling.”

  When she stopped long enough to take a breath, it was like every bit of strength she’d been trying to hold on to crumbled, and she dropped onto the bed, burying her face in her hands as she sobbed. And I… felt like shit.

  “And I still love you,” she managed to get out. “You can’t see how terrifying that is, Jordan? All of the fear, and uncertainty, and hurt, and I still...”

  She shook her head, trying again
to pull herself together. She scrubbed the moisture from her face, and gave herself hiccups trying to swallow her sobs before I sat down beside her and pulled her into my arms.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered to her as I rubbed her back, trying to soothe a hurt I’d caused, no matter if it wasn’t my intention. I cupped a hand under her chin, tipping her face up to mine. “Tell me what to do.”

  “I don’t know.” She sniffled. “I don’t know how to fix it.”

  Neither do I…

  I had no threshold for it. Nicki was the only real, serious relationship I’d had in my twenty-seven years, and we hadn’t gone through anything like this back then. I didn’t have a reference point, but… whether or not I wanted to recognize it, the things she was saying were right.

  I hadn’t lived up to my end of the bargain.

  I’d always heard the shit that was said about Nicki in the locker room, and it had always gotten under my skin. Not even like… bad shit, but the same locker room talk those dudes had about every attractive woman that gained some attention. Cole just had the misfortune of close proximity, because she was around often.

  They always talked about how they’d do this or that to her, fantasies and shit. But it usually only went so far, at least publicly, because that was Eli’s daughter. Besides that, Cole was… stern. She was warm when called for, and approachable, but she never gave the impression she was about any bullshit. Everybody knew she was no-nonsense, so fantasies were just that.

  But if word got out that she was involved with a player… I could see how it might start going further than that. Players getting a little more bold, stepping to her, harassing her, touching her, because she was “known” for that. Every private meeting took a new context, words of comfort were suddenly flirting, promotions were the result of her sleeping her way to the top. It wasn’t even that any of those things were guaranteed – it could all be paranoia. But I knew how the media cycle worked. Knew how rumors and lies flew, and grew, until everything was all twisted.

  I, of all people, should have understood her being fearful of that.

  But I saw Pitts with his arms around her, knew he wouldn’t have done that shit if it was common knowledge that she was mine… and wigged out.

  “I love you, okay?” She nodded, but didn’t look comforted by that fact. “I want us to be together. Want to be with you. So if hiding out like a side nigga is what it takes—”

  “Stop,” Nicki scolded, laughing through her tears. That sound made relief flood through me, and my shoulders relaxed. “It wouldn’t be forever, I promise. I just want us to be as solid as possible before we take a step that could affect my career. I need to be able to lean on that. Need us to be strong enough that if it comes down to me quitting, I don’t have regrets. I just need a little time, Jordan. Please?”

  I swallowed hard. “But you’re in this with me?”

  She nodded. “I’m in. I’m willing. I want this.”

  “Aiight. Then… we’re good.”

  Nicki lifted an eyebrow, uncertainty playing over her face. “I thought we were good last time, and you switched on me.”

  “That was my bad,” I admitted. “I bugged out, and you didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry. You forgive me?”

  She snuggled closer into my lap, resting her head against my chest. “Yeah.”

  I let out a deep sigh. Contentment, relief, and a bunch of other emotions, over the fact that we’d effectively dodged a block. I felt lighter than I had in days – since I’d left her here alone.

  She shifted in my arms again, moving so that our faces were in line. “Jordan…” she murmured, bringing a hand up to stroke my face.

  “Yeah?”

  “Since we’re good now…” She bit her lip, still looking a little unsure.

  I chuckled. “I already know.”

  A smile spread over her face. “Really?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. Take your panties off.”

  “I just don’t understand why it was so hard for me to admit that he’d hurt my feelings.”

  Mel looked up from the paint swatches she held in her hand, her expression thoughtful. I couldn’t tell if she was listening to me, or contemplating her nursery colors, but either way, I was glad for somebody to talk to about this.

  I didn’t want to rehash it with Jordan, and my friends thought I was a broken record. Mel was smart, slick at the mouth, and I didn’t think she’d know who I was talking about, so she was a perfect person.

  “I think… I’m going to stick with warm yellows and grey, for this room,” she said finally, flipping the swatch cards in her hand. “And… I think you have a hard time with showing what you perceive as weakness.”

  I wrinkled my nose. “What I perceive as weakness?”

  It was Thanksgiving day – well after we’d stuffed ourselves, and my father and brother were passed out in the den, watching football. After we’d cleaned and put things away, Mel made her way to the room that would be her nursery when the baby arrived. I followed.

  Mel nodded, taking a seat on the couch that had been in the living room until she’d redecorated the townhouse last year. “Just listening to you… you didn’t want to say that he’d hurt you, because you didn’t want to reveal that he could hurt you. But really, that’s part of being in love.”

  I frowned. “Getting hurt?”

  “Yep. Well… not really the getting hurt part. The healing from it, together. The growing, together. Relationships will have ups and downs, but you should come out of the “downs” feeling stronger, more bonded than before. Personally… I think a lot of women get it twisted. They think that there’s strength in hardening their hearts, in not being vulnerable.”

  I lifted an eyebrow. “There isn’t?”

  “Not always,” Mel laughed. “Obviously, you can’t let just anybody into that delicate space, of having the ability to hurt you. But with the right person, I think there’s an incredible strength in vulnerability. In opening yourself enough, trusting someone enough to give them such close access to your heart.”

  “But it’s dangerous too.”

  She nodded, agreeing. “Yeah, it is. Some will take advantage of it. Hurt you for the fun of it. But that’s a discernment thing, and you’re a very smart girl, Cole. I don’t think you’d involve yourself with someone like that. So what you’re left with is the unintentional stuff. The careless words, forgotten milestones, lack of attention. The stuff they swore they’d never do, and it happened anyway.”

  “And what do you do with that?” I asked, taking a seat next to her.

  She smiled. “Tell me… do you feel closer to your mystery beau now, after your misunderstanding?”

  I sat back, considering her question. It had only been a week, but… yeah, I did. I couldn’t say that I’d ever “liked” the thought of keeping our relationship a secret, but it actually irked me now, because I knew how much it bothered him. To combat that, I’d relaxed a little about our “never at each other’s place” rule, which really did help. Somehow, being in Jordan’s home, in his private space, and having him in mine, helped make it feel official.

  But meeting up for middle of the day sex in our suite at Veil was incredibly fun too.

  When I nodded my answer to her question, Mel’s smile grew wider. “Well, there you go. I would say that means that the two of you found the strength in forgiveness.”

  I curled my lip. “The two of us?! I didn’t do anything wrong.”

  Mel sucked her teeth, and rolled her eyes hard as hell at me. “Girl, puh-lease. Don’t get me wrong, I get your position. And if this was a movie, or a romance novel, and you were the man in the relationship, everybody would get your reservations. Nobody would think twice about you not wanting to risk your career, about you not wanting to jump off the deep end into love after a few weeks. I understand. But. It’s also really obvious to me that your man loves you, even with all your crazy, and your aloofness, and all of that. I can understand him not understanding your hesitation. I can understand
him being frustrated by your uncertainty. I can understand him being ready to pick up and go, get this show on the road. And you should have tried to understand that too. If you ask me, neither of you did a great job of trying to understand the other point of view. But love filled that gap for you.”

  I kept right on scowling. “I don’t know why I asked you anyway.”

  Mel laughed. “Because you knew I was going to kick the real shit to you, that’s why. You and Jordan are young, still have growing to do, but you’ll be alright.”

  My eyes went wide, and I jumped up from my seat. “How did you know I was talking about Jordan?!”

  “Oh, hell.” Mel clapped a hand over her mouth. “Sorry!”

  “How?!”

  “You said it,” she exclaimed, standing too. “When you were telling me about everything. You accidentally said it, and I just didn’t react, because I knew you were trying to keep it a secret. And then I said it on accident myself. Sorry!”

  “Oh God,” I said, covering my face with my hands. “Mel, please, you—”

  “Can’t tell anybody, even your father. I know. And I won’t, I swear. But… now that it’s out in the open… you two make a beautiful couple… again.”

  I tried not to smile at that, but couldn’t help it as I dropped my hands to my sides. “Thank you. It’s all him. He’s gorgeous. Those dimples.”

  Mel giggled. “Look at you. Why aren’t you with him today?”

  I sighed. “He’s in Kenya. He and his sister flew out there to see his mother. He’s coming back tomorrow though.”

  “Good.” She smiled at me again. “I said this already I know, but love looks good on you, Cole.”

  “Thank you.”

  From there, we moved back into discussion of her nursery colors, but Jordan stayed at the forefront of my mind. When I finally got home for the night, I pulled out my phone.

  All day, I’d left him alone, wanting to not distract from time with his family, which he got so little of. Besides that was the seven hour time difference, and I hoped that texting now wouldn’t wake him up.