Atonement (The Atonement Duet Book 1)

by Selene Chardou

  “So are you telling me your only wish is to live for yourself? You don’t ever want to have to be responsible for anyone else and this way, you won’t have to be? Don’t you want a spouse? Children? It’s kind of hard living in a place like Seattle on a coffee boy and bartender salary.”

  “Yeah, but that isn’t something I have to worry about, now is it? It’s not like we’re ever gonna be a couple and even if I did get all that shit, I have enough money to support my family, so we wouldn’t have to live on the money I make from my two jobs.”

  I sighed. “You are one of the most infuriating people in the world sometimes.”

  “Why? Because I don’t want to be like you?”

  I could feel my expression change from one of hopeful optimism to irritation. “I’m not asking you to be like me because you could never be like me. Yes, you’ve lost a parent but your mother died of cancer. She wasn’t run over by some crazed drunk driver who left her broken body on the asphalt to be found by the police and paramedics. You will never know what it’s like to be me, and don’t ever think you have a clue what I am going through because you don’t and you never will.”

  “Listen, I didn’t mean it like that…”

  I finished the rest of my ale and set the bottle on the table. “Don’t worry about it. I’m off to bed. Talk to you in the morning.” I stood and walked to my guest bedroom.

  Once I was there, I slipped on a cute flannel sleep shirt and crawled into bed. I knew my behavior was a bit over the top, but there was always tomorrow and I could apologize then.

  Chapter Eight

  I awoke with a start. For a moment, I thought it was morning already. It wasn’t. I grabbed my Android and saw that it was only shortly after one in the morning. Next to me, in a pair of black boxer shorts and matching wife-beater, was Colin. I shook him rougher than I intended to, and he stirred slowly before he opened his eyes.

  Regardless of the fact that a thin line of drool marked his cheek and his hair was completely mussed, he still looked sexy as hell. I cursed my stupid female hormones.

  “What are you doing in here?” I asked, burying my own shame under a cool tone that didn’t completely eradicate my own lust.

  “Sorry. I felt bad about what happened, and I came in here after we had our first ‘official’ disagreement. I wanted to talk to you but you were asleep, so I just crawled next to you and watched you sleep. Before I knew it, I was asleep too. I didn’t try anything, I swear,” he replied, the sleep in his voice still palpable.

  “I didn’t think you had.” I ran my hands through my tousled hair and laid back down. “You can get underneath the covers, you know. We are both adults and well over the age of twenty-one. I have no false illusions you are going to attack me just because we are sharing the same bed. You sleep on your side and I’ll sleep on mine.”

  Colin wearily slipped underneath the covers, turned toward me, and stared at me with those crystal blue eyes of his, which could make that block of ice surrounding my heart melt.

  “Listen, I’m sorry,” Colin said. “You’re right. I need to stop hiding just as much as you needed to, and I am scared of failure. I’m so terrified I will never live up to Liam, and it’s just…it’s overwhelming sometimes. You have no idea what it’s like to live in his shadow because he has always been so awesome and I have been so goddamn ordinary.”

  I slipped on the lamp next to my bed. The lamp carried a low-watt lighting throughout the room, soothing rather than garish. “Listen, I may not have had to live up to an older sibling, but I have had Caitlyn, and let me tell you something about my perfect blonde sister. She did everything right, and I couldn’t ever do anything she did. I hated the comparison. It’s probably why I wouldn’t work for Amazon if they were the only company in Seattle. I’d never measure up because everyone would always compare me to Cait, and I don’t want that shit. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I certainly don’t have your issues because I know Cait and she is far from perfect. She watches her weight like a hawk because she is prone to weight gain while I can eat anything I want. She’s gorgeous, but she suffers from self-esteem issues too. I know she secretly feels a bit jealous of me, and not because of my ‘exotic’ beauty or anything petty like that. She hates she didn’t have it in herself to defy our parents and live her life the way she wanted to.”

  Colin scooted closer to me and laid on his side. “What do you mean?”

  “Caitlyn was accepted at Stanford University, but what she didn’t tell our parents was she’d also applied to Cambridge too. The people at Cambridge took one look at her transcripts, at all the volunteer work she did, and it certainly didn’t hurt she was a British citizen. They accepted her immediately. I remember the look on her face when she received the paperwork.”

  My smile disappeared. “She never showed it to our parents because she didn’t want to give them the chance to say no. Jeanette hates England. Granted, it’s the country of her birth, along with Wales and Scotland, but she would never want Cait to go. She would have said no on principle alone. No way was England claiming her only daughter. Jeanette was afraid maybe she might like it there and not come back.”

  He touched my cheek and caressed it with his left hand. “Sometimes I forget how sensitive you are, and I can be such a fucking dick. I know you have experiences with sibling rivalry too, but at least yours was healthy. You see, I was the favorite between both our parents, and Liam thought he had to work twice as hard to impress them. That is why he’s so driven, and I don’t blame him, but I know I can’t be like him. If I am perfectly honest with myself, I don’t want to be either.”

  I slipped Colin’s hand between my own hands and closed them over his. “Then you don’t have to be, and starting your own business is not going to put you in competition with your brother. Think about it as a way to start your life. You are turning over a new leaf. You are declaring this is your life, and you will live it however you want to. At least try. Can you promise me that?”

  Our bodies touched lightly before I felt his warm thigh ride between my own. “Promise me something. If I do this, will you at least give me a chance?”

  I smiled again. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, in case it’s escaped you, I haven’t brought another chick here since you’ve been staying at my place. I’m not bragging, but I do possess a rather high sex drive. To be honest, I don’t want to sleep with anyone else except you. I know that sounds cheesy because we haven’t even known one another for a week, but…there’s just something about you. And no, it’s not your vulnerability. It’s your strength. Around you, I feel like a better human being, and you make me want to strive for better. I seriously have fucked off this restaurant idea so many times, but only when you suggested it did I give it real serious thought. I want you in the worst way, and surely you want me to.”

  It happened before I could stop it, but his lips found mine and I allowed the kiss, so sweet and tender, to turn more torrid and explicit. His tongue touched mine, and it felt like a thunderstorm was raging in my stomach.

  I pulled back abruptly. “I won’t say no, but you have to know I don’t do one night stands and I sure as hell don’t do insta-love. I am not going to be exclaiming ‘I love you’ by next week because I know I don’t. Relationships are like plants. They need room and sustenance to grow and expand. If you’re willing to put in the work, then we can talk about taking this to the next level.”

  Colin lay on his back and placed his arms behind his head for leverage. “Can you blame me? Women don’t quite seem to know what they want nowadays, and I would desperately like to save you from the clutches of my brother. He may not be relationship material, but that doesn’t mean he might not try to take you for a test drive.”

  I laughed as I turned over to my side, away from him. “Don’t worry about me, sweetie. I may look delicate, but I can handle a horn dog like your brother.”

  My mind danced along the edges of sleep again when I heard him murmur, “I wouldn’t be too sure of any
thing if I were you.”

  ***

  Although our get-together was supposed to take place originally at the townhouse I shared with Drew, the location quickly changed to O’Shaughnessy’s. Liam couldn’t keep a surprise party a secret if his life depended upon it, and what was supposed to be a small intimate gathering with close friends wishing us well on our trip to Europe turned out to be a no-holds barred mega party with plenty of people I didn’t know.

  Half the uConnect office turned up along with Liam, Drew, Colin, Caitlyn, and Aubrey, who had taken the night off from Bare to celebrate with us. Alcohol flowed as easily as water and unfortunately, my food intake couldn’t keep up with the endless mojitos I found myself enjoying.

  The celebration was in full swing but two hours into it, my head began to spin and I quietly wandered outside to get some air. I took deep breaths and knew if I stopped drinking, I would be all right for the time being and probably wouldn’t end up puking either.

  I pulled out my Android to call a taxi as Liam walked out with a friend. He kissed her cheek and bid her farewell as she climbed into her car and drove off. I prayed he wouldn’t see me but unfortunately, he turned my way and smiled.

  “What are you doing out here? Shouldn’t you be enjoying your last couple of days here in the States before you take off for Europe?” he asked as he walked over to me.

  “I don’t feel all that great. I drank too much and seriously, all I can think about is going back to Colin’s. I was going to call a cab. Can you tell him I left?”

  “Nonsense! I barely drank much. I can take you back to his condo. Come on.”

  My mind kept repeating that this was not a good idea. In fact, in the shitty world of bad ideas, this was right up there with experimenting with acid and sky diving without a parachute. I should have stuck to my original idea of a cab.

  I followed Liam, albeit reluctantly, to his late-model black BMW X6, and I seriously questioned my sanity. I could have asked any number of people to take me home, including Caitlyn, Drew, or even Colin, who hadn’t seemed too drunk.

  Liam was dangerous. Walking-sex-on-a-stick dangerous. He was not only my new boss, but he was Colin’s brother. Admittedly, I did find Colin attractive and I liked him a lot, too much to sully what we had by having a one night stand with his brother. Would be even respect me or take me seriously at all if I did something with his brother and he found out about it?

  At the same time, I was also a woman, a woman with sexual needs who hadn’t had sex in a while. I didn’t want to be constantly on edge during our trip to Europe because I hadn’t bothered to get laid before boarding a flight to another continent. It wouldn’t be fair to Colin or me. It was true we had the feels for each other, but that didn’t mean anything would come out of it. We might meet other people, and I had a reputation to maintain. I would never want Colin to think I’m easy, that I just hop into bed with the first person I found attractive.

  Liam’s opinion meant less to me than Colin’s even if what we were or weren’t about to do was just plain wrong and unethical due to him being my employer.

  There was that dangerous part of me who, like Aubrey, liked to live life on the wild side. Most of the time, she flitted around the party like the social butterfly she was, but even she questioned me about my friendship with Colin and where it would eventually lead. There was no guarantee Colin and I would end up in a relationship.

  No matter what happened between Liam and I, there would never be any kind of long-lasting, intimate future between the two of us. No strings, no love, no feelings—just pure sex, because that is what people our age did to blow off steam and show we were attracted to someone without them necessarily becoming a spouse, life partner, or the parent of our potential children.

  All this raced through my mind until Liam pulled up to the building and parked in his designated spot. He looked at me. “Hey. You wanna come up to my place? I don’t think you have ever seen it, and it has a great view. I could make you a cup of coffee before you go back to Colin’s all on your own.”

  Oh, the man was smooth, but he also seemed sincere, and I had no real reason to doubt he didn’t care about my well-being.

  “Sure, that would be great,” I replied before I smiled shyly.

  We stepped out of his car and walked into the large condominium complex. Then we boarded the elevators up to his floor. His was located several floors higher than Colin’s, but that wasn’t the only difference between his place and where I was staying with his brother.

  Liam’s home looked like it had been designed for an episode of MTV’s defunct show, Cribs. The place was amazing. Everything was high tech, and instead of a proper second bedroom, he had a playroom with a pool table, a dope computer system, and a mini-bar. He gave me the complete tour and afterward, I felt dizzy from everything he’d showed me in such a blasé fashion combined with the one too many mojitos I’d consumed that night.

  “What do you think?” Liam asked as he strode closer to me and invaded my personal space. “It’s a bit swankier and less sterile than my brother’s pad, but it’s still pretty cool, right?”

  I stared into those gorgeous sky blue eyes of his and smiled. “Yes, it’s very nice.”

  He slid his hands around my waist and held me close to him. I could smell the faint scent of his cologne, Armani Code Ultimate, a sensuous and sexy fragrance that teased my nostrils. “You know what is even better than all this crap I’ve filled my condo with to impress the ladies and my boys?”

  “I wouldn’t have a clue,” I remarked sarcastically.

  “You. Holding your body like this and having you so very close to me.” He sighed despondently. “It’s a damn shame you are so in lust with my brother, because I would snatch you up in a heartbeat.”

  I looked deeply into his eyes and wanted to see untruths and deception, but there was none. “What about your blonde-haired, blue-eyed policy when it comes to women?”

  “Fuck that. They say there’s an exception to every rule, right? Well, babe, you’re my exception. You don’t have any idea how fucking drop-dead gorgeous you are. My brother’s a lucky bastard because you’re loyal and since you’ve declared yourself to him, you and I can never be a possibility.”

  His eyes bore into mine, and I found myself hypnotized. “How about one night? It could be our little secret. No one else has to know and as far as everyone is concerned, I dropped you off and you went to bed,” he explained in a calm and fluid voice, which drove me over the brink.

  “Is this a yes or no question?”

  “Not really. I was just hoping you would say yes and we could…close escrow. I want you, and you can no longer deny you don’t want me. Let’s just fuck like animals, have fun, and then tomorrow, you can belong to Colin again and I’ll never interfere. I give you my word.”

  “You swear? The only reason I ask is because this can never get back to Colin. He can’t ever know about tonight,” I finally said, my eyes never wavering from his.

  Liam grabbed me by the back of my neck and brought me in for a kiss. It was soft, feathery, and light at first, but the moment his tongue reached for mine through my open mouth, it became animalistic and bruising. His touch was electric, his other hand trailing down the length of my torso before he possessively grabbed my ass. I didn’t stop him or his exploration of my body with the kind of knowledge that came with someone so completely confident about the skillset he possessed in regards to the female anatomy.

  When he pulled away and I could finally come up for air, I let out a straggled breath I was barely aware I was holding until now. He kissed my neck, his nimble fingers slowly undoing the clasp at the base of my neck. He unzipped the dress from the back and pulled the sleeves of the dress down. My breasts were immediately bared to him since it wasn’t the kind of dress you could wear a bra with.

  Immediately, he moved his hands to my breasts, squeezing my nipples between his thumb and forefinger as he kissed me passionately, his tongue claiming my mouth as his own yet again.<
br />
  I knew we’d both passed the point of no return and to be perfectly honest, I didn’t want him to stop or slow down. My sex throbbed from my swollen clit all the way to my aching womb, which felt so empty and wanted to be desperately full with a man, this man in particular.

  Liam bent and sucked on my left nipple as he continued to squeeze the other, almost to the point of it being painful, but it felt so pleasurable to have his warm mouth on my body, I lost all sense of time and control.

  As he switched breasts and sucked on my right nipple while teasing my left one, still slick from his saliva, his other hand wandered underneath my dress and slid aside my matching scarlet thong. He caressed my folds before he allowed his middle finger to enter me. Then he finger-fucked me in a slow, teasing manner as he seductively massaged my clit with his thumb.

  I stood there, almost shell-shocked by the pleasure, and buried the feeling of impending guilt. It nagged and ate away at some part of me, but I could deal with it tomorrow when I was stone cold sober.

  He picked me up and took us to his bedroom, where he stood me back up and slipped my dress with care off of my body before pushing me down on the bed. The same care he’d taken with my dress, he took with slipping off my shoes and setting them on the floor.

  Liam kissed his way up my body, and I closed my eyes, enjoyed the sensation, and surrendered myself to the moment. Then he spread my legs and slipped my thong off. My whole body was bare to him, especially the moist, swollen sex between my legs, which throbbed painfully and wanted, needed, his touch so desperately, it was hard for me to control myself.

  “Open your eyes,” he whispered, and I finally did.

  He stood before me and slipped out of his black dressy shirt before he slid off a pair of expensive black jeans. He wasn’t wearing any underwear, and his cock jutted out swollen and hard as granite. He had absolutely no shame or compunction about sliding his fingers between my moist sex and using the lubricant to caress his cock with one of his hands.