“‘Course I get you. I just don’t want you to get hurt, that’s all. Not to mention you still have Drew, remember him? You’ve kept that guy hangin’ on a string for years, Deirdre. Why don’t you just be honest with him and tell him you have absolutely no desire to get back together with him. He still talks about you like he’s in love with you, and that’s not right.”
“Believe me, he knows because I told him before I left. Listen to me carefully because I am getting tired of repeating myself. My relationship with Drew is very fucking complicated. I’m not even going to bother getting into a discussion about it right now while I am on vacation with someone else. He hasn’t exactly kept it wrapped in cotton wool, you know. He gets around and he sleeps with whoever he wants and not once have I complained because I know there is no him and me. Yes, we occasionally used to have our bootie calls, but we’ve moved beyond it and I think it’s good someone like Aubrey is staying with him. It makes him realize there are plenty of other fish in the sea, and I am far from the only woman out there,” I explained calmly.
Caitlyn breathed into the phone. “Listen, I have to go, but keep in touch and have fun, okay? Love you, sis.”
“Love you too, honey,” I responded before I ended the call.
I turned around to see a fully dressed Colin in a pair of cargo shorts and a vintage Deftones tee shirt. “You ready to go see the sights?”
“Yep.” I walked inside, grabbed my Louis Vuitton slouchy bag which not only had my wallet and passport but also my iPod and Kindle Fire. I knew we could rent or buy beach towels and sunblock if we decided to lay out on the beach.
Shortly afterward, we left the small studio apartment we were renting holding hands.
***
A few hours on the Promenade des Anglais was more than enough time. The place was packed with both locals and tourists. We walked along the busy sidewalks and passed famous landmark hotels and cafés and stopped at the beach. The weather was nice enough that both Colin and I decided to rent a spot under the huge blue and white umbrellas where we could lay out and generally have a lazy day.
After we stopped at Monoprix, a French store similar to Target, and loaded up on wine, plastic cups, lager, pre-made sandwiches, water, chips, and cookies for dessert, we went back to our designated spot and settled underneath an open umbrella with two sun loungers underneath it.
Colin opened a bottle of crisp Chardonnay, and we toasted before sipping from our plastic cups.
“Talk about the life. This is what I call a vacation,” he said as he took off his shirt. He revealed not only his finely muscled chest and toned torso but also a black tribal scorpion tattoo that went from his shoulder blades almost down to his waist as he lay back against the sun lounger.
I didn’t particularly care for tattoos. Although I had a small butterfly on the inside of my left ankle, a rebellious mistake I’d made on a whim when I was nineteen, I’d never be the type to decorate my body with them, let alone get one big enough to cover an entire section of my skin. Colin’s tattoo, on the other hand, was sexy as hell to me and a major turn on because it wasn’t expected on someone who looked like the perfect model for Abercrombie & Fitch.
I removed my baby doll dress and lay back in my modest bikini. Many women chose to wear bottoms but had forgone a bikini top, their breasts on display to get an even tan, but I’d been blessed with a healthy olive complexion so I didn’t need a tan. Besides, I had never been that comfortable with my body, though I admired women who were.
Not that there was anything wrong with me. I was a slender young woman with a small waist, a flat stomach, nice legs and thighs, and arms that were faintly muscled, but I certainly wasn’t ready to show off the twins to every man who walked by and wanted a free show. That was never me, and it never would be.
Colin turned toward me as he swigged from his wine again. “When’s the last time you’ve been here other than the funeral in early December last year?”
“In France or Nice?” I asked as I sipped my wine.
“France.”
I thought about it and tried not to let all the feelings rushing through me affect my voice when I answered. “About a few years ago. We all came over to see my grandparents but before we visited them, we stopped here in Nice. There is a great beach town quality without the rowdy teenagers feel to Nice. It’s an enjoyable city.”
“It must be hard for you, then. I mean, knowing that was the last time you will ever come back to this place with your father.”
“Not really. There was a small fuss, but my grandparents insisted he be buried here in the family plot, so my father will always be here in France. Mom took it hard, but she got over it in the end. Cait just said to look at it as a way to get some vacation time in when we want to visit Dad. She’s always been like that—vivacious, alive, looking on the bright side of everything. And I’ve always been on the depressive side and angst-ridden. I really don’t want to blame the death of my real mom at such a young age, but perhaps that has something to do with it. I really don’t know and shouldn’t speculate, to be honest.”
Colin stared at me intently, his eyes bright. “What do you feel about your sister dating Liam? I mean, don’t get me wrong. I just don’t know how common it is for sisters to date brothers and what not.”
“Well, it’s common enough. Christy Turlington’s sister married Ed Burns’ brother after they tied the knot. I certainly don’t think they are the only ones, but they are the most famous pair I know about, so I’m sure it’s not as uncommon as you think.”
I paused to reflect on his words. “Think about it. If a group of people hang out and you see each other enough, some of the people in that group are going to begin to pair off. Caitlyn’s a grown woman, and she knows what she’s doing. She’s been over twenty-one for a while now, and she has a good head on her shoulders. I truly think she and your brother will work out fine if that is what she really wants.”
Colin sat up and crossed his legs Indian-style as he handed my pre-made ham and cheese baguette sandwich to me while he grabbed his tuna baguette sandwich. “So, it doesn’t bother you in the slightest my brother is a hardcore player who might be playing your sister? I’ve never known him to have one meaningful relationship in his life. He’s just not wired that way.”
“As I said before, it’s not my concern.” I bit into my crisp baguette sandwich and chewed, savoring the delicious flavor of the ham, the bittersweet accents from the cheese, and the creamy butter, which had been added to the sandwich in lieu of mayonnaise.
“You seem pretty blasé about the whole situation. I mean, she is your younger sister,” he finally responded after an interminable silence between the two of us.
“Jesus, what the hell is this, the Spanish Inquisition?” I finally snapped. “Liam is into Cait and Cait is definitely into Liam, case closed. She doesn’t date often and she’s definitely not the one-night-stand type.” Unlike me, I almost added but then again, neither was I. Liam was definitely an anomaly, and the one night we spent together would certainly never happen again.
“Listen, I didn’t bring all this shit up for you to get angry. When you speak to her again just warn her, all right? My brother is nothing like he appears to be, and that’s the problem. He seems cool and happy-go-lucky, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. He’s got some demons he’s been wrestling with, and I don’t want your sister to get hurt, okay? Furthermore, I don’t want his dicking around with your sister to cost us what we have, so I am speaking from a purely selfish motive.”
His words immediately soothed my apprehension about Liam and Caitlyn’s situation. I set my sandwich down, leaned over, and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Listen, whatever happens between Cait and Liam doesn’t have anything to do with us. I wouldn’t dump you just because they didn’t work out. That’s not the way I operate. I fell for you the first night Drew brought you by, and I have been fighting these feelings all this time. I won’t go as far as to say I love you…yet, but if you keep wo
rkin’ that magic, I will, and there’s nothing anyone can say about it. Remember, I’ve been over twenty-one for a while too.”
Colin looked relieved as he brought me closer and kissed me. When our lips met, the feeling was gentle and tentative at first, but the moment his tongue touched mine, all rational thought left my mind and I was there, in that moment.
We finally came up for air, but not before kissing each other again with quick pecks on the lips meant to satisfy and sate a pleasure we couldn’t yet give in to. We planned on being at Promenade for a while, and no way were we giving up our prized seats that quickly.
“You drive me crazy, woman,” he whispered.
“Same to you,” I said quietly. “I don’t know what the hell kind of mojo you’re working, but it’s definitely done something to me and I don’t want it to stop, ever.”
“If I had my way, it wouldn’t ever stop. You’re the one, and you know how hard that is for me to say? I am so scared you will think that what we have is just some vacation thing and when we get back to Seattle, everything will be different. I don’t want to be apart from you, and I definitely know when someone, and something, is real when I meet them. This is no phony, pit of my stomach thing, Deirdre. You’re the real deal.”
I laughed as we separated. “I better be, because I’m not the type who takes relationships lightly, and you know my stance on vacation romances. It’s not how I’m wired. It’s great we get to spend so much time together because the more I get to know you, the more I want to be with you, and there’s nothing wrong with what we have. It’s perfect.”
Colin refilled both our glasses with Chardonnay, and we finished off our sandwiches before we lay down again and held hands like an old married couple. The warmth from his palm radiated through me and caused a slight tingle to settle all over my flesh, but I was exactly where I wanted to be and that made all the difference in the world.
Chapter Fourteen
Time flies when you’re having fun. After a few blissful days in Nice, we traded in the beach for the more calming atmosphere of Berlin. We were definitely hopping around, but we’d decided to play it by ear and the feeling felt great.
Instead of a great apartment overlooking the beach, we had a studio apartment in the heart of the city. I loved the feel of Berlin mostly because it was just so different from the south of France. Colin and I settled into the city quickly and by the second day, we had enjoyed a tour of east Berlin. Though it was considered dangerous due to the skinhead and neo-Nazi activity, he was willing to risk it for me. Despite my degrees, I’d always had an intense love for photography, so we would have enough photos when we finally made it back to the States to put a photo album together.
I took photos of the old crumbling estates as well as the signs of all the gentrification that was happening too. Many of the neighborhoods deemed safe enough to rescue had high-rises and new buildings and businesses. The trip was fascinating and yet scary at times, as Colin and I did run into a gang of skinheads. They slurred what I assumed was an insult in German under their breath as we passed, and Colin turned around suddenly. He said something in German back to the skinheads, and a blond one who looked like he was a leader of sorts answered back in hurried German.
Colin whipped out a butterfly knife and said something in a low voice in a language I did not understand. The main skinhead said something back to him before he replied in English, “Hey, man, we meant no offense. Just enjoying the view of your lady friend. Everything’s cool.”
I saw the smile as it registered on Colin’s face. “No harm in enjoying, mein freund…but just know if you touch, I will filet you like prime piece of swine.”
The skinheads laughed nervously before they continued on their way and we continued along ours. I wrapped an arm around Colin’s waist. “Hey, how about we spend the rest of the day somewhere safe and pleasant, like Alexanderplatz, for instance.”
He put the butterfly knife away. Then he chuckled as he wrapped his arms around me. “I can’t think of a better idea. Come on, sweetie. On to Alexanderplatz we go.”
***
After a vigorous day of sightseeing, we ended our day at a hole-in-the-wall bar, which served decent bratwurst and excellent beer. I’d managed to capture some great photos, and despite the incident that had happened earlier in the day, I realized I’d enjoyed myself immensely.
It was refreshing to know Colin and I could have fun doing the most mundane of activities. He made me laugh more than I had in a while. In fact, I hadn’t laughed this much since before my father had been murdered.
“So, I take it you agree coming to Berlin was a good thing?” Colin asked before he took a swig from his huge beer stein.
“Absolutely. Just think about the excitement we would have missed out on if we’d gone straight to Amsterdam,” I responded sarcastically.
We stared at one another, and I realized I never ever got tired of looking into those endless pools of crystal blues. We both burst out laughing.
“So, what was earlier about, Rambo? I didn’t realize you could throw down,” I said after drinking from my beer stein.
“Oh, you thought this posh boy from the Ivy League couldn’t fight?” he asked. “What can I say? I have always known all types of people, both rich and poor. Unlike my brother, I don’t judge anyone based upon what their parents do or what kind of car they drive. When you know all kinds of people, it makes it easier to learn how to defend yourself when the time is right. No one is beyond the hand of violence, and not being able to fight is a sign of stupidity and weakness,” Colin explained with a determined look in his eyes.
“You truly believe that?”
“If you make enough trips here to Europe, it should be your motto. In case you haven’t noticed, the new Europe isn’t your parents’ European experience.”
I smiled. “Well, seeing as my adopted mother grew up in a pretty rough part of England, I don’t think this place was ever my parents’ version of Europe, just the popular places they decided to visit. I am not opposed to going off the beaten path, but I don’t want to be injured or murdered because of an unneeded excursion.”
“Neither do I,” he replied as my Android began to sound off with my sister’s ring tone, “Poker Face” by Lady Gaga.
I quickly answered. “Hello?”
“Hey,” she responded with a hint of bite in her tone. “Can you talk?”
“It depends. We’re in the middle of a loud bar and it isn’t really an ideal time,” I responded snarkily.
My sister scoffed on the other end of the line. “Perhaps you oughta get up and walk outside then, where you can have a little privacy. You might not want your lover boy to hear what I have to say to you.”
I rolled my eyes before I pressed the mute button. “Looks like Cait is having a ‘drama’ moment. I’ll be right back.”
“Take your time. Want me to order you another lager?”
“Yes, please,” I called over my shoulder before I walked outside.
I continued to walk as smokers crowded the awning. I would probably be tempted to bum a smoke from someone if I stood too close.
“Are you still there?” Caitlyn asked crossly.
“Yeah, I am. What’s up?”
“You tell me.”
“What are you on about?”
“Why didn’t you disclose to me you fucked my boyfriend?” she asked in an angry voice. “I don’t exactly appreciate the fact that we are about to become intimate and he decides it’s true confessions time. He wanted me to know you two had an affair!”
I almost laughed out loud, but then I realized that wouldn’t be the smartest move to make. “I’m sorry, what did you just say? Liam and I didn’t have an affair, Cait. We had a one-night stand before he started seeing you and I started dating Colin. That, my dear, is a huge difference, and if you can’t distinguish the difference then that’s your problem, not mine.”
“Is that the excuse you’re going to use this time?” My sister asked derisively on th
e other end. I could slowly feel my beer buzz fading away and my heart thudding painfully in my chest. “It wasn’t some kind of wham bam thing, Deirdre. He told me he spent the night with you, what he did to you, how you insisted he wear a condom because he wanted to bareback. He was completely open and honest with me, so my question is why couldn’t you have been?”
I was going to need that cigarette after all and bummed one off two guys speaking in quick German. I knew enough of the language to ask for a cigarette and one obliged me quite welcomingly before he lit it.
I inhaled the smoke and exhaled as I replied, “Where is this conversation going and what does this have to do with the relationship you now have with Liam? He told you because he didn’t want there to be any lies or deceit between you two, or maybe he told you because he thought I would tell you as a way to warn you away from him so he wanted to tell you before I could. Who the fuck knows why guys do what they do, but I am telling you this now: that night between us wasn’t a mistake, but it’s not something I ever want to happen again. Furthermore, it happened before I was officially with Colin and you started dated Liam, so what is the big deal? Why the fuck are you making a mountain out of a mole hill?”
“Is that what you think I’m doing? Why didn’t you tell me? I realize now I would have rather heard it from you than him, and I know…I know it happened before he and I started dating, but I still feel betrayed by you, and when Colin finds out, so will he,” she explained.
I knew she was quietly sobbing on the other end. My sister was one of the strongest people I knew, but when she broke down and her façade cracked, it was ugly. She would sob, and the worst part about the whole situation was she still wouldn’t admit to her weaknesses. She would claim something was in her eye, she’d worn her contacts too long and needed to rest her eyes—any excuse she could think of except she was upset and she needed to cry.
Atonement (The Atonement Duet Book 1) Page 14
