“Maybe for you, but what about me? What if I need to get some shit off my chest and I want you to understand what happened? I think we could both heal from the mess, and perhaps the experience will be the catharsis that brings us closer together.”
“Okay. We’ll discuss it when we get back to Seattle, okay? Not now, not in this fucking tin can where there is nowhere for me to go, all right. Can it wait until then? You’ve waited all this time—I don’t see how waiting a little while longer will change anything.”
He smiled. “You’re right. Come here and cuddle in my arms. We have bigger issues to worry about, don’t we?”
“I think this is a situation that will work itself out.” I smiled back before I kissed his lips and surrendered within the warmth of his embrace. Before I knew it, I was asleep again.
Chapter Nineteen
I had never been happier than when we finally pulled up to the behemoth monstrosity also known as Fifteen Twenty-One. After he parked, he helped me upstairs and told me he would bring our luggage up to the condo. I laid back on his comfortable slate gray suede recliner chair with a matching ottoman as my Android began to play my sister’s ring tone.
I sighed and grabbed the phone. Did I really want to take this call? Did I have a choice?
“Hello?” I answered.
“Hey, sweetie! By your response, I am assuming you’re back stateside. You okay?”
“Yeah, everything is fine. I’m just jet-lagged and feel like run over dog shit. I can’t believe it is barely after six in the evening and raining here in Seattle when we left beautiful Parisian weather with perfect temps in the seventies.”
“Well, you’ll adjust quick enough again. Besides, it’s hardly raining. It’s just enough to dirty up your car, if you know what I mean.” Caitlyn paused dramatically before she asked, “You and Colin weren’t planning on going anywhere tonight, were you?”
“No, I don’t think so. We went to a club last night and we both drank too much. He was fine this morning our time while I felt like shit, so I believe we are staying in for the night.”
Oh yeah, and I’m preggers, which kind of kills our nightlife for a while, or at least mine.
“Cool. Liam didn’t want me to say anything, but he’s cooking for us all tonight. It should be ready in about an hour. Is that enough time to freshen up and make it up here to his condo?”
“Yeah, that works, but I can’t drink so can you make sure he’s got some Evian or Pellegrino on tap?”
Caitlyn didn’t bother to ask why I couldn’t drink. She was much too intelligent to ask the inane question which, ironically, caused a pregnant pause. “I thought you were on the pill, Deirdre? Goddamn you, this is going to crush Mom, you know.”
“I am on the pill and I never missed a fucking dose but either I keep getting packs from a defective batch or I’m just part of that two percent it fails. Who the fuck knows what happened, but I’m pregnant and nothing is going to change that now.”
“Well, there is a chance you might miscarry. Does he know? Did you tell him yet? I would go with you for moral support if you want to…you know…”
“Colin knows, and if I did that he would murder me himself. He wants the baby and he wants me too—”
“This is just so typical of certain women. You know he’s going to think you did this to trap him. Why didn’t you make him wear a condom?” Caitlyn shouted.
“Why? Do you make Liam wear one?”
“I did…until our tests came back clean and then we stopped. Not that it would have mattered, as he was using the Lambskin kind and those are only good with preventing pregnancy, not sexually transmitted diseases.”
“Listen, I said we would be down, so why are we still on the phone? I need some time for myself. I am very tired and frankly, I don’t need the lecture, Cait. I’m older than you, and whatever happens is between Colin and me. I know he isn’t your favorite person, but it really isn’t your choice, so…”
“I wasn’t trying to talk you into anything. I was just saying, I wouldn’t want him to think you did it on purpose. Have you explained it was an accident?”
“I didn’t have to,” I began softly. “He saw me popping my pills like candy every day like clockwork. He’s not stupid. Besides, he’s really happy because he thinks it’ll bring us closer together, and I can’t say that isn’t true. I really love him, and I don’t think this child is a mistake,” I explained.
“Dad would have been happy at least. He always wanted to be a grandfather, and just to think…he’s missing out on it. I don’t know what Mom will say but now that Dad isn’t around and she’s decided to date again, I think she feels young and vibrant again. A grandchild might put a damper on that feeling.”
“Well, she’ll just have to get over it, won’t she? We’ll talk more when we see you in about an hour.”
“Okay, see you soon.”
I pressed the end button just as Colin walked in with the last of our luggage. “Who was that? Caitlyn?”
“Yep.” I stood and walked over to him. “Liam is making dinner for us tonight and we are expected to show up in about an hour. I know we’re both jet-lagged, but I thought it would be great to get it over with.”
“What exactly are we supposed to be getting over, babe?” he asked, his eyes bright with emotion. “You think the four of us having dinner is going to make Liam have a sudden lobotomy and forget he fucked you first? That isn’t going to happen. It’s going to be awkward as hell, but we can deal with it. We’ve dealt with worse when we were in Europe, so I guess it’s all right.”
I walked closer until we were inches apart. “Come on. We can shower together and you can scrub my back. I’ll scrub yours. Remember, we’re the ones who are in a relationship, and the one-night stand with Liam was just that. Don’t let him get to you like that, okay? I love you, and you’re the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with. We’re going to have a child together, and we will have to figure this out as we go along. Despite all my eccentricities, I seriously thought I would be married when I got pregnant and started a family. I didn’t think it would happen this way, so you have to understand my point of view, okay? This is terribly awkward for me too. I’m willing to work at this if you are and it won’t happen again, I promise. Believe me, I know Caitlyn, and she is good at wrapping men around her finger. Liam won’t dare look at me with the slightest hint of desire in his eyes if he wants to keep my sister happy.”
Colin led us to his personal bathroom, his left hand holding my right in a death grip. “Believe me, that isn’t what I am afraid of.”
***
Dinner at Liam’s turned out not to be nearly as bad as I thought it would be. He chose to cook penne pasta with a rich garlic sauce piled with sautéed onions, jumbo shrimp, and scallops. It was absolutely delicious, and paired with an expensive Pinot Grigio, it was beyond sublime.
I drank only half a glass of Pinot Grigio and made it last throughout dinner, though I mostly drank several glasses of Evian water. I might have achieved the lightest buzz known to man, but Liam insisted we were all being overtly paranoid about the not-drinking and pregnancy.
“Are you kidding me, woman? Ma drank with both Colin and I the whole pregnancy. Not that she was an alcoholic, but she wouldn’t miss the chance to have a glass of wine with dinner. Seriously, you should be fine,” Liam said when I tried to put my hand over the wine glass.
I merely glared at Caitlyn, who avoided my gaze before she looked over with a slightly sheepish look and turned away again.
“So, looks like you two are really serious?” Liam said as we began to eat dinner. “When’s the wedding?”
I stared at Colin, who seemed preoccupied, and not in a good way. I responded, “We’re not sure yet.”
“Well, it’s definitely unconventional but not unheard of. Dad won’t be too upset. He’ll probably think Mom should have been around to see it happen. She really wanted grandchildren.”
“That’s what I was telling Deirdre
about our father. He really looked forward to us starting a family and now that he isn’t here, this happens, but I still think it is great news. You two make a beautiful couple and more than that, you look happy,” Caitlyn said before she dug into her plate of seafood penne.
“Well, we’re very happy.”
Liam chewed thoroughly and swallowed. “Does this mean I will have to look for yet another HR manager? I really do want you to stay on at uConnect despite the pregnancy. You’re free to take advantage and take off as much time as you need following the birth of the baby, but I do want you to work for the company.”
“Are you kidding me? Now that I am expecting baby, I really do need a full-time job. Colin is going into business with Drew, but I want to carry my own weight. I’ve delayed not getting a job for too long and despite being a trust fund adult, I really do think I can make a significant contribution to the company,” I explained.
“That’s great—”
“Liam, we need to talk,” Colin interrupted as he stood. “We can use the balcony space, but this can’t wait any longer.”
Liam’s blue eyes turned icy before he stood and followed his brother to the indoor balcony. They closed the door behind themselves, and I immediately saw Colin light a cigarette.
“Speaking of, have you quit smoking?” Caitlyn asked as she continued to eat.
“I haven’t had one all day. I only smoked occasionally on the European trip, and I planned to quit for good…again, once we got home, so this is as good a time as any.”
I put my fork down and stared at my sister. “Sometimes I think you forget what the dynamics of our relationship is, and I’m getting sick of it. I’m your older sister, not the other way around, yet you seem to have very little respect for me and that is irksome to me. I am going to live my life however I want, and that means you don’t always get an opinion, you got that?”
“If I treat you like less than an adult sometimes, perhaps it’s because you seem to act like less than an adult and have lived your life as something other than what you are for the past five years. You should have been starting this job at uConnect at twenty-four, after you got your masters, not at almost twenty-nine. You have wasted so much time yet now you want me to treat you with respect you sure as shit don’t deserve!” she said with cool, steel blue eyes.
“That’s not fair. I may not have lived my life the way you envisioned me to live it, but it is still my life to live. How dare you think just because I didn’t take the same path as you, somehow my life is not to be respected? You should treat me the same way I have treated you. I’ve supported every decision you have made in your life, whether they were right or wrong.”
“Calm down, Deirdre.” Caitlyn swept a lock of blonde hair from her face. “I don’t know why we are talking about this in the first place. You should take it easy with your condition, and we certainly shouldn’t be having knock down, drag out fights. Whatever Liam and Colin are talking about is between them. We have nothing to do with it.”
“You’re positive about that? Do you understand everything that is going on? Because several times, Colin tried to come clean with me about something in Europe and I wouldn’t let him. To be honest, I didn’t want to know. He started to tell me about this night he and Liam indulged in Bath Salts. Know anything about that?”
Caitlyn looked away as she refilled her wine glass with one of several bottles of Pinot Grigio set out on the dinner table. “Yes, he told me. According to him, they were experimenting. He was man enough to admit he was the curious one about the drug after they heard about the incidents on television and what happened to that young woman, Ms. McLaughlin, who worked at uConnect. He was open and honest about the experience and told me in truth most of the night was a blur. He just knows the next day, he awoke to find his car totaled. It was a BMW and an absolute write-off. They left it in a dicey part of town so anything could have happened. He called a tow-truck and it was taken to some scrap yard, where it was stripped. Basically, his insurance went through the roof due to the incident.”
“Is that all he told you? Colin said to me the night has been coming back to him slowly in bits and pieces. All he realized was he shouldn’t have allowed Liam to drive. He said he acted foolishly that night because his brother was in no shape or form to make that trip home behind the wheel of a car.”
Caitlyn sipped on her wine in a contemplative manner before her pale eyebrows shot up. “That’s funny because Liam told me Colin was driving. He became so erratic on the road, he forced them to pull over, and from there they called a taxi that delivered them home. He said Colin was worried about the car, but he was much more concerned about their lives.”
I smiled wryly, though my look of exasperation and irony was completely lost on my little sister. “How convenient for Liam. Seems like he is quite the revisionist when it comes to past events. I am just wondering if he fed you that same cock and bull story when it came to our one night stand? Did he say it was all my idea and I found him so incredibly attractive I just had to have him or I would die?”
My sister stood from the table but she kept her slender, graceful, and pale fingers wrapped around the wine stem. “He didn’t tell me much about what happened between the two of you. To be honest, I always got the feeling he was trying to protect your reputation, and if I viewed you in a certain light, that wouldn’t be good for anyone so I dropped it and let it go.”
Caitlyn turned around to face me. “It was the reason why I called you in the first place. I was hoping you would shed some light on what happened that night because he was so fucking vague, and you know how I am. I need to know all the facts or I feel like I don’t have the whole story. It wasn’t about you, not really. It was about what he did to you and how he made you feel. I just wanted to believe he treated you like a whore because I couldn’t stand the thought he made you feel special like he makes me feel when we make love.”
She walked closer until she stood over me, and I had to look up to her to maintain eye contact. “That would break me, Deirdre. Then I would think it’s all just some act and all he ever cared about was getting into my pants and he didn’t give a shit about my heart or my mind. I was just this pretty, drop-dead gorgeous blonde he could fuck over and that would be the end of it. The problem is, I don’t want that to be our story. I can see myself building a life with this guy, and I can’t just be some piece of ass he used, you know?”
I stood up and faced my sister with a weary look. “Even if he made me feel like I was the only woman in the world that night, it was only that one night. I don’t know what went down between us because it was completely unexpected, though I won’t lie and say I wasn’t attracted to him because I was, but it was an animal attraction and one that wouldn’t last. It was the feeling you get when you see a hot guy in Starbucks or O’Shaughnessy’s and you say to yourself, ‘God, what I wouldn’t give to have just one night with him’. It wasn’t real and more than that, it wasn’t meant to last. It’s a fleeting attraction. Unlike most people who let it go and move on with their lives, we took advantage, so don’t feel like what you have with Liam is a fraud because it isn’t. I love Colin with all my heart, and I would die first before I attempted to sleep with his brother again, mostly because he is in a relationship with my sister and if I could do something like that to the man I love and the woman I watched grow from a child to an adolescent to a full-fledged adult, then what does that say about me?”
Caitlyn’s eyes shined with unshed tears as she embraced me and clung for dear life. “Thanks. You’ll never know how much what you just said means to me. I didn’t want to think in the back of my mind that perhaps Liam might prefer you over me.”
We separated reluctantly, and I shook my head. “A hot blonde like you with a great attitude, French charm, and fashion sense yet he’s going to prefer me to you? Now I know you’ve lost it.”
“I’m not as irresistible as you seem to think. I don’t think one person can honestly say they have gone through life withou
t being dumped, and believe me when I say it has happened to me too.”
I laughed as both Colin and Liam walked back into the sitting room and closed the doors to the indoor patio behind them. My lover walked directly to me and slid an arm around my waist.
“Is everything all right?” I asked softly.
“No. I’m tired, and we have decided we’ll pick this up another night. You’re not disappointed, are you?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No, of course not, and I think that is best. I’m very tired and jet-lagged.”
“How about we do this on the weekend, once you two have gotten a chance to settle into the time change and whatnot,” Liam suggested, though his eyes were glued to Caitlyn. The look he was giving her wasn’t sweet. It was filled with complete lust and passion.
“Yeah, that works,” I called out as Colin and I walked toward the front door.
We’d barely closed the door when Colin sighed. “I swear to God, if that motherfucker kept talking about his recollection of that night, I was going to fucking break his nose.”
“According to Caitlyn, he claimed you were driving,” I responded.
“That asshole. Then again, Liam has never been good at taking responsibility for his own mistakes. It’s always someone else’s fault. I’ll let it be for tonight, but eventually everything will have to come out whether he wants to face the truth or not.”
I stared into Colin’s eyes, and the look he wore was serious and without a hint of humor. I buried myself in his embrace because if we weren’t facing one another, I wouldn’t be forced to accept the finality in his eyes or his voice.
Chapter Twenty
It was another two weeks before Colin helped me work up the courage to see my gynecologist. She confirmed the pregnancy, and I was grateful because not only was she a general gynecologist, but she also worked as an OB-GYN, which meant I didn’t have to be referred out to another physician.
Atonement (The Atonement Duet Book 1) Page 20
