by Shey Stahl
After getting Lucas off my bed, I placed the food on the floor and sat down on my bed. I couldn’t figure out why Lucas wanted to sleep on my bed...creepy little weirdo.
Jameson slowly stepped inside closing the door behind him, the sound of the door locking behind him echoed throughout.
I was relieved he locked the door. With the Lucifer twins around, thoughts of getting a deadbolt were high on my list.
Mr. Jangles was on the bed so I tried to push him off—he just pushed back. “Mr. Jangles, you’re such a jerk sometimes. You need to share.” Flicking his kitty tail at me, he jumped down to his own bed on the floor finding his food dish.
“What is that?” Jameson motioned towards Mr. Jangles looking slightly terrified of him. “Seriously, what is that?”
“It’s a cat.” I glanced at him with a are-you-fucking-stupid expression. “What does it look like?”
“Well, if it didn’t have so much hair I’d think it was a small child.” His eyes narrowed trying to make sense of him. “What in the hell do you feed him, McDonalds?”
I laughed curling my legs up around my chest leaning back against the wooden headboard. “No, spaghetti and milk,”
“Maybe you should cut back on the carbs.” Jameson suggested taking a seat next to me on the bed. He observed Mr. Jangles watching him scarf down his spaghetti in disbelief. “Jesus Sway, this thing eats more than I do.”
“Be careful what you say around him,” Mr. Jangles crawled onto the bed so I covered his ears. “He’s sensitive about his weight.” I whispered scratching his overly large back. “Have some compassion.”
“Well, we wouldn’t want to offend Mr. Jangles, would we?”
“No, we wouldn’t.”
Jameson smiled looking down at me from under his thick dark lashes. “Why do you call him Mr. Jangles? Why not a normal name, like kitty?”
“Jesus, I was drunk at the time, give me a break. And kitty was taken if you hadn’t noticed already.” I huffed annoyed.
After a moment, his head tipped towards me, a faint smile present and I finally noticed him, really noticed him. He was the epitome of perfection in my eyes, faults aside, but here he was...trying for me and he wanted me in return. The usual calm and collected façade had been replaced with a worried and doubtful expression. He looked exhausted.
Taking a deep breath, I melted at the warm, clean, musky intoxicating scent of Jameson lying next to me. Cradling me to his chest his warm arms wrapped around my waist. I leaned back to look at his serene peaceful face and kissed him.
With his arms already around me, he easily slid me on top of him. Everything seemed so familiar but yet so new and thrilling. His lips were soft but moved fiercely, he felt the change too.
I wanted to feel him. I wanted his skin against mine but when my hands traveled down his stomach and started to pull his shirt up, he stopped me.
“Sway, wait...” he said breathlessly.
I smiled against his lips shaking my head and his grasp away. “I want to.”
“No, Sway...I’m not messing this up this time.” He sighed moving me to his side but kept his arms around me. “I love you and I’m doing this right, this time.”
“What have you done with the Jameson I know?” I tapped on his head.
He grinned playfully his shoulders straightening. “I’m all grown up now.”
“Pft...hardly...so doing this right means we can’t have sex?”
He chuckled softly at my boldness. “No, we can’t.” he brought my lips back to his for a slow lazy kiss and then pulled away. “Because I’m going to take my time with you and show you I deserve you...show you how much I want you.” He kissed me again and swept my hair away from my neck so he could kiss down the side. “I’m not going to fuck this up.” He stated.
“Hmmm...so that means we won’t see each other for around three weeks and we can’t have sex? That sucks.” I grumbled.
Jameson laughed. “Shouldn’t I be the one mad here?”
“Yes, I’m surprised you’re not...” I reached my hand towards his camshaft quickly before he could pull it away. He threw his head back and groaned as I performed some reciprocating motions over his jeans. His camshaft had other plans for him. “See...he’s mad at you.” I pointed out.
“I’m no longer ruled by my dick Sway,” his words came out half-strangled. “We need to wait.” Reaching for my hand, he placed soft kisses on the inside of my palm. “We just have to.”
The rest of the night, we just held each other, still fully clothed.
Believe me, I tried again but he was fixed in his ways. I almost got him to surrender when I started dry humping him while he was sleeping...he woke up, rolled me over and continued the motions until he reached for his zipper and snapped out of his trance.
He really was different. He wanted to do this right and he was going to prove it.
Damn it.
I was all for doing this right but no sex; that just seemed dumb to even consider.
Sometime in the early morning just as the sun began to peak over the dense tree’s surround the house, I woke up. Jameson was on his side facing me still sleeping.
I couldn’t sleep so instead I laid there trying not to wake him.
Here I was less than twelve hours ago thinking my life was over hearing the news my dad was dying. Then Jameson shows up and my world shifts again. Something I’d been holding onto for so long was now mine, and now something I never thought would be taken from me would soon be gone.
One thing was certain, I couldn’t agonize over this. Charlie wouldn’t want that at all. He would want all of us to act as though nothing was wrong, he didn’t want the reminder.
To him, to all of us, life needed to be normal and that’s exactly what I would do, for him.
The next morning Jameson left for North Dakota and I walked back into the house after saying our goodbyes, sad as ever that I wasn’t going to see him until the Northern Sprint Tour was in town—three weeks away.
Once he left, I noticed a note he left on my pillow.
You are where my heart belongs.
Jameson
It looked as though he signed an autograph for me. Smiling to myself, I sent him a text message thanking him once again.
Looking over the note, it finally made sense to me. That uneasiness, vulnerability, the restlessness, the way he kept his distance at the bar that first night, the way he stared at the ceiling afterwards we slept together. It was because of this, the confliction he felt towards the decision. The bigger picture here, and what I never really understood, was me. I was the link he needed, the connection between where he came from and where he was going. I grounded him back to where it all began and reminded him of why he was chasing his dream. I couldn’t take all the credit but I knew the place I held in all this now.
Talk about a revelation.
Charlie was sitting in his chair when I walked into the living room, watching television so I sat down on the couch and watched with him.
I hated baseball but I wanted to spend some time with him.
“Sway, I think you should go to Loudon this weekend.” Charlie told me sometime after the third inning began. “Jameson needs you there.”
Reaching for my mocha, I was confused. “I thought you needed me here this weekend?”
“I only need you here for the bigger events. This weekend is just regular season races.” He glanced over at me. “If these last few days have taught me anything it is that I will not stand in the way of your happiness anymore, you deserve to be happy. You deserve to be the twenty-two year old that you are.”
I felt relieved to hear him say that. My entire life I had to live way beyond my years and some days, I wanted to be a careless twenty-two year old that didn’t have to worry about a father that was dying of brain cancer or a boyfriend that I wouldn’t get to see all that often or furthermore, the General Manager of a racetrack.
Hold the fuck up. Did I just say boyfriend?
Is that what he is
to me now?
Lucas came strolling carelessly inside the house with what appeared to be mud in his hands and he was eating it.
Personally, I wasn’t all that surprised.
Charlie eyed him closer as Lucas walked back outside again, with his mud. “What the fuck, was he eating mud?”
I glanced back at Lucas and then to Charlie again, shrugging my shoulders before slurping my mocha. “It appears that way.”
“What is wrong with those boys?”
I laughed. “You know dad, they’re six-years old. A few years ago, they were still shitting themselves. You really shouldn’t expect so much from them.”
13. Wedge – Jameson
Wedge – Refers to the relationship from corner-to-corner of the weight of the race car. Increasing the weight on any corner of the car affects the weight of the other three corners in direct proportion. Weight adjustments are made by turning “weight jacking screws” mounted on each corner with a ratchet. A typical adjustment for “loose” car would be increase the weight of the left rear corner of the car, which decreases the weight of the left front and right rear corners and increases the weight of the right front. A typical adjustment for a “tight” vehicle would be to increase the weight of the right rear corner, which decreases the weight of the right front and left rear and increases the weight of the left front.
I would have given Sway what she wanted, over and over again...but that wasn’t what this was about anymore. She had no idea the influence she had on me and the ability she had to completely destroy me.
I told myself I’d never let someone else have that type of power over me but she did and I trusted her completely with that power.
I needed her to trust me, and we needed to be patient, if that were at all possible. We both had to learn to take our time with this, because even if she was the one person who really knew me, we were both strangers to each other in a lot of ways.
I wanted to be careful, and make sure that we did things the right way—this time. I wanted to rediscover her, slowly, and in the most intimate ways. I wanted to know her, all of her. In turn, I wanted her to know me in ways I’d never let anyone before.
I fell asleep wrapped around Sway, lulled by her soft breathing against my neck.
When I awoke the next morning by my phone buzzing, I found that heaver of a cat, lying on my stomach.
Jesus Christ...it feels like a damn child is sitting on me.
I went to push him away but instead he dug his claws into my bare stomach causing me to wince in pain. I didn’t like cats, I just didn’t. I would never harm one, it’s not like I was some serial killer or anything that started off by killing animals. I just didn’t actively care about them.
“Let go...” I whined trying to pull him off.
What the hell is his deal or name for that matter? Sway told me, what it was.
Mr. Jingle...Mr. Jungle?
“Mr. Jangles...leave him alone.” Sway moaned reaching for the cat, ripping out my skin as she did so.
Right, Mr. Jangles.
My phone continued to buzz so I reached for it.
It was Emma.
“Well?” Emma quietly asked me. I could tell she was smiling on the other line.
“Do you ever sleep?” I groaned. “Why are you calling me?”
Rubbing my eyes, I drank from the bottle of water next to the bed. It was too early for her to be this excited and way too early for her to be asking me questions about Sway but that never stopped my overly obnoxious sister before, why would it now?
“How did it go?”
“Fine,” I whispered, I didn’t want to wake Sway. “I have to go though, my flight leaves in two hours and I still have to make it back to Olympia.”
“We are talking when you get to Loudon.” She ordered. “Now go cuddle with Sway for a few minutes.”
“Later,”
Sighing, I quietly rolled over. Sway was still asleep, curled around Mr. Jangles. I smiled and carefully crawled back into the bed next to her. She was beautiful, even asleep. Her cheeks still held a soft pink color, and her full lips were slightly opened. The darkness of her hair framed her face, making her skin seem paler.
She was perfect. Absolutely fucking perfect for me and she loved me, not the famous race. She loved me.
“I’ll take care of you,” I whispered softly brushing her hair off her face. “I promise.”
My arm wrapped around her side, holding her closely to me before I had to leave. I hated leaving her, especially after last night. We’d talked for hours about what would happen after Charlie passed away, which I knew bothered her.
No one wants to have both their parents gone at the age of twenty-two, or any age for that matter. Sway never displayed hate or resentment for anything that’d happened throughout her life, she just took it as it came and made the best of the situation. I envied her in many ways for being able to do that. Some thought she was crazy but that was Sway.
Most could learn a thing or two from her.
So many times I got asked the question, “How do you do it at such a young age?”
I assumed they were referring to the lifestyle I lived and the commitments I had, but their cagey expressions towards me said something along the lines of, “You’re fucking it all up, aren’t you?”
I got this from everyone too. The media, the fans, my family, and now my sponsors, who shelled out millions for me to do this, all questioned me.
That wasn’t exactly the image I wanted them to see but in actuality, I didn’t think I was fucking up. Sure, I’d made some questionable decisions so far but I was in control, so I thought.
“Mr. Riley, can you tell us what your involvement is with Chelsea Adams?” Marcus Harding, the President of Simplex Shocks and Springs, asked as I sat across a table from him.
I’d flown to Grand Forks North Dakota of all places to meet with Marcus and the Vice President Bill Helm, to discuss possible sponsorship of my sprint car team but alas, here I sat discussing my recent involvement with Chelsea. I really wanted to say: “What the fuck does this have to do with sponsorship?” but I knew how involved Tate was with Simplex. Being a family owned business themselves, personal relationships were something they valued, as they did with Tate.
So I kept my thoughts to myself.
I cleared my throat before answering. “My only involvement with Ms. Adams was to retrieve legal documents she supposedly had for me. When I went with her, she indicated she didn’t have them.”
“Did you sexually assault her?” Marcus asked, his hazel eyes probing and accusing.
Wanting to get my point across, I maintained eye contact with him as I responded. “I would prefer to answer that for you, but unfortunately I’ve been advised by my attorney that since this case is still under open investigation, I’m not allowed to discuss specifics.”
“I’m sure you’ll understand then that we cannot discuss further sponsorship obligations until these charges have been settled.” Bill advised with hard gargoyle eyes. “We will continue to sponsor you, for now. But please keep in mind that we do not condone this type of behavior nor do we appreciate the aggression you’ve been displaying on the track. That’s not an image we want portrayed.”
I took a deep breath attempting to control myself.
Why the fuck they couldn’t tell me this over the goddamn phone had me seeing red. I barely had had enough control to continue speaking in a normal civilized manner. Inside my blood was boiling,
I wanted to snap but instead, I said. “Yes sir, I understand,” through a clenched jaw, “Thank you for meeting with me.”
I didn’t say anything else. Though I was seeing, I didn’t trust my tongue not to keep me out of trouble. My mouth had gotten me in enough the last few weeks.
Phillip had advised me that it was in my best interest, not to discuss specifics with anyone and I agreed. It wasn’t their business to begin with. He was working with Chelsea’s attorney to come up with some kind of agreement regarding the char
ges brought against me. She told the police that I assaulted her and forced her to give me oral sex. She even went as far to say that I held her head down while she did so, causing bruising—which she had. I never touched her aside from holding my arm to her throat. The bruises she had were on the back of her neck. I had a feeling Darrin was involved and I wanted to figure out what the hell he was trying to prove.
With everything that happened, I knew something was going on but I also had a job to do, a sprint car team to run and a girlfriend that needed to know how much I loved her.
I tried once again to contact Tate but of course, it went straight to voicemail so I left yet another message of: “Hey dude it’s Jameson. I need to speak with you, call me, please!”
Tate had been avoiding my phone calls since that night in Sonoma and I had an inkling he would be for a while. The fucked up part about it was we’d been friends for three years now. How he could believe that deceitful bitch over me was appalling. What’s worse was that he had the nerve to call Marcus up without even speaking to me about it first.
Who does that?
Still fuming over my interactions with Bill and Marcus, I was now on the way to Loudon New Hampshire with my dad—not exactly my idea of fun.
He was once again giving me his insight whether I wanted it or not.
He only had a few hours before he needed to be in Nebraska for a race tonight so he insisted on flying with me. Like I said, this was not my idea of fun. It wasn’t that I didn’t like my dad; it was that I didn’t want to hear what he had to say today, that’s all.
Quietly keeping to myself looking over paperwork, I moved on to signing autographs for the Dartmouth Children’s hospital, trying to avoid conversation that would likely result in the any man worth his salt speech again. Hell, I was still confused from the last one.
Avoiding him the best I could, my silence was over quickly.
“What the fuck!” Jimi yelled across the cabin towards me.
Why he was yelling when we were not more than three feet from each other wasn’t my main concern. The vein pulsating in his neck is far more troubling at that point.
