by Nikki Paris
“Uh…yeah. Put her in room three.” I was enjoying my fifteen minutes of silence, but I’d never been able to walk away from a hurting animal. It started when I was six years old and watched a bird fly straight into our sliding glass window. The deafening thud made my mom scream and spill her coffee.
I just watched the bird collapse on our back patio, stunned and unmoving. My mom gasped and said, “Oh, no. Poor thing!” Then she looked over at me with eyes full of worry.
“Did it die?” I asked.
“I… I think so, honey.” She patted my head and pulled the curtains closed, trying to shield me from the morbid view. “I better go get dad to take care of it.”
“Wait!” I yelled. “Let me see if it’s really dead.” When I went outside and crouched beside the bird, I noticed an almost imperceptible rise and fall of its chest. I spent the next twenty minutes fashioning an old shoebox into a soft bed for the bird. Then I gently lifted it into the box. The way my mom used to tell the story, I watched over it for days, but it was only a couple of hours before the stunned bird woke up and flew away.
The feeling I got when the bird got back up was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. I’d saved a living thing that was helpless without me. I knew I wanted to keep doing that for the rest of my life.
So every plan I made for myself from that moment involved learning how to care for animals. I felt like it was what I was meant to do. I volunteered at animal shelters as a teen and did all my prerequisites for vet school during my first few years of college. I was good at it. I liked it.
But, during my last year of vet school, I had one of those life crisis moments where I second-guessed everything I was doing. How could I have honestly decided what I wanted to do with the rest of my life when I was six? What if I should have focused on healing people? What if my true life calling was traveling the world, making YouTube videos? What if I was good at coding or writing novels? Who the fuck knew?
I was close to quitting, and then I met Callie. She’d waltzed into the vet clinic where I was working as an assistant, with her parents’ sick parakeet, looking like a goddamn angel. I saved the bird, and she asked me out right after.
It was like a sign — another saved bird, and the girl of my dreams. Everything was crystal clear with Callie, so I finished vet school and then married her.
My life trajectory was perfect back then, and everything made sense. But I didn’t have a trajectory anymore. Now I just existed to exist.
I picked up my lab coat from the back of my chair and slid it on as I walked down the hall toward room three.
◆◆◆
After work, I stopped at the grocery store. Callie was a nutritionist. She used to do all the shopping and meal planning because, according to her, I was a terrible cook. The last meal plan she wrote stayed on our fridge for three months before I took it down.
She’d purse her lips at me now and put her hands on her hips if she could see me in the frozen food section. I could almost hear her. “Babe! That food is loaded with preservatives and other garbage! Put it down!”
Oh well. I reached for a box of frozen waffles at the same time as someone else.
“Oh, I’m sorry!” A sweet female voice said. And then. “Fucking hell. Never mind!” Princess Dani gave me a light shove and grabbed the box of waffles. Where the hell did she come from?
I looked up at the ceiling and rolled my eyes. “That was the last box.”
Dani dropped it in her cart. “That sucks for you.”
“Why are you everywhere I go?”
Dani laughed and batted her long eyelashes at me. “I just wanna be your best friend! So I follow you everywhere and try to make you like me. I literally have nothing better to do with my life!”
I rubbed my jaw and turned away from her so she wouldn’t see me almost smile. I hated it when she pulled my head out of my ass and almost got me to enjoy myself. “You are terrible at making people like you.”
Dani pretended to gasp. “Well, what if I invite you over f-for waffles t-tomorrow? Huh, neighbor?”
“I would say hell fucking no.”
Dani shrugged. “Your loss. I’m an excellent c-cook.”
I folded my arms across my chest. “I can’t picture that, Princess.”
“Can’t you?” Dani bit her lip and gave me a seductive look. “I wear one of those little nighties when I cook breakfast.”
Fuck. Now I was picturing it. Did she have one of those little nightgowns in black?
Dani sighed. “B-but you don’t want to be friends, soooo…” She shrugged and walked away, pushing her cart.
I tried to keep my eyes off her ass in case she turned back around. Dani always caught me staring at her ass, but it looked so good. She was wearing skin-tight yoga pants tonight. Need I say more?
Right on cue, Dani glanced over her shoulder and caught me staring. Fucking hell. I rolled my eyes when she smirked at me and turned my cart around to push it in the other direction.
Five minutes later, I ran into her again in the produce section. Dani’s face lit up with a mischievous grin when she saw me, and she grabbed a bunch of bananas. “Hey, J-jerkface,” she called over to me. “D-do you like bananas with your w-waffles?” Dani bit her lip and sensually rubbed one of the bananas.
My cock stiffened as I watched her dainty little hand grip the banana, and I was thoroughly pissed off about it. “If you keep that up, you’re going to regret it, Princess.”
Dani feigned innocence. “Oh, my g-god! Am I bothering you again? I just keep d-doing that, don’t I?”
I walked away without my apples and got in line to pay for my groceries. I spotted Dani again in the parking lot while putting my cart away and decided I couldn’t let her just fuck with me and not retaliate.
How could I wipe that smug little look off her face? I was attracted to her, but if I wasn’t mistaken, she was attracted to me, too. She also had me pegged as a jerk. So I had two different angles I could work here. I could tease her back and leave her even more turned on than I was, or I could be completely nice to her and confuse the hell out of her, only to then be a jerk again.
Dani had her back to me as she loaded her trunk with groceries. Mmm… that ass. I walked over to her. Why couldn’t I play both angles and leave her pretty little head spinning?
“Let me get those for you.” I grabbed the last two bags in Dani’s cart and put them in her trunk. She turned to look at me with her brow furrowed and her mouth slightly open.
I got her. One more move for the kill.
I left her trunk open and then pressed my body into hers, backing her up against her car. I heard Dani’s breath catch, and I reached up to gently brush the hair from her face. I rested my other hand on her hip, pushing her shirt up so that my fingers rested on a tiny strip of bare skin.
She felt damn good. I needed to leave her head spinning and walk away before I got hard.
Dani’s breathing was getting heavy. Yeah. Princess liked this. I leaned in, letting my lips graze her jaw. Dani let out a tiny little gasp and pressed her hands against my chest. I thought she was about to push me away, but then she gripped my t-shirt.
That’s right, you little brat.
Right when she thought I was about to kiss her, I reached behind her into her trunk and grabbed the box of waffles. I winked at her and walked away.
“Hey! I paid for those, asshole!” She yelled after me. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
I smirked at her over my shoulder. “So many things.”
◆◆◆
When I opened my door the next morning, I stepped on something and heard a crunch. I looked down to see a paper plate filled with black, charred toaster waffles.
I accidentally laughed out loud. Princess must have gone to another grocery store to get more waffles so that she could burn some for me. How sweet.
I scooped up the plate of waffles and dumped it onto Dani’s adorable little flowered welcome mat. Then I pictured her in lingerie again, like I
’d been doing all damn night.
Who was the real winner here? I could never tell.
10
Dani
I sat at my kitchen table on Friday afternoon. I wasn’t proud of it, but I was eating out of a pan of brownies with a fork. Lizzy sat at my feet, giving me her judgmental eyes. “Oh, shut up, Lizzy. You don’t know my life.”
I’d been to three different job interviews in the last week. They were all soul-sucking entry-level office jobs that made me want to slit my damn wrists. But a girl can only sell so much stuff to pay the rent, and I wasn’t quite ready to start selling my body. Maybe soon, though, since I hadn’t even heard back from any of the jobs I didn’t want.
Suddenly, my phone rang with an unknown number. “Ha! I got one of those jobs, Lizzy! Who’s the loser now?” What was I trying to say with that comment anyway? Was I calling my dog a loser? I cleared my throat and answered the call with my best phone voice. “Hello! Danica Jepson speaking!”
“Hi, Danica! This is Leroy, from Modern Talents. I’ve got your headshot and bio here, and we recently got a call from one of our favorite casting directors. He’s looking for someone just like you, and I’d like to invite you to audition.”
I blinked at the wall. “Is this a prank call?” I asked.
Leroy laughed. “I assure you it’s not. You can look us up if you want.”
“Yeah, I’m g-gonna do that. Can I give you a call back, Leroy?”
“Uh. No. Yeah. That’s fine. Just do it quickly before we fill the role.” Leroy sounded straight-up shocked.
“I’ll do that. You have a nice day, Leroy.” I hung up the phone and rolled my eyes. My agent dropped me entirely about three years ago, so I’d been fielding these calls on my own since then. Most of them were for pornos, a few were complete bullshit, and even less were legitimate, albeit low-budget productions.
I couldn’t even land the low-budget roles. Okay, I could have landed them ten years ago, but back then, I thought I was hot shit and too good for them. So really, I shot myself in the foot by being a brat. At least I was self-aware and working on my flaws! Fuck.
I opened my laptop and looked up Modern Talents. My eyes scanned the website that popped up. These people claimed to have ties to some huge names in show business. I clicked the “Meet the Team” tab and found Leroy’s picture. He was a blading middle-aged dude with a creepy beard, but he seemed legit. Hmm, would it be crazy for me to call back? Or would it be crazy not to call back?
I tapped my foot and took another bite of brownie. “What do you think, Lizzy?” She raised her head from her paw and grumbled at me before laying back down. I sighed and picked up the phone. What the hell?
Twenty minutes later, I had an audition set up for a role in a Netflix Original film. Holy shit! I could get back on the map with this! The audition was in one hour, across town, so I needed to get ready and go!
I ran to my bathroom, fixed my make-up and hair, and then ran out the door. I called my mom as I drove. “MOM!” I yelled as soon as she answered.
“Uh, hello, Danica. How are you?”
“I HAVE AN AUDITION!”
She gasped. “Oh, honey, that’s great! When? What for?”
I laughed. “Right now! It’s for a hot gang bang porno!”
“Danica!”
I threw my head back and laughed again. “God, I’m j-just kidding! It’s for a Netflix Original film.”
“That sounds great, sweetie! Call me after and tell me how it goes!”
“Will do!” I was so nervous I thought I was going to puke!
◆◆◆
The audition was perfect. I only stuttered on two words, and now I couldn’t stop smiling!
“Lizzy! I fucking killed it!” I yelled into my dark apartment when I returned home. I flipped on the hall light, but Lizzy didn’t come to greet me. I frowned. That was weird. I wandered into the kitchen and saw her sprawled out on the floor. I thought she was sleeping for a minute, but as I got closer, I could see that she was panting, and her stomach was bloated.
“Whoa, girl.” I sank down next to her and rubbed her ears. She tried to lift her head but dropped it back down a second later, whining. “Uh, Lizzy? G-g-g-girl, are you okay?” Panic was starting to spread through my chest. What was wrong with my dog?
I looked up at the table and saw that the pan of brownies was still sitting there, only now it was empty. Oh, shit. Dogs weren’t supposed to have chocolate! Oh, shit!
I jumped up and grabbed my phone to call Lizzy’s vet. They were closed. Shit! I paced around the kitchen, reading articles on my phone about what to do if your dog eats chocolate. Okay, she needed to throw up! I rushed around my apartment, checking for puddles of vomit. When I didn’t find any, my panic increased.
What was I supposed to do? Suddenly, Mr. Sexyasfuck Jerkface came to mind. He said he was a vet. Was that true, or was he just fucking with me like usual? And what would he do if I showed up at his door? The asshole had never helped me before. Why would he help me now? I didn’t even know if I wanted his help, especially after the toaster waffle bullshit that went down a few days ago.
Lizzy panted and whined, clearly in an extreme amount of distress. I groaned out loud and decided to swallow my pride. I scooped her up in my arms and stumbled out my front door. Fuck. She was heavier than she looked!
I reached my asshole neighbor’s door and pounded on it with my fist. Tears were starting to burn the corners of my eyes. Lizzy had to be okay. She didn’t deserve to go like this — because I was a selfish dumbass that left out a pan of brownies.
The door swung open, and Jerkface raised an eyebrow. “The hell?”
“A-a-a-a-are you r-r-really a v-v-vet?” I blurted. My stuttering was terrible. I was freaking out.
He paused before sighing and saying, “Yeah. What’s wrong with your dog?”
The tears started falling. Shit. I was crying in front of Jerkface. I’d never come back from this. “Sh-sh-sh-she ate a-a-a-a pan of brownies!”
“Okay, how long ago?”
I shrugged and sniffled. “A f-f-f-few hours ago.”
“Has she puked yet?”
I shook my head.
He sighed and ran his hands through his dark, wavy hair. “Bring her in. We need to induce vomiting, and I have some activated charcoal that should help slow the absorption.”
Relief exploded through my body, and I followed him into his kitchen, carrying Lizzy.
“You can put her there.” He pointed to his table.
I plopped Lizzy down and tearfully asked, “I-is she g-g-gonna be okay?”
“If we can get her to vomit, then yes.”
I nodded and watched as Jerkface calmly pulled on a pair of gloves and grabbed a bottle of hydrogen peroxide from the cupboard under his sink. “This will induce vomiting.” He also grabbed a jar of peanut butter and a spoon. Then he gently tipped Lizzy’s head back and attempted to feed her some hydrogen peroxide soaked peanut butter.
I didn’t think she’d take it, but he spoke softly to her and gently pried her jaw open. Before I knew it, Lizzy was lapping up the peanut butter. “Good girl,” he said, rubbing behind her ears.
I watched him with my mouth slightly open. If this wasn’t a complete mindfuck, then I didn’t know the definition of mindfuck. Jerkface was being all kind and gentle to my dog. Jerkface was saving her life and looking like a goddamn snack doing it.
Maybe I had him all wrong. What if he was incredible, and I was the jerk? It was possible — unlikely, but possible.
I watched him for a minute, unable to close my mouth. “What’s your name?” I asked softly.
He glanced up at me, still rubbing Lizzy’s ears. “It’s Connor.”
I nodded. “Thanks, Connor.”
He smirked. “I might be a jerk, but I’m not going to let an innocent animal die.”
I smiled at him. I actually smiled at him and wiped away a few tears. “Jerkface Connor, that’s secretly a big softie.”
“Hey.” Conn
or pointed a gloved finger in my face. “We aren’t friends, Princess Dani. I still plan on being a jerk to you.”
“Okay.” I was smiling like an idiot. Yep, I was right. Learning his name had completely humanized him. Now I was harboring a full-blown crush on my sexy neighbor.
He met my gaze, and his big brown eyes looked a little less cold. I swear to god, he almost smiled at me. Then Lizzy stood up and puked all over his table.
“Oh, fuck,” I mumbled.
He handed me a roll of paper towels and a bottle of all-purpose cleaner, looking completely unfazed by the puddle of brownie puke on his table. Then he said, “I’ll grab the activated charcoal now.”
I sighed and got to work cleaning up Lizzy’s mess. “Hey, g-g-g-girl, I’m sorry I left brownies out. I’ll do better by you next time, o-okay?”
Connor was back with a syringe filled with charcoal. He tipped Lizzy’s head back again and squirted the syringe down her throat. Then he glanced over at me. “Do you have a stutter, Dani?”
God-fucking-damnit! He really was an asshole! He had to go and ruin a perfectly good moment by bringing up my speech impediment. I narrowed my eyes and frowned at him. “Y-yeah. I do! Thanks for pointing it out!” I scooped Lizzy up in my arms again. “Is she good? A-a-a-are we d-done here?”
Connor sighed and rolled his eyes. “Yep. We’re done.”
“G-g-great. Thanks.” I deadpanned and marched out of his apartment. Never mind, Connor was a jerk.
Or, maybe I was being oversensitive because of my experience with Darian at the club. Connor didn’t make fun of me. He just asked.
I thought about turning around, knocking on his door, and apologizing for freaking out, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Pride’s a bitch.
11
Connor
Apparently, Princess Dani was sensitive about her stutter. My mistake. But seriously, I saved her dog’s life for free on a goddamn Friday night, and she still managed to get offended. For once, I wasn’t even trying to piss her off!
