Eye for an eye (The Nighthawks MC Book 5)

by Bella Knight

  “I can’t thank you enough for this. I had cervical cancer, and had everything removed to keep it from spreading,” said the judge.

  “I had fibroid tumors that keep growing. It is too dangerous for me to have a baby. We went through an ectopic pregnancy and two miscarriages,” said Sondra, with tears in her eyes.

  “That sucks,” said Ghost. “That’s why we wanna do this.”

  “And da condo,” said Killa. “We bein’ honest.”

  “Excellent,” said the judge. “When do you want to get started?”

  “De doctor at da fertility clinic say we ready in two days.”

  Judge Jannie and Sondra clenched hands, looked at each other, and smiled. “We’re good with that,” said the judge.

  “We ovulatin’ at the same time, ‘cause we married and live together,” said Ghost. “You want both of us or one of us?”

  “Ghost, let’s start with you,” said Jannie. “We can go to Killa here if that doesn’t take.”

  “Having four or five babies would be fun,” said the judge. “But all at once, not so much.”

  Killa laughed. “No, but we ready if ya do.”

  The judge smiled. “Okay. Let’s eat, and call the broker.”

  “I’m too excited to eat,” said Sondra. “Let’s take it to go.” She stood, and hugged both of them. “You’re doing an amazing thing,” she said. “You’re worth twelve condos.” She laughed. “But we only have money for one.”

  “We sign da paperwork tomorrow,” said Ghost. “Den we go to da clinic, and I get knocked up.”

  Killa laughed. “Wish it were me too, but we gotta do dis one at a time.”

  The judge hugged them too, and they went to order their food. The judge got on the phone, and the broker texted Killa with the news. Killa texted back to go ahead. Killa and Ghost waited until the women drove off to order their wings and cheese sticks. Then, they held each other close.

  Bonnie went with them to sign the contract, then to the clinic. Ghost chafed at having to stay still, so Killa played a game with her on their tablet. Once they were allowed to leave, they went to get the condo. The surrogacy contract didn’t work to net them the house yet; Bonnie had to sign as a co-signer.

  It took a week to find out that both embryos had implanted. It seemed the judge and her wife were, if all went well, getting twins, after all. They celebrated with sparkling grape juice, popcorn, and an action movie that night at home.

  Recovery

  Numa was worried. Lily had clean hair and skin, and she ate, mostly mechanically, when given food. But, she was ashen. Her eyes were huge, and she nearly always had tears in her eyes. She stared at her sleeping husband, and stroked his skin. She would get through a TV show or two before falling asleep again. She lost weight, despite the food. Her skin hung off of her. She didn’t read, which had been her previous love.

  Numa and Ivy both tried talking to Lily about her brother. Lily would start to tell a story, but then would falter, then forget to finish her story. Most of them were of Lily doing what her alcoholic father should have, like kicking a soccer ball with him, helping him with homework, or baking him a birthday cupcake.

  Numa reached out for help to Ava, her friend on the res. “Ya’ll need the Recover from Grief Handbook by Jasper and Frilton. It’s an oldie but goodie. Now, about Lily. It sounds like this poor woman lost two kids. She raised her older brother, which sounds weird. In actual fact, her brother was, to put it bluntly, an idiot who, unfortunately, fell into the same addiction as his father. So, first she raised him, then lost him to drugs and drinking, and then she lost him again to murder. On the same day, she was shot and lost her baby. I actually think she’s doing great. She’s eating and sleeping and showering. She’s healing physically. I hesitate at doing grief work just yet. She’s not ready. On top of everything else, her husband has been shot, directly in front of her, and he is badly damaged.”

  “I am absolutely heartbroken, and terrified for her,” said Numa.

  “I can understand why,” said Ava. “Now, Ace is doing what he should, drugging himself up and sleeping constantly. He has a broken scapula, and muscle, tendon, and cartilage damage. It is going to take a long time for him to heal. His wife’s older brother was murdered in front of him, and he was shot. Then, he wakes up to find his wife has been shot and his baby has died. His grief is more a lack of control because he couldn’t stop anything. So, he will probably spend time feeling helpless and angry. He’ll hurt over losing his child, but he’ll work through that, from what you’ve told me about him. He will feel especially helpless dealing with his wife, who will be going through grief for one to two years. It’s their decision if, or when to get pregnant again, but she’ll be needing to work through her grief through to acceptance before the baby is born.”

  “Can you help them?” asked Numa.

  “Absolutely,” said Ava, “I need to meet with them, of course, just briefly to introduce myself. She’ll probably cry through most of our sessions, but that’s quite healthy. Like I said, I think I need to meet them, and set up times to talk. Doing it by phone, online, or face-to-face. Yana can do the night shift, and me the day shift. The idea is to have her feel safe with us, and give her the time and space to hurt and heal.”

  “When can you come down?”

  “Tomorrow morning. We’ll keep it to ten minutes, unless she wants to unload.”

  “Thank you, Ava,” said Numa.

  “I’m getting paid,” said Ava. “They both have insurance. But, I will gladly help them.”

  Numa told Ace and Lily about Ava, and her “co-pilot” Yana. Both had years as grief counselors, and they worked all over Vegas, not just the Res.

  Inola was using Yana to help her process the rape as she grew large with little Ryder, the result of her rape. Inola was worried about visiting Lily and Ace. She didn’t want to make Lily’s grief worse.

  Inola called Numa. “I’ll send Bella with Ava,” she said. “I trust her. I’ve talked with her when I couldn’t reach Yana.”

  “Good,” said Numa. “Have her be here by nine.”

  “Ugh,” said Inola. “You do know Bella’s a night bar back?”

  “I do,” said Numa. “She only needs to be here ten minutes.”

  “I call bullshit,” said Inola. “She’ll want to stay and hold Lily’s hand.”

  “Is that a bad thing?” asked Numa.

  “Move it to noon or one,” said Inola, “and, tell me when she’s ready for me to visit.”

  “Will do,” said Numa.

  “I’ve got a new horse to work with,” said Inola. “She’s a mare, older. Jeffrey loves her.”

  “Good luck with that,” said Numa. She called Ava and moved the time to one, then texted both Inola and Bella.

  Bella came early, with sealed containers of corn soup. She was stunned at the lost look in Lily’s violet eyes. She didn’t talk about the bar, or preparing for little Ryder. She just held Lily’s hand, and watched the tears leak from her eyes.

  Ava was short, with a round face; short black hair shot with gray in a long braid down her back, and little silver glasses.

  “I’m Ava. I’m your grief counselor. My co-pilot, Yana, will answer the phone if I’m off duty. She gets the night shift, and I’m the day shift. If you want her, that’s great.”

  “She works with Inola,” said Bella, “and she’s great. I’ve talked to her, too. We’re doing really well.”

  “Here’s our number, and Skype,” said Ava. “You can do phone and Skype calls if you don’t want us to come to you. I’ll come here until you feel better, enough to return to work, which won’t be for a long time.”

  “I can do the books in bed,” said Lily.

  “Later, honey,” said Ace. “We’re on too many drugs now.”

  “Okay,” said Lily, “how often do you want to see us?”

  “Let’s start with three times a week in person, and you can call or Skype twice a week outside of the face-to-face stuff. Let’s start next w
eek, when you’re feeling a little better, physically. But, call me whenever. If it’s an emergency, or you feel like you’re going to fly apart, be clear about that. We prioritize.”

  “How long will this take?” asked Ace.

  “Grief is a long process. Most people cycle through the steps of it to acceptance within six months, but it seems to last, in its most potent form, a year to two years.”

  “That sucks,” said Ace.

  “You’ll cycle through stages, and you’ll probably go to what feels like a backward step. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. The only ‘rule,’ if there is one, is to feel. If you’re numb, feel numb. If you need to cry, do it. If you’re angry, use a squeezy ball.” She handed them out, a yellow one for Lily, a blue one for Ace. “Squeeze your heart out. Then, over time, when you are more physically fit, we’ll start with yoga, and move you into kickboxing for the anger. Physical exercise feels nearly impossible when you’re grieving, and it is a bad idea now, while you’re physically healing. But, it will help you with the emotions. The emotions come in waves, and, no doubt about it, they suck. Feel them, and the grief process goes better. Stuff them, and you turn into a porcupine, stabbing people at random.”

  “Spiny people suck,” said Bella.

  “Any other questions?” asked Ava.

  “Can we keep you in a closet and drag you out when we need you?” asked Ace.

  “’Fraid not,” said Ava, smiling. “Sorry. But, you have the phone and Skype. The phone will feel like a three-thousand-pound barbell, even those tiny ones they have now. But, use it. That’s what they’re for.”

  “Okay,” said Ace. Lily just looked at her, blankly.

  “Lily, you’re zoning out,” said Bella. “Inola still does it. It’s okay, just try to talk about your feelings when you come back.”

  “Mmmf,” said Lily, her eyes closed.

  “What should I do?” asked Ace, panicked.

  “Let her go,” said Bella. “And don’t insist she pay attention. The present moment is too painful, so her mind goes for a walk.”

  “What do you need me for?” asked Ava.

  Bella snorted. “I’ve been there, done that. Consider me on call too, Ace, except when I’m working. I gotta sling the booze to get our baby situated in the nursery.”

  Ava snorted. “Don’t listen to her. Half the res has given them one gift or another. And, they’ll have a half-dozen teenagers on the property ready to babysit, let alone Henry. He’s so excited he could pop.”

  “No popping,” said Ace. Bella laughed.

  “On that note,” said Ava, “I’ll get out of here. Call. Seriously. It’s my job, and you both have insurance.”

  “And don’t read crap online about this,” said Bella. “It’ll scare you unnecessarily.”

  “That’s right,” said Ava. “I don’t know why you need me. Bella’s got this down.” She waved, and took off for her hospice work.

  “What else?” said Ace.

  “Chill. Seriously, dude. Just chill. Grief can’t be sped up.”

  “Damn,” he said. “No getting around it.”

  “Nope,” said Bella. “Just chill out. Sleep. A lot. Dude, you got shot.”

  Ace groaned. “I noticed. It fucking hurts.”

  “Then I’ll let you sleep,” she said. “Right now, it’s the best thing for you. And, just so you know, you can’t do Lily’s grief for her. Wish you could. Wish I could steal Inola’s pain. Doesn’t work. Get enough sleep, do what the doctors tell you to. When you’re awake, watch dumb TV. I know reading is hard when you hurt. Watch dumb crap on YouTube. Just don’t think. Let yourself rest. Your wife needs a healthy husband who takes care of himself. And, this is the stupidest advice I can give because you’ll do it anyway, but, don’t worry about your wife. Worrying doesn’t improve anything, and it makes you unable to give her the support she needs. You’ll be tired and snarky from the anxiety, which doesn’t help. She needs a chilled-out dude. And, get a housekeeper when you get home, unless she cleans when she’s mad. Inola doesn’t, but Numa does.”

  “Housekeeper. Check. Don’t worry and be happy, check. Now, get the fuck out of here so I can take your advice and get some sleep.” Bella flipped him off. He laughed, and she left.

  Bella put in her shift at Dirty Vegas. Ivy was back, and Cougar was now doing the books and slinging booze. They took a massive liquor order. Despite the beginning of fall —elsewhere, Vegas really didn’t have fall. The tourists hadn’t slowed coming in to drink and dance with bikers. The bucket to pay for whatever the insurance didn’t pay for (to help Lily and Ace), got full fast; Ivy drew it out twice a night, and she deposited half into Ace’s account and half into Lily’s. Ivy took care of their bills; their dogs had joined the happy Daisy in their apartment. Grace and Hu loved walking them.

  Bella noticed a change in Ivy. There was an undercurrent of anger in her. She loved to dance to angry songs, and girl-power ones, too. The band noticed, and played a lot more Guns N’ Roses and Lita Ford. Ivy sang Lita’s songs. The booze flowed, along with the tips. Part of their tips went to Ace and Lily’s get-well fund, which were labeled buckets on both bars.

  Bella was nervous. Inola was getting huge, but wouldn’t stop riding horses. She promised to stick to the gentle mares. But, Bella still worried. So, she decided to talk to Henry. He could give guidance to both of them. She let go of her worry, using a breathing technique, and slung more booze.

  She made it home alive, despite being tired. She slipped up her stairs. She loved them… her own private, spiral staircase. She entered, closed the door behind her, took off her boots and leathers, then shucked her clothes into the hamper. She took a shower, especially since her wife hated the smell of liquor. She dried off, then slid into bed, sporting a brand-new queen-sized memory foam mattress. Inola was on her side, hands draped over her stomach. Bella laid down next to Inola, smelling grass, and horse, and sunshine. She put her arm across Inola and felt the rounded bump pressing against her. Inola grasped her hand, and Bella slid into sleep.

  Inola woke up early, and slid out from under her wife’s arm. She stood, stretched, and went to empty her bladder. She headed out to feed and let out the horses, ponies, and burro. She was delighted; she no longer had to muck out stalls. The herd of teens did that. They were on their third round. Nantan had helpers again. Tito had four new apprentices; his last ones were now full-time.

  Sister was laughing, a wonderful sound to Inola’s ears. Inola ate an amazing breakfast of fat sausages, biscuits with butter and honey, and cheesy eggs. She took a sealed cup of coffee out to the meadow. Jeffrey was already getting the new horse used to being near people; simply walking the horse, a gorgeous gray, around the ring. Inola sipped her decaf, and smiled. The sunlight was still white, not quite fading to yellow just yet.

  Henry joined her at the fence. “We have to talk,” he said.

  “You can drink coffee,” said Inola. “Real coffee. I hate you, right now.”

  He snorted. “Well, you still must listen. Bella is worried. I can see it on her face.”

  Inola looked down at her cup. “My riding.”

  “I know this is like cutting off your arm, but she has a point,” he said. “One fall…”

  Inola sighed. “I don’t feel fat and ungainly on a horse.”

  Henry snorted. “You are beautiful. I know your wife tells you so. So, get over it. Keep little Ryder safe.”

  Inola nodded. “I hate this.”

  “Just a few more months,” said Henry. “Then, Ryder will be here.”

  “Yes,” said Inola. “He will.”

  Fox came over. Her name was also Inola, but she went by the Paiute meaning of her name. “Mucked out the stalls,” Fox said. “I want to work with the skittish horse.”

  “No problem,” said Inola. “Get Ouray and do it with her.”

  “Good,” said Fox. “I’ll be right back.”

  Fox had a flat face and bright black eyes, and Ouray had a round face and a bright smile.
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br />   “Ladies, take turns walking Smoke there. Walk her slow. Use a calm tone and a gentle hand.”

  “Got it,” said Fox. And, she did. Those bright eyes missed nothing.

  Henry came out again. “That one’s another Jeffrey,” he said, about Fox. " He looked at Ouray, who was known as Arrow. “Arrow there is like her name, one-pointed in her thinking. Means if there’s something wrong in her head, she’ll keep pointing to it.”

  “And there’s a lot of falsehood in her head,” said Inola.

  “Lots,” said Henry, “she thinks she is ungainly and stupid, and neither are true. She must not go back to her mother. Her mother’s tongue is a knife.”

  “No kidding,” said Inola. “We’ll keep them both, I think. Once the baby comes, we’ll need all the help we can get! Ouray, our Arrow, is great with the rabbits. They need some consistency, I think. Having at least one that loves them all the time will be good, too.”

  “Yes,” said Henry.

  “Be careful,” said Inola. “Or, Aquene and Bianca will steal her to work with the baby goats.”

  “I’m not expanding their house,” said Henry. “Tito says he won’t either, and that he’s so busy he needs clones.”

  Inola laughed. “We’ve got plenty to help him,” said Inola.

  Alo, another of their new Wolfpack, was Hopi, and he was strong and kind. She found him putting beets in the shredder to make horse feed. He had short straight hair and glasses.

  “Inola,” he said. “I’ve got the feed mix. If I can get this right, I can get a recipe that will work for most horses. You would just have to alter it for the size of the horse.”

  “If you get that right, you and Nantan can grow feed and make good money all over the place.” Inola smiled at him.

  He smiled back. “If I can get it right for sheep, goats, and alpacas…”

  “And rabbits,” said Inola.

  “And rabbits,” said Alo, “then I can be useful here. My mom, she died, and my aunt has four others, all boys that eat like that Shadow, there.” He waved in the general direction of the paddock. Shadow, the horse, had been neglected; he ate as much as they could safely feed him.