by Joan Kilby
It was time she went back to her own home. It might only be a garage, but it was hers. She knew who she was there.
* * *
ADAM WOKE TO the sound of horse hooves clopping on gravel below his window. He rubbed his gritty eyes and sat up in bed, blinking away the cobwebs and trying to shrug off the pervading sense of gloom that had dogged his uneasy sleep.
It all flooded back. Hayley’s lukewarm response to his proposal. The fire. Finding out his daughter had had sex at the age of thirteen. And now she was taking birth control pills. Even though the reason wasn’t that she was planning on having more sex, as a father it was hard for him to accept. He felt as if he’d missed out on her childhood, and now it was too late.
She’d sobbed in his arms last night. He’d held her close, murmuring reassuring words, torn between anger, frustration, guilt and an aching love. It cut him to the quick to think Summer was so afraid of disappointing him that she’d buried her pain, buried it so deeply she’d become emotionally sick. He’d forgiven her, of course. He would forgive her anything—she was his daughter.
Now, hopefully, she could forgive herself.
All that hadn’t stopped him from taking out his frustrations and guilt on Hayley.
A horse whickered. He got up and went to the window. Placid old Bo was wearing a bridle and a long lead clipped onto his saddle. Hayley was attaching the other end of the lead to Asha’s halter. While Adam watched, she headed back to the paddock and brought out Sergeant and Major.
She was leaving, and taking her horses with her.
He yanked on his jeans and ran downstairs shirtless and barefoot, hopping over the gravel drive. “Where are you going?”
Her glance held a flash of something indecipherable before she turned away to clip Sergeant’s rope onto a saddle ring. “Home. I’ll leave Blaze and Jewel here for now, if you don’t mind. I talked to Summer this morning and she’s happy to take care of them. The grass has grown at my place while I’ve been gone, and I can supplement that with hay.”
Adam didn’t give a damn about the horses right now. “What about us? What we talked about last night—the future, everything?”
Hayley walked Major around to the other side and attached his rope to another saddle ring. Sergeant, Major and Asha were now tied to the back of Bo’s saddle, strung out in a fan. “I need time to think about what I want, Adam. And from the sound of your plans, I’ll have plenty of time to do just that. When you know what you want, then maybe we can talk again.”
“You can’t expect me to give up my dream job to sit up here on a mountain, twiddling my thumbs.”
“No one’s asking you to do that.”
“So what’s the problem exactly?”
“If I have to tell you, you won’t get it.”
“Try me. You owe me that much.”
Hayley busied herself checking Bo’s girth strap. Finally she looked up at him, troubled. “Do you love me? You never once mentioned that. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to marry me or manage my business.”
Adam shifted uncomfortably, aware of the gravel digging into the soles of his bare feet. “Yes, it’s true I offered to finance your rebuilding. What is that if not an expression of love and commitment?”
“Is it?” She gave him a sad smile. “You’re very generous, but I wonder if your offer wasn’t your way of easing out of a relationship you’re not ready for. When your marriage broke down you bought Timbertop for Diane to live in, away from you. You’re a good man. You find ways of letting people down easily.”
“No, that’s not true.” Was it? “I do...love you. I’m just not sure yet if we’ve got what it takes to make a life together. What’s the harm in taking things slowly?”
“No harm.” She led Bo a few steps forward, taking up the slack on the ropes attached to the other horses. “That’s why I’m going back to my home. While you figure things out I’m going to get on with my life.”
“But, I assumed you’d stay here and we would figure it out together....” He was floundering. “Didn’t you enjoy last night? I mean, until the fire.”
Hayley rested a hand lightly on his chest. It felt as if she was touching him for the last time. Her bright blue eyes were huge and shiny. “It was the best night of my life. You’re not the problem, Adam. You’re strong, honorable and kind. The truth is, I’m not as brave as everyone thinks I am. I’m afraid of getting hurt again.”
She stood on her toes and brushed his lips with hers. Then, as if she couldn’t help herself, she opened her mouth for a passionate but brief kiss that tortured him with the knowledge of all he was losing. All they were losing.
He tried to tighten the embrace but she slipped out of his arms, turned away and vaulted onto Bo’s broad back. “Thank you for everything, Adam. Goodbye.”
With a cluck and a dig of her heels, she urged Bo into motion and whistled for Shane. Asha, Sergeant and Major surged forward. Adam jumped back, out of the way, swearing as his tender feet landed on the sharp rocks.
Hands clenching with impotence and frustration, he stood and watched as Hayley walked out of his life. She was right; he hadn’t offered her anything except maybes.
Hayley deserved a man right here, right now. That was something he’d never been very good at. He was a dreamer, always building toward a future but never living in the present. It was how he’d gotten as far as he had in his career—continually striving to catch the carrot dangling ever out of reach.
When the last horse’s twitching tail disappeared behind a bend in the driveway, Adam limped inside the house.
Hayley wasn’t a carrot, but she was definitely out of reach. And he wasn’t going to give up striving for her.
He got Summer and Zoe out of bed to help him clean up the barn. When Zoe’s mother came to pick her up, Zoe confessed again, shedding new tears. Her mother had given her little comfort and fully supported Adam’s wish that the girls not be allowed to see each other for two weeks. That set off more tears from Zoe and a token protest from Summer, but the punishment was fair and they knew it.
Now, hands on his hips, Adam scraped a boot toe across the charred floor and surveyed the damage to the barn. Summer was in the box stall brushing Jewel. It was all fixable, and he could do most of the work himself. Carpentry would give him something to do instead of brooding over Hayley’s sudden departure.
“Summer, come here and hold the end of this tape measure.”
She ducked through the door and grabbed the end of the tape. “Why did Hayley leave?”
Adam noted the measurement and moved to the other wall. “It was time. Her pasture has recovered and she wants to be in her own home.”
“It’s a garage,” Summer said bluntly. “Why would she live there when she can be in a house with us? Did you guys have a fight? You better not be mad at her for taking me to the doctor. I didn’t tell her about the pills because I know she’s uncomfortable keeping stuff from you and I didn’t want to add to the secrets.”
“It’s not about you,” Adam said. “She didn’t like my plans for the future.”
“What plans? Are you selling Timbertop?” Summer asked, agitated. “You said you’d wait until school was over. But I thought that if you and Hayley got married or something, we’d stay in Hope Mountain.”
Adam tucked away his pencil and notebook. He’d hoped he and Hayley could tell Summer together what the next few years would look like. But that wasn’t happening, and he could no longer put off talking to Summer. “Let’s sit down. There’s something I have to tell you.”
They perched on the metal box containing sacks of oats and grain. “Firstly, I’ve let you down and I want to make it up to you. You are so important to me. Hayley said you were afraid I wouldn’t love you if you did bad things. That’s not true. I might be angry and disappointed, but I would never stop loving you and I would neve
r leave you. Do you believe me?”
Moisture filled Summer’s eyes. She nodded mutely.
Adam gave her a hug and just held her for a moment. Then he eased away. “I’ve got exciting news.”
He told her about the offer to head up the Shanghai office. How he’d been working toward this his whole life and now that he had the opportunity he couldn’t pass it up.
“I don’t get it. You’d rather go live in China than be married to Hayley? You chose work over her?” Summer’s voice rose. “You did that with Mom, too, so she went and found someone else.”
“It wasn’t quite that simple. Your mother and I had other differences. Hayley and I are both goal-oriented and hard workers. She understands. Over time, we’d get to know each other and figure out if we’d work out long-term.”
“Did you even ask her to marry you?”
“We’ve both been through difficult relationships. We need to take it slowly. I told Hayley I’d be back for periods of time and she could visit Shanghai whenever she wanted.” He put his arm around Summer’s shoulder. “It’s up to you whether you live in Sydney with your mother or with me, but I hope you choose me.”
Summer jumped up, shrugging off his arm. “If it was up to me I’d live here in Hope Mountain with Hayley.”
“That’s not going to happen, sweetheart. I’m sure she’ll be happy for you to visit.”
“You’re an idiot, Dad.” Tears spurted from her eyes. “You say you want to spend time with me. And I can tell you really like Hayley. But instead of just being with us, you’re running away to China. No job is more important than people. I’m only a kid and even I know that. What are you afraid of?”
“Summer, you shouldn’t talk to me like that.”
“Someone’s got to tell you the truth,” she shouted. “When Mom and I lived with you I saw how tired you were, how crabby. You worked at night and on the weekends, and you didn’t even seem to enjoy what you were doing. Now you want to do the same thing in a foreign country. But up here you’ve been different, laughing and relaxed and having fun.”
“Grown-ups can’t have fun all the time.”
“But you never have fun. It’ll be worse in Shanghai because you won’t know anyone there.” Summer’s face was drawn and white. “I don’t want to live with you if it’s going to be like that. Work is just an excuse for you not to have to deal with people.”
Her words hit him with a jolt. “That’s not true.”
She turned on her heel and ran out of the barn.
His gaze dropped to his hands. He didn’t recognize them anymore. Callused and dry, the nail broken on his right index finger, they were no longer the hands that tapped computer keys far into the night, or wrote budgets or did any of the myriad tasks associated with being a high-level architect. Where had he gone off track?
He looked around the mote-filled barn smelling of burned wood and smoke. Somehow he’d made a shambles of his life up here on Hope Mountain. What was he doing wasting his time pounding nails into boards when he had real work to do?
He got off the hay bale and brushed his jeans. He had to stop navel gazing and look over the prospectus Lorraine had sent him so he could talk about it intelligently when he phoned to accept her offer.
Back in the house he got himself a cup of coffee and sat down with the drawings, site report and budget analysis. This was his comfort zone. This was what he understood, what he’d groomed himself for over the past five years.
But the figures and numbers swam before his eyes and his mind drifted. He sat there for thirty minutes and couldn’t concentrate for a second. Was Summer right—had work taken over his life? And not just work but jobs that had little to do with the creative bent that drew him to architecture?
Certainly as his marriage had deteriorated he’d worked longer and longer hours until his life revolved around the office and the projects he was working on. He and Diane never should have been together in the first place, and that was what had led to him working too much, not the other way around.
But now that they were divorced, was he still using work to withdraw from people? Not just any people, but Hayley?
Logic told him that what he’d proposed made sense for two people recovering from troubled relationships. A cautious approach was only smart.
So why was no one but him happy about it?
The doorbell rang. Relieved at the distraction, he got up to answer it. Passing the mirror above an occasional table, he glanced at himself. And was shocked anew. Happy? You’d never know it from the grim downturned mouth, the twin creases between his eyes and the drawn face. His hair was a mess and he hadn’t shaved yet this morning.
The doorbell rang again. He shook his head to clear it.
Molly was on the doorstep bearing a covered basket that smelled delicious. She seemed taken aback by his appearance but quickly rallied. “I hope you don’t mind the intrusion. Hayley used to come for breakfast on Sundays. She hasn’t since she moved in here, so I brought over some fresh scones.”
“She’s not here. She moved back to her place.”
“That was sudden. She seemed so happy here.”
They’d all—he, Summer and Hayley—been happy for a time. Until he and his good intentions screwed things up.
“We, uh, had an accident last night. The barn caught fire. That might have had something to do with it.” It didn’t, really, but it was a convenient excuse.
“Oh, dear. I hope no one was hurt. Are the horses okay?”
“Yes, everyone’s fine. So are the horses.”
“Well, I won’t disturb you. I’ll carry on to Hayley’s, but I’ll leave a few scones.”
She bustled into his kitchen and deposited six scones on a plate and scooped half the cream she’d brought in a covered container into a bowl. “Do you have jam? I know what you bachelors are like. Oh, and here’s the local newspaper. Don’t know if it’s delivered out here. Some interesting items in the local government ads.”
“No, the paper isn’t delivered. Thanks. And yes, I’ve got jam.” He bit back a smile at her motherly nature.
She gave him a worried look, searching his face so hard it made him shuffle his feet. “Don’t give up on Hayley. She’s not as sure of herself as she appears. And she’s been through a lot. Not just with the fires.”
“I know. I won’t rush her. She needs time.”
“Really, you think so?” Molly tipped her head. “I think she needs... What do they call it in books? A grand gesture.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just think about it.” She gave him another worried stare. “Now, you take care of yourself. You’ve been through a lot, too. Are you really selling Timbertop?”
“I can’t live here.”
“Because of the fire danger?”
“Because of Diane.”
Molly nodded. “I understand.” Then she surprised him by giving him a hug. He was also surprised by how much he needed it and how his eyes pricked as he embraced the woman’s plump figure. They drew apart a moment later, him slightly abashed, her brisk and tart.
“Now eat something. Tell Summer hello from me.” She went to the door and paused. “Oh, and Adam? If you hurt Hayley, you’ll have to answer to me.”
He found a wan smile because he could see she was half joking, trying to put a spark in him. “I know better than to cross you, Molly.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
HAYLEY WAS GLAD to be back in her garage. The familiar concrete block construction brightened by colorful knitted throws and dusty Persian carpets were cozy, not depressing. She refused to even think that D word. Or indeed, any of the D words—discouraged, defeated, demoralized.
“We’re made of sterner stuff, aren’t we, Shane?” With one arm around the dog’s neck, she sat on the couch and sipped a cup of lemon-and-ging
er tea. Shane licked her chin as if to say yes, they were.
Hayley mentally ticked off things to be thankful for: the horses were back in their paddock, busily chomping down the new growth of spring grass; she had a small but steady income at the café with the prospect of more to come as her horse therapy started up again; Graham had sent her a text message yesterday, which she’d only just read, saying the response to her grant proposal so far was promising. He hoped to be able to give her good news later in the week.
Hayley put down her cup and took up her knitting. She’d been secretly making Adam a sweater for Christmas. Now she didn’t know if he would even be in Australia then, but she would keep knitting.
Because other things were definitely looking up. The building contractor she wanted was finally available. He’d looked over Adam’s drawings and pronounced them “doable.” Work would start on her new house next week, commencing with leveling the site.
Shane barked excitedly and jumped off the couch to scratch at the door. A moment later Hayley heard the car. Adam. Heart racing, she stuffed her knitting down the side of the couch.
When the knock sounded she ran her fingers through her hair. “Come in.”
The door opened. Molly entered, carrying a cloth-covered tray. “Here you are. I can’t keep track of your comings and goings. I’ve just been to Adam’s house looking for you. I had to leave him half of my fresh scones. Poor man looks like he’s been run over by a truck.”
Hayley’s heart rate took a nosedive, along with her spirits. Covering her disappointment, she retrieved another teacup and some plates. Her stomach rumbled, and she realized she hadn’t eaten today. “These look fabulous. I don’t have any jam, though. Haven’t been shopping yet.”
Molly fished two containers out of her huge handbag, one of whipped cream, the other of her own raspberry jam. “Why did you come back here? I thought you would stay at Adam’s until you got your place built, or at least until he sold his. It’s so good for the horses.”
