Grace Restored

by Toni Shiloh

  “Good idea,” Jo said. “I’ll make some tea and coffee for us.”

  Michelle found herself nodding in agreement, although she wouldn’t be able to drink anything. Not until the story came out.

  As they sat around the table, Chloe took a sip of tea. Jo met her gaze as if to say you-can-do-it. Michelle smiled and then stared at Chloe. The woman she always thought was composed at every moment, up until recently. Would she judge her?

  She tucked her hair behind her ear. “I needed to tell you something. I’m...I’m trying to tell the truth as Darryl suggested.”

  Chloe leaned forward and laid her hand on top of hers. “Whatever it is, take your time. I’m not in a rush.”

  “Thanks, Chlo.”

  Michelle stared into her mug, trying to gather her thoughts. Please, help me get this out, Lord. She looked up. “Okay. You know how Guy and I dated senior year?”

  “Yes. I remember you telling me.”

  “Well a month after my parents’ death, I was feeling awful. I couldn’t keep anything down. I was tired. I thought I was in severe depression, so I went to see a doctor. I was hoping he could prescribe something, anything really, to right my world. Plus, I was upset because Guy had disappeared so suddenly.”

  Her friend’s eyes filled with sympathy.

  She rushed on, hoping to get through before her expression turned into disdain. “Turns out I was pregnant.” Chloe gasped but Michelle couldn’t bear to meet her gaze. So she continued. “I was stunned. I didn’t know what to do. I went to Guy’s home to see if his mother knew how to reach him, but she didn’t want to speak with me. She blamed me for his departure.”

  She laid her hands against the table, trying to keep up momentum and finish the story. “I didn’t know what to do. My mother was gone. I didn’t know what you or Jo would think, so I did the only thing I thought was feasible at that time. I had an abortion.”

  Tears fell freely at her admission. Inhaling a shaky breath, Michelle looked up from the table and looked at her friend.

  She was stunned.

  Chloe sat there, tears pouring down her face, a hand clapped over her mouth. Was she that disgusted with her?

  Chloe lowered her hand. “You couldn’t come to me because you thought I would judge you...right?”

  She nodded, too stunned to hear her thoughts spoken aloud.

  “I am so sorry, Chelle. You should never have had to make that decision alone. I’m sorry I wasn’t the friend you needed.”

  Her mouth dropped open. “You’re apologizing to me? Don’t you realize what I did? Don’t you know what kind of person that makes me?”

  “But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more.” Chloe leaned forward. “Don’t you see? You are exactly who Christ came to save. We all need Him, Michelle. No one needs Him more than the other. We have all been found lacking in His eyes, but with His sacrifice comes salvation. And most importantly comes love.”

  The sob came out, unchecked, uninhibited. Then another. They followed one after the other until she cried herself hoarse. Only then, did she recognize she was wrapped up in the arms of the friends who loved her. The friends who didn’t judge her. The friends who covered her with their grace.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Guy peered through the blinds, loving the way the world seemed to beckon. Having Michelle in his life brightened his days. Or rather, unveiled his eyes so he could notice the brightness of the day.

  He took a sip of his coffee, contemplating his feelings. At first, the turn of his thoughts unnerved him, but Guy now realized an examination was needed. He couldn’t go through their relationship afraid to love again. It wasn’t fear of losing Michelle rather a fear she would replace the memories of Charlene.

  Her memories needed to be preserved. Not to the point where they would keep him from living in the present. No, he needed to keep them alive enough for his little girls to know they had been loved from inception. That there wasn’t anything their mother wouldn’t have done for them. They should be comfortable knowing he’d answer any questions they had about Charlene. Entering a relationship with Michelle didn’t mean Charlene would be lost to him or his girls.

  Somehow God had decided to bless him with another chance to love. To love a woman he had wronged so many years ago. Thankfully, she had forgiven him. It was amazing how much God’s grace had covered in his life. Fortunately, he no longer bore the guilt of hating his daughters’ birth. He knew now it had been the grief talking. Every day showed Guy how much he loved his girls. He would never trade a moment with them. They were his world, a gift from God.

  Lord, I don’t know if Michelle will be a permanent fixture in my life. I ask that You would give me wisdom in that direction. Please let me know if she will be a part of my future happiness. And please help her to trust that I won’t abandon her again when times get tough.

  “Papa! Miz Chelle is here!”

  He turned, a smile already on his face. He squatted down and Rachel came barreling into his arms. “Thanks, Peanut. Did Grann open the door for her?”

  “Mmm-hmm. Can we go paint now?”

  “Sure can.”

  He walked down the hallway toward the stairs. The smell of cinnamon pancakes greeted him. “Did you help Grann make breakfast?”

  “Yep. Bekah too.”

  “Where is Bekah?”

  “With Miz Chelle.” Rachel stopped on the stair and looked at him. “Is she going to be our new mommy?”

  “Why do you ask that?” He hadn’t even figured that out yet.

  “Bekah is praying she will.”

  “I don’t know, Peanut.” He squatted down to eye level. “When I know, I’ll tell you.”

  She watched him. “Promise?” she whispered.

  “Promise.”

  She kissed his cheeks and then skipped down the stairs.

  He rose slowly, wondering when his girls had started to grow up on him. Sure their birthday was nearing but it was more than another year on earth. They were beginning to show a maturity he wasn’t ready for. Lord, please keep them kids a little longer.

  The sight in the kitchen warmed his heart. His mother was plating the food as Michelle placed the dishes on the table. They were quiet but the harmony was evident. There was no tension.

  “Bon maten, Manman.”

  “Bon maten, Guy Luc. Rachel did you wash your hands?”

  “Wi, Grann.”

  “Bon. Set the table.” She handed over the girls’ child-sized utensils. The bright pink and purple forks were easy to use and they loved having their own sets of dishes. Guy was glad he didn’t have to worry about them breaking any dishes. It gave them an added sense of responsibility.

  He walked over to Michelle. “Morning, Chelle Belle.”

  She smiled but it seemed dimmer. Sad even. “Good morning, Guy.”

  He rubbed a finger down her cheek. “You okay?”

  “Yes.”

  Her body language said otherwise. He sighed. He didn’t want to question her in the middle of breakfast where his mother and girls could hear. He’d just have to wait until they had a moment to themselves.

  Breakfast passed with giggles, laughter, and great conversation. It had been so long since he had any semblance of normal, that he couldn’t help soaking it in. His mother and Michelle seemed to hit it off, talking of food and eager to swap recipes. He hadn’t realized Michelle cooked that often. When he said so, she rolled her eyes.

  “Men. Who do you think was keeping me fed?”

  His gaze roamed over her body and she blushed. He felt a surge of pleasure as the color bloomed high in her cheeks. “I just figured you were a conscientious eater.”

  “Oh I am, but I cook it myself. Except for the occasional splurge at LeeAnn’s.”

  He could understand that. LeeAnn outdid herself each and every time he ordered food from her. It always tasted so good. He’d asked her once how she managed to make each meal better than the last. She’d chuckled and replied, “I make it with love, Sheriff.
”

  He smiled at the memory. “Miss LeeAnn can cook.”

  “Sure can.”

  He clapped his hands. “Who’s ready to paint?”

  “Me!” The twins’ hands shot up in the air. The adults laughed, which only encouraged their silliness. Soon they were out of their seats, jumping up and down with excitement.

  “Okay, girls. Let’s get this show on the road.”

  MICHELLE ARCHED HER back, trying to stretch out the kinks. Who knew painting a room could be so strenuous? Guy’s mother had taken the girls outside to paint their beds. It had been a genius idea and the girls loved it. Plus, it kept them from making a mess. Their beds had been placed on a tarp, so the grass wouldn’t have to suffer.

  Unfortunately, she hadn’t been able to relax. Guy had tried making her laugh with his corny jokes, but she just couldn’t. Her secret lay heavy upon her. She needed to tell him before she lost the nerve. She remembered the words of encouragement Chloe had offered.

  “Don’t stress yourself out trying to think of his reaction. Just know this has to be said, the sooner, the better.”

  Michelle straightened up and turned toward the corner of the girls’ room where Guy stood. “I need to tell you something.”

  He looked at her and set the paint brush down and walked closer to her. “Are you going to tell me what’s been bothering you?”

  She nodded.

  He moved a strand of hair behind her ear. She shivered, trying not to focus on the way her body reacted to his touch.

  “What do you want to say?” The low tone of his voice was like a caress.

  She took a step back, trying to focus. She needed to get it out before she lost her nerve. “It’s about when we dated in high school.”

  His brow wrinkled in confusion. “Okay,” he dragged out. “What about it?”

  “That night, or rather the next day, I went to see you. But you were gone. I was upset and of course your mother was too.”

  He nodded, his ebony eyes fixed to hers.

  “She demanded to know what I did. What happened. I told her my parents had died the night before and you consoled me.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “She was upset and accused me of being a...a...jezebel.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Is that why you were so tense at dinner?”

  Dinner seemed ages ago. “A little bit, but I’m over it.”

  He frowned. “Well, I’m not. Maybe I should talk to her.”

  She grabbed his hand. “No, it doesn’t even matter. We’ve come to an understanding and...” she sighed. “This isn’t what I wanted to tell you.”

  He brought her hands up to his chest. They felt cocooned and secure. She hated to think what her words would do to him once she managed to get it out.

  “I went to your house a month later. I needed to know where you were. To talk to you.” She swallowed. Please, let me get it out. Please, help me.

  Guy cocked his head, thinking. “I honestly don’t remember if she had my contact information at the time. But seeing how the first visit went, I’m not so sure she would have given it to you.”

  “She said she didn’t have it. I tried Evan and Darryl, but they didn’t know where you were either.”

  “I’m so sorry about that. In fact—”

  She shook her head. “No, you don’t have anything to be sorry about. It’s me. It’s all my f-f-ault.”

  He went to wrap her into a hug.

  She held up a hand. “Please, I need to get this out.”

  “Okay, I’m listening.”

  The concern and consideration on his face threatened to be her undoing. Just say it! “I was pregnant,” she rushed out. “I needed to tell you. I didn’t know who to talk to. Who to turn to.” A tear slipped out. “I...”

  Guy dropped her hands. Her heartbeat picked up speed as the look of shock plastered itself across his face. He rocked back on his heels. He lifted a hand and then let it drop. The sound of it hitting his thigh rang loudly. He looked at her stomach and back to her eyes.

  She felt like she had been raked over the coals and he had yet to utter a single word. Michelle licked her lips to speak, but his stark whisper echoed in the room.

  “You’re not...you don’t look like you were ever pregnant.”

  “I didn’t carry it to term,” she whispered.

  Michelle could barely hear her voice, the pulse in her ears rang loudly. She dragged in a deep breath hoping to slow it or silence it, but couldn’t tell if it worked. All she knew was when he realized what happened, what she did...it wasn’t going to end pretty.

  His eyes watered. “What are you saying?” He stepped forward. “Did you...did you lose it?”

  If only. She drew in a ragged breath and exhaled her shame. “I had an abortion.”

  The sound of silence roared like a lion. A rush of heat flashed over her body as the life in his eyes snuffed out. A tear slipped down his cheek and she felt her heart break.

  “You what?”

  Michelle took a step back, tears sliding down her face. The deadly calm in his voice petrified her more than any shouting ever could. “I had an abortion,” she whispered.

  She watched him. Waiting. For what, she didn’t know. She would offer any excuses, knowing she had none. Knowing she had no right to ask for his forgiveness. For anyone’s forgiveness.

  “You...you what?” His hands balled into fists. “You couldn’t have said what I thought you said.”

  Gone was the look of tenderness. In its place was cold, hearted fury.

  “I have no excuses, I know. But at the time I thought I did. I didn’t have any family. I didn’t know how to contact you. I was all alone and scared and terrified that my life was going to be over. Before I knew it, I was at the clinic and they made it seem so easy—”

  “You killed our child because it would be easy?”

  “No, that’s not what I said.” He was twisting her words. “That’s not what I meant at all. I regretted it as soon as it began but it was too late.” The tears ran freely now, but it didn’t matter. His eyes looked like the blackest coal ever made.

  He hated her.

  She didn’t know how she knew, but she did. He would never forgive her. “Guy, I’m so sorry.”

  He held a hand up. “Don’t even.” He turned away, his body taut. When he swung back around, she jumped at his look of disdain.

  “I can’t even...I’m.” He heaved in a breath, his body shaking with the force of his emotions.

  “Guy—

  “Get out of my house!”

  Michelle blinked at the ferocity staring back at her. Her ears rang from his yell. Her body froze from the shock of it. Never had he talked to her in such a manner. What was worse...she deserved it.

  Nodding mutely, Michelle gave him wide berth and headed for the door. She looked back but he remained frozen, staring at the spot she had vacated. Another apology rose up, the words hanging in suspension on the tip of her tongue, but instead her teeth clamped down forcibly, and a metallic taste filled her mouth.

  She took him in one last time and left the room.

  GUY SLAMMED THE DOOR to his SUV shut. He didn’t know where he was going but he had to leave the house. His mother didn’t even question him when he asked her to watch the girls, but her eyes had been filled with worry.

  Eventually he’d have to explain his abrupt manner, but he was too stymied to think of that right now.

  She had an abortion.

  The girl he had pledged his heart to had killed an innocent. A child’s life had never had the chance to start. To grow into their destiny. With one decision, she had altered the course of history.

  He swallowed, the bitterness tasting foul in his mouth. How could she do it? How could she ever try and justify her actions?

  She had been pregnant.

  The thought stung. He couldn’t tell if it carried more weight than the other. It felt like he had been slammed into a brick wall and then repeatedly hit with a sledge hammer. He pinched h
is arm hoping to feel nothing. Praying it was a horrible nightmare, but the slight sting told the truth.

  He was wide awake and his life was in shambles.

  Time passed as he drove around Freedom Lake. The amount of time that elapsed didn’t penetrate his pain-induced haze. It wasn’t until he found himself looking at the front entrance of Freedom Lake Tabernacle that a moment of clarity made it through. He recalled the Bishop’s invitation to talk. Would he be here? Could he even offer any solace?

  He stared at the doors, indecision warring inside of him. Tangled up with the grief, rage, and heartache. She had ripped his heart out with one declaration. One phrase he had never ever imagined. He hadn’t been prepared, but did it matter? Was anyone ever prepared to hear those words?

  And from someone they cared about?

  His feet moved forward, although they felt like lead. The mahogany door groaned at his prodding and the sound echoed in the foyer. He heard a jangle of keys and then footsteps.

  “Brother Pierre,” Bishop declared. The smile on his face quickly disappeared. “Come this way, brother. We can sit in my office.”

  Guy followed numbly. Maybe the numbness was a good thing. Anything was better than the stabbing pain he felt at Michelle’s confession. He rubbed his chest, the ache back with the change of his thoughts.

  The bishop sat in a chair and motioned to the one beside him. His desk sat off in the corner, a study of strength. He vaguely noticed the sitting area he was in. It was complete with a sofa and coffee table.

  “What brings you by, Brother Pierre?”

  He looked up, staring at the Bishop, trying to put his mass of emotions into words.

  “Take your time.”

  “I found out today that my girlfriend had an abortion.”

  “When did she have it?”

  “What?” he looked up in confusion. He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Bishop. I’m still reeling from the news. She had an abortion the summer after we graduated from high school.”

  “I see. And you found out today?”

  “Yes.” He cleared his throat. “We recently started dating again. And today...out of the blue...she dropped the news on me. I...I just can’t wrap my mind around it.”