by Toni Shiloh
Mrs. Carter motioned them forward. “Oh, you’re the guest Jamie’s been hoping to see.”
Michelle could tell Mrs. Carter wanted to know how the two knew each other. Thank goodness, she was nice enough not to pry.
“You can sit in the library. I’ll go get her and then bring in some refreshments.”
“Thanks, Mama Carter,” Jo said. She kissed Evan’s mom on the cheek. She motioned them to follow her down the hall.
It was strange to think Mrs. Carter would soon be Jo’s mother-in-law. Sometimes, Michelle couldn’t believe they were adults. It seemed like yesterday they had been throwing slumber parties and remarking on who was cute or not. Now, they all had adult issues and problems. Adulting was hard.
Chloe sat down on the sofa, anxiously looking at the doorway. Michelle motioned to Jo and they sat down in the chairs by the window, further away.
“Why are we sitting over here?” Jo whispered.
“She’ll want privacy if it goes well. If not, we’ll be here if needed.”
“Good point.”
Michelle tensed as the echo of high heels reverberated in the hall. A moment later, a young woman walked into the room. Her dark brown hair hung past her shoulders. Her skin was pale and smooth with a youthful look. She almost looked like a teenager. Michelle stared at her, searching for a resemblance.
“They kind of have the same chin and eyes,” Jo whispered.
“That’s what I thought.”
Chloe stood up and walked forward. “Hi. I heard you were looking for me.”
The young woman stared at her, a look of shock on her face. “Are you...are you...I mean are you my sister?”
Chloe crossed her arms. “It’s possible. I’m Chloe.”
“Jamie,” the girl murmured. “I’m Jamie Davenport.”
Chloe offered a shy smile. “Nice to meet you, Jamie.”
Jamie looked at her and then smiled. She lurched forward and wrapped Chloe in a hug. “I’m so excited. I’m sorry I was so quiet, but I didn’t expect you to have any family resemblance, but you do. You have our chin. And...and I feel like I’m looking into my own eyes. How did you find out about us? Where have you been? Why all the secrecy?”
Chloe glanced at them, a look of panic in her eyes. Michelle laughed. She couldn’t help it. Nervous chatter seemed to run through the Davenport family tree.
Jamie noticed them and stopped talking. “Hello, I didn’t realize anyone else was in here.”
Michelle walked forward. “We’re just here for moral support. We can leave if you’d like.”
“Oh, no, that’s okay. I’m Jamie.” She waved a hand. “Of course, you probably heard me say that already.”
“Nice to meet you, Jamie. I’m Michelle and this is my friend, Jo.”
Jo exchanged a greeting.
Jamie turned back to Chloe. “I don’t understand. Why didn’t my dad say anything about you?”
“I think he’s ashamed.”
Jamie’s brow wrinkled. “Why?”
“Well, he and my mom were in high school when my mom got pregnant. Plus, my mom is African American.”
If it was possible, Jamie’s brow wrinkled further. How could someone so young be able to wrinkle their forehead like that?
“Are you saying my dad’s a racist?” The confusion in her voice would have been laughable if not for the damage and rejection Chloe had already been through.
Chloe took a deep breath. “You have to understand I know nothing about him. I only recently found out his name. All the information I have is on hearsay.”
“And they’re saying he’s a racist?”
“More like your grandparents are.”
“Our grandparents,” Jamie proclaimed.
Chloe blinked. Michelle could feel the tension radiating from her friend, so she stepped forward. “Jamie, my friend was raised by her grandmother. Her mother’s mom. Her mother never told anyone who the father was except for a high school friend. This friend said the Davenports...your grandparents forbade him to have any dealings with Chloe’s mom. We only have the friend’s account, since Chloe’s mom is unavailable to talk to.”
Jamie slumped. “I can’t believe he’s a racist...or worse a coward. Who’s still racist in this day and age?”
The girl looked so heartbroken. Michelle was thankful that strides were being made in America, but it didn’t mean racism had been completely eradicated.
Jamie swallowed and looked at Chloe. “Well, I don’t care. If you are indeed my sister, then that’s who you are, no matter the color of your skin.”
Chloe nodded, a tear slipping down her cheek. “Well, your dad didn’t want to do a DNA test.”
“Who cares.” She rolled her eyes. “Wait a minute,” she said, a sparkle lighting her dark brown eyes. “Can’t they figure it out using my DNA?”
“Yes, they can.” Michelle looked at Chloe. “It’s happened before when a kid is trying to prove who their parents are without having their maternal or paternal DNA.”
“Great. Then I’ll give you my DNA, a hair or spit, however it’s done so we can find out.” Jamie looked back and forth between Chloe and her.
Chloe smiled. “Thank you, Jamie.”
“Sure thing, big sis.”
Chloe laughed and then hugged the girl again.
Thank You, God for working that out for good.
GUY STARED OUT AT THE lake as a cool breeze blew the trees gently, making them appear to dance upon the lake’s reflection. Fortunately, summer hadn’t kicked into full gear yet. It was just as well, if Guy had to deal with his emotions on top of an Indian summer, he’d probably snap. It was bad enough seeing Michelle earlier. She had looked beautiful, exquisite even, but he just couldn’t look at her the same.
He was heartbroken.
She had taken a life. His child’s life and he never had a say in it. He hadn’t had a chance to object. To convince her she could be a mother. A good one at that. His girls certainly loved her.
He stood up, pacing back and forth in front of the bench, trying to rid himself of excess tension. All he could hear in his mind were the words “I had an abortion.” The more he heard it, the angrier he got. The angrier he got the more his heart seemed to break into two. How could this have happened? Why did You allow this, Lord? I don’t get it.
Guy ran a hand down his face and sat back down on the bench. Their bench. The one that cemented their relationship. The one where they could talk about all their problems. Except for her being pregnant, apparently. He stared up into the sky hoping to see...something, anything. “Lord, please,” he pleaded.
She killed my unborn child. Without my consent.
But you weren’t around. He shook his head. It didn’t matter. That didn’t give her the right to make such a cold, callous decision. No right at all.
What if the baby had been a boy? Or a sweet girl like Rebekah or Rachel? He sniffed, trying to keep the lid on his emotions. He stood up again and resumed pacing.
Lord, You could have prevented it. You could have made her change her mind.
Then what? Would he have been any happier if he came back to Freedom Lake to find out he had a twelve-year-old child? He would have felt like he was robbed of his child’s life. Of course, maybe she would have told him the moment she found out where he had gone.
If she did, would Rebekah and Rachel have been born? Would he have tried to get back with her instead of moving on with life with Charlene? He wouldn’t trade the time he had with her.
“Ahhh!”
Why was it all so difficult?
He gripped the back of the bench, his breath coming in spurts. In the corner of his mind, he could see Michelle’s face as she told him. The tears streaming down her face. It was too bad she didn’t feel like that before she decided to kill their child.
Sort of like you wishing the girls were dead?
His body tensed up. That wasn’t the same thing.
Why not?
He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed the heels of his
palms against them. He didn’t kill his girls. But you thought it.
His heart picked up speed. It was the one thing that ate at him. Even though he hadn’t told anyone how he felt. He had thought it. Lived it, even, for a few months. He had wished they had died instead of his wife. They could have always had more kids, but he could never get Charlene back. At least, that had been his line of thinking.
Was Michelle’s thoughts similar?
Had she thought it would be better to try again when she was able? When she had someone to support her? Have someone to do life with instead of being alone?
A boyfriend who didn’t ditch her?
A grimace took over his face. Michelle had said she regretted it the moment it started, but it was too late. Had it eaten at her soul like cancer cells? Spreading with no end in sight? He gulped. He knew regret. Had wakened up to it for the last three years before he turned back to God. Before he accepted the grace God so richly offered.
Grace. What was it that Chloe had said? That it turned people to Christ. That it increased their faith. The more sin abounded, the more need for grace, right?
He was no better than Michelle. Sure, he only thought it, and she actually went through with it, but he knew from the look on her face that her regret matched his. Well, it may actually be more than his. Because as horrid as his thoughts were, they didn’t come true. He loved his girls with all his heart. He had been overcome with grief.
Wasn’t Michelle?
It was true, at the time she was still grieving her parents’ death...and his abandonment. He cringed. Shame, tightening his entire being. Froze him. He had ditched his eighteen-year-old-pregnant-orphaned girlfriend. Left her alone, scared, ashamed, and who knew what else.
And here he stood clinging to self-righteousness. Part of him didn’t want to forgive her. Part of him wanted the anger to swirl around him like the rising tide and consume any love he had for her. He wanted to fuel it and validate his feelings.
Yet in doing so, he would be discounting every good thing Michelle had ever done. He would also suffer the same fate of unforgiveness, for didn’t God call them to forgive one another so they could be forgiven too? Because, he was the reason she had been in that predicament. If Guy had guarded her virtue as he should have, that decision would never had been made. Michelle wouldn’t have been left alone to deal with the cards life had dealt her. That he had contributed too.
It was obvious she was on the path to God. She was more genial. Look at the way she encouraged Bekah to enunciate more slowly to help her speech impediment. The way she cautioned Rachel to look out for Bekah instead of ruling over her. The way she listened to his day, giving him her undivided attention. Never, never, had anyone focused on him so...so wholly. She didn’t stare at her cell phone or an iPad or any other device. She didn’t look away at the TV, but met his gaze as he poured forth whatever he was thinking.
She showed she cared with every look...touch. She hadn’t said it, but he was pretty sure she loved him. Like she did thirteen years ago.
He groaned. He’d been an...well, he couldn’t say that. But it was fitting. He didn’t know how long it would take to not think of the abortion without the what-ifs, but thinking of his life without Michelle...
Well, that was a level of Dante’s place he was unwilling to experience.
“Now what, Lord?”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Michelle clapped her hands to the music. Today, she had finally been able to connect with the words during worship. She had much to be thankful for even if her heart had cracked wide open when she saw Guy. He hadn’t seen her since she had arrived late to ensure she wouldn’t be noticed. No one would look for her in the last row in the sanctuary.
Yet she missed sitting next to Chloe and Jo, even though it freed her to worship the God who had given her grace. Thank You for Your forgiveness. Please help me to hold onto it and remember I’m forgiven. And I...I forgive myself. I know now You have my best interest at heart. I may not always understand, but there’s no doubt You love me. Thank You.
After worship, she hurried out. She needed a breather. Needed to get out into the fresh air and think about her next moves. She had been content to let Guy come to her, but after today’s sermon, she began to think that was foolish.
If she really loved him, cared for him, it was up to her to let him know. He needed to know she would fight to earn his forgiveness. She wanted a relationship with him. Wanted to be in his life. Help him with the girls. She sighed. She’d even be nice to his mother. Mrs. Pierre wasn’t as bad as she’d originally thought.
Michelle headed for the park, thankful it was quiet. Probably because everyone was just leaving church. She looked down at the bench, their bench, but she couldn’t bring herself to go down there. So she sat on the swing and admired Freedom Lake. The green leaves gleamed in the sun light. Michelle sighed as she slowly pushed the swing. Being here reminded her of Rebekah and Rachel. How the girls had nestled in her heart so easily, quickly, was beyond her.
It was because of Guy. She had never stopped loving him. She could admit that now. It was why her past attempts at relationships never worked. Why she had been so overwhelmed with his return to Freedom Lake. Loving Guy, loving his girls, had made her a better person.
She was less calloused, less cynical, and quicker to smile, to show another compassion. God had finally shown her how she had closed herself up in the guise of never wanting to lose anyone again. Even Tanya had taught her a lot. Compassion to help her fellow man wasn’t going to be ingrained in her overnight, but at least chipping away the wall had begun.
And forgiving herself would do the rest of the work.
She wanted a family. Could be blessed with one, despite her past wrongs. The grace of God gave her a clean slate and her future was bright as snow. White as snow. Pure as snow. She chuckled to herself. To sit here contemplating the freshness of winter almost made her wish it was there, but instead, she clung to the imagery in her mind. One day, God would bless her with a family and she wouldn’t be too stubborn to recognize it.
“Michelle?”
She froze at the sound of Guy’s husky voice. It sent shivers down her spine despite the heat of the day. She stopped the swing and glanced over her shoulder.
He stood there, looking unsure, as his hands disappeared into his pockets. She wanted to smile at the familiarity of it all, but her heart was one step from crumbling at his feet.
“Hello.” She looked passed him. “Where are the girls?”
“With my mother.”
She nodded on instinct, but her mind was reeling. Had he sought her out? He must have if he didn’t have the girls with him. Right?
Guy sighed and ran a hand down the back of his head, resting on his neck. He met her gaze and the force of it knocked the breath from her. His dark eyes gleamed like obsidian, drawing her to him. She felt the invisible tug to be nearer, despite everything that had passed between them.
“I’m sorry.”
The familiarity of his voice washed over her.
Wait, what did he say? “What?” Her eyebrow raised in disbelief.
“I’m sorry.”
Her breath hiccupped. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
He stepped closer, his hands digging deeper into his pockets. “Of course, I do. I left you, without any way to reach me. I left because I was too ashamed of my actions. Because I knew I took something precious that was not mine to take. I was ashamed and guilty, and I ran as fast as I could. If I hadn’t....” His voice broke and her heart cracked.
“We were young. Stupid. It’s nothing to be sorry for.”
“But it is,” he rushed out. “I knew. I knew all along you loved me. I reveled in it. It helped me drift to sleep at night and woke me with anticipation in the morning. When I made the decision to leave, I lied to myself. I told myself we weren’t in love. The words had never been spoken, so I justified my behavior. Eventually, the memory of us faded.”
His Adam’s appl
e bobbed up and down as he pulled his hand out of his pocket and held out her love knot ring. “The reason I gave this to you was because I knew you loved me and I loved you.”
He still had it? She thought he would have tossed it by now. She’d been too afraid to ask for it back. Instead, she had been intent on making their relationship new.
He took her hand, opening her palm to place the ring on it. “I was young and foolish when I gave this to you. And I was floored when I saw it on your hand that day I took it.” He licked his lips. “I’ve held it ever since. It’s been in my pocket no matter what I wore. I’ve carried it with me first out of curiosity, then out of shame, and then...then I began to hope. I wanted another chance at happiness. The happiness I thought God stole from me.”
Guy closed her palm. “So I return it to you, knowing I gave it on good faith. Knowing it isn’t mine to keep but truly belongs to you, no matter what happened in the past.”
He dropped back, his hands at his side.
“Thank you.” She cleared her throat, surprised by the rusty sound that emitted from her. Tears clogged her throat, threatening to make an appearance. She wanted forever with him.
He studied her, his jaw muscle tightening and loosening before he spoke. “I’m a grown man. I’ve made my peace with the Lord, and I know He’s blessed me. I know He does want good for me, despite my past. Despite the nights and days, I willfully ignored Him. I know now His grace can restore me and make me whole.”
Michelle stared intently at him. Where was he going with this?
“Chelle belle, I had no right to condemn you. I had no right to stew in unforgiveness when you’ve blessed me with your forgiveness.”
“Guy,” she murmured.
He held a hand up. “It’s my time to get it all out there. I forgive you for the abortion. And I beg your forgiveness for leaving you in that situation.”
She nodded, her vision blurring with tears.
“Together, we can heal from the loss.”
“Together,” she whispered.
He got down on one knee. “Michelle Thomas, I come to you as a man of God ready to embrace the gift He’s so richly offered.”
