The Gambler Wagers Her Baron: Craven House Series, Book Four

by Christina McKnight

  After so many years, she was uncertain if her wins outweighed her losses.

  When his head fell forward, and his shoulders slumped, she feared she’d have yet another thing to add to her loss column.

  “I love you, too, Payton.” His utterance weighed more than a thousand stones, and his head hung with more despair than she’d ever seen before. “I am not certain when it happened or how it all began, but I can no longer deny it. Not to myself or to you.”

  When he looked up, the sadness and despair in his eyes were heartbreaking.

  It should be a moment of great happiness—for them both. A time they would remember all their days to come; however, something held Damon back.

  If she loved him and he loved her, she could not reconcile the wretchedness that settled over him. It was as if admitting his affection for her was not the difficult part of it all but only the beginning.

  Payton was well aware of the outcome of her admission.

  Seeing the dejected air about Damon had her wishing to take it all back.

  “I’ve held onto the reasoning that love means eventual hurt, heartbreak, and loneliness. I shuttered myself in my study for all these years in a failed attempt to stop myself from hurting and make certain my children never experience a loss like that of losing their mother again.” The words tumbled from him, some rushed while others were pronounced with such slow deliberateness that Payton wondered if he were in control of himself at all or if some invisible force had taken over. “All I did was keep the pain and loss fresh in their minds because they lost me a bit more and more each day. When you entered our home, you were not the only stranger. I knew you that first day as well as I knew my own children. Without you, I never would have learned of Joy’s love for horses or Abram’s love of books and history.”

  Payton suspected that wasn’t true; however, she remained silent, fearful that he’d stop talking, and their time together would come to an end without the answers she so urgently needed.

  Her brother was waiting in the hall for her, and they would depart.

  If she were taking advice from her sister, Sam would have advised Payton to stand up and leave. If Damon came after her, his feelings were genuine. But if he didn’t, then it would be necessary for her to move on without him or the children.

  If she’d sought out Jude for her wisdom, she would have suggested nothing so dramatic. She would tell Payton to remain all night, speaking with Damon, if that’s what it took. Even if the conversation continued, talking in circles around what they both truly needed to discuss. Running was not an option—was not as noble as facing her fears and conquering them. Success or failure was not the important part.

  What of Marce? Sometimes, Payton suspected she knew the least about her eldest sibling, despite their significant time spent together over the years. Their mother had died so many years ago that Payton sometimes had a difficult time remembering Marce was her sister and not her mother. Her eldest sibling would do something in the middle, Payton thought. She would not run and expect a man to chase her. Neither would she remain in a situation that was stagnant.

  No, Marce Davenport would discuss the important matters at hand. She would face it head-on and allow everything to work out the way it was supposed to. She would do what was best for her future.

  Winning, or losing for that matter, was irrelevant when Payton didn’t know the game or how to play, let alone the stakes.

  “I’m ready to let it all go.” He exhaled, and Payton could almost trick herself into seeing it all go.

  “What does that mean?” she dared ask.

  Damon stood, holding out his hand for her to take. When she did, he helped her to her feet.

  “It means, I am tired. Tired of merely existing, tired of hiding who I am and what I want to the point where I don’t recognize myself. I am tired of distancing myself from my children, and, mostly, I’m tired of allowing life to pass me by. Thinking I either don’t deserve anything better, or that I am somehow betraying Sarah by any small attempt at happiness. No matter my excuse, I’m done with it.”

  “And what, exactly, do you want, Damon?” Her body tensed, anxious for his answer yet leery of it, as well.

  His lips pressed into a firm line as if he were actually pondering the question for the first time. “I want to explore the museum and parks of London with my children. I want to journey to Bath and perhaps Scotland. I want to frolic in the meadows surrounding Falconcrest. I want to fall asleep reading tales of adventure…on that very lounge.”

  He paused, and Payton’s excitement dissipated to apprehension.

  “Is that all?” She should be content, happy even to see how far he’d come since they met. He’d gone from a man who avoided his children at all costs to genuinely enjoying their company.

  “It is not all I want,” he said, pulling her securely into his embrace and bringing his lips to hers. However, he didn’t kiss her. Instead, he halted, his mouth hovering close to hers. Their breaths mingled; his, rich and warm, fanned her cheek and neck. “I want you, by my side, through it all.”

  Of everything Damon could have longed for and desired, Payton was fearful it wouldn’t include her. He’d opened himself more than she’d ever thought possible, and it was only fair that she do the same. “I want all those things, too.”

  Payton had lived her life one card game at a time, and she’d been known to cheat at them because she did anything to make it to the next stepping stone, her next goal, her next stop to where she wanted to be.

  Perhaps it was past time she stopped long enough to determine if she’d already found everything she’d spent her entire life searching for. While she’d been plotting and planning, she’d misguidedly neglected to see what was right in front of her.

  Damon.

  Life wasn’t about moving forward, forging ahead until you found the green meadow you sought. It was about finding the right person who stood by your side and letting the paradise you longed for grow around you.

  She held Damon’s stare, and a thousand unspoken musings passed between them: apologies, regrets, promises, and…something she didn’t quite understand.

  Before she could ask, his head dipped, and their lips pressed together.

  Suddenly, it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but the feel of Damon’s lips against hers, his hard body pressed to her soft curves, his scent of lavender and citrus mingling perfectly with her floral aroma. Neither attempted to overpower the other to take control.

  They merely reveled in an unspoken harmony that had always been present.

  His kiss was reserved just as he was, yet the distance between them disappeared. His arms held her so tightly, Payton wondered if he thought she would vanish from his embrace. Did he not realize that his solid hold on her was the foundation she’d lacked her entire life? With him close, there was no room for her to flounder. There was no possibility of failing.

  In his arms, she was no longer the wounded child seeking happiness on the horizon, only to gain that distant point and find herself unfulfilled yet again. No, there was nothing better awaiting her somewhere else, no matter how far she traveled or how many people she left behind.

  In that moment, as their lips danced to an unsung melody, Payton realized she’d found everything she’d been searching for—and so much more.

  Chapter 31

  Damon had spent so many years dwelling on the unfairness of everything around him that he’d nearly allowed the most perfect thing to walk out of his life. He’d spent so many years drowning in despair that he’d almost missed the opportunity to pull himself from the turmoil.

  Drawing Payton ever closer, he reveled in the feeling of her pressed against him even as a longing stirred within him that had lain dormant for so long. With it, he expected a spike of betrayal to pierce him, the overpowering need to retreat to his solitary life, and a heartbreaking realization that he would never have anything more.

  He’d loved, and he’d lost.

  Loss was a natural conclusio
n to love.

  It had always been the way of things. Or was it?

  Damon breathed in deeply, pulling back slightly from their kiss. Her responding moan made him confident that even if loss one day came, this love was worth exploring, knowing, and accepting.

  And sharing, with his children and all of society.

  “Payton…I…” Damon kissed her parted lips, both her cheeks, and her forehead as his fingers released their hold on her. She’d confessed to wanting the same things as he did, yet how that future would look was still indecipherable to him. She needed to know that when he said he wanted her by his side, he wanted all of her. Finding the words to tell her that was nearly impossible, however, as he was afraid to speak the wrong words…feared ending this moment. “I want you in my arms from today until forever.”

  “I hadn’t imagined it would be what I wanted, yet here we are,” she mused, a smile lighting her face.

  “I did speak the truth earlier. You cannot return to Ashford Hall as my children’s governess,” he whispered. He stroked her cheek and down the length of her neck as he gazed into her eyes, content to be lost in their blue depths until his last breath until he noted the light dim and her stare cloud with confusion. She shivered under his touch, and his body naturally responded. “When you return to my home, it will be your home, as well.”

  “Damon.” She shook her head, and her gloved fingers tightened on his forearms. “Are you certain?”

  “For so many years, I’ve been uncertain about every aspect of my life,” he confided, brushing a wayward curl from her cheek. “My days have passed without consequence, my nights indistinguishable from my days, and my thoughts as unpredictable as the rains across town. I neither knew where I was going or from whence I came. I’ve been adrift, with no land in sight”—he pulled back, needing to say his piece yet fearful she wouldn’t understand—“and you were the beacon sent to rescue us all. So, when you ask if I am sure, I can say that, without hesitation, I have never been so very certain of anything in my life.

  “You have not only blessed me with a second chance at life, but you have also brought it to Joy and Abram. No longer will they live a trivial existence shut in this townhouse with a reclusive, unworthy father. Even if I do not deserve better, my children do.”

  Her eyes watered as her fingers fisted in his shirtsleeves. “Damon, you deserve happiness as much as any person. Life, like luck, is a fickle thing, or so I’ve learned. Despite your misfortunes, that does not mean you are unworthy of contentment and peace.”

  He searched her stare. “Perhaps. However, I want far more for myself. I want love.”

  “And I want to be the one loving you.” There wasn’t a moment’s hesitation, she did not avert her gaze nor wilt in his embrace. “Damon, though I hadn’t realized it, I have spent my life in search of something. Every day looking to the next…until I found you. I tried to focus on what came next. but it always led back to you and the children.” It was then that she looked away, her stare moving to the floor. “I must admit, there have been times I longed to end my attraction to you.”

  “I have resisted, as well.” There would be no more lies between them, no more half-truths, no more hiding. “I would do things differently if I had it to do all over again.”

  “How so?” she asked.

  “I would have spoken to you at my gaming parties long before you came to work in my home.” He’d noticed her on many occasions, though always kept his distance. Not only from her but from everyone.

  “I likely would have rebuffed your advances, my lord.”

  His brow raised in surprise. “Why ever would you do that?”

  “It is not the brooding lord sulking about the edges of his ballroom I have found myself longing for, but the man—the father—you truly are.”

  “Just as I did not know I could come to love a lady, a gambler in masquerade. However, I most certainly cannot live without a woman who can comfort my daughter when her night terrors threaten to overtake her. A woman who challenges my son and cares deeply for his studies.” It was more than all this. Their love could not be all because of the children. “I found myself falling in love with a woman whose temper got the best of her on more than one occasion, a woman who wasn’t afraid to stand up to me, a lady who could soothe my own lost soul.”

  “You were never lost, Damon, just as my searching was useless.”

  He shook his head, unable to believe her.

  “We were both exactly where fate meant us to be…”

  Payton pushed to her tiptoes, her arms twining around his neck as she pressed against him.

  Another truth he’d come to realize was that there was nothing more natural than having Payton in his arms and he, without a doubt, would do all in his power to keep her there.

  “Miss Payton Samuels.” He tilted his head back, needing to gaze into the dark blue pools of her eyes when next he spoke. “Would you do me the great honor of becoming my baroness, my wife, and my children’s mother?”

  She fell back a step, her hands coming to cover her mouth before dropping to her sides.

  Damon smiled, his heart surging when his happiness was mirrored in her.

  This woman, this lady he’d chosen to love, was everything he’d waited for all these years: strong, confident, and willing to wager everything for what she believed in.

  “Do say yes, Miss Samuels.” Joy’s tiny voice squeaked from behind them.

  When they both turned, they were greeted by three bright smiles: Joy, Abram, and Payton’s brother.

  “What say you?” Garrett asked. “Unconventional, indeed. However…”

  Payton glanced between Damon’s beaming face and the expectant looks of her brother and the children. There was not a thing about her day that had gone as planned, and Payton was overjoyed by that.

  She’d returned to Ashford Hall to see the children safely home.

  She hadn’t planned to seek out Damon nor be confronted by Catherton. The last thing she’d wanted was for Garrett to be entangled in the mess she’d created for herself. But, suddenly, his presence meant everything.

  The last vestiges of her planned future fell away as images of a new course settled around her, mirrored in the shining faces of those who she’d come to care so deeply for. Damon, his children, as well as the entire Ashford household. She’d misguidedly thought she could walk away from it all and move on—move forward. The truth was, there would be no moving anywhere if Damon weren’t by her side.

  Damon placed his hand on the small of her back. “Children, Miss Samuels is likely overwhelmed. I think it is best you both return to your chambers and give us a moment of privacy. Lord Garrett, would you be so kind as to see them to their rooms?”

  Garrett nodded and proceeded to usher the children from the study, despite their pleas to remain.

  Did Damon think she was opposed to being his wife? Did he bid Joy and Abram leave because he did not want them to remain and hear her turn down his offer of marriage?

  Her pulse quickened. “Children. Wait, do not leave.”

  Garret, Joy, and Abram halted, turning back to the room.

  “Come inside,” she bid. “My answer affects you as much as your father.”

  Payton steered the children toward the lounge while Garrett remained close to the door as if debating if he should stay, as well.

  “Lord Garrett?” Joy called, holding her hand out to him. “Are you coming?”

  How had it taken weeks for her to win the girl’s heart and only an hour for Garrett?

  Payton lowered herself to the lounge, the children settling on each side of her with Garrett and Damon taking the chairs across from them.

  This discussion was not solely hers, nor would this be the last time she’d need to consult others because, despite her longing to select her own future, with her answer, she would be affecting the lives of each person sitting around her.

  Her life would no longer be her own.

  Her life was to become their life.


  “Joy”—she took the girl’s hand and turned to her brother—“Abram. How would you feel if I was to wed your father?”

  Their opinion carried an equal weight to Damon’s. Their future would never be solely based on her and Damon, but the four of them. Wasn’t that what family was about?

  “Will you still study ancient history with me?” Abram asked.

  “Of course.”

  “Will you continue to put us to bed?” Joy’s rounded, green eyes stared up at her.

  “I would want no one else charged with the task.” Payton kept her tone gravely serious. Her own decision, while made up in her mind, could be easily swayed if either Joy or Abram objected to the marriage.

  “You wouldn’t have a day off any longer?” Abram’s question came out in a rush.

  Payton couldn’t help but chuckle at Abram’s question. “No, I would not.”

  She risked a glance at Damon, whose eyes were locked on her. Her breath hitched in her throat, and she silently pleaded for the children to have no objection to her wedding their father.

  “Would you buy me a pony?” Joy’s voice was as serious as Payton’s.

  “That is a decision for your father, not me,” Payton answered.

  The little girl shook her head. “If you wed Father”—she paused, tapping at her chin—“then you would be my mother. And mothers can decide to purchase ponies for their daughters, correct?”

  “Very true,” Garrett chortled. “Mothers can do anything fathers can do—most times, better.”

  “And while Father is busy,” Abram cut in, “a mother can take her children to Spires Reading Room without permission.”

  Payton could only nod. Never in all her years had she ever envisioned herself a mother. However, being Joy and Abram’s mother would be a gift far beyond anything she’d ever imagined.

  “If Father takes us to the museum again, you will always come?” Joy squeezed her hand.

  “If Payton agrees to be a permanent part of this family,” Damon said, “she will always be close.